Today I am grateful for new beginnings and fresh eyes. There are so many second chances we are graced with and I am grateful for every one of them. The infinite patience of the universe while we figure out what is really important. To see life develop and unfold and evolve before us. Yes, there are so many things going wrong in this world right now, but if we really stop and look around, there is so much more beauty around us than there is sour. We need to give ourselves the gift of relishing in the beauty a bit more so we can see the joy of what we really have.
Today I am grateful for closure/forgiveness and boundaries. I had a tumultuous relationship with some of my family for some time now. I always felt the outsider—I was born far after my siblings and I’ve always been different. I was more of the lone child, the one connected at the hip to the adults around me because my siblings were gone. We spent some time with my aunt and uncle yesterday going through some of the things they are working on getting rid of as they clean their house and it was beautiful. Sitting together and discussing things as they are now, reminiscing about how they were, and finding a middle ground of acceptance to get us where we need to be. It feels like not so long ago I was the child sitting in their house, waiting for the party to begin and now I have my own child and we move on to the next phase of our lives. As we put the past behind us, we simultaneously plant the seeds for the future.
Today I am grateful to literally plant the seeds. I spent time outside today planting our little raised bed garden. I’ve never grown my own vegetables before and it may not turn out at all—but I am grateful to enjoy the experience and get my hands dirty with my son as we attempt to bring in nourishment to our family. As we do so, we are also laying the foundation and planting more seeds for what we want our lives to look like. We are taking steps to live how we want to live and make room for the experiences we want to have. Sometimes things take time, but nothing will ever grow if you don’t plant the seed of what you really want.
Today I am grateful for my husband. While things are not always easy (that can be said for any type of long term relationship), I am grateful to look at him with new eyes. The conversation I mentioned last week about him coming to terms with his own growth has been a pivotal point for us. I am more comfortable accepting his choices and he is more willing to help me lay the foundation. It can’t be all play all the time and it certainly can’t be one person calling the shots for how things go. We are learning, even after 21 years together, we are still learning how to work with one another. I am in awe at the things he tries that come naturally to him and I am grateful for the inspiration that gives me to try different things on my own.
Today I am grateful for peace. I had a moment today where I didn’t know what to do next and I found myself overwhelmed. So I went outside with my son and we drew on the driveway with chalk. It was/is an absolutely perfect day out: the sun is just right, the breeze isn’t too much, it is perfectly mild temperature wise. And as I sat there, I smelled the breeze and I had an instant where I was transported back to my childhood, sitting outside of my parent’s house in the summer, feeling the light on my back at the same time of day. And I felt safe. For that moment, my mind wasn’t running between anything else I needed to do: I felt completely safe, and I know that everything is going to be ok. All IS ok.
Today I am grateful for the moment. As much time as we spent going between the past and the future this weekend, I am grateful for right now. I am grateful for finding that sense of peace, that acceptance. For taking my child and giving him the support he needs. For learning to love myself a bit more even if the day starts off rough. For learning that there are lessons in the rough as well and that it is simply the natural ebb and flow of life. For coming into my own and being the woman I want to be—knowing she was always there underneath. This is all her unearthing. This is the rise.
Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.