I had a couple of conversations recently that put some thoughts together from separate pieces I was working on.  I spoke with my sisters at length about our purpose and where ego fits in—how we need to know ourselves enough to follow our path and fully be who we are but we need to let down the drive for power.  Last week I spoke about Howard Stark and how self-interest doesn’t serve the greater good but we need to know who we are in order to serve to the highest of our ability and that is exactly where this conversation falls in.  We discussed how we are in essence a cell and we are here to do our part—a liver cell can’t act as a heart cell or vice versa.  So we all have our role.  We all have our purpose.  I learned the hard lesson which is that I am not a victim and that I played an active role in the issues in my relationship—I was trying to be everything and dictate how every other cell functioned.  I also know that I can fix it.  I tried fixing it many times and the issue becomes understanding what the other person wants enough to know my own boundaries–It isn’t my job to fulfil his needs and it isn’t his to fill mine.  But we need to know ourselves well enough so we can still be of service to each other.

The patterns of control don’t typically come from thin air—there is usually a catalyst that sparks the need to drive.  It’s a defense mechanism and sometimes we protect ourselves by taking control of everything—or at least trying to control everything.  We think knowing what’s next will save us because our drive has been so turned up that we are ready for it all.  What we don’t see is that drive is so turned up and sensitive, it’s a hair trigger and soon the slightest inconvenience or thought of not being in control sets us off.  In the end it can come across as ego because people think we like to control for the sake of control—and there are some like that.  But when we use this as a defense mechanism it’s to avoid hurt.  We weren’t taught that accepting who we are is the greatest way to avoid that kind of pain because, when we know who we are, we know what to do including what resources we can reach out to to get some help.  It’s a different outlook on staying in our lane.  There are times we all have to go beyond what is expected but to operate in the realm of all things to all people at all times doesn’t work.  The mind, body, and spirit aren’t designed to do that.

So the middle ground is awareness and presence.  That is the only way to keep ourselves in check so we aren’t forcing our ideas on others but also expressing who we are fully.  Put aside wanting people to like us and accept us and simply go in the fold where we are accepted.  Don’t conform, accept.  I will always encourage being open to other perspectives, but we don’t need to adapt to those beliefs and make ourselves a chameleon where we change anywhere we are in order to fit in.  Adaptation and acceptance are great and we all need to compromise at times—but we always need to be cognizant of who we are so we aren’t swayed to be something else.  Stop creating a hierarchy where other people’s opinions are worth more than our own or where their thoughts trump our knowledge.  Know when to speak up, know when to absorb.  We are meant to participate and contribute, not through adaptation, but in knowing our own role so well that we do it with ease and when needed. Adaptation is for a different time and it too has a purpose.  We are meant to share our gifts and that means being who we are.