There is another side to the concept of moving and that is the acceptance of change—and dealing with the fact that the idea of change can be scarier than the actual change itself.  Yet again this is a matter of keeping perspective.  We have this idea of what we are letting go of and we fail to realize that sometimes we are having a more challenging time because we have to let go of the IDEA of something rather than the thing itself.  Letting go of the idea means letting go of the potential of what something could have been, the desire we held close to our hears.  We also tend to favor the nostalgic look back and romanticizing things because that is where we are familiar.  The mind has a tricky game it plays where we convince ourselves that something wasn’t as bad as we thought or that we are safer with the known instead of venturing our.  We have to reconcile and learn to accept that not all things are meant to stay the same.  We are meant to grow and evolve and that means things will look different and we will get different perspectives—the alternative is stagnation.    

We can’t confuse the idea that there is something noble in keeping things the same.  We have put meaning into tradition that doesn’t necessarily translate to today.  People aren’t necessarily hoping for the things to happen that way again, they are looking for familiarity and comfort that comes with what is known.  We can’t see the future and that gets scary, so we seek the same thing.  We can’t undergo the process of change by doing the same things—we will simply end up with the same results.  Growth isn’t easy and no one ever said that our job was to keep life the same.  We kept it the same because we were familiar with it.  The further we are from how it “used to be” the more uncomfortable we feel.  But here’s the thing: No one ever said life would be the same as we progress, they just said it would be ok.  The most important thing to remember is this: Just because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s not ok.  The mind has a tendency to equate change with danger wo we need to remind ourselves that all is well and anything we experience is part of the plan.

So allow change and work on the perspective that change is by definition destructive.  In that destruction we find growth and peace.  Life isn’t about seeking comfort.  Life gives us the choice to honor our true needs and pursue our goals and just because they go a different way or take place at a different time than we thought doesn’t mean it’s wrong.  We are meant to create, we aren’t meant to “be ok,” we are meant to live.  We have to realize that life is simply ok as it is: it isn’t meant for us to change the plan.  It’s messy and bumpy and can get scary at times, but who are we to say that we need a smooth road to make progress.  We can’t control the path, we can control how we navigate it.  Giving up control is one of the hardest things to do.  But finding control over our thoughts is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.  It’s all ok. 

I want to share a small but potent reminder today that continues on our theme of honoring our capacity and needs. I want to emphasize one thing we haven’t talked about yet: When we quit all together.  It’s easy to confuse the need to rest with the idea that we have to stop altogether.  Throw in a society craving instant results/gratification with constant exposure to distractions of all kinds, and we set up a perfect recipe for believing we need to stop when we don’t and confusing the signs.  Sometimes life isn’t telling us to stop, it’s telling us to balance and refocus and we need to know the difference.  Most importantly, we need to know that most of the time the universe is putting things in our path that will help us achieve the overall goals.  An obstacle is meant to train us, not deter us.  Know the difference.  Remember that we are often so much closer to the goal than we think.   Don’t give up, GET up.  Decide and keep doing, be stronger, turn the struggle to strength, let it breakdown so we can break through.

As I work through the process of goal setting and aligning with self/source/purpose, I know one thing for sure: I don’t want to look back and regret not following through on something.  Admittedly there is already a ton I wish I had seen through better.  I made decisions based on feelings in the moment and lack of trust that I had the capability to do what was asked.  I didn’t think I deserved the things I wanted because it was clear in my family that those things needed to be earned.  Now I know that isn’t true and I do regret letting certain things go because I stopped and didn’t know how to get up.  No one needs to look back and wish they had done something different, something more, something aligned with who they are.  Take the time to discover that sense of self now.  Take the time to honor those boundaries without giving into old habits.  Make the decision to stop and be comfortable with it or make the decision to keep going and see how far we can go. 

