“Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems,” Bill Watterson. This is one of those quick snippets to remind us that we are on the right track. After yesterday’s post about looking foolish and remembering how to play, this is a perfect reminder that there is purpose in play. All of life is an experiment and we learn how it works through trying things. I know I sat on the sideline waiting for permission for a lot of things but I would always get excited in biology or physics when we were experimenting. It didn’t occur to me until many years later that all we do in life is an experiment. We are trying to see what works for us. We are each our own set of variables and we have to see what applies and what doesn’t.
Sometimes we have to remember that the problem isn’t the problem—the way we think about it is. How we approach something makes all the difference in the world. We can look at it all as a big game where we learn something or we can let it weigh us down. I choose the former. I’m not a pro at this by any means—I still have a lot to learn. But I will tell you that shifting that perspective where I know the possibility that something challenging is teaching me something great has made all the difference. It takes the pressure off and it helps me see possibilities when it feels like there aren’t any. So ask yourself how you can play today. Find a way to make life fun. THAT is the point.
“Don’t be afraid to be a fool,” Stephen Colbert. This is an appropriate follow up to our conversation about doing something differently from the other week. One area we didn’t talk about was the fact that people do the same thing over and over again because they are comfortable. They are used to it and it is familiar to them. Plus the truth is we don’t want to look stupid as we do something different or new. But we have to learn to put aside what we look like for the sake of learning what we are meant to. The only way to learn something new is to try it and that means entering territory we haven’t been before.
We need what the Buddha calls “beginner’s mind” all the time. It’s only then that we are able to break the habits we’ve formed. If we weren’t getting anywhere with them anyway, then why do we need to continue? We don’t. Growth doesn’t happen amidst comfort in most cases anyway. That doesn’t mean it isn’t a natural process. There will come a time when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of growth. And being foolish is part of that. There is some nobility in being a fool and there is wonder in remembering the purpose of play and curiosity—to grow and learn. Making play a silly thing or a superficial unnecessary thing is where we went wrong. We need play as a tool. We need the spark of curiosity.
I spent most of my life dictating what happened every second of every day. I remember as far back as grade school when we were reading things aloud, I would count how many kids were in front of me so I could find my section and practice it. I never wanted to look like I didn’t know what I was doing. As I’ve mentioned in previous articles, I grew up with siblings older than me and I always wanted to be part of that crowd so I always tried to keep up and “know” what I was doing. I robbed myself of the act of learning and creating by trying to be what they were. Yes, I needed the companionship of my siblings, but we were in different places. I wanted to be seen as one of them, not be taught by them. The ironic thing is, now as an adult, I can see what I would have learned if I had let go.
But learning isn’t always a pretty process. That doesn’t mean it’s bad. We have to remember the point of things isn’t in how they look. I know it’s primitive brain because we needed to be able to discern quickly what was dangerous and what wasn’t, what food would kill us and what wouldn’t, who we could trust and who we couldn’t, and what animals we could work with and those that would kill us. And bottom line, at that time if we didn’t know what we were doing, we wouldn’t survive so our tribes would leave us behind. So while we don’t live like that, the primal instincts are still there. It takes time to retrain the brain to let go of those things.
I’ve learned a lot about play and looking ridiculous through my relationship with my son. Kids have NO fear about what they look like. They may have initial doubts in their abilities, but that doesn’t stop them from trying. They approach the world with curiosity and they simply want to know if they can do it when it crosses their minds—whatever “it” may be in the moment. When I first started the parenting thing, I wanted things to look a certain way. Not as quickly as I should have, I realized that nothing will ever look as it’s supposed to or how we plan it in our minds. We are dealing with little humans and they have their own ideas. Soon we realize how much they are teaching us.
Much quicker than we think, we forget what it is like to play. We are taught to conform and release our creativity early as some sort of sacrifice for the greater good. Many of us let it die. I know I let my creativity go for a long time. But it kept calling me. There was always a faint thread keeping it tied to me. The louder it got, the more I had to heed the call. It was as if my son’s needs were pulling at my creativity as well. So we played, and something awakened in me. I didn’t care what the “point” was, I didn’t care what he needed to learn—I remembered what I needed to learn. Once we get to that point, it doesn’t matter what anything looks like. I seek out looking foolish. I want to enjoy this life—I don’t care what it looks like.
