I have had the underlying feeling of not fitting in and been targeted at work for the last several months. The things that are being pointed out have shown me that people are desperate, hurting and crying out for attention and power. This is an opportunity. The opportunity to find that spark again and demonstrate unequivocally who I am. Not from a place of ego, but a place of complete love, trust, and certainty in authentic connection. The type of connection that commands and leads itself.
I’ve learned that the lessons will repeat until we learn them for ourselves. Not only learn them, but integrate them as well. More to come on that part.
My lesson is to no longer shrink. The rumbles of those who have been forced to play small and to downplay their lives is rumbling louder and louder. The same is true for me. The lesson to stand so firmly no one questions me and they understand that the boundary we had previously set with each other needs to be renegotiated. People see me and think I’m a pushover based solely on my appearance. I’m not a pushover but I have been performative and a people pleaser. I lost my sense of self doing what I was told, trying to be the good girl thinking that would get me where I wanted to be.
I’m learning to listen to that intuitive message that says I need to let go and go where I’m wanted. To dive into the work I am called to do. I will go where I’m wanted and if that isn’t with people playing the current game, I will take my own space and make something of my own. When we create a space of love we can learn to trust.
As a whole, we need to learn to trust. That is something we inherently fear because we learn early on that vulnerability is risky and people will only look out for themselves. While this may be true on some level, we need to learn how to be together again. People are power hungry because they are energy depleted. If we learn to trust and connect with source again, that need is fulfilled intrinsically by ourselves rather than us demanding that energy from other people. It’s not weird or selfish to connect with ourselves—it’s necessary so we can connect with those around us.
Creating a system based on connection and collective need makes the world a safer place. Seeing the humanity in others softens our approach and opens us up to vulnerability. And it is when we are open, in a state of understanding progress can be made. We are so afraid of the unknown and of what we can’t control that we create a system to give us “answers.” The truth is nothing is really in our control except our decisions. Imagine what the decision to let go of fear would look like. Imagine what the decision to collaborate and not compete would look like. Suddenly the paradigm shifts.
I think all of these things are quiet little revolutions within ourselves. The change has to start somewhere. And each of us is inherently powerful enough to recognize the rumblings of what we know is right within ourselves. So TRUST. Trust yourself. Trust your instinct. Trust your purpose.