Following up on our conversation yesterday about following the seasons and knowing ways to recharge ourselves, we need to discuss the purpose behind those seasons.  We ended talking about how there is a time to let the fruit grow, a time to harvest it, and a time to let that field lay fallow.  There is also a need for the ebbs and flows we talk about.  The truth is there is more momentum generated from the ups and downs than there is from the flat road.  We need to have an appreciation for each stage of the journey because it’s all getting us where we need to be—each stage has a purpose.  Everything is setting us up for something greater.  It may seem easy or logical to give up when we are in the middle of change or intense effort that doesn’t seem to get us anywhere—and I won’t deny that there may well be a time when we need to walk away from certain things.  But we need to understand that in many of those moments, we don’t really need to give up: we simply need to recharge.

Life moves forward no matter what we do and we have the choice to move with it or to get rolled over by it—or to do the rolling over.  Before deciding to quit we need to have an honest look at the situation.  Do we actually need to stop, or do we really just need a rest?  Do we need to rest or do we need to shift focus for a little while so we can allow growth in the area that seems to be giving us trouble.  The areas that seem to be stagnant may just need to haver refocused effort on cleaning up.  Once it’s clean, then we may need to let things settle before we can move forward again.  But I want to be clear: the concept of pushing doesn’t work.  Yes, there is constant movement because nothing truly stops—there is purpose in waiting.  But going against the natural call of things causes more damage than it makes progress.  What does work is tending and attentiveness and awareness.  Purposeful movement and purposeful rest helps.

The point is to honor the need in the moment.  We can keep clearing the space while we let the creative engines recharge—in fact in many cases we need to let them recharge.  No one can be in a constant state of “on”.  Think of how exhausting that is—and how illogical.  We drain ourselves faster that way.  Throw in people pleasing and anxiety/add and it gets even more draining.  That’s a lot of mental energy and external focus to make things balance how we think they should.  Sometimes all the universe, the natural plan so to speak, really wants for us is to be clear on where we are going, to put in the effort to support that, and honor how we feel in the moment.  Knowing limits is as important as knowing how to let them go.  The most important thing is to remember that there is a time for everything and it will all happen in its time—not on our schedule.  Our job is to align and allow.  That is the fastest way for things to fall in to place.

When we talk self-care it’s important to remember the value of all stages of the cycle: Idea generation and creative thought, belief and confidence, excitement and preparation, movement and execution, completion and evaluation, self check-in and rest.  Aside from the physical effort, there is an emotional process that goes along with this as well.  We are trained to keep moving forward no matter what, that the only value we have is in our productivity (see last week’s post about everyone having value).  The human body, mind, soul (whatever you believe in) isn’t designed to be in a state of productivity at all times.  The mind needs to rest and recharge and recuperate as much as the body.  Between the physical and emotional, there is a need to find a way to put the energy back into our bodies as much as we have a need to discharge that energy.  The question is how often do we recharge ourselves?  Where in life can we recharge?  Those moments when we think we can’t move on are the times we need to dig deep and ask if it’s a matter of pausing, depletion, or recharging.

This world, this society, whatever you want to call the human group at large, will try to convince us of our need to be in constant motion, the need to produce, the need to prove worth and our earning power (whether monetarily or from accolades).  There are times we must push through and do the work even when we don’t feel lie it.  But there are times we need to stop.  It doesn’t just need to be a physical recharge, sometimes we need a mental recharge as well.  We need to check in spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, socially, interpersonally, intra-personally, creatively, and probably even more ways than that.  Each one has a different need to satisfy and will require a different way of recharging.  Knowing how to do that and what works for each of us takes time and practice.  Further, the way we recharge for each of those areas looks different for each of us but the goal is the same: to establish awareness of our needs and establish balance back in our lives. 

Life won’t always be a perfect play of things working out, a constant perfect awareness and alignment with who we are, or a win every second of every day. It is a perfect alchemical amalgamation of ebbs and flows in all areas.  We need to taste the highs and lows and experience the learning process of this game.  We are meant to tap int the source within each of us and allow what we need to do to happen.  There is a season for everything and a cycle we all follow.  The more aligned with the seasons and our personal cycles, the easier it is to tap into those ebbs.  It’s finding the area that needs attention and working on that in the moment—that requires presence and self-awareness.  It’s knowing that everything has a season of bearing fruit, a season to harvest the idea, and a season where the field lays fallow.  During the downtime is when we do the work in other areas and figure out how to replenish the fuel of wherever we feel stuck or drained.  Ask what it needs.  Pushing or pulling or simply letting it be.  The truth is we feel infinitely better when we honor the phases of the cycle.  Find a way to check in and see how we can recharge a little bit.   