I want to talk to my people learning to set boundaries, specifically my people who feel guilty or feel shameful for doing it. I have a real personal story to share. Repeating the point from my mentor we talked about the other day, when we are starting a new life, sometimes the universe really runs us through the wringer to see if we want it. For me, my new life is peaceful, and abundant, and filled with love and sharing, and worry is to a minimum as I fulfill my purpose and live my dream. Sounds peachy, right? But what happens when it seems everything is conspiring to stop that? So, here is the story.
I’m super fragile and sensitive lately because I know that things are changing. They are changing fast and it scares me as much as it excites me. The universe is pushing in some arenas I’m not comfortable with, but hey, that’s life. So, we have amazing neighbors—just incredibly kind and generous people. We were gifted a treadmill as well as a fish tank from them (things they were getting rid of). I’m LOVING the treadmill. So I was spending some time on it (I’m talking 30 minutes) and my son had a fit. I rarely take time away from my son because of a long history in our house, but maintaining my health is important to me. He had to be involved and I finally told him to stop because I really need to take care of ME. He ended up getting hurt on the belt because he wanted to touch it and he did. I had a meltdown as my immediate thought was, “Yet again, I’m trying to do something for me and I can’t because of someone else.”
The next day, my husband was using the treadmill and it died. Completely died. The story I told myself on that one was he was running an old treadmill too hard and it broke. So, “Yet again, something good for me is blocked.” And that is when I lost it. How is it that doing something good for myself can either result in someone else getting hurt or it falling apart? I had a pity party and then a coming to my senses. I could have collapsed into the story that these good things aren’t meant for me and for a while I did. It was so painful to feel like anything I’ve done for myself was somehow shameful or greedy. I teach that you have to fill your cup in order to pour into someone else’s, why was the universe mad at me for filling my cup? For taking care of me?!
If I have the belief that there is enough to go around for everyone, then there is certainly enough for me. And I will no longer buy into the trauma story that my pleasure, my health gets in the way of someone else. We are all allowed to feel good and I had to tell that old training to shove it. It wasn’t easy, believe me. But I will do it again and again and again. There is no reasonable way on this earth, statistically speaking in the universe, that one person feeling good is causing PAIN to someone else. NOPE. Not buying it. You don’t buy it either. My brain may need more convincing but I feel it with every ounce of my soul. I know it’s true for you too.
I want to talk a little about the event I mentioned in my Gratitude post. The event itself was regarding the business we are in and the skills/tactics we need to grow. Honestly the reminders about using what we have to learn the myriad of skills and how they infiltrate all areas of our lives was fantastic. The speaker has done remarkably well for herself but I found myself less interested in what she did with the business and what she did for herself. Her story on the human condition reminded me on so many levels of what we are capable of. She is also a great reminder that sometimes what we think we are learning isn’t it…there is something more there.
So, I’ve been holding myself back in a lot of ways because I’ve had these preconceived notions on every area of my life. I defined what it means to work, what it means to be married, what it means to be a mother, to have a family and to be a friend. I defined what I expected other people to do in their relationships with me and, Good Lord, how it fit into my life on my schedule. I thought I was becoming more flexible about time by trying to shove more into my day. I missed the lesson on just doing and not watching the clock. I’ve grown up with that fear my whole life so I know that it’s going to take some time to heal that. Regardless, how could anyone get close to me if I only allowed them in during certain times? How could I get close to anyone if I only let them in part way? How could I form a human relationship based on understanding if I constantly expected them to be a certain way? I mean, I’ve grown up believing if you wanted a certain result, you behave a certain way. That IS true. But not to the degree of demanding someone’s timing match my own. Side note, don’t be a dick with someone’s time—be respectful, that is always good advice, but give enough slack for the human side of it, LIFE happens.
During this presentation, a series of three thoughts came quickly to mind. 1. I’ve been looking to be perfect when I thought I was trying to define what I’m doing. I honestly thought I was doing the latter, but I’ve been hiding behind those ingrained expectations thinking I wasn’t ready when I was trauma perfecting. There are people who can barely communicate, who don’t have an education, who have been ill/hurt/traumatized, who have found a way to do this. And I’m not doing it because it doesn’t fit into the schedule of what I think life should look like? 2. We can always do more than we think. It isn’t about acquiring, it’s about giving, sharing knowledge, helping each other level up. I always thought having more meant I could give more. Now I see the more you give, the more you have. Please don’t think I was a stingy person, but I grew up in survival mode in the respect that I gave away a lot that was precious to me for no return so I found the takers early in life and that trauma followed me. 3. I had to question what I’m really learning here. I had preconceived notions about this and many of them are still spilling through in my decisions, but reframing that is what will carry me further.
