Today I am grateful for a clear space.  I spent a ton of time organizing and cleaning yesterday.  I completely finished organizing my bathroom and what a difference.  It coincided with a card I had received about cleaning and clearing the space for a new beginning.  For taking care of myself.  The bathroom never really bothered me—I mean, I didn’t like certain areas that always seem to be dirty—but seeing the difference with a clutter free, cleared space made all the difference.  A few simple changes and it feels like an entirely new space.  I started wandering through the rest of the house to do the same thing in other spaces and my limits kicked in.  I didn’t want to weekend warrior creating a more harmonious area, but I am grateful that I started working on getting things together.

Today I am grateful for signs.  I have a story I will share in the coming weeks about the cycles of life.  I’ve struggled with trust and faith lately, to the point of nearly denouncing any faith I had, but there is always something that keeps me coming back.  There have been signs about things that nothing other than divine action, divine connection, fate, whatever you want to call it could have been responsible for.  There are things that are more than coincidence that go beyond explanation and I have to accept that there is some purpose, even amidst confusion, anger, and frustration.  There is purpose that we may not see in the moment, especially when we are hurt.  But I’m grateful that the signs keep coming—and I’m trying to be patient while waiting for the lesson, the reason.

Today I am grateful for reclamation.  I am so grateful for the infinite patience of the universe because I’ve been back and forth on my identity for years.  I thought I was so firm in my sense of self only to realize that I have no clue, that I’m just repeating patterns.  I started doing the work diligently and have seen that there is always more.  I treated so much of my life like a destination, a check-list of things to do, expecting moments to define me.  Life is a journey and if we spend it doing the same things repeatedly, that is a life unlived.  When we step into who we are, when we are given the opportunity to really find who we are, then we reclaim a pert of ourselves.  I’m so grateful to be in that stage, to reclaim who I am.

Today I am grateful for presence.  We didn’t have much to do today aside from continuing to clean and organize the house.  So we took some time to sleep, to eat, to play.  I watched some car videos with my husband, I played video games with my son, and I spent some time doing the spiritual work with my son.  Each moment only required my attention, my being there.  It wasn’t about doing anything, it was about being in the moment and enjoying the task.  We need more moments like that, more time spent right where we are instead of worrying about where we have to go or what to do next.  Just breathe into where we are.

Today I am grateful for joy and new experiences.  My husband and I agreed this was going to be a year of experiences over spending more money on more things.  He surprised us today by taking us to a new coffee house.  I was able to try boba for the first time, my son was able to try a smoothie for the first time all for under $20.  We were able to do something new.  When we got home, my husband worked on his car for a bit and my son and I had a dance session on the driveway.  We also spent time reading today and playing video games.  I am not a gamer by any means but we’ve found a game that I can play and my son is thrilled.  I love sharing the experiences together and it is something new for me.  It definitely opens up new perspectives on life and creates new opportunities for bonding as well as creativity.  All from opening up to joy and allowing things to be as they are.

Today I am grateful for boundaries.  As I’ve shared numerous times, boundaries are an issue for me.  It’s one I am well aware of but seem to blast right past whenever they come up, or when it’s time for me to enforce them.  Today I spoke with I team member whom I have a lot of respect for but I haven’t always set clear boundaries with her.  One of the things I’ve been working on is realizing that I’ve said yes to too many things.  Even if they were wonderful opportunities, it was still an overcommitment and I realize that I can no longer put my priorities on the back burner for someone else’s gain.  I need to have enough time to follow through on what I commit to.  Today I exercised a boundary about time, stating that I wasn’t ready for the overwhelm of the team and she respected it.  It’s going to take practice but it takes time.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

Scrolling through IG the other day, I came across a post from Jade Tailor (The Magicians—IYKYK).  She talked about the love she has for her parents and she shared a quote that her father shared with her: “If I’m not for me, who is?”  She shared the most amazing story about what the quote meant to her and how she learned from it over time, how its definition changed.  She said that initially she thought it was selfish but she learned how it applied to the necessity of life as time went on.  My initial interpretation was a complete click, a resonance for the circumstances I’m in right now.  I fully own and acknowledge my sensitivity and hyper awareness (and even reading too much) into some of the things that are happening in my life, but this quote and the timing of events made it crystal clear that there are simply times when we have to stand for ourselves because no one else will.  It isn’t about being a lone soldier or going rogue and becoming narcissistic.  No, it’s about boundaries and necessity of understanding and feeling our worth—and having no shame in standing in our worth, in our identity.

