I’ve been feeling slightly off today, concerned about the future and how things are going to turn out (and when they’re going to turn out) and how to maintain some of the progress I’ve made with some changes that are coming. I did some self-help diving. Gabby Bernstein always has some words for me and I found an old video where she asked, “If what you say you wanted arrived tomorrow, would you be ready for it?” I thought about how fervently I have wished for different things in my life: a house, a job, even a book and I think about how fixated I would be. I’d think about it obsessively, what if it worked out, what if it didn’t. It took a really long time to understand that I was sending mixed messages to everyone around me, to the universe. I would take it so personally when things didn’t go the way I wanted them to when really, I was culpable in the things I wanted not manifesting.
A lot of those self-sabotaging thoughts are simply from insecurity and the need to control. When things aren’t turning out how you want them to or when things go in the opposite direction, we feel unstable. The things we want in life can’t come to us if we aren’t stable enough to receive them or if we aren’t sending out a clear message that we are ready to receive what we’re asking for. I’ve thought I wanted a lot of things and I’ve been so frightened that I wouldn’t receive them that, if I’m honest, I pushed a lot away. It hit me that there are also times that I’ve asked for things and got them, and then still pushed it away. Whether that is self-worth or fear—or both—I’m not 100% sure, but I know I’m not alone in that.
Really, the point is to trust the timing of the universe and to understand that sometimes we don’t get what we think we want when we want it because we aren’t ready for it. That used to infuriate me. I’d get insulted, as if I don’t know what I need. But there’s no point in getting the keys to the kingdom if you’re not sure what the purpose is or how to use/apply it.
When things aren’t moving on our time, that is often a redirection toward what we are meant to do. So when we aren’t getting what we want, Gabby offers a prayer that says, “I pray for creative possibilities for growth, change, healing, and worthiness. Thank you for revealing the next right action for the highest good for me and for all.” That helped me ease the frustration I’ve been feeling, and some of the uncertainty. I have to trust the things that are happening are for a reason.