Gaining clarity. Getting out of my own way has been the hardest thing for me. I was raised in between generations where things either went as you planned them (you needed control) and where there was total chaos and you still got where you were going. I never jumped to one side or the other so I never fully learned to control enough of the outcome and I also never fully learned to leap in and trust. In between both worlds, I relied on people telling me which way to go as much as I wanted to call the shots. In either case, I was supported but I didn’t develop enough skill for either side to support myself. When you’re floating, you don’t have direction for which way to go, either.
My goal is to work on getting some clarity in my life. I haven’t been very good at declaring anything—whether it is who I am or what I want to do or where I see myself in the future—I’ve always been fairly luke warm in the matter. That is what I mentioned the other day about the roller coaster. I’ve held on in my life, constantly waiting for the next drop and always struggling through the climb, feeling like I had no say in the matter. Feeling like I had no choice but to stay on the ride and allow life to carry me through the ups and downs, nearly falling out if the harness wasn’t tight enough.
In my life, it has always been the lack of follow through that did me in. I would start projects with all of the enthusiasm in the world and then part way through I would fizzle out. I would start to question my abilities and then stop. And good lord if there was any type of obstacle, I wouldn’t go any further either. I never learned that adversity was a learning tool. I always took it as a sign to simply stop. I never pushed the limits to see where it may take me. I have things in my life now that I genuinely want to see through. They are things that excite me and make me curious and make me want to put in the effort and for the first time I can see the lessons as well. The tough times are when you keep going. Yes, it may feel like you’re drowning, but you’re learning to swim.
So I’ve started at the beginning with what I want things to look like. My health, my home, my space, my creative journey and the goals that go with it, and my day to day living. The things that don’t fit no longer serve and I’m making every effort to phase them out completely. Things like self-sabotaging my mental health by feeling like I can’t set boundaries at work with my time, or making sure I have healthy alternatives in my house to choose from. I’m making an effort to spend more time doing the things that feel good like exercising and reading and writing and spending time with my son. These are slow changes but I’m making sure the effort is lasting.
I’ve mentioned before that if we want to be a light in the world we have to share it. This doesn’t mean we need to be a perfect shining example all the time. Rather it means that in doing our best and embracing what we’ve learned and applying what we’ve learned, we can be an example of what aligned effort does. We can be an example of breaking out of the system and doing what works for us. We can be an example of finding ourselves and what that means for the world as a whole. It isn’t about perfection, it’s about making the effort to be a bit better every day. There truly isn’t any competition in this world—that is all a man made construct at this point. We are no longer in survival times where being weaker meant death. No. We are in times now where we each have something to bring to the table and that is how we survive—by collaborating and sharing what we know.
Getting clear isn’t just about us. It’s about serving a higher purpose and looking at things in new ways. We are nearing the end of a 250 year cycle where we need to incorporate new ways of doing things. New ways that support the people and put the people ahead of the system. A new way where our worth is inherent and we appreciate the value in other people’s existence. That starts by appreciating the value you bring first. Welcome it, embrace it, be it. That is how the light gets shared. I’m releasing the fear and allowing my value to shine through in order to light the way for others.