“It’s your road and yours alone, others may walk it with you but no one can walk it for you,” Rumi. I’ve developed a bad habit over the years of not believing in myself. I’ve always thought I had to rely on others to get me out of situations or to help me find the next step, even to tell me who I am. I feared that I wouldn’t be able to make my way forward alone so I relied on people to get me where I needed to be. The problem with that is, it never got me where I needed to be because it was their interpretation of what I was supposed to do. Developing the ability to listen to yourself and trust what is uniquely you is a real skill. Trust is so innate but we are taught not to trust as soon as we learn what it is.
Right now I’m dealing with a situation where I don’t want to have to make a decision. I’m the one who is impacted by this decision, but for some reason I’m afraid of what other people will think of me. I know that I will feel better once a decision is made but I’m finding myself really struggling.
I’m trying to remind myself that I’ve been in situations like this before. I’ve made tough decisions and I’ve come through just fine. And most of those people I’m worried about don’t give me as much thought as I think they do, or they didn’t help me get to the other side anyway. So why am I wasting time worrying about a decision that has no impact on them? Why do we ever do that?
There comes a time when we have to venture out on our own so we can learn our purpose. We may lose things and people who love us. All sense of security. But we learn how to connect with who we are in a way that doesn’t exist when you rely on others to get you what you want/tell you what you want. If you are the one picking yourself up by your boot straps, the opinion of someone watching really doesn’t matter. Theodore Roosevelt talks about The Man in the Arena; “It is not the critic who counts. Not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles…The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena. Whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood.”
We all fight battles every day. Most of us fight battles we never share with anyone else, mostly because we are afraid of what others will say. We’ve been so trained to take other people’s opinions into consideration that we’ve forgotten how to actually care about each other. We haven’t been able to give each other the benefit of recognizing our humanity, when others are struggling. We also have a nasty habit of either expecting something in return for our actions or fearing that others will expect something of us. That isn’t conducive to growth.
I’m still not happy about the decision I have to make—but it is my decision to make. The only way I can move forward is to simply make the decision and deal with it. I’ve never felt so much pressure in my entire life. But the truth is, that is life. We are constantly faced with things we don’t think we will have to choose between and we have to pick one and move on. If we were able to have what we wanted at all times, some things would lose their value. So we have to work with what we have and make decisions as best as we can. Do our best and move forward.