Fun on Purpose Part Two

photography of woman surrounded by sunflowers

Photo by Andre Furtado on

I wonder about the nature of signs from the universe.  I’ve been asking for a long time for signs about what I’m supposed to do.  Yesterday I was planning on finding a way to leave work early today.  This morning I had the immediate feeling of not wanting to go in (more detail below).

Today started at 1:30AM with my husband getting sick.  Full on stomach evacuation from both ends.  My kid promptly crawled into bed and had to be moved back.  We woke up a few hours later and got ready for the day.  We got in the car and literally 2 blocks later, my kid had an AR attack and got sick all over himself.  Not a huge deal, I turned around and we went back home, I got him upstairs and changed him.  We got back in the car and we were about 10 miles further down the road when he had another attack.  This time I turned around and lost it on my husband—he had already not been feeling well so he should have stayed home.  Meanwhile kiddo is still getting sick and I’m trying to figure out what to do with work.

I am starting to see that the universe definitely puts you on the path that shows you who you are.  It isn’t up to me to reject the lesson just because it isn’t what I thought it would look like.  This morning for example, I know that the universe was telling me I need to focus on my family and take care of us.  But I felt immediate frustration because the plan for the day was to work, get done, and come home.  Perhaps the universe was telling me to forget work entirely.  Not unsurprising given my talk of joy and play the other day.  The universe is telling me to let go.

I remember as a child that my mother always put work first.  And I completely understand why: she needed to work.  I didn’t want to do that to my child and here I was smack in the middle of him needing me and I was still trying to get to work.  Now this is a sticky situation for me because I value my career and I need to bring in that income.  It makes me feel resentful that I am always the one who has to be flexible and to sacrifice the work I need to do in order to take care of the family.  At the same time I want to be able to have the freedom to help my family.

Perhaps this is one of those in-between moments where I have to realize that just because this doesn’t look how I want it to, I am still living the life I wanted.  I am able to work from home and take care of my kid even if it wasn’t the type of work I planned.  Perhaps I wasn’t specific enough.

The one thing that is clear is that I need to slow down.  That is the hardest thing in the world for me.  I feel so sensitive and like I’m being pulled in a million directions and my mind is always moving.  And I HATE stopping for anything.  I feel the need to keep moving.  Ironically, the Super Attractor deck was telling me, “In stillness I receive.”  I guess that is where I will leave it—learning to be still.

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