To detail point 3, the learning is where it’s at. Having an open mind is key to so much in this life and it helps us form connections that will take us further than sheer will ever could. Look for the lessons. I looked at this business as a scam, as people preying on the weak, and as something you have to devote yourself to 24/7 to succeed. Now I see it differently. I’m learning leadership. I’m learning to accept people as they are. I’m learning to set boundaries for myself first (that pesky time thing again) and others. I’m learning to have faith. I’m learning to prioritize gratitude over complaining. Most importantly, I’m learning what works for me. I always assumed I had to buy into the “plan” in order to be successful even if the plan didn’t work for me. I had to work twice as hard to prove myself to get half as much in the “real” world. Now I’m seeing HOW to build that plan with the pieces that work and how to gracefully say no to what isn’t for me.
I want to really point out that all of this came from 3 hours of listening to a convention because someone believed in me enough to share it. It all came from listening to another person’s story and seeing where the lesson really is for me. It came from changing my perception and being open enough to try it. My initial response was I don’t have time for it—which I really didn’t have time for the whole thing—but I did my best to fit in what I could. I am so grateful that I did. Share your stories, my friends. You never know who needs it. You never know the wisdom it will spark in someone else.
Today I am grateful for a new stage in my life. I feel like a broken record, but it has been a tumultuous year. There have been some amazing moments, no doubt, but I have faced some unbelievable challenges from losing my second child to starting multiple businesses to transitioning in my 9-5. Life isn’t meant to stay the same, that much is clear and I believe. But I have been given many reminders that I am also the one holding myself in this pattern. I’ve been working with a woman on one of my business ventures and she reminded me that many times as we are beginning a new life, we face challenges to see if we really want it. That phrasing annoys me because in many cases it isn’t a matter of how badly I want it—it’s a matter of practicality and the circumstances around me. I’m learning to create boundaries that allow for the things I want while maintaining what I have because (for me at least) a clean cut into a new life isn’t an option right now. I know where I need to give in to the process now. I am grateful to release fear and buy in.
Today I am grateful for wonderful leadership examples around me. Following point one above with a new stage in my life, I was able to virtually attend a conference on Saturday (12/11/21). I’ve held onto some skeptical beliefs about this business, but there is NO denying the power of a group, specifically the group I’ve been lucky enough to be a part of. There is real growth there. That isn’t to say it isn’t work—but it is work that I can stand behind. More importantly, these are people who will stand behind me as well. I’m not used to that kind of support and it feels out of the norm for me. Seeing these people and the levels they have achieved is amazing to me because it shows me that I CAN do something in this and make a new life with the skills and I will be supported. Moreso, there are people in this group who have had odds stacked against them and they are still here—and killing it. No more excuses.
Today I am grateful for the support I mentioned. I confided in my mentor and partner that I wasn’t sure I could do this and that is still one of the blocks I have to getting started in this. She told me to borrow her belief, because she believes I can do it. How beautiful is that? No one has ever spoken to me like that and it feels amazing to have someone see something like that in me. And the truth is, if I can see those things in other people, why can’t I see them in myself? She reminded me it is time to put that belief in myself.
Today I am grateful for breakthrough. The significant epiphany: there are growth opportunities when you put yourself first and you need to take them. it isn’t selfish to address those needs first—it’s necessary. Yes, I promote this but I have been guilty of not practicing my own methods. NOW is the time to do that. I am so grateful to articulate to my husband where my concerns are and what my needs are and what my interpretation of things that are bothering me are. None of that is owned by him, but if we are going to be on the same page, he has to understand where I’m coming from. He is owed the chance to explain himself rather than me accuse him and put my story in his mouth. I am also grateful this means that there are certain parts of my life that I am ready to put behind me—again. This year has been a process of letting go, and letting go, and letting go…just when I think I’m done, there’s more stuff or another pattern or another belief to release. Some days it feels like all of me is falling away. Then I think, perhaps, this undoing is my rebuilding.