If we aren’t for ourselves, we allow others to walk all over us.  While that can seem like an exaggeration or a generalization (and it may be to a degree), people are inherently wired for survival so if we aren’t vocal or clear about our place and who we are, then that gives them grounds to take the path of least resistance, which is their needs trump yours.  As frustrating as it is, if we don’t know our worth, others will set the bar pretty low.  This isn’t to say that people are evil and think everyone else is beneath them, it’s just to say that if we don’t help each other learn our priorities, our priorities will always come last to others.  That’s when our wells run dry, when we look to outside sources to give us meaning and worth. So here is the beautiful part of this idea: self-care as self-preservation

When we fill our cups completely, they will start to run over, and that is when we can share and give the most to the world.  It truly becomes a matter of selfish versus self-ful and it’s a very important distinction—especially for those people pleasers.  Selfish tendencies imply that we are only out for our own interests.  Self-ful tendencies are about meeting our needs so we are able to give back and to meet others with care, kindness, and compassion.  This is about meeting all needs and understanding tapping into the endless supply of energy and love that is this world.  This is an abundant world and we will always be taken care of as long as we know how to care for each other—and taking care of each other means knowing how to take care of ourselves first.  The selfish activities are draining while the self-ful activities are fulfilling and energizing. 

So be for yourself all the time, help people be for themselves too.  The better we feel and the more we understand what we need and how to help ourselves, the more of a resource we can be to help others.  Whether this is about self-care (and self-care can look like WHATEVER you need it to) or about time, or about pausing, it doesn’t matter.  Make it about prioritizing what is important.  When we are firm in knowing what’s valuable, then we know what to say no to, and more importantly, we know what to say yes to.  The more “yes” we can give life the more it fills with what we value and that leads us to our purpose.  That is what makes us full.  Be for yourself. 

Just a quick note on talent.  I’ve been afraid of time forever.  Yes I’ve talked about this before but I don’t know if I’ve ever described the depth of my fear.  From the time I was in kindergarten, I’ve been afraid of losing my parents.  I could never articulate what the exact fear was, but I didn’t want them to die.  I experienced a lot of loss and I immediately felt behind the ball coming into this world.  My entire family was a unit for nearly a decade on their own before I came into the picture.  That’s a lot of lost time.  I felt like time was slipping away from me from an early age and I had so much less time with my family than the rest of the group did.  I only got 11 years with my grandfather.  My siblings had closer to 20.  I felt like I needed to be where they were, to meet them at their level and I developed the habit of jumping ahead early on.  Meaning I wanted to skip over the part where I learned my lessons and lived my life, I just wanted to be included in theirs.  I thought I needed to make a name for myself super early so I could prove I was just as worthy as they were.  AS time went on and nothing happened, as I lost break after break, as opportunities seemed to fall through my fingers even if they were perfect for me, the sand in the hour glass feeling became more and more intense. 

I saw a video from Belinda Carlisle the other day and she still sounds amazing as ever.  In spite of individual and collective fame nearly four decades old, she’s still amazing.  And it hit me that talent never goes away.  While I can’t change the time I missed in my family or the fact that I got less of it, I don’t have to hold onto the fear that my talent has an expiration date, or that I will never make it.  I just need to get clearer on what “making it” is and what I want to do to get there.  Time does a lot of things.  It removes people, it ripens our experience, it connects us as much as it divides us, it shows us new things and reminds us of where we came from. It shows us an appreciation for life and the value of time spent well, spent together.  WE have no control over time, each second passes away without our consent.  We do have control over how we spend our time and it’s never too late to find who we are and to share that gift with the world.  The world needs our light, no matter when we let it out.  And when we arrive at that moment, that’s exactly when it was meant to happen.

I’ve looked at connection as a means to find common ground with those who share the same viewpoint, as a means to be validated and to validate others, and a way to be heard.  There are varying forms of connection from understanding self, to friendships, to deeper relationships, to the work we do, and each of those connections has an impact on our emotional well-being and our overall outlook.  I have always believed in kindness toward strangers, but I never looked at that as anything beyond surface level.  I listened to a meditation the other day and it suggested forming a different level of connection with strangers.  This was based on the premise that the more connections we have, the happier we are.  To me, connection is something deep where we bond over something.  I don’t look at connecting with people I don’t know as a source of connection in that regard because we don’t have the time invested in each other. 

I write these words in order to connect with those they may resonate with.  Yes, those people are strangers, but the words that speak to us often hit deeper than surface level.  Plus this work is targeted.  I’m not trying to reach every single person in the world—of course that would be lovely if we could all get on the same page—but this isn’t for everyone, no one is for everyone.  But the meditation I heard emphasized that there is value in the day to day micro-connections we can form.  It has been show to boost your joy through a head nod.  When we open ourselves up to others we expand our outreach and know we are not alone.  The more people we interact with, the more opportunity we have to belong to something.  There is also joy found in stepping outside of our comfort zone.  Truth be told, it doesn’t take much to go from a head nod to a conversation and that is a chance to be seen as we really are.  We don’t need to rush through this world with our heads down in a phone.  We can learn to connect.

