Showing Up

Photo by Julia M Cameron on

We rarely are called to show up how we think we will be.  When we ask the universe for change it is rarely in the way we think it will come.  It is hardly ever comfortable because in order to grow, in order to do the things we really want to, we have to learn to do things in a new way. Whether you decide to change careers, buy a car, or even if it’s simply using your voice to say how you really feel, these acts of bravery bring us closer to who we are meant to be.  We just have to get out of our own way and do what feels right in the moment.

I was given the beautiful gift of a long memory—and a quick memory (more so when I was younger on the quick part) and the ability to quickly apply a principle once I learned it.  I honestly thought my purpose was to teach people, correct them on their path, and make sure all the ducks were in a row—for everyone.  I’ve spent a lot of years sharing my ideas and having them ignored only to have the people I’ve shared with either take the idea or come back to me for help when they couldn’t do it themselves.  It has taken many, many years to realize how much of my ego was involved in that cycle.  The cycle of proving I was right and needing it to be known where the idea came from, thinking that would get me accolades and attention to get me where I wanted to be, only to wind up alone until someone needed me to fix it.

It also took me a long time to understand that how I thought things should be wasn’t my decision.  I learned and understood my impact on others early on but I failed to understand free will.  I had initially been taught to go with the program—and I was very skilled at doing what I was told.  So I thought everyone needed to be that way and I couldn’t understand why others didn’t just do as they were told.  Again, all ego and a lot of misunderstanding.  When things started to fall apart in spite of me doing what I was told, that is when I understood that the world has its own design.  We can either go with it or we can lose ourselves trying to control it.  It has nothing to do with making sure our ducks are in a row.  It’s understanding that we ARE the ducks and sometimes we have to follow our own path. 

My purpose wasn’t to chastise people or to be right all the time—that is teaching through shame.  Let’s face it, “Should” is an asshole and no one likes to be told what they should be doing.  And people really hate to hear what they should have done.  Hindsight is 20/20 and chances are people will figure out where they went wrong so pointing out their mistakes just makes you an asshole too.  Learning those lessons has helped me refine my purpose.  I still believe I am meant to teach, but how I got lost when interpreting that message, I believe I am meant to help people find their own paths in the same way I am trying to find mine. 

Our paths shift a lot—that doesn’t mean the goal is different.  It’s the intent behind it.  So when we ask for something in our lives (yes, even the big things like finding our purpose), we may be asked to take steps we never would have considered because not everyone walks the same path.  We may eventually get to the same spot but there are so many ways to get there.  And for some of us, we may have a clear vision of what we think we want but we are taken on a journey we never would have planned.  It always gets us where we need to be in the end.  It isn’t about setting a clear path, it’s about setting a clear goal and then taking the steps that reveal themselves to us.     

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