Today I am grateful for the infinite patience of the universe/source.  I haven’t shared much of my views on faith.  The truth is it’s an important topic to me but it’s also very touchy. I was the only one in my immediate family (aside from my father) who didn’t go to Catholic school or regularly attend church.  The times I did go to church, I would often feel judged by the people—not in my belief, not in what I consider my higher power, but the people there.  I used to go with my grandmother on the days she watched me early in the morning and I could see her doing the work, not because she believed in it, but because she was afraid.  She wanted the peace, but it wasn’t there—she was afraid to trust.  My grandfather was an incredibly devout man—NEVER preachy in the slightest but the man moved with such assurance and peace in everything he did that it was clear he was confident in his connection with his creator.  I watched my grandfather die seemingly out of nowhere (in my mind) and it shook me to the core.  With that being said, I had a tumultuous relationship with belief and faith.  But as I’ve gotten older and been privileged to receive various miracles, I know something is there.  No matter how angry I get, I know that every time I’ve been that frustrated, something has happened to assure me again.  The universe has some divine order to it and I am grateful to continue to receive the signs that assure me it’s safe to trust and believe.   

Today I am grateful for signs.  Along with the patience of the universe come the signs I was talking about above.  I am one of those people who believes that the universe sends us signals and messages about the path we are on, assurance that we are ok or a reminder that we need to get back on the path.  We were at Costco the other day and I found a paperback copy of Dave Grohl’s book.  I’ve been wanting it for a long time but never got it so when I saw the paperback and the price, I decided to take it.  When we got in the car, I was apprehensive about having spent money so I scrolled through my phone while my husband drove.  I came across a funny cat meme where it said, “Dave Grohl’s Cat.” My jaw hit the floor.  It was within seconds, no longer than minutes from when I had had the thought.  I took that as a clear indicator that I was meant to have that book and that everything will work out financially.

Today I am grateful for next steps.  It has taken me a really long time to come to terms with a decision I’ve had to make at my 9-5.  I’ve been open about not being happy in that environment for a long time but it has been difficult to make the decision to leave because I’ve been there for 18 years.  That’s a long time to repeat the patterns and a long time to put up with crap that won’t change—and in some instances will get worse.  There is too much contradiction in the corporate world.  Telling us we need to cut back labor costs while spending millions on other projects, and spending an insane amount of money on holiday treats.  There is also such a constant level of low-lying tension that it makes it difficult to operate on a day to day basis because you never know what is needed at any given moment.  Things happen in their own time and for good reason.  An opportunity came my way and instead of shooing it away, I moved toward it.  It’s time to move toward the life I want and release the past.  It’s time to let go of what held me back—that’s like living two lives again.  So, I’ve taken the next steps and I gratefully wait on the will of the universe.

Today I am grateful for new choices.  We had a Costco spending day as I mentioned above.  My husband went a little crazier than I did and I know I was stressed about how much he was spending.  I had a few things I needed help with and I thought the priority should be on those but he decided to move forward with what he felt was important.  My normal routine would be to spout some sarcastic comment to dig at him or to yell.  Full transparency, I really wanted to.  But I didn’t.  I held my tongue and decided that the way forward would be to continue walking through.  Focus on the goal and not where we are at.  Believe that all is well and we are right where we need to be.  He didn’t say a word but I know he was waiting for me to freak out.  It’s time I stop freaking myself out and just live.  All is well and I made the choice to keep the peace in that moment rather than spoil it. 

