Just a reminder that we don’t always get what we want but we get what we need—with that, we need to accept ourselves as we are, with love and grace, because by the logic we get what we need, it fits that we are already as we are intended to be.  If we accept the premise that we are given what we need at the right time, we need to understand that this is all divinely hatched somehow and that we are a part of it because we are here—if we weren’t part of that overarching plan, we wouldn’t be here.  The universe understands what’s necessary better than we do.  We just have to be able to get out of our own way and accept the cards we are given, and learn to play them successfully instead of lamenting the need for different cards.  We often don’t understand what we would give up if we traded all of those cards in, the moments we would lose for the sake of feeling better immediately.  Clarity and knowledge are big sticking points for me but I use those as tools to create comfort because comfort means I understand what’s happening and why.   

I’ve always been the kind of person who seeks control by knowing the exact course of events and the reason behind them.  I’ve been trained to avoid pain and hurt by knowing what comes next—rather, thinking that knowing what comes next will help us avoid pain.  Life doesn’t always work like that, and we can’t always know what comes next, and we certainly don’t always know the reason.  I’ve struggled with personal space and with relationships with people who don’t really like me but suddenly are present at my home—so maybe it isn’t so much space but boundaries.  I’ve also struggled with waiting for answers on my work and being in limbo in life in general—still figuring out what I want and what it takes to get there.  I feel if we know the reason then we are better able to make decisions, so sitting with that much confusion is incredibly uncomfortable for me.  As frustrating as all of that is, if I believe that we get what we need, then all of these things are here for a reason as well—including the confusion. 

I wanted to use this reminder to encourage all of us to take it a bit easier in the coming days, weeks, months.  The world is a turbulent place right now but I want to remind all of us that when we are the ones to create the turbulence, we are also the ones that can fix it.  We fix it when we learn to accept it and pivot.  We fix it when we understand the tools we need to develop who we are.  We also fix it when we accept that we aren’t here to fix it—rather that we are meant to learn from it and nothing needs to be fixed.  It hurts not getting what we want, especially when it’s something we feel will help us in the long run, when it’s something we not only want but think we need.  There is another saying that necessity is the mother of invention.  So when we are in a point of need, be grateful because we are being pressed to come up with a new solution that works for us.  Finding that solution is part of the plan—it can help so many people. So stop lamenting the cards we have and learn to play them better.  Learn to trust that we have all we need inside of us.  The rest is just fluff, so focus on the good and developing our skills, and what we need continues to find its way to us.  It’s always on time, always perfect.   

We ended last week talking about how we try to hide the messy because we are taught to present a specific appearance to the world.  An air of control supporting the idea that we are calling the shots at all times.  We are trained to protect the illusion even if we know it isn’t working or even real.  Worse, we make each other do that so we can protect the image and illusion other people have.  But as we discussed, clean doesn’t always reflect the reality. Sometimes the clean we are trying to force doesn’t work.  Sometimes we reach our breaking point and it doesn’t have anything to do with being messy or clean—it just needs to happen.  We already knew something wasn’t working and then we shift to the point where we can’t protect it any longer.  Sometimes we have to break things as they were in order to make them what they need to be.  I completely lost my shit at work the other day and, ego and all other nonsense aside, it was entirely justified.  I finally reached my breaking point with the finger pointing and the accusation and the insinuation that I wasn’t doing enough or that I was doing something wrong.  I lost my cool regarding the idea that we are supposed to know everything in every action and if we don’t do it the way one particular group would then it’s automatically wrong.  I got tired of the gaslighting and people lighting fires when they are completely unnecessary, the fights for people trying to do their best.  Being told how to manage my team when the only thing they did wrong was not fully understand their power to stand their ground with a customer—and they tried. 