Today I am grateful for connection with family. My sister and niece came over today and we discussed our past in a way we haven’t before. It is so important to understand that while you may have a shared history with someone, they may have seen it differently and their experience of that circumstance was different. It was also cathartic to share things that we haven’t before. There are some people that you can only speak to about certain things and it is important to do that. We develop preconceived ideas about people based on the experiences we share with them, but learning to see the other side opens new doorways to healing.
About a year ago I read Jennifer Pastiloff’s book On Being Human and she talks about beauty hunting. I love the idea of looking for something beautiful every day. There is so much beauty in the world, beauty that doesn’t conform to any idea of what society says is beautiful. I’m talking about finding the beauty that speaks directly to your soul…the kind of beauty you know you are meant to recognize and that seems to speak your language. There is something for all of us.
I’ve seen it every morning and every afternoon. Even though I despise my commute, my favorite part is seeing the sunrise and the sunset. There are colors so brilliant, I can’t help but know that is the work of a higher power. My mind will wander a bit as I look at the sky and I think to myself, “I wish I could paint that,” and I instantly know that it could never be replicated like that. I had a similar moment while we were at the grocery store the other night: there were these orchids so purple they looked fake, like they were almost blue. They weren’t, but it was something I know no human could replicate. These colors speak to me, nature speaks to me because I am of nature—as are you. When there is something in the natural world that makes you stop in your tracks, that is the kind of beauty I’m talking about.
That beauty reminds me of how small I am. Even the smallest things have a role in this world. We are there to facilitate something. On a planet of this scale, to still be the little guys in the universe, that tells me there is something so much more out there. There is a hand in something. Or are we all infinite little worlds within something else as it is? I know those thoughts seem illogical, perhaps erratic, but stay with me. There is peace in knowing how little we are. We have built up our small role in this world to carry the weight of the universe. There are unimaginable things out in the universe—and we get to be a part of that. We don’t need to take this life so seriously. Sometimes we are meant to simply slow down and appreciate everything exactly as it is. Find the beauty in what is. Not to mention on the cosmic scale of thing with the billions of galaxies out there, statistically our stories may not add up to much. But that isn’t a reason to find the beauty—it’s a reason to relish it.
We have the opportunity to be here and now and to experience all that THIS life has to offer. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we’ve trained ourselves to think we need to do as a way to get through this life that we miss the point of existing—which is to experience it. Yes ambition is great, but sometimes it is too great a burden for a fragile thing. Now, don’t mistake me, I know we have all endured days when life got the best of us, but the balance is so fragile that finding a way to keep what is important in perspective is key. Also, knowing that our perspective is self-created is pretty important as well. If we can train ourselves to believe the negative, we can certainly retrain for the positive. It just takes work—same energy, different focus.
So I choose to see the beauty. That doesn’t mean I don’t have moments where I am completely stressed out—that happens quite frequently, actually. But knowing that I’m creating that stress means I can stop it and I’m getting better at it. The truth is, there IS a lot of ugly in the world and most of that comes from us. But the greater truth is that there is so much MORE beauty out there and if we can put aside the noise and focus on that, we will see life in an entirely different way. So whether it is the sunset, my son laughing at anything, one of my cats curled up on my desk, or enjoying an amazing meal my husband made, THAT is what I focus on.
“I’ve been here 1000 times, 1001 won’t be so bad,” Dijon. One more from this amazing artist. We tell ourselves so many lies, hoping things will be different or improve on their own. We enter situations with people knowing full well who they are hoping they will be different or that they will finally get it and see things from our side. We even ignore our instincts and try again or give people chances when we know we shouldn’t. There comes a time when we have to say, “no more” and do something else. We’ve gotten colloquially familiar with the adage that “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results,” and we need to know that is true. If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got.
It can be scary doing something else, trying something new, or setting boundaries. We never know how people will react and we are trained to value what people think of us. We are trained that we need to fit in—that might even be a bit of biological programming—so we ignore what we know in our hearts and souls and repeat the process hoping it will be different.
There is also a level of discernment required in this conversation. It isn’t prudent to give up after one try but it isn’t healthy to fixate on it, trying over and over again when a simple adjustment would do the trick. We need to have a keen enough eye and sense of what is right for us in order to shift gears. So yes, we may require the lessons of trying something 1,000 times, but on that next shot we can pivot and use the skills we’ve learned to try again…in a new way. I’ve been the girl who tries to make a bad thing work.