Today I am grateful for family. Specifically the family we make/choose.  I’ve shared several stories about difficulties my husband and I have had with forming relationships with other couples.  We’ve formed a very close relationship with several couples and it has been incredible.  These are people who truly understand us.  They have been dealt a hand and it has made them resilient and level and capable of dealing with any of the day to day stuff that would freak me out.  The support they offer is amazing and it is such a feeling of safety and love with them.  It’s something I love to reciprocate.  There is something so nice about caring for those who love us.  I know that I couldn’t get through most of my days without their help or the knowledge that they are there for me, that I am accepted as I am, that I am understood.  I am grateful to feel at home in my skin and with them and in our homes 😊

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

I want to sum up this week with one overall theme/lesson: we are 100% in control of our lives.  We set our goals, we decide who we surround ourselves with, we choose how we spend our time/our purpose, we chose what serves our purpose, and we find ways to get where we need to go/what we want.  Life truly isn’t that complicated in the grand scheme of things.  There are certainly things that challenge us, but so much of what we do is determined by our thoughts, decisions, and actions.  This world is magic and responds to the frequencies we put out and even more so to the actions we take.  We can talk all we want to, we can wrestle feelings and choices, but the bottom line is our follow through is what determines the end result.  It’s about our choices—everything from what we eat to who we surround ourselves with and what our environment looks like.  While life isn’t about controlling anything, we are absolutely in control of how we feel and respond and the choices we make. There isn’t much we can control in this world but we can decide what we do with what we have and we can choose the path we take.   

I never said the burdens that come with choice are easy to carry, but the direction and what we need to carry certainly become clearer and more defined when we decide.  As humans it’s easy to attach our emotions to the outcome of a situation—I know I spent a ton of time choosing to protect myself and not going for the goal because I didn’t want to be perceived as a failure.  It felt like my mistakes were in the spotlight.  The truth is we highlight our own mistakes and they only define us if we let them.  The truth is also that we don’t have to do the same thing as everyone else so if people talk, it’s more indicative of their fears than our abilities.  We are in control of the burden we carry and choosing our path.  Those things alone determine the course of our lives.  Life will throw challenges at us no matter what we choose but we are in total control of how we respond to them.  Always remember the power that comes with choice and alignment.  The further we stray from our truth, the more resistance we face.  Don’t try and control all the variables, simply decide to stay the course and take it as it comes—the results are made in those moments.    

Sometimes we find inspiration in the oddest of places—I’ve learned not to judge and simply to take the lesson, it doesn’t matter the form or where it comes from.  My husband and I are behind the times when it comes to TV so we have just recently started watching “Shameless.”  Stick with me on this, I know the show has incredibly disturbing and triggering content, but there is merit to it. While this family is clearly stuck in destructive patterns and survival mode, constantly doing questionable and outright illegal things, and fighting against different demons (alcoholism and other addictions, systems designed to keep them down, and sick people taking advantage/intimidating etc.), they stand together for the most part.  They always find ways to resolve their issues—and they have major issues.  Not that they don’t deal with consequences on some level (major and minor consequences), but for the most part, they are able to find ways to solve their issues.  It doesn’t matter what it is, they support each other without question and find a way to fix the issue. They find a way to get it done, whatever it is.  Now, I want to be clear I do NOT consider their behavior something to emulate, but the tenacity and drive certainly is.

I’ve been talking the last few days about filling our plate, making decisions, and letting go of unnecessary burdens but this topic of creative problem solving is important.  Just like I’ve been saying, we need to get clear, fill our plate with right action, and let go of what isn’t ours.  The Gallagher family is certainly not living ahead of themselves, they are often reactive, but the important part is that they know how to come around even the most difficult situations and they don’t stop until they achieve the results they’re looking for (paying the bills, finding a body, ultimately finding stable care for the kids, etc.).  They have huge odds against them all the time both inflicted from the system and self-induced, but they constantly find a way to rise to the occasion even in the most unorthodox of ways.  Any one of the issues they face would be enough to break anyone down or at least stop them in their tracks.  This group of people constantly keeps moving forward and very rarely feel sorry for themselves. 

The point is that life isn’t always smooth—it isn’t necessarily meant to be—but there are so many ways to resolve issues.  We don’t need to live in a box, we don’t need to carry the burden alone, and we certainly don’t nee to be steering two ships at once.  We simply need to look at our options and decide.  We need to decide that we continue forward in spite of anything against us, we need to settle on the direction we are going, and we need to take the actions necessary to get us where we are going.  Most importantly, we need to see that life isn’t always black and white and what works for some many not work for all.  We each have unique paths and each path comes with different burdens designed to strengthen us.  There is always more than one way to get results and we can often resolve issues when we step outside of the box—we just need the drive and resolve to do it.  Life keeps moving regardless of what we choose to do.  We can move forward and try something else or we can wallow where we are.  Sitting there doesn’t get us anywhere and as long as we are alive and able, we can figure it out through moving forward.