When these truths came to light, I couldn’t keep them in.  I truly felt out of control with what was spewing out of me—but as it was happening I knew it was exactly what needed to be said, what needed to happen, and the new understanding I needed to fully incorporate. When we come undone, so much of it can’t be brought back—once it’s out there, it’s out.  I was always trained to hide that truth, to keep it in because we didn’t want to offend someone or we couldn’t look foolish if we were wrong.  Sometimes that’s exactly what needs to happen to get to the next stage—we have to come undone to start becoming what we are meant to be.  These last years have been about towing the line, feeling inferior, keeping under the radar because I didn’t know what I was doing—or I didn’t feel I knew.  The bottom line is different viewpoints don’t make another person wrong, talking about someone’s efforts behind their back is always bullshit, and if there is a problem address it face to face (nothing gets resolved talking about an issue with everyone else but the person involved).  So instead of navigating this game of manipulation and playing nice to get what we want out of people only to find their actions didn’t meet their words, we put a stop to it.  As we get older something happens where we shift from trying to play nice to doing what is right—and even that shifts from keeping the peace to keeping peace of mind.  We do no one any good if we aren’t mentally stable ourselves, if we aren’t full ourselves.  There is the saying that we can’t pour from an empty cup but the truth is a half-full cup empties quickly and we start to burn out.  Don’t let people guilt us beyond our means.

People seek power in the form of things and over others.  We have a false idea of what power actually means and we’ve misinterpreted it to a level of control or superiority.  People are always brave over the phone, always bold when they don’t have to look the person in the eye, and always confident when they haven’t heard all sides of the story and can rely on their facts alone.  It’s easy to navigate the issues when you think you know everything but we need to remember that putting the pieces together takes time.  We don’t need to live in confusion when we have the ability to create clarity through actual communication, not power plays.  Choosing chaos and misunderstanding and making things burn just to be the one to save it or for the sake of making them burn is ridiculous.  We think power means making people adhere to what we say and always keeping our interactions clear with hierarchy and the utmost aura of control.  When we let all that bullshit fall to the wayside, we see who we really are and we learn what role we want to play in this game.  When we get messy, let all the pieces we’ve been trying to hold onto fall away.  We don’t need to hold onto what no longer serves.  We don’t need to protect the idea/image we presented to the world if it is no longer who we are. We can accept losing it for the moment if it finds us the truth and clarity we need.  Don’t be afraid to get messy if it means cleaning the path for what we are meant to have.  I accept the loss in order to gain the findings.  I hope you do too. 

Today I am grateful for improvement in communication.  It always amazes me the misunderstandings that happen between people.  Whether it was via text, email, forums, comments, at meetings, ordering food, speaking on the phone or via zoom/Webex/Teams/whatever.  I’ve truly always understood that different experiences lead to different perceptions but it amazes me that for creatures with such advanced methods of communicating, we have equally advanced methods of misunderstanding—or even intentionally misunderstanding.  When we clear those personal blocks and start looking to really understand each other, those blocks start to go away.  Some of us are so stubbornly persistent in protecting our view or proving our point that we lose the opportunity to find a solution, a mutual resolution.  Sometimes we work too hard to find a middle ground and lose our idea in the process.  When we take the time to listen and work through our desire to prove, we learn to find a way to compromise the idea without compromising our values.  Any improvement in communication gives us confidence to further articulate our point while acknowledging others’ opinions and experiences-which are infinite. Improved communication means improved relationships.

Today I am grateful for steps in moving on/forward.  We can never predict the course of a relationship with people.  As I work on a large personal project, I’m seeing that relationships become more and more clear.  The boundaries, the beliefs/ideas, the feelings (including the respect people have for each other) are not things we can hide.  That includes the expectations we have of each other.  Relationships are complicated enough that we don’t need to muddy the water further by making people adhere to our standards.  But when we see there is no longer a match or common ground, it is time to cut loose.  Especially if values differ.  It’s always been challenging for me to move on from anything—I always want to make sure I see it through to the very end, that I’ve done everything I could before moving forward.  I like all the ends tied up neatly.  But sometimes, with communication, values, boundaries, beliefs, and ideas—when things are that different, sometimes we just need to know how to cut our losses and move forward.  Our job isn’t to change people and it isn’t to change ourselves so we fit in with people. It is to be who we are and find those that complement us so we can build something stronger.  If we aren’t in that position of complementary relationships and do not feel supported or feel that our support is valued, it’s time to move on.  Life moves easier when we don’t adhere to rigid expectations and simply accept and move forward.  So take the step.   

