I’m a huge proponent about mindset. I spent many years feeling like crap, feeling like a doormat, feeling like every negative thing that came my way was because I somehow failed and deserved it. I took every negative thing as a punishment for something I did wrong. That culminated in self-harm in more ways than just physical and it was lasting. It has taken years to get to the point where I understand that it isn’t universal punishment—it is self-punishment and we carry that from generations before us. I was taught to hate myself for everything I’m not rather than celebrate everything I am. Any time things didn’t go as planned, it was a reflection on my worth. I finally had to understand that it actually had everything to do with my view rather than my actions.
I know now that my worth truly does come from within. It isn’t about doing enough, being enough, achieving enough for someone else. It’s about being comfortable in my own skin and knowing my actions and my path is mine alone—and how well I walk it. That isn’t to say that I don’t get thrown for a loop fairly often. Taking nearly four decades of belief and changing it overnight is really hard. So we make turns, one step at a time, and we talk differently to ourselves one word at a time. Other people’s words and opinions can still feel like grenades on our fragile shell and no, that doesn’t make it about ego. That makes it about a foundation you’re trying to create and it hasn’t set yet. Patience is key. It’s an odd mix of boundaries, flexibility, acceptance, and change. It’s neurally overwhelming for a brain that has a negative track.
Pivoting is also about changing those long-term beliefs. We are sold a pack of lies from the time we are born. Our beautiful intuition and knowing are replaced with a story of greatness about what happens when we give up our desires and what we know we are meant to do to feed the machine of consumerism. And when that story doesn’t play out as we are told, we are made to believe it is our fault. My friends, that is NOT true. Learning how to adjust the mindset is key. The sooner we can go from what we think should be to knowing what is happening, the smaller the gap is. Life plays out in unexpected ways, in things we have no control over. Whether it is a sudden change or a deciding to work on a long term belief, we can decide what that means.
It’s also about those sudden shifts we have no control over. There are so many lessons that come when things don’t go how we think they will. I’m not saying it doesn’t feel like getting smacked upside the head or that it doesn’t take your breath away. I mean, the need to pivot is almost always unexpected so it is sure to pull the rug out from under you. But there is something we need to learn: Life doesn’t go as planned, it goes as it is meant to. The trick is learning to be the pivot. Rigidity causes stress and fractures as we try to steadfastly stick with what we know. But the pivot, the change that leans and dances as things come our way won’t break us.