I’ve been the girl who believes more in potential than in reality. I’ve been the girl giving chance after chance in hopes of getting a little bit of acceptance. But the truth is, if I had cut my losses sooner and pivoted earlier with the lessons I learned, I would have been a lot further. I can forgive myself for that because I know that now. I finally get it. I also have developed that discernment and know how to set the boundary when it isn’t right for me. And it’s ok. Not every opportunity is right for us. We need to find the ones that are ours and embrace them gratefully.
I’ve been given the chance to really practice letting go. There are so many days that I’m at odds with someone very close to me. They have a tendency to bulldoze my feelings and not take into account how their actions impact me. They are absolutely a do it and ask for forgiveness later type of person. That type of behavior works well in some circumstances and it even attracted me to this person. They never let the opinions of others stop them which is honestly an admirable quality to have. The only issue with this is when it goes on too long and the time for cooperation is needed.
But I want to highlight the main point here which is that people will do what is good for them—and we have no say on that. We have no say in how people behave or how they react. All we can do is what works. But when it comes to practice and having a relationship with someone, we have to learn what works for each other. And there are some things you have to learn to stop. You have to just let it go. Even if it feels uncomfortable, you can decide if you are going to keep running the same circle over and over again or if you are going to try and up your game. You can either ignore it and do what works for you or you can disengage.
I’ve been really sensitive about my space lately—it gets overwhelming when you become the repository for everyone else. It’s frustrating when you have a space that is your own and still feel you have no say in what happens there. But there is something you do when you make space for the people in your life. There are things you learn to compromise on. I’m learning where I have to stop controlling and start stepping into who I am and where I need to stand my ground. I’m also learning which boundaries I need to keep and where I can be a little flexible. The latter portion means allowing myself to learn about the preconceived notions I’ve had about things.
So with letting go, it’s a balancing act. I’m grateful to learn about my boundaries and what is good for me. I’m grateful to see the people around me for who they really are. I’m grateful for the help I’ve been given. I’m even grateful for the discomfort because it directs me to where I need to be. It reminds where I need to develop and step up as well as when I’ve gotten off track. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s a sign that we need to pivot. I have always allowed others space for who they are and I expect the same thing. But I know I also need to allow. So I’m doing my best to ALLOW.
I drew some cards the other day that were about surrender and doing less to attract more. Gabby Bernstein calls it manic manifesting when we try to get and do all the things at once. I don’t know if it is partially an ADD thing (welcome to that in your late thirties by the way) or if it is all the mixed messages we get all day all the time that make us spiral and unable to focus. Maybe it’s a combination of all that plus not being taught how to simply live our lives without outside interference. But I also want to talk about what it means to surrender. We’ve had conversations about that before, but stick with me.
I’ve made it abundantly clear that I have anxiety and fears and control issues. I still think that is part of being naturally driven. When there is so much you want to accomplish, it’s challenging to do one thing at a time. When you know you have a high capacity to get things done, it’s easy to say yes to everything that crosses your path. Learning to discern what is meant for you is really hard because there are days you feel invincible. Throw in ADD and you can’t tell what you need to address first. So for me, unpacking this looks like figuring out why I honestly want to do all the things. Is it a matter of something that is genuinely interesting to me or is it something that I’m called to do? Is it pride or proving or is it something I want to do?
Over the last week in particular, I’ve been getting a LOT of signs about slowing down. There are moments I feel when I’ve taken on too much and I need a break, but there are times throughout the day when I feel really good and I know I can do it. So it is difficult for me to break down what I should really be working on and what I need to let go. Regardless of that, something is telling me to not take on too much. To maybe let others do a bit more for themselves and for me. Ironically, as that happens, my kid gets sick and my husband goes MIA. That is an entirely different frustrating story, but the signs were there to slow down. So maybe I’m supposed to learn something else about motherhood and embracing the pause.
I also need to stop being so fatalistic—or at least stop being so hyperfocused on mortality. I romanticized drama in my life for a long time, living some twisted Cinderella story where I thought I needed people to come and rescue me. If my problems were severe enough, I could get someone to help me. Then that turned into reading into everyday things meaning something awful happening. So things like my kid getting a cold turn into, “Holy crap, maybe this is more serious and he’s dying and I really need to slow down to enjoy the time with him.” Yes, I know, it’s insane. But fatalizing events like that make me prone to take on even more than I should. I feel like I have to fit in as much as possible while I am here.
