Before I took this time off of work, I mentioned to one of my employees that I really needed this time to disconnect and remove myself from work. I haven’t had any time off since December of last year, so I’ve learned six months is way too long to go without taking some breaks from what we do. I’ve felt overwhelmed and stressed and all of the effort I’ve put into work hasn’t panned out how I thought it would. I’ve experienced a ton of confusion lately where simple things aren’t making sense and I’m guilty of causing confusion for people. So really, it has felt like a lot of wasted effort and that is not how I operate. That isn’t the person I want to be. I know I need time to think and re-evaluate what I’m doing and what I WANT to be doing—and then figure out how to close that gap.
So in that vein, in the course of this conversation with my employee, she said matter-of factly, “Go golfing and have some fun. Or whatever your golf is.” She is an avid golfer and she uses that as her release and focal point to re-center. Now, I’m 100% NOT a golfer, but her caveat about “whatever your golf is” really struck me. I don’t want to be a stressed out, attention seeking, unclear, confused, activity seeking person. I want to find my center. I want to do work that means something to me and that gives me purpose—I want to have my own golf in my personal life, but I want my work life to be my golf as well. And in all this rambling over the years, I have constantly encouraged people to find what lights them up—THIS is what I’m talking about.
It’s that thing you love, that thing that genuinely makes you feel good. The thing that excites you and makes you feel alive. In that moment I felt what it meant to be alive and I was reminded that purpose gives us passion. It was a before and after for me (see the previous piece) because it was a living, active reminder of what I’ve been talking about: finding that joy. It doesn’t need to start as some monumental, world-impacting, life-changing thing. No. It’s about finding those little moments that make you come alive, those moments when you know EXACTLY who you are. Because when you have that, you don’t need anything else. So I’m taking this time to find my golf, to find me. To love me. To be me in every capacity that I can think of because that is the only way to move forward. I mean, I’m not taking up golf any time soon, but I CAN find that thing for me. We all can.