Today I am grateful for new experiences.  Another thing that amazes me is that we allow ourselves to get stuck in such engrained routines that we don’t even realize we are stuck.  We simply accept the inevitability that we “have to” do the same thing all the time.  Every now and then people come along and show us that we still have options.  Just when we think we are the most stuck and that we can’t move on, someone will show up and we see that there are other ways to do things, other things we need to do.  We need to stop taking ourselves and our routines so seriously that we build our lives by them.  I’m not saying not to have a healthy routine, but I am saying 1. Learn to recognize and prune what actually isn’t serving from our lives. 2. Be open to the idea that there may be something else that fits better. 3. Know the difference between being swayed to do something that doesn’t work and incorporating something that may change perspective enough to give us a new idea. 4. Recognize when something is at it’s end and we need to move on and 5. Know ourselves enough to understand when we need something new.  As a creature of routine, I can vouch it is difficult to think we need to change things up and do something different if what we are doing feels like it’s working—but we can’t get caught up in thinking it HAS to work because then we shift from organically allowing what needs to happen to happen to forcing our plans on the universe.  Allow the new experiences and see what they can teach us.  We don’t have to say yes to everything—but we also don’t have to say no. It’s about being open.

Today I am grateful for the reminder to not judge people on first appearances or the opinions of others.  I’ve struggled with several people close to me for various reasons.  One of them is friendly with a person who very clearly has/had issues with me to the point of making petty comments about my physical appearance.  I follow the rule that we don’t make comments about or to someone for something they can’t change within 30 seconds and this latter person had no shame in tearing into me—so I automatically cut out the people who associated with her.  I’d also heard some not so positive things from other friends as well.  The trouble was my son enjoyed time with her son so they started coming around more. I’d get home from work and they would be here and it felt like my feelings (which were based in fact about the former person but transferred onto the latter) were completely disregarded.  As time went on, I got angry and frustrated.  But I’ve started to see a different side.  I was 1000000% hesitant to even want to talk to this person because I didn’t want them to get back to the other person and I personally feel that I’m too old to try and make it work with people who disrespect me—even by proxy.  Regardless,  the relationship started to develop between some other people in the group as the kid group started to expand.  And, as with anything, the more time spent together, even on the fringes, we started to learn more about each other, and as we learn about each other, naturally we understand and things make more sense.  It was a nice reminder to actually take the time to get to know someone and to know the difference between a gut instinct, jealousy, fear, and influence from others.     

Today I am grateful for standing my ground.  This has been a tough lesson at times in the past week because I’ve had to step out of my comfort zone more than I’m used to.  As my projects expand and my work takes off, I need to bend and create a new routine with new priorities.  This means letting go of things that used to fit and what I used to prioritize.  I have to stand my ground and do what works in this new realm even if the picture isn’t totally clear yet.  I have to accept that what was, no longer serves for what is coming.  It’s a reminder of what I’ve shared for years—that we stand in our comfort zone for so many reasons but when we are comfortable we don’t expand.  And when the new evolution of who we are demands we expand, we have to do something new.  And we have to defend that and have enough faith and confidence in ourselves to see it through.  Take the chance, learn the new environment and people around us, and stick with the vision we see no matter what.  That is when the doors start to open. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

“There’s a difference between Am I enough and Am I DOING enough,” Bruce Brackett.  When I first heard this I thought it was a bit trite or even on the wrong track.  If we place our value on what we produce or someone else’s definition of “enough” then we are on the same path as acting on someone else’s approval.  But when it comes to self-worth, I agree with this sentiment—we need to know that what we do and our talents are always more than enough, but we always have the opportunity to decide what we are doing with them.  The question comes down to the reality of our purpose which is to use our gifts to help others.  If we aren’t doing all we can to help others then we are depriving ourselves of the opportunity to fully express who we are.  This is the ironic part of being fully who we are—when we help others we feel good and when we feel good we shine and when we shine we light the way for others and it becomes this self-perpetuating cycle of feeling good.  Which, for some of us, we were taught that feeling good is selfish.  But that is the surest way to care for who we are and when we fill our cups enough, they flow onto others.

Brackett’s point is along the lines of this: we are always enough.  No matter what we are always enough.  The talents and gifts we have are exactly what they need to be and it’s our job to hone them and refine them and make them into something useful that complements and serves the world—every talent serves a purpose, and that includes our random skills.  That comes down to us remembering that we are also always able to do more—not that we need to learn more things to do, or learn to acquire more things, but we are able to better use our time and use our skills to do something productive.  That means we can do more of what brings us joy, do more of what we love.  We control the pattern of our thoughts and that means we are responsible for managing what we feel to negotiate and manage what we do.  When we feel capable and have a good understanding of who we are, we are more open to sharing what we have. 

