Today I am grateful for support.  Sometimes it comes from unexpected places.  There was a particularly stressful incident at work that I reacted emotionally to in the aftermath.  I think it was because I understood the implications of what happened and what could happen as well as understanding my role in holding people accountable as a manager.  I struggle with ignoring humanity when it comes to personal situations, and I made a lot of concessions for an employee that, in retrospect, I shouldn’t have.  I could have kindly held this person accountable instead of looking the other way.  This incident blew up and it is truthfully near worst-case scenario for an organization (or as close to it as we can get) and she barely reacted.  I handled it and stayed on top of it and a co-worker I would have least expected support from actually came through and out right told me it wasn’t my fault—they specifically said they were blunt and the first person to say when someone screws up and they were still saying I did nothing wrong.  It was nice to have people surround me when I felt like a failure.

Today I am grateful for moving forward on a goal.  Some of my projects have shifted slightly.  I still have the same overall goal, but there are facets of my work that I can’t give a lot of attention to right now—but others have taken priority.  It’s the first time in a while where something this creative has taken over and I love it.  I can’t put my finger on it because it isn’t exactly what I had in mind with some of my projects, but I love it, intensely.  As much as I’ve struggled to get my footing on some of the things I’m working on, this seems to be coming together well.  No, it isn’t exactly as I envisioned it, but it is coming together nicely.  I feel excitement and I honestly have a lot of hope that it will open the doors to the next step in my business, in clarifying what I need to do next.  It also feels really good to put these ideas together to see how the entire thing coalesces and is forming something new for me to help others. 

Today I am grateful for confidence.  Confidence has been something that waxes and wanes in my life.  I truly don’t know why.  I’m human so I know there are times my ego gets out of control, but for the most part, I live pretty well under the radar.  I’m not trying to be better than anyone—not anymore—because that type of validation is not good for my soul (or anyone’s soul).  I’m at the stage in my life where I am simply looking for clarity and how to be a good person, and to put my skills to use in a way that supports me mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially.  I have a vision of how I think this will happen, how it will all come together, and I’m working on balancing ego with confidence.  Confidence has an underlying trust that things will come together no matter what things look like, ego needs it to be exactly as it envisions it.  I have these ideas that are coming uncontrollably, and I love it.  I am working on having the confidence to follow that inspiration—and it feels good to follow it. 

Today I am grateful to get comfortable with the idea of not doing it all.  For so many years I’ve struggled with the fact that I’m in the same spot I was 20 years ago.  Not literally, but emotionally, and even financially, and career wise.  It’s not for lack of trying or lack of ambition—but perhaps from too much ambition.  So many things I’ve wanted to do require a lot of attention and I want to do it all. I could never narrow down one thing and focus on that to see it through.  Progress is in the follow through, and I often stopped that if I didn’t get the results I wanted immediately.  There is so much to absorb in life, and we are meant to do something, but we don’t have to do it all.  And sometimes in slowing down and doing one thing, we see that all things do get done.  There are facets of my life I have to let go of—I only have so much time in a day, the same as anyone else.  I can’t live three different lives simultaneously.  I have to honor and follow the call of what makes the most sense for me now.  And soon the steps reveal themselves and we go from there. 

Today I am grateful to understand a bit more about my relationship to time.  As someone with ADD and easily distracted, I tend to start a million things and once and have a hard time finishing anything. Recently I was feeling like crap physically and I know it’s because I haven’t been taking care of my body as I should have been.  I haven’t been eating well and I haven’t been moving my body anywhere near enough.  It’s caused stagnation with my creativity even though my mind moves a million miles an hour, I haven’t been able to focus on one thing long enough to see it through.  So as I was looking at my body, I realized that when it comes to regaining my health, there are things that are going to take time. For example, with building muscle, we don’t get the tone and definition we want with a few hundred reps.  We need to take the time to do as many as we can and, more importantly, we need to make sure our form and function are correct.  There is no point in doing something if we aren’t going to do it correctly because then the time spent is just wasted.  Take the time to do it right instead of misdirecting and wasting energy.  Then time falls into place and suddenly we are operating outside of time, we are in flow. 

Today I am grateful to give.  Last night I was able to help a few of my friends feel better through using some old techniques I had from school.  I love feeling the power in my hands and taking away pain.  I’m also thrilled because today is the first day of a group I’m hosting at my home and I get to share these ideas and insights in person with people I care about.  I get to take care of people, share with people, and teach people.  We find support in giving and it teaches us how we can give to ourselves through recognizing our needs as well.  Sometimes we simply have to have an ear open so people can share, relate, and understand each other.  It really is a joy.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.