“The universe has big plans for me and it’s time to claim them.” Gabby Bernstein, Super Attractor deck. I’ve never hidden my control issues or my fears of letting go—of anything, really—because I have always known on some level that they aren’t healthy. Knowing where the control issues stemmed from has also made it easier to cling to them because, let’s be honest, we can always logic our way into holding onto familiar habits. And truthfully, for many of the big things in my life control has served me well. It has kept a roof over my head, I have only faced moderate struggle (mentally that’s a different story), and I have made a comfortable life for myself that even afforded me to step out of my box a little.
That comfort zone has kept me safe and in a place where I know I can call the shots, and coming from a childhood where I craved sameness, that comfort zone has been so important to me. As we’ve discussed before, those comfort zones can also suffocate us if we aren’t careful. We live on repeat day after day, and that isn’t living as it was meant to be. So life is great at throwing curveballs. Even if we have moments of stepping out and going after something we want, sometimes life still has a different plan for us. THOSE moments, for me at least, are the most challenging. I take it personally when I’ve decided to make a change and am immediately faced with some obstacle that puts me right back where I started.
All of that is ego. I can be consciously aware of that and still be frustrated because I’m clearly missing the point somewhere along the line. But really, the point is that sometimes the universe has different plans than we do. Yes, that can be incredibly frustrating, especially when we feel that spark of, “I’m on to something!” and then watch it fizzle away because it didn’t come together. I’m trying my best to understand that, in those moments, we have to keep going. It needs to be a matter of saying, “Thanks for the lesson, let’s move on,” or even, “Thanks for the lesson, what’s next?” It’s only when we put aside the emotion behind not getting what we want that we can move forward.
I know this is cliché and I know we’ve probably all heard it before, but sometimes the thing we want the least is exactly what we need to get where we want to go. The book, “Hello Fears” has a chapter where the author describes going on vacation and wanting to go to a museum with her husband. Her husband planned the day around going to the museum, meaning they would get some food, walk to the museum and explore what they wanted to. The author basically planned a day walking toward the museum but exploring the town and the things around her, stating that if they got to the museum they would go. It made my skin CRAWL reading that section. My brain says, “If you want to explore the museum, get to the damn museum! Don’t waste your time poking around when you have the ability to go exactly where you want to go.” Side note, I’ve always been annoyed when people put unnecessary obstacles in their own way, i.e. if you know where you want to go, don’t drive in the opposite direction and whine that you couldn’t get there! The author said that she had always lived life wanting to see what is around her, not necessarily trying to get to the destination.
Two lessons for me, then: 1. Because I have such an adverse reaction to not achieving a goal, that is something I need to work on. Not achieving a goal isn’t necessarily failure, and even if it is a failure, that isn’t the end of the world. 2. Maybe I need to focus more on living my life around me and not just on the destination. I have such adversity to that because I’ve never really stopped to live life. I’ve always been working toward the next thing, because I thought your purpose was to check things off the list. I never really stopped to look at the purpose of having those experiences that happen while you’re working toward a goal—I just wanted to get to the museum.
If we’re honest, I think for a lot of people, those lessons are true. Whether it is about being task driven or if it’s about having one fear that keeps you in place, sometimes facing the exact thing that scares us or drives us crazy is the only way to see what the purpose really is. The universe has big plans for all of us. All we have to do is get out of our own way and do it. It may not look pretty, but life isn’t meant to be wrapped in a perfect package, unopened. We are meant to rip it open and dive into the heart of it. It may not look like we want it to or how we think it should. The universe knows what we need to do to get where we are meant to be. Trust it.