Instead of questioning our worth when we feel low, we need to question our motivation.  Are we looking for proof that we are good enough? (ego).  Or do we need to find ways to do more good? (purpose).  When we fill our purpose the soul knows it.  It’s important to distinguish between the two because we can often make ourselves feel incompetent or useless through seeing validity of who we are rather than putting our skills to use and doing good.  Sometimes the absence we are trying to fill comes down to what we need to do rather than finding validation of who we are from other people.  When we know how to utilize our skills for good, when we know how to fulfill our purpose, we rarely ask others to confirm our worth.  The question of doing enough is something that can only be answered from within because we are the only ones who limit ourselves.  If we can do more and share more, the soul knows it and gives us nudges.  Don’t misinterpret that for a question of our worth—rather it’s a question/reminder of what we need to do with our focus and energy.  We are always enough—make our actions match that truth.       

“I wish you saw yourself as I do,” Adam Roa.  So often people see things in us that we don’t see in ourselves.  We may feel like we are falling apart and someone else sees us as a tower of strength.  They see us as source of wisdom when we feel like we can barely remember our name.  While this may be slightly romanticized in trying to convey the message that our perception is different than what other people perceive, the truth remains that we do in fact have different connotations and meaning for different people, we have different views of people, especially ourselves.  We are also trained to never take a compliment because it can be seen as conceited.  That training is false but it’s difficult to reconcile accepting new feelings about who we are with how we are trained to feel.  The human mind is adept at seeking the negative and finding flaws partially serves a survival instinct—if there’s something that would hinder us from surviving, we need to adjust it.  But we can’t let that turn into a negativity bias where all we see is the negative.  We need to learn to accept the good and focus on developing the good.

We are our own worst critic and we often don’t see the good.  We are trained to point out every flaw, every mistake, not as a learning tool but as some sort of scarlet letter, and some of us hold onto those mistakes forever.  I rehashed every embarrassing moment, every failure (or what I perceived as a failure), every bad thing that happened to me, for ages.  What purpose does that serve?  It created a feeling of worthlessness in me that wouldn’t budge because it started to solidify into belief.  I couldn’t trust what other people said they saw in me because I didn’t see it myself.  And that is the truth of it: we will never live up to our potential or be who we want to be if we don’t truly feel that way about ourselves.  It takes strength to admit our weaknesses but it takes just as much power to admit those strengths—and the same amount of energy.  What we focus on grows and we have a choice to partake in the negative and wallow in it, or we can shift and learn to accept the idea that maybe we are worth more than we let ourselves believe. 

So when someone tells us that we are doing something well, believe them.  When someone tells us they admire something, thank them.  When someone says they feel we are capable, keep their trust.  This isn’t about living up to their expectations, this is about understanding that we have a responsibility in different lights to different people, but most importantly our own.  They say those around us are a reflection of who we are, so if the mirror is telling us we are good, talented, compassionate, loving, joyful, intelligent, then it is safe to believe it and integrate it.  Learning to accept the feeling or the premise that we can be seen differently is the first step, allowing ourselves to feel and behave in that way is the next.  Some people stay who they are because they don’t think they can be something else or they don’t think they can change—they didn’t have someone to navigate them through it.  If we stay open we understand these viewpoints, these possibilities, and we learn to accept what feels right to us as well as the possibility that we could be something/someone more.  We don’t always need to be perfect or on the game because no one is on 24/7, but we need to show up.  Show up for the idea that we are something more.  Regardless of how they see us, presence is enough, and the more present we are, the more we feel that possibility.  So look in the mirror and see ourselves, and if we don’t see what someone else does, remind ourselves that they are a reflection of our possibility as well—that we can trust. 

