Scrolling through IG the other day, I came across a post from Jade Tailor (The Magicians—IYKYK).  She talked about the love she has for her parents and she shared a quote that her father shared with her: “If I’m not for me, who is?”  She shared the most amazing story about what the quote meant to her and how she learned from it over time, how its definition changed.  She said that initially she thought it was selfish but she learned how it applied to the necessity of life as time went on.  My initial interpretation was a complete click, a resonance for the circumstances I’m in right now.  I fully own and acknowledge my sensitivity and hyper awareness (and even reading too much) into some of the things that are happening in my life, but this quote and the timing of events made it crystal clear that there are simply times when we have to stand for ourselves because no one else will.  It isn’t about being a lone soldier or going rogue and becoming narcissistic.  No, it’s about boundaries and necessity of understanding and feeling our worth—and having no shame in standing in our worth, in our identity.

If we aren’t for ourselves, we allow others to walk all over us.  While that can seem like an exaggeration or a generalization (and it may be to a degree), people are inherently wired for survival so if we aren’t vocal or clear about our place and who we are, then that gives them grounds to take the path of least resistance, which is their needs trump yours.  As frustrating as it is, if we don’t know our worth, others will set the bar pretty low.  This isn’t to say that people are evil and think everyone else is beneath them, it’s just to say that if we don’t help each other learn our priorities, our priorities will always come last to others.  That’s when our wells run dry, when we look to outside sources to give us meaning and worth. So here is the beautiful part of this idea: self-care as self-preservation

When we fill our cups completely, they will start to run over, and that is when we can share and give the most to the world.  It truly becomes a matter of selfish versus self-ful and it’s a very important distinction—especially for those people pleasers.  Selfish tendencies imply that we are only out for our own interests.  Self-ful tendencies are about meeting our needs so we are able to give back and to meet others with care, kindness, and compassion.  This is about meeting all needs and understanding tapping into the endless supply of energy and love that is this world.  This is an abundant world and we will always be taken care of as long as we know how to care for each other—and taking care of each other means knowing how to take care of ourselves first.  The selfish activities are draining while the self-ful activities are fulfilling and energizing. 

So be for yourself all the time, help people be for themselves too.  The better we feel and the more we understand what we need and how to help ourselves, the more of a resource we can be to help others.  Whether this is about self-care (and self-care can look like WHATEVER you need it to) or about time, or about pausing, it doesn’t matter.  Make it about prioritizing what is important.  When we are firm in knowing what’s valuable, then we know what to say no to, and more importantly, we know what to say yes to.  The more “yes” we can give life the more it fills with what we value and that leads us to our purpose.  That is what makes us full.  Be for yourself.