I’ve been doing a lot of root-cause analysis about where I am today. While I’m not miserable, I have been feeling a constant low-grade melancholy lately. Just a feeling that something is off and a general unhappiness with how things are going. I know we’ve all been there: some days things just suck. You don’t see the way out and any ray of light that shines your way feels like it’s mocking you.
Some messages repeat until you understand them and I believe that if you aren’t happy with where you’re at then you need to adjust and realign to get where you want to be. For me, I have to learn to love myself unconditionally. It isn’t easy for me to have that kind of emotion toward myself because I’m stuck behind needing to be worthy—I haven’t learned to accept that I’m inherently worthy. But we all deserve love. And that means starting with completely, unashamedly, and unconditionally accepting and loving ourselves. I need to do that for myself as well.
Part of that unconditional love is making friends with myself. I’ve had a tendency to devalue myself and to put people on a pedestal as if their contributions are more valuable than mine—or that I have nothing to contribute of value. But if I love myself unconditionally, that means the highest version of myself isn’t too good for me—she’s waiting for me. She’s not expecting perfection, she’s expecting me to get off my ass and do SOMETHING.
I really need to let go of the past—like actually do it. Let it lie. Honor it, feel grateful for the lessons, and bury it. There is nothing new there and there is nothing that can be changed about events that have already happened. They are done. They have served their purpose. So pay homage and move on.
So with these little epiphanies, I follow Gabby Bernstein’s quote, “Lean toward joy and be led.” It is right and necessary to do what feels good, interesting, or appropriate rather than cloud myself with what I “should” do or what is “the right thing.” Leaning toward joy is all about listening to that little voice inside that I’ve always tried to repress—the inner knowing.
Lastly, I realized I need to walk away when my boundaries aren’t respected and when I am not heard—when people choose to not hear me. I am allowed to assert myself with confidence. Setting limits isn’t rude—that conditioning needs to go away.
Stop fighting, start flowing and decide what comes next. Then learn, adapt, try again, and evolve as necessary. Be. Do. That’s all we have to do—and that is enough.