New Things

Photo by Uriel Mont on

“Don’t doubt yourself just because this is new to you,” Amy Porterfield.  Porterfield is referencing starting work or an enterprise or going for that thing we want.  But we are faced with doubt all the time.  We never really know what the day is going to bring so we are always potentially facing something new.  For me, as I face some struggles in my marriage, I’m facing new things every day, and I doubt myself all the time.  Owning and admitting my toxicity has been humbling to a degree I never anticipated.

I started approaching myself with honesty about a year ago—owning and admitting faults and flaws and learning to accept them.  But it wasn’t until my recognized how unhappy my husband was that I really started digging.  There were layers there I didn’t know existed and things I did believing that I was right caused so much frustration and pain—the very thing I was trying to avoid through control.

As I shed the layers I thought were my identity, I realize they were a shield.  I wore it like armor, safe in the belief that I was right.  Learning who I am without that weight is terrifying because I have no idea who that person is.  I’m doubting every step I’ve made because if the person I’ve been for so long can be wrong and has no certain footing, how can a person I’ve never known know any better?

As scary as it is, I know it’s also a chance to practice patience while I learn what this person is about.  There is great freedom understanding that you don’t have to be any one thing in particular.  You can shift as you need to.  You learn and adapt and integrate what you need and shed what you don’t need.  There is no room for doubt in who you are becoming because you will always surprise yourself with what you can do.  There is no room for perfection, either.  Perfect doesn’t exist.

Doubt only serves to undermine what you know in your heart to be true, your innate abilities.  Doubt is like keeping your life on pause when everything is moving full throttle.  It’s also moving too fast because you’re afraid you’ll miss out.  When you eliminate that and accept where you are, you are able to accept yourself as a beginner which leaves you open to learning.  The purpose is to learn as much as we can—not to live perfectly.  Perfect is impossible as we never know to whose standard we are living.

As we elevate and evolve to the next levels in our life, there will be people who come into your life simply to distract you from your purpose, to instill that little bit of doubt in you.  Having a strong sense of self and knowing what you are capable of is key in shutting out any outside sources of doubt.  We are often our own worst critics, but there are people who are simply here to push us to our limit.  Know that starting something will push others as well, it will stir their own doubts and they will push it on you.  Do it anyway.  Keep going and keep learning—you never know, you might bring something new to the table.  Keep going. 

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