We watched an old episode of The Magicians tonight, the Life in a Day episode from season 3. In that episode an alternate timeline takes place where two of the main characters are separated from their friends but they manage to build a life for themselves. Nothing grand, but incredibly fulfilling. Their quest during this episode was to build a mosaic representing the beauty of life. It wasn’t until their lives together were over when one of them discovered the missing piece. The whole point of life is the time we spend with each other. The love we have for each other. What we make of what we are given and how much joy we bring forward.
We can spend our whole lives looking for something and miss the point of what is right in front of us. We all do it. We repeat the same day over and over again, looking for meaning in what we get lost in—work, alcohol, sex, drugs, TV, food, social media. We do anything we can to avoid being where we are, to avoid feeling what we are really feeling. I do it myself. So many days I wake up, work out a little, get my kid ready and drop him off, go to work, come home, eat, work a little, watch some TV, go to bed, repeat. There is more to life than that. It’s amazing spending so much time with people yet we still miss the life that goes on around us.
The first time I saw the episode was when it came out and I remember feeling really emotional and crying. Seeing it for the second time last night, I bawled my eyes out. Sometimes we get to a point in life where we see the meaning of what we do differently, and for me, I am rapidly changing my views. I feel the passing of time more acutely, I am more aware. The beauty is that we don’t have to wait our whole lives to enjoy the time we have now. We put so much unnecessary pressure on ourselves to achieve and acquire that we have lost sight of the beauty in being, the experience of being together.
I’m older now than I was when I first saw it, I’ve had more experiences with loss and potential loss, my parents are older and our roles are shifting, plus we’ve been in the sustained trauma of a pandemic for the last year so my sensitivities are up. For the longest time I feared not doing anything with my life. Now I fear being so preoccupied with doing something that I miss what is right in front of me. It has been a blink of an eye and my son is four years old. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years. I’ve had multiple jobs, trying to define who I am. And now, in all that time I’ve had, so much of what I’ve done doesn’t matter.
But now as I draw closer to unleashing who I am and believing I can support myself, I am more comfortable with seeing what is really important and what is really important to me. I’m not saying I’m comfortable with living that way yet, but I am comfortable starting to do the things I need to that truly make me happy. Life is so damn short, so precious, there is no time to live anywhere but here, in the present. There is a lot of power in the present because it is all tangible. Worrying or remembering does nothing other than keep us stuck. Stop making decisions based on the “what-if” and make it based on what you are working for. And always seize the moment, love those around you, and appreciate what you have because you don’t want it to be too late when you realize all the potential you had. Live now in the beauty of what you have. Live.