“What if you just refuse to suffer? What if you dare to do the funky chicken dance after Chad dumped you or your boss fired you? What if you chose to laugh when the world expected you to cry?  What if you decided to run when they wanted you to fall? What if you felt the misery of not getting what you wanted but chose not to live in that misery because if there’s anything I learned in my 34 years on this Earth, it’s that our suffering does not have to become our identity, and that sometimes horrible things can (and will) [sometimes] happen to us, but those horrible things don’t have to define us.  There is a time to cry, a time to rage, a time to retreat, but also a time to do the funky chicken dance.  Because sometimes the best therapy we can do is to not only surprise those around us but to surprise ourselves.  Never forget that there is endless magic locked inside of you, and the only thing you need to do to unlock it is to have the courage to use a different key.  So if nothing else today I hope you not only refuse not to suffer, I hope you refuse to stay still because life is a movement.  And on the days when you feel like your life has left you I promise you’ll find it again if you dare to be ridiculous and do the funky chicken dance,” Anna Kai. 

There is power in choosing how we feel.  For years this seemed an impossible feat.  I don’t claim to be good at it now, but I know I have a better understanding of what this actually means and the possibility in it.  We truly do have the power to decide how we feel about nearly every situation.  I believed for years that a certain action required a specific reaction, that we were supposed to just feel a certain way when specific things happened, that relationships were supposed to be a certain way, that love looked a certain way.  I was never taught to feel my way into what I believed things should be, what I valued, what I wanted.  I put myself through endless suffering because I didn’t know better.  That was my understanding and training.  I wallowed in that suffering.  The truth is we all have the ability to decide to not feel or be any particular way about things.  We can make it easier or harder depending on how we choose to interpret things.  More importantly we can manage our expectations.  Ask ourselves what our motivation really is—control of the self or over others.  And if you make your life contingent on the reactions of others and the outcome of their actions, you will always be miserable. 

Instead of making life contingent on any feeling or any image we have in our minds, we need to make it based on how we feel and what brings us closer or further to our goals.  We choose to do things that make us happy and make us feel good and that will continue to guide us toward the big picture, the answer, the key to what we are meant to do.  Life isn’t all doom and gloom by any means, but we have the power to take those down moments and make them less sucky by deciding to move.  Move through the feelings, move through what it actually feels like.  Decide how we want to feel and do what it takes to get there.  There is magic we need to remember in our very being and it guides us.  When things feel low we have the answers inside, all we need to do is listen.  What people think is irrelevant and at the end of the day, these are our lives and we get one shot.  Don’t waste time suffering or creating suffering for ourselves or others.  Don’t make our happiness based on what other people think/feel/do or how they react to us.  Don’t make our happiness contingent on a job/house/relationship etc.  Decide to make the best of life in all situations.  Even the painful ones.  The only one who can decide what our day is like is us.  The only one who can decide what it feels like is us. 

“At a certain point you just become immune, immune to the perceptions, immune to the sabotage, immune to the gossip, immune to anything that is aimed to bring your peace down,” Richard Miller.  Stepping into our identity creates fear because it symbolizes a form of segregation, an isolation from the group—from what we’ve known.  One of the reasons we rely on familiarity is because it feels good and we know the prescribed norm of familiarity.  We know who we are in those scenarios.  But when we start to feel suffocated by what we know, we have to ask what’s next.  Those around us witnessing the transformation will try to bring you back in because there is safety in keeping things status quo.  They will use tactics like sabotage, gossip, and things that put us on edge in order to bring us back toward what we know as familiar.  Sometimes we do it to ourselves.  I’m guilty of falling into bad habits because I didn’t want to feel on the outside and I didn’t want to create disruption in the group.  I became the subject of different perceptions and sabotage and gossip—and my peace was most certainly disrupted.

Without a firm sense of self and a solid foundation in what we value and believe—knowing who we are—it’s easy to be thrown off course by the opinions of others especially as we navigate a new trail.  The hardest thing to do is stand firm in who we are in spite of what others think, say, or do.  Especially those closest to us.  Those tend to hurt the most because we want support and to know that someone believes in us—so when we have to step out with nothing but our own belief, it can be challenging. But that’s exactly what this means.  Do we have enough resolve to follow through on what we say we want?  Are we willing to take the risk and step out of our comfort zone or entirely in a different direction to stand in the process of creating and being something new.  We have to become resistant to the words of others when we know what we are working on.

