Unqualified Disqualifiers

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“Stop letting people who haven’t done any of the things you dream of tell you you can’t do them.  Don’t let someone who is unqualified, disqualify you.  It isn’t their business.  They’re telling you you can’t do it because they can’t do it,” Tabitha Brown.  In the midst of deep change, I think we all need this reminder.  Doing the work of becoming the people we want to be has a tendency to open all kinds of wounds.  Questions of worth, ability, value, perception of reality, flow, and change create enough chaos just by looking at the foundation of who we are.  There is enough inner turmoil through change that we don’t need outside opinion on the matter.  I’m not talking about the mirror relationships we spoke of yesterday.  I’m talking about the outsiders, the naysayers.  The ones who have no real impact but we let them in our ears.  This is a reminder to keep going and to let that go.  Those who don’t know you and offer an unsolicited opinion don’t deserve space in your mind.  Don’t let their negativity be an ear worm of your own fears. 

I’m experiencing all the fears I listed above.  My husband and I have been together 21 years and we are still evolving and growing.  We’ve hit a patch where some behaviors (on both sides) need to be questioned and evaluated to see if we are still heading in the same direction.  As terrifying as it is, I’m trying to welcome it because it is the best for our own growth; that DOES echo what I was talking about yesterday in mirroring the work we need to do with each other and deciding where we are in the dance.  The changes I’m addressing in myself, however, are reminders of the things I’ve been afraid to address all along. My worth and my ability to do things on my own in particular as well as what people think of me.  This brings up values (again) and it echoes Tabitha’s words:  if you know something in your heart of hearts, don’t rely on the opinions of people who haven’t played the game you are in.  My husband and I are in the same game, so his opinion matters to me—he is qualified even if we are on some shaky ground. 

But for those outside my inner circle—and those outside of your inner circle for that matter—the words they say should carry little weight.  We have so much focus on outside perception that we would willingly sacrifice our dreams if we believed people would like us.  If someone wants to be in your life, that means they need to be an ally and support you.  Let the rest go.  Don’t let those who barely know you trigger an insecurity that stops you from doing what you love.  Change is a challenging thing, and we need to learn a new relationship with the fears that come up.  We need to create space for those fears and we need to learn to deal with them.  People talking in your ear shouldn’t take up space and neither should that negative inner voice.  If you have the dream it’s meant for you and if you can align with it, all will fall into place regardless of what you “know”.  Don’t create limits that don’t exist and don’t allow others to do it either.  They aren’t running your race anyway.  Keep going. 

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