What I’ve noticed though is that starting all of these things with no follow through has gotten me nowhere. I have stopped my own projects a million times to put my effort into someone else, then tried starring something new for myself. This is how I end up building other people’s houses while my bricks lay scattered around me. I can’t be the savior to everyone or the problem solver for those around me and I can’t expect others to solve my issues either. I need to stop and focus on what I’m doing. I need to surrender the goal of making everyone happy and take on the goal of solely focusing on my purpose. I am too old to have a house unbuilt while I’ve been graced with the tools around me. It’s time to shift the focus on my construction—and not building someone else’s plans on my foundation. So that is how it begins. Give over the ideal of being everything to everyone and simply address one thing at a time. How can you let go today?
I want to talk about expectations and trust next. After realizing that I have been holding back, I dug a little deeper into my own background to find ways that it may be easier for me to jump in. I really looked at my history and my relationships to see why I always cut out early and why I never really let it all out with people. It started with my parents—specifically my mother. I watched her struggle to manage four kids and multiple jobs and the exhaustion on her was palpable. I never understood why she was so strict with time as a child but I certainly picked up the habits and I never wanted to make her more upset or inconvenienced than she was. I gave up extra time with my friends so she could be in bed at 8:30pm. That was how it started. I didn’t want to upset anyone.
That behavior grew and grew until I developed my own phobias with time and I found myself getting angry if my schedule wasn’t adhered to. If I set an expectation with someone that I would be there by a certain time, if I wasn’t, I felt like I let the whole world down. And then people didn’t respond the same way I did either to time (if they didn’t show up on time it wasn’t a big deal) or if they didn’t do their part of the assignment I would certainly do it because I didn’t want a bad grade. THAT morphed into something else. I started noticing human behavior in general, which is fairly manipulative. My nature is to be incredible straight forward so when I say I’m upset, I mean I’m upset. If I’m getting anxious I am—there is nothing postural or attention seeking about me and my feelings—what you see is what you get.
I’m like that with my expectations as well. When I set out to do something with someone, I expect them to pull their weight. I don’t want to have to ask and I don’t want to have to explain what their role is. And maybe part of that expectation is unrealistic. In my 9-5 for example, I expect that you come in and know your function. You don’t need my permission to turn on your computer or log into the phone etc. We were all hired for a reason and I expect you to fulfill your end. And this behavior started showing me my patterns with trust. We’ve all been taken advantage of at some point and we’ve all had our trust broken. But for me, so much of that trust was broken initially by those closest to me. When those who are supposed to care for you and love you aren’t honest with you and don’t support you as you need, you learn early on that you can’t trust anyone. And the idea of social constructs is lost on you because any genuine intent is seen as fake and the fake intent is seen as genuine. But then you start to feel it. You can tell when someone is off even if their words are saying they are genuine.
So that is another level. Much of our society is now based on image and presenting a façade to people and selling an idea to them. I don’t want to be sold. I was raised old school with the idea in business that your word is bond. When you are paid for a service, you deliver and it’s that simple. But now we are in an age where we pay for ideas. We pay for what things look like and concepts over what they do and reality. We don’t think long term about what the repercussions are of using people and glorifying things. And that is where we are sick as a whole. Until we realize that our relationships are more valuable than our things, we will never break the cycle and we will never be able to live with real trust. And trust is a crucial part of security.
So as I’m trying new things and learning to lean in, I have to understand that not all of what I see is fake—nor is it all real. But there is still value in leaning in and learning what I can. Some things I see aren’t a ploy even though we are specifically being taught to sell. The key is to get behind something you really believe in so it isn’t a gimmick. And it is like that with life. Anything we do that is aligned with who we are will feel forced and fake. So learn to discern what matters to you because the rest will most certainly give you a feeling of being off. Take the lessons and the pieces that apply and learn to cultivate what matters. For me it is authenticity. That means being more real and open than I am comfortable with at times, but if my story can help someone, then that is something I’m willing to do. I’m just learning to manage my expectations of people and how they react to me because that is something I can’t control. But I can control how I react and what I participate in. So that is my focus—fixing a little bit of history at the same time.
The Intentional Dreamer 