“Stop identifying the gaps in your life in relation to who’s in the room,” Jay Shetty. I am so guilty of this. I always measure myself by where other people are instead of trusting I am where I need to be. I’ve sat at tables I felt I had no business being a part of and I’ve managed to think myself right out of the rooms I’ve been invited to. I’ve even undermined my own accomplishments to the point where people who would look to me to help them questioned their faith in me. I’ve questioned my own abilities.
The progress of people around us isn’t designed to be a gauge for who we are. That progress is there to help us be the best of who we are as well as open up our potential to what we can be. When we don’t feel worthy we reveal not our vulnerabilities, but the fear we have. There is a difference. When we feel worthy, we can express our vulnerabilities without undermining our abilities.
We live in a society that often thrives on pointing out the inadequacies of others rather than on developing strengths. Living in comparison locks us in a state of non-action. Yes, we all have things we can improve upon but those aren’t the things that will fulfill us. We can waste an entire life improving ourselves and trying to be perfect—which is completely subjective. Or we can identify what works for us, what we are good at, and develop those skills. Spending time lamenting what we are not does a disservice to who we are.
I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of dishonoring who I am. I’m tired of putting aside what I feel and what could be good for me for the sake of what I’m told is right. If we have learned anything (especially over the last year) it is that humans are inherently flawed, so by that logic, most of what we do has some type of flaw in it. We haven’t honestly looked at how function or questioned it for well over 100 years—we’ve always just gone with it because that’s what we know. So perhaps it’s time to bring that humanity back in instead of fighting to maintain a system.
The latter point speaks to a much larger issue, so why don’t we start with something smaller? Managing our feelings toward ourselves, honoring who we are, recognizing what works and what doesn’t, know who you really are, and never underestimate yourself. When we stop selling ourselves short, we set the standard for how we should be treated and how to keep in alignment. When it becomes about being who you are, there is no longer room to worry about who others think you should be. We take the competition out of life when we focus on our own lane. We also have a nasty habit of purposely looking for where we are deficient. Maybe it’s a primal instinct because being deficient in something could very honestly mean death. As we no longer need to do that for survival, we can learn to shift our focus from where we do something wrong to what we do well. At the very least, we can stop intentionally trying to make ourselves feel like crap or like we are worthless based on some minute detail. We are worth so much more than we allow ourselves to believe. Don’t get caught up in the details of someone else’s life.