Sunday Gratitude

Photo by Skyler Ewing on

Today I am grateful for new experiences for a second week in a row.  A friend generously treated me to a manicure and a pedicure.  Yes, I’ve had my nails done before—I used to enjoy acrylics or even gel nails—but I never had a manicure or a pedicure.  I admittedly used to have a stigma in my mind about sanitation and cleanliness in general, and I know it was wrong—in my defense in 20 years in health care I’ve seen some stuff.  The experience was pure joy from the start.  The simple act of taking care of the hands and feet is so underrated and I say that even with all the praise that goes on for mani/pedis.  There are so many reflex points in the hands and feet, and taking the time to rub the things that get the most use on our body is so vital.  Most of us ignore how much we use our hands and feet and how much work they do.  To have them treated was total bliss.

Today I am grateful for guidance and breakthroughs.  There are times in life we have to hear things we don’t want to.  Certain things may be known with the mind but not felt in the heart—or even the other way around.  And sometimes it isn’t about hearing what we don’t want to but rather KNOWING what we don’t want to.  The body is an amazing system and it gives us all sorts of warnings and indicators about what and who we are experiencing.  If I’m honest I’ve known things about someone close to me for a long time and I haven’t wanted to admit the truth of our incompatibility, the disrespect, me looking the other way, and getting steamrolled.  I’ve asked and begged for my boundaries to be respected and honored, to find a mutual way to achieve goals—and to have mutual goals.  While it stinks, I’m not the only one this has happened to, and the knowledge is painful, but it’s knowledge that I can’t ignore any longer.  One painful truth or a lifetime of beautiful lies—I’m tired of lies. 

Today I am grateful to experience letting go.  I’m genuinely not used to being taken care of.  I claim I want it but I never let anyone take care of me.  I feel like I don’t deserve it, like I can always be doing more.  The truth is another reality is sinking in: I don’t have the energy to do it all anymore.  Not that I’m falling apart or incapable, but I have simply realized that I don’t have the mental, emotional, or physical capacity to do it all anymore.  Moreover, I don’t want to.  I am at the point where I really have to consider how I spend my time, who I spend it with, and what I want the future to look like as well as what I want to feel like.  It isn’t anyone else’s responsibility to make me feel a certain way—it’s my responsibility to foster an environment for what I want to feel and experience.  That means letting go of who and what needs to go.  It means giving up control over every little thing and looking at the big picture.  It means guiding the ship and working on that 1% every day.  Let go of what doesn’t matter.

Today I am grateful to put patience into practice.  I know one of my biggest struggles is with patience.  I am not a patient person and I put a lot of expectations on myself.  One of the things I’ve witnessed as a mom is the trickle down effect of pressure put on my son.  My son had a bit of homework to get through today and he didn’t want to initially.  I told him we could break it down and do part of it today and he agreed.  He made a tiny mistake and he lost his mind.  I mean, full on tears and screaming that he always makes mistakes.  In that moment, I saw myself.  Later on my son wanted to play Uno and it’s been a really long time since he played it and he got confused with some of the rules—totally normal because he’s only six.  Again, the meltdown.  In each of those instances I recognized the healing I needed.  Something has been going on because yesterday he cried when he misunderstood a conversation about perfection.  My baby is the epitome of me, my fears included, and my anxiety seems to have made it’s way to him.  I’m grateful I had the moment and recognized it and stayed with him, expressed love for his frustration.  The healing continues.

Today I am grateful for a break from the pressure.  We had a wonderful evening with our friends yesterday.  Great conversation, laughs, the kids enjoyed each other’s company—my son had someone to actively play with and he loved it.  I’ve been stuck in panic mode for a while because some facets of my business aren’t coming together and I haven’t been quite clear on next steps in a few other arenas so I’ve been chaotic.  But this morning, still fresh from last night’s enjoyment, I woke up, started working, spent some time with my son, then woke up my husband and asked if he wanted to go get bagels.  He immediately said yes and I could see the pressure ease from his body—we’ve both been under a lot of stress.  One car ride and $15 later, we had a beautiful, casual breakfast as a family in the bagel shop.  Then we came home, did a bit more work, played, got cleaned up, and prepped for dinner.  Not everything needs to be in crisis/chaos/high gear 24/7.  Enjoy the breaks.

Today I am grateful for reminders of connection and love.  A sadness has been coming over me lately as I’m working through some of the pressures I mentioned above.  This morning as I worked, I heard the call of cardinals.  So I took it as a sign and I sat looking out my office window, practicing some Niksen for the first time.  Sure enough, the cardinals came into view a few minutes later.  The presence of those birds reminded me that we are never truly alone.  A few minutes later, my sone came and joined me and we cuddled.  The conversations last night, the connection came into focus and I realized that there is so much going on for all of us.  We create so much stress in our lives.  All we need to do is pause and connect and remember how fortunate we really are.  We are never alone.  We are always supported.  Sometimes we need reminders of our talent and how far we’ve come—and I saw that today.  Our memory isn’t always accurate so seeing the truth from a different angle, remembering how blessed we are is key.  Take a minute to breathe.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead. 

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