Destruction

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Thoughts on destruction and creation raced through my head again recently.  Thoughts about how we are constantly in one state or another.  How everything we do one day is brand new and the end of the previous.  Even as I put these words on the page, this page is never the same again.  Every day is a blank slate and we get the opportunity to tell a new story.  As we move through various stages of our lives, we release what was in order to take in what IS.  We constantly give up ideas about who we thought we were and what we needed to do and we create who we are…for the moment at least.

In my life I’ve been a records tech, a lead, a manager, a dispatcher, an artist, a massage therapist, a therapist, a mother, a daughter, a wife, a friend, a support system, a mentor, and a million other things I can’t think of in the moment.  But each time I learned to wear one of those hats, I let go of another identity.  And honestly, I think my biggest mistake was wearing each of those identities as if that were truly me.  I associated each thing I was doing with who I was.  It lead to a lot of confusion and fear on my part because as my external world changed, I had no clue how to react.  I attached my outer world to my inner world and it felt like I fell apart each time that exterior changed. 

It hasn’t been until recently that I welcomed the destruction.  Things change for all of us, every day, that is to be expected because that is simply life.  That doesn’t mean saying goodbye to something we are familiar with or that gives us security is easy.  No.  But there is so much possibility in destruction.  It takes away the extraneous and allows us to build a new foundation in its place.  There is potential in what we let go of because it makes way for something new.  So maybe it isn’t so much destruction, but an evolution in what we need and where we are meant to go.  It is the ultimate test of faith because we often have to go head first into the unknown.      

There is also peace in letting go and accepting destruction as a natural course of life because it allows us to take our hands off of the wheel so to speak and let ourselves be driven.  There is a knowing in us that we are trained to ignore.  That is knowing when it is time to move on, when it is time to give up patterns we’ve repeated for the sake of repeating them, when something we are doing no longer serves us or the greater good.  In my life, I’ve often held on longer than I should have because it was familiar.  Plus I always thought that if we are meant to maintain something, we need to fight for it.  The reality is, when those moments happen, it is time to go with it.  It isn’t about making things a certain way, it’s about embracing the possibility. 

There is freedom in letting go of anything.  Moreso in letting go of what we tell ourselves we are.  Yes it’s scary, I will never undermine that.  But once you do let go and feel the joy of release, the ultimate letting go of pressure, it is all worth it.  We don’t need to go through life hitting the gas and the brakes at the same time.  That’s what letting go of the wheel does.  It allows us to experience life rather than control it.  There are things we think we want, but we don’t know what we will get…and then we get what we need and it changes everything.  So let the idea of what you think you need fall apart.  You may end up with far more than you thought you could get.  Let the universe surprise you.  Let your dreams go to the wayside in favor of what you’re meant to have.

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