Today I am grateful to release some guilt about other people’s opinions. I’ve lived my whole life making decisions thinking of the consequences. No, that isn’t a bad thing, but I put those consequences in the perspective of every other person and their expectations. The last few days my husband and I have been going through something and in the end, it is my decision. Yes, it impacts both of us, but it is my choice how this plays out. And I am looking at where I am in my life. I’m looking at where I want to be and how things are going to fit in for me. The impact of this decision will not be easy by any means, but I know this isn’t something I can just “let” happen to me. I need to be an active participant and be ready for what comes with it. For the first time I feel amazing because I have some clarity about what I want to achieve and I’m looking at how the pieces will come together.
Today I am grateful to bring myself to the here and now. Following my first point, I am grateful to be present in this moment because it clarifies what is necessary and what is really important. That is the right place to make a decision from. This is what is real and this is where life is happening.
Today I am grateful for the beautiful sunset. I see the light, staying out later and later, signs of spring coming, snow melting, people outside. It feels like some life is returning to the world after feeling frozen for so long. Last spring we were entering a pandemic, and this spring, even though we are still in this pandemic, it feels different. There is a restlessness, but for me, it feels like there is hope. As cliché as it sounds, it truly feels like a beginning for me, like the timing is right.
Today I am grateful for resilience and persistence. I’ve taken the next step in taking care of myself and have begun working out daily. Light strength training and stretching just to get myself acclimated to it again. I went for a walk with my son yesterday just to enjoy being outside again. He had a blast and that is one of my favorite things in the world: watching him just be a kid and love running around. Listening to my body has brought me here, and it feels good. I’ve always loved cooking and I’ve been consistent with that for a while so this is the next step—and I’m proud of sticking with it even if it’s only been a few weeks so far.
Today I am grateful to have the freedom I do. For so long I felt the weight of “having” to do things a certain way. Putting things in perspective, I see now how much space I have to move around. Ironically enough, some of that space comes from the fact that I don’t have to move at all. Harry Kraemer speaks of the difference between activity and productivity often, and I realized that I jump and move from thing to thing—and this is one time where I don’t have to do anything. There are certain things I want to do, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t need to do a damn thing right now. I can take a breath and I can figure out a way to get where I want to be without burying myself. I have to choice to do this differently, and I am going to take it.
Today I am grateful to witness talent. This is just a little side note…I’ve been studying some shows and listening to some musicals and I feel so fortunate to witness this type of art. The ability people have to put the human experience into words and song is something that I have so much respect for. It’s a way to relate to the human experience and to feel less alone. Sometimes we need that—especially when we are still so separate from real interaction.
Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead!