Sunday Gratitude

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Today I am grateful for my body.  We are in the home stretch of our move, packing up all of the last minute crap we didn’t realize we have.  I’ve had a few meltdowns, a few tears, some begging for help—standard stuff.  But my body keeps ticking.  I’m exhausted and still struggling to sleep a little, but I’m moving and getting it done.  I’m so grateful I am able to do as much as I have and am able to keep up.  Believe me, this hasn’t been a smooth process, so I am really happy that I’m able to get this done.  I’ve wanted to power through and I am not able to do that—I have to take breaks and reset, but it gets done, all with me listening to what my body needs.

Today I am grateful to see reality for what it is.  I’m an extremely emotional person so my natural tendency is to put my own spin on things and then rethink it—that’s also just human nature.  Maybe it is just lack of sleep or all of the physical work over the last week but I feel myself slightly out of body today, just taking it in.  We’ve had to adjust and accommodate and bend and yield and shift so much over the last few days that my mind felt like it broke on Saturday.  As I’ve worked through those frustrations, I’ve felt a slight numbing.  It’s almost like, ok, what’s next?  Today I woke up accepting my humanity.  That not all will get done and that not all will live up to others’ expectations.  I’ve been busting my ass and if the result isn’t good enough, I’m ok with that.  We’ve jumped through hoops and I no longer have any interest in doing that.

Today I am grateful for boundaries.  As I mentioned above, we’ve had to pivot significantly over the last 48 hours.  I had a conversation with my husband where I told him I’m tired of making concessions to other people’s screw ups.  That’s the bottom line: I like things going according to plan and if you screw up and I’m the one who is impacted, I expect a modicum of flexibility on your part if I can’t meet the new requirement.  Silly me, the universe doesn’t always work like that.  But I’m still grateful because it is teaching me self-respect and it is teaching me to demand concessions for my humanity as I am expected to grace people the same for their errors.  We aren’t able to meet the new deadline entirely and they are going to have to deal with that.  We have done what we can with what we have and the rest is what it is.  It is giving me the motivation to take more aggressive steps toward creating the life I want.  I don’t want to feel this kind of pressure again, I want to call the shots on my schedule, especially when it comes to my time.   

Today I am grateful for flexibility.  Looking at it now, I know this is a lesson.  Maybe a reminder.  Along with setting boundaries comes the other lesson—flexibility.  Adaptation and letting go of my plans were key to getting through—that and remembering there is always a greater plan than my own.  And for the first time, I can proudly admit that I wasn’t upset that it wasn’t my plan—I was upset that we couldn’t settle on ANY plan.  Even so, the universe has shown me that all works out in due time.  For a while there I thought I may have a heart attack or a nervous breakdown, but all is working out.  All it took was complete surrender and accepting that I couldn’t go any further.  Fighting it was useless.  Allowing is what changed the circumstance.

Today I am grateful for the future.  I am sincerely grateful for the opportunity to provide for my family in a new way.  I am grateful to get to experience the life I’ve been dreaming of and to build the things I want.  Recognizing what I am capable of has pushed me to the next level and I am ready.  I am so grateful to give back and use my talents in a way that serves.  I’m grateful to not confine myself to someone else’s box or vision of what I should be doing.  I’m grateful to get to be me, to level up.  It’s an awakening.

Today I am grateful for the present.  We are in a bit of a rocky patch as we near the finish line—nothing we can’t handle.  But I allowed myself to get a bit lost a few times.  Last night, I laid in bed with my son and just held him.  I am so lucky to have this amazing being in my life.  He looks at me and tells me I’m a great mom and my heart nearly explodes, tears fall down my face as I think about the time out I put him in earlier in the day.  This beautiful boy is so full of love and care and laying with him, holding him, brought me right back to where I was.  There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for him, and everything I am able to do, I will.      

Today I am grateful for miracles.  My son woke up with an acid reflux attack and we worked through it and he’s running around active now, completely normal.  We spent some time playing with Lego and just playing.  It was nice to take a break from the hectic pace we’ve had over the last three weeks.  We were given a small extension for the day of signing to get out of our house so we were able to breathe, play, and even nap between cleaning and packing today.  There was a decided feeling of the weight being lifted off of my shoulders as I heard that we had more time.  We are so close to the next phase of our lives and it feels amazing! 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

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