I’ve looked at my life a lot and I see those facets that I’m still just not happy with. Those areas that linger that I want to work on and all of the times I’ve tried to be what other people wanted me to be. I look at the energy I’ve spent doing what I was told and all the times I was told I fell short instead of being appreciated for what did get done. Or worse, being reprimanded for something getting done and then being told it was wrong because it wasn’t a certain way. And I realized that it is so BORING. Being perfect, following what you’re told to do at all costs is SO boring. That isn’t living, and it certainly isn’t living the life I or we are meant to.
When I look forward in my life, I know with everything in my soul that I don’t want to look back and see that I was merely a stepping stone for someone else or a cog in the wheel. I don’t want to feel like I missed out on the joy that is living. I want to live. I want to have an impact doing what I love. I don’t want to make the perfect life, I want to make the perfect life for me. I want it to feel cool, like I’m living what I really want to do. I want to answer the question, “Wouldn’t it be cool if…” with yes, it was every bit as awesome as I thought it would be. I send a message to my current staff that their lives and well-being comes first at all costs regardless of the fact that we are in an industry that makes us feel otherwise. If I am not at my best and if I am not taken care of, then I don’t have enough to give elsewhere. But that is not the world we live in for corporate purposes. So when we live in two worlds where we know what is right for us but we can’t quite escape the reality, that is when we ask ourselves what we can do…and we need to do that.
I notice too that no matter what there is always something more expected. I can give my all and be flat out exhausted at the end of the day and there will always be that, “but you didn’t do this,” or “why did you do that?” It will never be good enough for some people. You can disappoint yourself a million times and sacrifice time and energy, the real currency you won’t get back, and it will still not be enough for some. So to that I say, find a different source. When things aren’t coalescing that is when we need to pay attention. If you aren’t getting nourished at the table, find a new table.
I know when I look back at my life, this isn’t it. This isn’t the end of the story. In fact, this can be a kind of beginning. This is the beginning of what matters and letting the rest go away. This is the beginning when we realize that other people’s opinions literally count for nothing when it comes to doing what you need to do with your life. This is the beginning of standing up and doing what is right…for ourselves. Sometimes revolution starts small. It starts with realizing the façade we wear is too heavy. That feeling there is something more. This is the beginning of when we listen to what we want and follow those little things that we think are cool. Forget the rest.
**Note this was written before the most recent “Sunday Gratitude” Post.