Research shows that a random conversation can boost our confidence as well.  The more we belong, the better we feel, and what better way to belong than joining the conversation?  We are all connected by our humanity, so sharing a common piece of ourselves isn’t as difficult as we make it out to be.  It starts with an introduction, a breaking the ice.  I’m not saying that we will automatically bond with people on a deep level, but there is likely something we have in common with most.  Take the time to expand our outreach and build relationships with people.  There is joy in connection, and joy is something we all need to connect with more often.  Not the “hunting for likes” joy we get from a social media hit, but real connection that speaks to who we are.  There are possibilities everywhere, we are just a conversation away from genuine connection.

Life can get overwhelming and this is just a short reminder that we don’t have to have it all figured out.  Maybe I’m telling myself this as a reminder as well.  But there are things that happen that may not make sense in the moment but come together later.  So if you’re struggling with making a decision right now, if life seems to be weighing you down, not making any sense, stop.  Look at what is immediately around you.  Look at what you can immediately resolve.  Look at what the next step you can take in that moment is.  You don’t need to project the entire staircase, you just need to illuminate the next step.  One step will lead to another, and another.  Take one simple step at a time to arrive at a decision.  Let the goal for the moment be finding calm, balance, stillness, ease, and peace rather than solving the entire problem at once. 

Our training is completely the opposite.  We are taught in a rapid-fire call and response fashion where you are deemed wrong if you can’t supply the answer immediately.  That also trains us with the assumption that there is only one right answer to a situation.  But when we learn the stair-step method, we see that there can be little off shoots we didn’t anticipate.  There are alternatives and different levels.  And there are other ideas that come into play to create an alternative solution.  Now, I’m not saying there aren’t clear-cut situations where we need to know what to do, but I’m saying the entirety of our lives doesn’t need to be a battle for correctness.  We can trust our knowing for when we need a quick answer or when we need to slow down for an alternative.  We don’t need to overwhelm ourselves with the entirety of the world’s knowledge, we just need to tune into our intuition. 

Today I’m grateful for truth.  Not everything is as it seems but the truth is always the way to go.  I’ve been dealing with an uncomfortable situation for a while now involving a few friends of mine.  Something has been off and I couldn’t put my finger on it.  It felt like there was always more to the story.  I’ve recently been let in on some additional facts in the situation and, as the light makes its way through, more makes sense.  While the truth isn’t always pleasant, it’s always better to know than to not know.  I’m grateful to know.

Today I’m grateful for fun.  We all need to let loose and enjoy.  I’ve spent some time celebrating friends over the past few days.  We’ve had a significant amount of birthdays in the last week.  We spent time together appreciating what we have, reliving beautiful memories and making new ones.  It’s wonderful to recognize and appreciate the people we have in our lives.  I love letting them know I’m glad they are with me, that they are in my life.  It’s a wonderful feeling to be supported and to offer that support in return, to have hour long phone calls where you just GET each other.  I’m grateful for my people. 

Today I’m grateful for my own pace.  I tend to live my life like I’m juggling spinning plates.  I haven’t known any different, that’s always how I’ve operated.  It’s always been about go, go, go, and get things done, mark another thing off the list.  Recently, I’ve come to realize that I can’t keep up with the life I’ve been living.  This isn’t the pace I want to keep, and, quite frankly, it’s not what I want to do.  I’m tired of trying to find time for the things I want to do.  I’m tired of being tired.  So, as uncomfortable as it is to put things down that I normally do, for my own sanity and health, I know I have to.  Today was about feeling my way through the day.  No, it wasn’t how I normally do things, but I was able to do what I needed to do.  We have to listen to our bodies, our minds, and our souls.  They know when we need a break.

Today I’m grateful for connection with myself.  Continuing on my own pace, I needed to find a way to hear what I need.  I don’t listen as well as I could.  I’m great at hearing other people and recognizing what they need, but when it comes to myself, it’s a work in progress.  Today I took some time to just listen to my body.  I’ve known for the last few weeks that I needed to slow down, to take a break, and to focus on other things.  I haven’t managed to do as much of that as I needed to and my body nearly broke down.  So for today, I’m glad to hear what my body needed, even if it was laying on the couch for a few minutes. 

Today I’m grateful for connection with my husband.  Relationships are work.  They require time, attention, focus, devotion, and willingness to work toward something together.  It’s an odd thing to work on boundaries and connection at the same time but it’s totally necessary.  My husband knows I’ve been struggling lately and he doesn’t do well with emotional stress.  But he did his damndest to hear me out and to see things that were happening from my point of view.  He tried to talk me down, he helped me with pressure points on my body, he heard what my needs were.  It’s amazing that so much of connection, the challenges we face with communication can be resolved with open ears and an open heart.  That is the key to connection, and it paid in dividends today.