The more we move like water, the more we let things flow including the opinions and words of others, the easier it is to realize what’s important and what isn’t.  It’s the same with anything.  When we start working out, it’s difficult at first, it feels uncomfortable, we feel overwhelmed.  We will feel the same as we learn to shut out the voices of those we used to revere.  Look, we need people, I don’t pretend it’s been healthy to do it alone.  But we don’t need the input of those who know nothing about us and what we are doing.  There comes a point where we realize we don’t need to wait for anything—if we want it we do it.  And we don’t need to worry about what others will like.  I’ve been working on a project for 6 years that I fought tooth and nail for and those around me didn’t understand.  I kept going because I knew what was right.  Within seconds of having the appropriate audience, it was like a key unlocked—so all that time spent worrying and trying to convince people meant nothing in that arena.  Their voices didn’t matter because I knew what needed to be done and I did it. So we let go and hear what we know instead—if we are to live our own lives we must hear our own voice.  Take the time to listen.

“I came here to live my own life, not someone else’s idea of what my life should be,” Richard Miller. This is a heavy one for me.  We ended last week talking about competition and how that doesn’t serve a healthy relationship.  I now add the point that we also can decide to label something as competition or not—we can also label it a conversation opportunity or gathering ideas.  So when we are fighting we have the opportunity to ask what we are fighting for.  This is also on the heels of a long recovery process and coping with family trauma and death and patterns—and the death of patterns.  In all of this, life is too short.  It moves really damn fast and we blink and suddenly we’re 40 and our kid is 7 and we’ve been in a relationship for 23 years and we’ve spent 20 years at the same organization asking for things to change all while doing the same thing—the things we thought we should be doing, fighting fights we thought we wanted for things we thought were important. 

When we write this story we often forget that we hold the pen—society wants us to forget that, systems want us to forget that.  The soul and the universe never want us to forget it.  We are meant to remember our power and our purpose at all times.  We are meant to feel the creative connection with source and the beauty of connection with souls, we are meant to be a team and work with each other not against each other.  We can write a different story.  We can take the power back and make it what it should be.  We are so mistaken about power and what we do with it, the point of power.  We think power is control when the real control is in managing our emotions and energy and our focus and doing what we are called to do.  There is power in standing our ground and being fully aligned with ourselves and even more power in expressing that. 

Life is too damn short to do all the things we want to do and if we never take action on them then we will have wasted this beautiful opportunity wishing for someone to fulfill our dreams while we are fulfilling someone else’s.  What if we all took the time to find who we are and to learn to fully embrace people and learn to work together?  What if we stood in who we are, not out of defiance or being right and proving power, but to share our lessons and who we are and to share our light and talents with the world to make it a better place?  What if we are meant to be who we are so the rest of the world finds comfort and courage in stepping outside of our numb zone?  We can only do that if we are brave enough to be who we are.  We create a life of resentment when we live it on someone else’s terms and that is a whole other layer of regret and guilt.  Let the patterns die, let the thought we have to please others by being who they think we are die.  Let the truth of who we are live and flourish and grow and create the path, the garden that calls to us.  Because the truth is not only do we hold the pen, we also plant the seeds and if the people around us won’t help us grow, then it’s time to let them water their own grass while we take care of our own. 

Today I am grateful for being on the same page.  There is one thing to be said for understanding where someone is coming from but it is entirely another to know the thoughts, feelings, and understanding are synced.  I also love seeing that “click” moment when everything shifts into alignment and you’re no longer trying to prove a point, you both feel the EXACT same thing.  I’ve had moments of shared understanding with my husband before, but we recently had a moment where there was no doubt we knew we understood the shift happening in our group, the feelings we had with each other, and the dynamic change that could no longer be ignored.  It has been years, feeling like near decades, for us to agree on that level where we could talk about it calmly and not try to defend anything that happened, but just accept that things were not what we expected and that we both had certain feelings about how we had been treated.  They say that when people show you who they are, believe them, and we have been shown with 100% clarity where we stand with people.  Now, we’ve tried to look different ways before when something has happened with the group and we now know that it can’t happen that way anymore.  Certain things don’t fit and it’s no longer feasible to make them fit.  Round holes and square pegs don’t mix.  It is a relief to share that feeling without having to defend it.      

