“I wish you saw yourself as I do,” Adam Roa.  So often people see things in us that we don’t see in ourselves.  We may feel like we are falling apart and someone else sees us as a tower of strength.  They see us as source of wisdom when we feel like we can barely remember our name.  While this may be slightly romanticized in trying to convey the message that our perception is different than what other people perceive, the truth remains that we do in fact have different connotations and meaning for different people, we have different views of people, especially ourselves.  We are also trained to never take a compliment because it can be seen as conceited.  That training is false but it’s difficult to reconcile accepting new feelings about who we are with how we are trained to feel.  The human mind is adept at seeking the negative and finding flaws partially serves a survival instinct—if there’s something that would hinder us from surviving, we need to adjust it.  But we can’t let that turn into a negativity bias where all we see is the negative.  We need to learn to accept the good and focus on developing the good.

We are our own worst critic and we often don’t see the good.  We are trained to point out every flaw, every mistake, not as a learning tool but as some sort of scarlet letter, and some of us hold onto those mistakes forever.  I rehashed every embarrassing moment, every failure (or what I perceived as a failure), every bad thing that happened to me, for ages.  What purpose does that serve?  It created a feeling of worthlessness in me that wouldn’t budge because it started to solidify into belief.  I couldn’t trust what other people said they saw in me because I didn’t see it myself.  And that is the truth of it: we will never live up to our potential or be who we want to be if we don’t truly feel that way about ourselves.  It takes strength to admit our weaknesses but it takes just as much power to admit those strengths—and the same amount of energy.  What we focus on grows and we have a choice to partake in the negative and wallow in it, or we can shift and learn to accept the idea that maybe we are worth more than we let ourselves believe. 

So when someone tells us that we are doing something well, believe them.  When someone tells us they admire something, thank them.  When someone says they feel we are capable, keep their trust.  This isn’t about living up to their expectations, this is about understanding that we have a responsibility in different lights to different people, but most importantly our own.  They say those around us are a reflection of who we are, so if the mirror is telling us we are good, talented, compassionate, loving, joyful, intelligent, then it is safe to believe it and integrate it.  Learning to accept the feeling or the premise that we can be seen differently is the first step, allowing ourselves to feel and behave in that way is the next.  Some people stay who they are because they don’t think they can be something else or they don’t think they can change—they didn’t have someone to navigate them through it.  If we stay open we understand these viewpoints, these possibilities, and we learn to accept what feels right to us as well as the possibility that we could be something/someone more.  We don’t always need to be perfect or on the game because no one is on 24/7, but we need to show up.  Show up for the idea that we are something more.  Regardless of how they see us, presence is enough, and the more present we are, the more we feel that possibility.  So look in the mirror and see ourselves, and if we don’t see what someone else does, remind ourselves that they are a reflection of our possibility as well—that we can trust.