Pleasure

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

I want to talk to my people learning to set boundaries, specifically my people who feel guilty or feel shameful for doing it.  I have a real personal story to share.  Repeating the point from my mentor we talked about the other day, when we are starting a new life, sometimes the universe really runs us through the wringer to see if we want it.  For me, my new life is peaceful, and abundant, and filled with love and sharing, and worry is to a minimum as I fulfill my purpose and live my dream.  Sounds peachy, right?  But what happens when it seems everything is conspiring to stop that?  So, here is the story.

I’m super fragile and sensitive lately because I know that things are changing.  They are changing fast and it scares me as much as it excites me.  The universe is pushing in some arenas I’m not comfortable with, but hey, that’s life.  So, we have amazing neighbors—just incredibly kind and generous people.  We were gifted a treadmill as well as a fish tank from them (things they were getting rid of).  I’m LOVING the treadmill.  So I was spending some time on it (I’m talking 30 minutes) and my son had a fit.  I rarely take time away from my son because of a long history in our house, but maintaining my health is important to me.  He had to be involved and I finally told him to stop because I really need to take care of ME.  He ended up getting hurt on the belt because he wanted to touch it and he did. I had a meltdown as my immediate thought was, “Yet again, I’m trying to do something for me and I can’t because of someone else.” 

The next day, my husband was using the treadmill and it died.  Completely died.  The story I told myself on that one was he was running an old treadmill too hard and it broke.  So, “Yet again, something good for me is blocked.”  And that is when I lost it.  How is it that doing something good for myself can either result in someone else getting hurt or it falling apart?  I had a pity party and then a coming to my senses. I could have collapsed into the story that these good things aren’t meant for me and for a while I did.  It was so painful to feel like anything I’ve done for myself was somehow shameful or greedy.  I teach that you have to fill your cup in order to pour into someone else’s, why was the universe mad at me for filling my cup? For taking care of me?!    

If I have the belief that there is enough to go around for everyone, then there is certainly enough for me.  And I will no longer buy into the trauma story that my pleasure, my health gets in the way of someone else.  We are all allowed to feel good and I had to tell that old training to shove it.  It wasn’t easy, believe me.  But I will do it again and again and again.  There is no reasonable way on this earth, statistically speaking in the universe, that one person feeling good is causing PAIN to someone else.  NOPE.  Not buying it.  You don’t buy it either.  My brain may need more convincing but I feel it with every ounce of my soul.  I know it’s true for you too.

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