Nothing and Everything Part Two

Photo by Kelly on

So, a lovely little synchronicity happened the other day.  I’m noticing these coincidences speeding up as I get more in line with who I am, and I love sharing this journey.  So as we talked about La Dolce far niente yesterday, I had mentioned that the previous day at work was really rough and that I simply didn’t want to be there, feeling like I couldn’t do it anymore.  This morning, my son woke up with a reflux attack.  We are well seasoned in these and it isn’t anything major any longer, thank goodness, but it puts a major delay on the day as we have to wait for the spasms to pass.  Normally I would have allowed him to wait until halfway through an attack and then we would have gone to my parents so I could go to work.  But I knew with what I had written and heard yesterday that I needed to make a different decision.  This is the last true working day before the holiday, there isn’t anything I can’t do from home, and my son wanted to spend time with me.

I made a new decision, and we stayed home.  If I’m serious about honoring my path, then I need to make decisions more in line with the decisions that future me would make.  The future me wouldn’t force her child to travel while not feeling well.  The future me wouldn’t put work before health.  The future me wouldn’t tolerate two hours of commuting for a partial day of work in the office.  The future me wouldn’t tolerate the insubordination or lack of effort from her team (again, I totally understand where people are coming from, but I don’t have it in me to make it worse for others so I do my part).  The future me solidly knows her worth and she doesn’t settle for less than that.  In order to be that person, I need to live as that person—so we stayed home.  I texted my boss, I worked from home, my son was happy, the world is till turning, and I feel better. 

I realized toward the end of the day that most of what I was working on was just future prep and that it isn’t totally necessary in this moment.  The work can wait.  Everything that had happened, happened for a reason.  I was meant to be home with my son, enjoying time together.  The woman I’m becoming handles her life like that.  Her time is her own.  She doesn’t ask permission to do what needs to be done.  I’m proud I gave that version of me a little more space today.  I felt scared at first, but it felt so good.  I saved myself the stress of being accessible to people who just wanted me to do their work, I saved myself the frustration of commuting, I saved my parents the worry of whether or not it was just reflux (it was), and I stood my ground.  It felt so good. 

The universe responds to our needs, our cries, our demands, our hopes, our fears—just not in the way we think.  I never want my kid to suffer, but his not feeling well this morning was the catalyst to make a new aligned decision with my authentic self.  I had been so upset at work the previous day that I didn’t think I could go back and the universe gave me the choice today.  I chose my son.  I wouldn’t take that back for the world.  Sometimes what we think we need is what the universe offers to us, just in a different way.  I knew I needed to be out of the office, I knew I couldn’t go back and deal with the stress another day.  I’m so grateful for that choice.  Sometimes we have to stop and appreciate the opportunities that come our way.  I could have freaked out about my son getting sick—but I immediately knew the universe was giving me my shot.  So I took it.  I am worth the life I want, the life I am building.  I have earned the opportunity to thrive in a way that works for me.  I didn’t need to do anything more, it came to me in that sweetness of doing nothing, responding to what needed me.  How can you answer the calls in your life?

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