Today I am grateful for surrender.  I have always been grateful for my friendships, for being understood, for having people listen, for that actual connection when someone gets it.  I often tried to force that with people so I wouldn’t feel so lonely—one of those over-sharers where we think trauma bonding means we are actually bonded.  So what I’ve surrendered is the understanding that people are 100% on their own, we can’t make them feel/think/do anything (obvious, but stay with me).  The reason I wanted friendship to be so intimate and connected and so clearly between a set group of people is I wanted to be connected period.  I thought the deeper information someone had about me the deeper our connection would be.  I never considered that people behave differently with that level of information.  SO.  Let people be who they are because we shouldn’t have to examine the deepest wounds of ourselves with everyone just to be close to them.  And when you do share more personal or intimate details, people who care should be willing to listen and not judge and they should be gentle with the information, not ignorant to it.  If people show you they can’t be gentle, they can’t listen, they’d rather have a different priority, then let them.  We can’t force a relationship and we can’t alter someone else’s desire to have a relationship with someone else or to feel a certain way about us.  Let them be and the right people, people who care and actually connect will find their way into our lives.  We can’t force people to have or not have certain relationships—so let their true colors show and make choices from that.

Today I am grateful for family.  I came from a decent sized family but a very large extended family.  I was fortunate to know my Great-Grandmother, my Great Uncles, my Great Aunts, my Great-Great Aunt, and multiple layers of cousins.  The family was so big we used to have to rent out a hall just to get together for the holidays or birthday celebrations.  There’s a big age difference between the whole group, so by the time I came along the frequency of those events was diminished but I still cherished any time we got together.  The family is significantly smaller now as we are all aging.  There have been some rifts in the group, some health issues that have prevented us from gathering often, and naturally with time we have started losing members of our family.  Seeing the diminishing numbers of our group is sobering and sad but it has made me solidify what I have with the remaining members.  My father has lost two of his siblings and my mom still has all of hers but my mother’s family has been separated by distance for a long time.  My uncle came in for the weekend and I haven’t seen him in nearly 3 decades and it was a fantastic reunion.  It’s something I crave and wish I could do more often.  And it’s a reminder to appreciate those we still have while they are here.  We can’t change the fact that we will eventually lose each other so we need to make sure that we are spending our time with those we love accordingly.  Appreciate the time we have and the company we keep.    

Today I am grateful for fun.  I share this one every now and then and I love to share it because I think we take life too seriously as a general rule these days so we need to remember to have fun.  We also need to remember that there are multiple ways to have fun and sometimes we need to think outside the box to find ways to enjoy time together.  We attended a birthday party yesterday at a roller rink.  Neither my husband nor myself have been to a roller rink the entire time we have been together so it’s been well over 20 years since we’ve even attempted to skate.  We had the time of our lives laughing as we tried to find our footing and our groove again, enjoying the feeling of being back on wheels, of teaching our son how to skate.  Full transparency some jealousy as some people are so freakin’ smooth on those wheels, but it was something that showed us a new way to have fun and that we can totally do something physical together as a family and enjoy it—and that we need to get out of our heads every now and then to just enjoy the moment.  Feel alive doing something we normally don’t do and change things up.  There’s a lot we can do together and many ways we can find shared interests—we just have to take the time to do it and be willing to have fun.      

Today I am grateful for the understanding I have developed/gained this past week.  It seems the lessons of the universe are true and they all kind of come in at once.  This past week has been eye-opening on so many levels.  1. We can’t change people or make them feel a certain way about anything or any one of us. 2. When people show you who they are believe them—as painful as it is, accept it and let them be who they are because we can’t make our happiness contingent on how people treat us. 3. When we stop asking permission life gets a lot easier.  It can be scary at first, but it gets a lot easier with practice and we see the results faster.  I wasted too much time asking permission and it pisses me off, but now I know that it’s something I don’t have to do again.  4. Never stop having fun. 5. People who appreciate you genuinely show it, they don’t make the relationship conditional. 6. There is no reason to not be honest about everything.  It makes life so much easier in the end.  I’m not saying be a complete jerk and blunt about everything, but I am saying we need to make sure we aren’t sugar coating the truth either.  7. Being honest includes saying what we want with clarity and confidence and not being ashamed.  Sometimes people are legitimately waiting to hear, the universe needs to hear, what we need.  We get one go-round in this life and it is pointless to waste time doing things that make us miserable hoping it gets us some kind of reward.  Do what we love and become the person who spreads that love by overflowing our cups. 8. Appreciate the time we have with people we love and doing things we love—there is no nobility in wasting time doing what we feel obligated to do and then resenting people or the universe for missed opportunity.  Do what we love, be honest about it, appreciate it. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.