Today I’m grateful for peace.  I’m looking forward to some time off in a few weeks.  I can’t change what’s happening now or anything that happens until I’m off so I’m learning to allow. This is my greatest challenge: taking my hands off the wheel and allowing, trusting that everything is alright.  But I truly have no choice.  I don’t want to continue to drive myself crazy, fearing the future, complaining about things I can’t control in the present.  I want to clear my mind enough so I can make better decisions and work toward the future I envision.  The only way to do that is to invite peace in and the clarity that comes with it.  Clarity makes the options stand out and it makes the choice easier.  So, for sanity, for love, for a healthier future, I choose peace. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead!

I pull cards every day and lately I’ve had a pattern of pulling cards that talk about compassion…every day.  It’s not unusual to pull similar cards a few days in a row, especially if there is a message the universe is trying to convey, but to pull it for so long, is a bit off.  The last week was one of the most difficult I’ve had due to physical stress and I felt incredibly alone during most of it.  I realized how powerful the mind is, and for some reason, after seeing so many messages on compassion, I started thinking that I couldn’t hold more compassion for people who didn’t give a damn about me.  And in that moment I realized that maybe the compassion needed was compassion for myself.  Maybe others didn’t see how much I’d been doing, maybe they didn’t see I was at the end of my rope—but I did.  I could give myself space and grace to take care of myself, to meet my needs, to appreciate what I’ve done.

We often go unappreciated in this world, I’m not unique in that.  I can handle not being appreciated mainly because I have a job to do—and not all jobs are about recognition in the form of accolades.  What I can’t tolerate is nearly killing myself because someone thinks I’m not doing enough.  I can’t tolerate my humanity being ignored.  I can’t tolerate my integrity or work ethic being questioned.  That type of judgement is detrimental to the character and has long-lasting implications if the wrong people hear someone’s thoughts or opinions on the matter—and we have no control over it.  But when the source of such information is found, then it’s time to stand up for yourself.  And finding your voice and standing up for yourself is a form of self-compassion as well. 

Compassion is the greatest form of self-care.  Holding space for ourselves the same way we would for others allows us to breathe.  It allows us to keep perspective on who we really are and to separate other’s opinions from reality.  I hate the idea that perspective is reality because we all know that isn’t true.  Just because we tell ourselves something doesn’t make it true—yes, I know it’s conflicting because I preach about mindset—but I’m not talking about how we feel, I’m talking about what actually happens.  Facts are facts in events, not what we think happens.  There’s a reason why eye-witnesses are deemed unreliable.  So, knowing the truth, feeling the truth, and allowing that space keeps us grounded and aligned with who we are.  We are human and we are allowed that space.  People don’t owe us anything and they aren’t the greatest source of truth, but if we can do that for ourselves then we are headed in the right direction. 

One area of practice I want to focus on more throughout this year is confidence.  Confidence was always a sticking point, rather a point of lack, for me in terms of maintaining it.  I’d speak boldly but rarely take the action behind it.  There was always something undercutting me because of how short I am as well.  The truth is I’ve lived my entire life with constant commentary on my outward appearance and it was explicitly told to me multiple times that I am not fit for something simply because I’m short.  Regardless of my KNOWING what I was capable of, it turned into a constant game of proving myself rather than expressing my innate abilities in a productive way.  Genuine confidence isn’t bold or braggy, rather it is based in knowledge of self. It’s knowing purpose and making decisions without concern of other’s opinions—not things that would hurt others, but their thoughts of us. It takes practice to develop the kind of resilience and self-awareness. 

There is another perspective on this that looks more at how our confidence isn’t contingent on us.  Another lesson from Jay Shetty is on FAST Confidence.  He discusses how we don’t fail because of a personal flaw, but rather from one of four main reasons.  Those reasons shouldn’t deter us from seeing the good in ourselves, rather they show us places where we need to work or areas where we can make the decision to walk away and focus on something else.  Shetty talks about the FIT, the APPROACH, the SKILL, and the TIMING.  Often those four details determine a great deal more about our confidence and our timing than any implication on our character.  Knowing if we are the right fit for the environment, using the correct approach, knowing our skills are aligned with our purpose, and if the timing is right determine our success.       

In my case, I can’t change my outward appearance or how people perceive me, but I can focus on where things matter.  Am I the best fit?  Do I have the right approach?  Are my skills up to par?  Is this the right time?  If I’m the best fit then my outward appearance won’t matter.  If I’m using the correct approach then my words make the bigger impact than anything else.  If my skills can solve an issue, then I’m aligned with my purpose.  If all of those things align and are being used, and I’m actively contributing, then it’s the right time.  So, with keeping these four areas in mind to keep perspective, then it’s easier to develop authentic confidence because the focus is on the work and the purpose behind it.  Confidence doesn’t have to be about anything external.  It’s about knowing who you are.