Sunday Gratitude

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Today I am grateful for dealing with force and change.  Have you ever known you need to do something, and you feel like you’ve done it, but it keeps coming up?  I’ve been dealing with a lot of that lately, not unlike anyone else, or anything I’ve been through before.  However, this time it’s personal.  I’ve spent years putting the onus of a certain situation on one other person in particular, and nothing has changed.  We constantly repeat the same things over and over again.  I’m now being forced into a situation where it’s on me to decide what I want to do about it. I don’t want to repeat the pattern, but changing means potential for things to go another way.  I’m not sure I’m prepared for that other way, but I have to accept the possibility.  The reason I’m grateful is because I have new avenues to look at in my life.  I have new things to examine and take responsibility for.  I have a certain degree of choice and power here.  I just have to decide what that means. 

Today I am grateful for help.  I’ve had to reach outside of my regular circle of help for some additional assistance.  It’s different here. It feels foreign in so many ways and I fear taking up the mantle of what comes next.  There are new ways to take responsibility for what comes in your life.  Sometimes getting help means acknowledging where you’ve played the victim—even if you have legitimately been victimized, you have to acknowledge that you can move forward.  If you’ve made yourself the victim, it’s time to find a new identity.  Then there is the middle where you get to see that, yes, you were hurt, but you can choose what happens next.  I’m grateful for the reflection of what needs to be fixed.  It’s a different kind of strength. 

Today I am grateful for reminders that I am worthy.  We all need that reminder every now and then.  When you do true, deep, self-healing work, you come face to face with parts of yourself you may not like that much.  It’s hard to find love in those places.  Those are the places you hope someone holds together while looking the other way.  But there comes a point where you realize that no one will see your full value until you do.  You can’t find your worth in other people.  You can’t let other people determine that for you.  Your true self is needed and has a valuable message to share.  My true self is no exception.  There is a reason for the journey we all decide to undertake and that is found in the truest expression of who we are.  Step into that version of yourself, unapologetically.  I’m learning.

Today I am grateful for clarity that I can’t continue as I am.  No one can stay the same.  Staying the same when things aren’t yielding any type of result is madness.  So I can’t continue to push forward knowing it’s not working.  I am grateful because for the first time, I’m not upset about it.  I genuinely feel like this is the next right step.  I have a sense of security that all will be ok and that it’s simply just the right time to move forward into the next part of me.  Things serve their course and to get to the next level we have to embrace what comes next.  We can always choose to widen the track and run the same circles, but there is a time when that simply doesn’t work any longer.  I am grateful to myself for getting here and for trying as hard as she did.  That type of strain isn’t needed here any longer.  This is the time of abundance and ease, and that starts with taking in what IS.  I am grateful.

Today I am grateful to stop repeating old habits.  As things change, we change along with them as I indicated above.  Over the last few weeks I’ve spent a bit more than I should.  It’s for different reasons and it includes gifts and prep for the upcoming holidays.  I had a moment today when I spent a bit more than I wanted to, where I told myself to knock it off.  All is well.  I am fortunate and I know this is just the beginning for me.  I had a lot of negative stigma around money in my life, I made mistakes before, and I used to hold on to the fear that created with a vice grip.  It did me no good—all it did was add another layer of stress and fear.  I am by no means in a position to waste money—and that is the difference.  The things I’ve done over the last few weeks were not a waste.  I am still working, I have multiple streams of income, and I am providing for my family.  I don’t need to fear loss.  I am grateful I have the means—and that is a distinctly different habit to have. 

Today I am grateful to simply live.  I’ve been trying to handle multiple lifestyles at once instead of finding myself and, after a little bit of work, I understand that I need to connect to me, to spirit again.  The answers are there.  It means I need to pause on some projects for a bit and redirect a few things but that doesn’t mean it goes away forever.  Things change, we all need to pivot.  The most important thing is to find the next right thing for me and my family. Right now it comes down to me, specifically, so I have to take a step back from all the things I did around here as well.  What is really important.  Aligning with what matters.  I didn’t realize how heavy things were getting.  How much hurt there was/is.  It is no longer a time for distraction.  It’s a time for honest, authentic, total connection.  That means letting go and just being.  We all have to begin again, sometimes. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.     

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