Yesterday I talked about plates and purpose, specifically how the universe gives us exactly what we ask for to fulfill our purpose.  We need to get comfortable with the idea of putting aside old habits and work in favor of what we are guided to do.  We can’t complain about needing to do the work that we receive in order to fulfill our purpose.  We need to distinguish between the things we do to fill our time versus what is a productive use of our energy and focus.  We aren’t meant to live two lives at once or to live in between where we are and where we want to be.  The universe wants us to make decisions and dive in toward achieving our goals.  That plate can get overwhelming at times and I want to remind everyone that trying to keep the balance while going out on a limb causes conflict in our energy.  The universe feels our confusion when we say we want something else but we do what we have always done.  I’ve said it before: How can we get to Bali if we only book a ticket to Florida?  We need to be clear on our destination and do what leads us there.   

With that, I know all too well what it’s like to live in-between.  We have needs that don’t go away like keeping a roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our backs.  It’s hard to take the leap if we worry about those needs not being met.  We fill our plate with two different meals, it’s heavy.  We aren’t mean to operate alone and we aren’t meant to carry it all at once. We need support because it gets too heavy and will pull you down.  Put aside worries/problems.  Put worries in a box and just breathe.  Take it one step at a time.  Don’t overload the box and try to carry it—put it in there and put it down.  Overthinking kills happiness, just take it one step at a time.  Allow the old habits to be put to rest and let those who can guide us to do just that: follow the guide.  Other times we simply need to let it go—no one needs to help us carry it if it no longer serves.  Leave it where it is.  Life gets easier and certainly more clear when we get rid of the extra worry, weight, and clutter and it certainly makes it easier to have help carrying a heavy burden.

So.  Make the decision to live with clarity and purpose.  Set the course and stay focused on that.  Put aside any fears or illusions about what people think and take the time to picture it all.  When appropriate, remember that we aren’t meant to operate in solitude.  There are moments when we need to find ourselves and check in to see that we are still where we want to be and there are questions that only we can answer.  But there are times when we need help.  We need help carrying or releasing the burden depending on what it is.  It’s ok to take the pressure off of ourselves when it comes to doing it all or knowing it all.  No one does and we aren’t meant to.  Life certainly moves smoother when we are clear and unburdened.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  Don’t be afraid to make decisions but when that decision is made, don’t try to carry the old life with you.  Express gratitude and allow it to stay where it is.  It served its purpose.  I used to think “What if I need it again?” and I realized that we are always provided for.  Someone else may need that tool we used during our trials so it’s not up to us to deprive them—we have the responsibility to help where we can.  It’s easier to do that when we know what we need.  So ultimately, get clear and let the rest go. 

You can’t complain about your plate being too full if you asked to eat.  I actually heard this from a girl on my team the other day and it stopped me in my tracks.  How often do we say we want things to change or that we want to meet a goal only to complain about it when it shows up or there’s work to be done?  How often are we looking at what we do during the day and asking if it serves the goal?  There’s a difference between filling our time with purposeful and result producing actions and filling our time with busy work.  Busy work will always leave us feeling drained because it’s a time suck.  When we fill our time with result producing activities that drive us forward, we may feel tired but we aren’t drained.  I’ve struggled with something at my 9-5 for a long time and I confronted someone about it the other day.  I walked out of that office feeling utterly spent—exhausted.  It was only 11:00AM and I hadn’t even been there a full three hours and I thought I could lay on the floor and go to sleep.  Later that night I had a meeting with my team.  It was late—it started at 9PM and I had been up since before 4AM—but I ended that call feeling more alive than I had all day.  That’s a good example of how it feels when spirit tells us where we need to go.  It will feel good no matter what else we may be going through.      

