Tabitha Brown put out a couple of videos the other day about finding “you time.” She spoke beautifully about how we constantly do, and we are doing for others. So many of us deplete our energy in the service of others whether it is at work, helping friends, or with family. All of those are necessary things at times, but we have a tendency to put aside what we need because we don’t want to get in touch with the chaos inside to hear the honest voice. We don’t want to acknowledge that voice because, for many of us, we are afraid those needs won’t be met or that we aren’t worthy of having those needs met. We are afraid that the people we’ve helped won’t be there in the same way we were there for them. We don’t want to be disappointed in not getting what we really want. But a funny thing happens: sometimes we don’t get what we want, but we end up getting what we need. That only happens when we slow down enough to hear what that inner voice is saying.
I want to talk about this time between being who we were and being who we are…and finding who we are meant to be, the time you are learning to recognize that voice. When you’re in transition, it’s a remembering who you are along with becoming who you were meant to be and struggling to put away what you’ve always done or have been told to do. It’s a confusing transition. It holds a lot of weight, some of which you didn’t know you carried. It’s hard to see who we are becoming when we are still putting away who we’ve been. There are facets of familiarity in the past version of ourselves that cling tightly, or perhaps it’s that we cling tightly, because we know it so well. We believe that’s who we are, who we have to be. So when we finally start taking the steps out of our comfort zone, things feel different. We don’t know how to react to things because we only have our previous framework.
Becoming someone new is messy because we have to redefine everything. We are being poured into a new mold but we are breaking every boundary we’ve been put in or that we set before. This in-between can be confusing because we can’t quite see the finished product yet. We don’t know the reaction this person has to a familiar circumstance. We don’t know how we feel being someone new. But the more you spend time being you, welcoming you, the easier this becomes. That is why Ms. Brown tells us to take this time and really get in touch. To honestly listen. No judgement, just open ears to the sound of our own voice.
It’s a beautiful thing. The sound of our own voice is so present within us that it’s almost easy to ignore—it’s just always there. Ironically it’s the easiest voice to dismiss because it has something to say about EVERYTHING. So while we hear it, we aren’t really listening to it. There’s also this need for validation, like what we believe of ourselves has to be confirmed and deemed appropriate by others. We focus so much on being heard by others that we don’t notice the impact of not hearing ourselves. Whether it’s seeing someone step boldly out of the realm of what you think is a standard or trying on an old dress and wearing it to work (see previous two posts). The point is, unbecoming/becoming can be an awkward transition but we have to see it through. So get selfish and take that you time to find who you are and fill your cup enough so it runs over. It isn’t selfish if there is a purpose.