Sunday Gratitude

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Today I am grateful for silly moments.  The intensity of the last few months has been challenging.  I recognize that there are many more important issues occurring right now and that the fact we are looking for a single family home is a privilege, but that doesn’t take away that it is a stressful event.  We’ve been so wrapped up in it we lost sight of fun for a while.  Yesterday we were at the store for no other reason than to find my son a small Lego Mario set.  We found a box of Key Lime Pie Kit Kats (which are absolutely delicious by the way) and my husband insisted I buy the whole thing rather than a few packs.  As we were checking out, the system didn’t recognize this giant box of kit kats so we had to ask the check out lady to help us.  She had to open the box and pull one out and enter the quantity—of an entire box of kit kats.  “How many?” she asked us.  I broke down laughing and thanked her for her help, paid, took my box of candy and we left.

Today I am grateful for expanding my brain.  While we were at the store, we DID manage to get the expansion to the Lego set for my son.  We came home and, honestly, my mind was blown.  My husband was tired so I decided to build the set with my son.  These things don’t have any instructions anymore—you have to go to the app.  It was SO cool.  I know, I’m probably several years behind, but it was so much fun seeing this little world pop up and being able to interact with the toy like that.  Not to mention I haven’t played with Legos for a while so it made me think and really pay attention while we were building it.  Plus seeing my kid so happy, playing with a “real world” video game, not stuck behind a screen, using his brain, felt really good.

Today I am grateful for faith.  I’ve been struggling with the idea that everything happens for a reason.  I’ve been working on faith in general for a while as well as manifesting to expand my connection to source.  I’m struggling because a lot of the things I’ve been trying to manifest haven’t come to fruition.  I know, when it comes to faith we are supposed to believe that if it doesn’t happen it wasn’t meant to be.  But I found myself bitter because there was one thing in particular I really wanted to manifest.  It was perfect and there was no doubt I really wanted it.  When I found out I didn’t get it, I really got sad and my connection to source, to myself, and anything else sank.  As we moved on from the loss, things started shifting and a person involved in the situation started saying they were doing everything they could—and I found myself resentful because I couldn’t tell if they had put in the same effort for what we lost.  Had they put in that effort, would we have gotten what we wanted?  That resentment won’t help, so I have to rely on faith that we are heading in the right direction.

Today I am grateful for accountability and ownership in my life.  I’m not where I want to be—and it is entirely my fault.  I’ve spent years in a wishy washy, unclear state, taking what I could get, people pleasing, acting in ways that wouldn’t get me what I wanted (but still hoping they would miraculously appear), or not taking action at all.  Plus my follow through hasn’t been the greatest because, for a long time, I was scared of accountability.  I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to maintain.  I’m grateful because I am able to turn that around.  I don’t have to stay stuck—I can change it up and I can get myself back in line.  More importantly, I can get really clear.  My ego and my heart have taken a lot of hits over the last few months but it has made my role very clear and it has pointed out exactly what I need to do.  I’m not passive in this, I am a creator.

Today I am grateful for knowing where I stand.  My job has been pretty consistent over the last few months and I’ve been working on developing new teams, but last Friday, I felt ambushed by my boss and one of my coworkers telling me about issues with one of my teams.  I was not blessed with the ability to read minds, and I had no idea what was going on.  I still don’t understand how it’s an issue since it related to my teams needing education/training and they were reaching out to the educator/trainer; call me silly but that sounds like you just had to do your job…but maybe I’m still a little sour on it.  Regardless, that same day I saw another coworker had been announced for a program with our merging hospital that I didn’t even know existed.  What got me is that she had to be nominated by our boss.  I felt a level of humiliation knowing my boss didn’t think me capable for the opportunity, that my work hasn’t been deemed enough or worthy, yet she hasn’t told me what is wrong.  So now I know something is up and I can make the choice to appease and to what she wants, or I can do what is right for me. The choice is mine.

Today I’m grateful for decisions.  To piggy back on knowing where I stand, I know what was brought up on Friday was a hit to my ego, it wasn’t a reflection of who I am.  However, it isn’t appropriate to expect that I know what you’re expectations are if you haven’t told me, and if you haven’t shown me what I need to know then I cannot be expected to execute.  SO.  I can make a decision to move on.  I know what works in my life and what doesn’t.  I have to evaluate what is a good fit and where I want to be.  I don’t need to be made to feel incompetent because I don’t have inhuman powers (mind reading) or because I refuse to work a 15 hour day 7 days a week as a salaried employee.  That is a boundary.  If I’m not meeting that expectation, then I’m happy to let it go.  My opportunities may present themselves in other places and I don’t need to waste my time trying to appease you when I can let myself flourish where I belong.  I get to decide what I’m worth; that isn’t decided by some arbitrary figure that you decide to not share with me. 

Today I’m grateful for expression.  “The greatest misconception about communication is that it took place,” George Bernard Shaw.  We have a nasty habit as humans to believe that we are clear simply because we say something and we also believe that people understand as we do.  I’ve been on the receiving end of unrealistic expectations followed by complaints that I didn’t understand what was needed when no one told me what was needed.  I am a highly capable person and I can pick up on most things pretty quickly—and I’m also pretty intuitive.  I will express myself with truth and humility and with the intent of sharing, not dictating, knowledge.  I’m privileged to know the difference.       

Wishing you all a wonderful week.   

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