The point of the full plate is the universe’s response to what we said we could do and what we want to do.  We receive the things that will help us become the people we want to be.  There may be discomfort as we adjust to what the new requirements are and the things we have to give up, but the plate looks different when we choose different goals.  For example, if we want to be stronger, we will be given things that make us stronger.  People will show up who need our help and expertise when we ask to be of service.  It may not be convenient when it shows up, but the universe wants to see how serious we are about our priorities.  It may happen right in the middle of our day to day job and we may feel overwhelmed, but we have to remember, focus on what brings us closer to our goals.  Remember, if we ask for it, we need to act on it when the opportunity presents itself.  The focus, intention, and the action are what moves us forward.  We can’t talk about the big goals and continue the same patterns.  The universe needs us to get uncomfortable so we grow.    

Above all, we need to remember that the full plate is designed for our benefit, and it really doesn’t feel full if it’s aligned with our purpose and who we are.  This life has prepared us to be who we are meant to be and it will continue to send us the tools we need to fulfill our purpose.  The work we need to be ourselves, to be the best version of ourselves shows up exactly when we need it.  We need to be grateful when it shows up.  Take it as a sign of our alignment, don’t be afraid of it.  The beautiful part in all of this is that when our plate becomes too full, we have the ability to feed others.  That’s the magic of the universe—we are always provided for in the way we need most and then we are able to help provide for others.  Aligned work doesn’t really feel like work and it serves many.  It energizes us and it keeps us in constant flow where time is irrelevant.  We can stop carrying multiple plates and we can focus on the one that fills us up the most so that way the unnecessary work falls away and the goal becomes clear.  Be purposeful and intentional and we can’t go wrong.  Always be grateful for what we have, release what we no longer need, and find ways to share our plate. It all falls into place.   

I want to share this obvious reminder as a follow up to our discussion on new goals.  We’ve talked about similar topics before but I thought this concept was interesting because we need to know who we are so we can recognize who others are.  Then we can honor those little details about them to show we care who they are and we understand them and are grateful to have them in our lives.  Conversely, when we know who others are and we pay attention to their needs, we learn to identify our own needs.  The whole of energy exchange is about finding that authenticity in ourselves and others. Honoring the value in others helps us honor the value in ourselves and vice versa.  It’s like what we discussed yesterday—knowing how to meet our own needs helps us meet other’s needs and meeting others needs (as appropriate) helps us learn how to meet our needs.  Energy is an exchange.  There is nothing to suggest that any one person’s needs are less valuable than anyone else’s.  In fact, the more our needs are met, the higher the likelihood that we can and will help others.   

The whole reason I wanted to evaluate my goals was because I see how my anxiety and my fears make it too easy to hide or point fingers at others, and quite frankly, how it can make us a little selfish. It truly isn’t intentional and it probably came from the fact that my needs/wants were treated as an inconvenience or something to be met when there was time.  I spent so much time focusing on what I needed because I was afraid I wouldn’t get what I needed.  I had to find ways to meet my own needs—I was provided for materially, but emotionally I was bankrupt and it was very clear that our person didn’t matter, pleasing others came first.  I also spent a lot of time trying to get recognition and attention from others to prove I was worthy of what I needed or what I wanted.  That made me hyper aware of how I came across to people and I got really messed up when people didn’t seem to understand me or when others got what I thought I earned.  So now, instead of focusing on what others have, I like to focus on how I can contribute.  Their success is my success.

That pivot makes it clear that it isn’t about who is better or worse or even who is worthy—we are all worthy.  We all have unique gifts and ways to serve—and we have unique ways of sharing/exchanging energy.  We have the ability to make the choice and it’s important to make sure we honor everyone as best as we can.  That isn’t to say that we have to meet all people’s needs at all times or even that we have to agree with everyone.  It is to say that sometimes getting outside of ourselves and seeing that everyone is doing their best in a really messed up system is enough.  We are all worthy and when we help in ways that serve, we highlight that worthiness.  Our value isn’t in what we earn or what we acquire, it’s in how we use our gifts to help others.  It’s in how we show others their inherent worth.  Our value shines the more we honor others.