Continuing on Destruction

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Our conversation yesterday left off talking about the life we are meant to have.  I spent my whole life with this idea of who I am, putting all kinds of pressure on myself to do things a certain way.  I looked at failure as if I was a failure rather than understanding a plan failed and needed to be revised.  When you have that type of belief, you start finding all of the other negative crap out there.  You start looking for other ways to find validation including making other people happy—people pleasing.  If what I said about creating a foundation and knowing when it’s time to let our past lie is true, and I believe it is, then we know when it’s time to stop pleasing others as well because our validation comes from outside.  We are looking to build a foundation and to see our worth as it is rather than wait for someone else to tell us what we are worth.

I had a conversation at work that actually really woke me up.  I was told twice within the same week that I need to celebrate the small wins and that I’m too hard on myself.  That would mean I’m letting go of the idea that things need to be perfect in order to be celebrated and that it’s ok to accept and celebrate progress.  I’ve always believed that we should celebrate small wins because that is the measure of progress, it just wasn’t something practiced for myself.  Maybe the truth is I just didn’t believe it for myself.  I never allowed myself to be an example of working through a problem, rather, I thought I needed to be an example of getting it done right. I thought that my perseverance was key rather than learning how to progress.

So I had a moment of realization that I never really took the time to know me.  I was never secure enough to let people see my progress until recently and even then I’ve held back in some facets.  I spent so much time trying to show others that I was capable in order to be accepted that I never learned to accept myself.  I thought I needed to present an image and then it hit me: this life doesn’t have to be so serious.  Why put that much pressure on myself to be a certain way?  I mean, life is fluid and dynamic and we aren’t meant to be the same thing forever.  So why should I hold myself to a different standard than anyone else?  Why would those changes not apply to me?

I have taken life too seriously for too long.  I mean, I thought I needed to do certain things every day and I was locked into that.  But there is more value in demonstrating the fluidity of life and knowing how to go with the ebbs and flows as they come than in rigidly sticking with what we know.  Plus there doesn’t have to be some grand master plan.  Sometimes our purpose is as simple as listening to a friend, or helping a coworker finish an assignment, or cuddling with our kid for a few extra minutes.  Yes, my goal is to change the world through waking people up to their purpose, but that purpose doesn’t carry the weight of the universe.  Yes, it’s a part of it and it is integral, but the universe will always correct itself so I don’t need to add that extra pressure of getting it right.

I mean, Stephenie Meyer got famous for writing Twilight.  Not that fame is the answer or even the goal, but her purpose was to tell a story.  Some of us are meant to awaken the world but we can do that through telling our story as well.  It doesn’t have to be life altering because simply fulfilling our purpose can be enough to change someone’s life.  It may not change the world but it will change that person’s world.  So I’m destroying the idea that I need to be perfect or that I need to carry the weight all by myself.  I’m accepting who I am and hoping that my words will resonate with someone.  That my message will be received.  I’d rather fulfill my purpose than someone else’s idea of what I should do, and that is all that matters.

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