Today I am grateful for a break from the norm. As proud as I am of doing all the work for my meal prep, I realized that I didn’t have to do as much as I was. I was able to take a break today and not have to spend hours in the kitchen. I was also able to get laundry done yesterday so the evening wasn’t spent putting clothes away.
Today I am grateful for the opportunity to be gentle with myself. There are always a million things we have to do but I wasn’t feeling it today so I put aside 95% of what I normally would do and just let go. My son hasn’t been feeling well so I tended to him today and we played. I was able to get the essentials done but I didn’t push for anything else. I let what was done be enough.
Today I am grateful to reconnect with family. We hadn’t been able to spend much time with my husband’s father over the last few years and he came over today. We all sat together and caught up on things. It was really nice to see how happy my husband was to spend that time with his dad. It was also really nice to have our son see his grandfather.
Today I am grateful to be making progress. Quite literally last week I wasn’t sure that I would even have a family and this week has given me the opportunity to reflect on how far I’ve come. Even though there is constant motion and things are always in flux, I have definitely started to make some progress to where I need to be. I haven’t shied away from what needs to be done and I am learning to acclimate as I go along. I mentioned the other way that you can’t go into the kitchen and expect to come out with a cake without breaking a few eggs. I have to learn to follow my own advice because I was definitely jumping ahead of the game. My expectations were of a completed product and I lost sight of being happy with what I’ve managed so far.
Today I am grateful for emotional control. As I mentioned my son isn’t feeling well and it is something he has dealt with since he was born. He is starting to see some additional symptoms that I’m not sure how to deal with (we are taking him to the doctor this week) and they’re a little scary. I used to think that I was immune to this because we’ve been dealing with it for 3 years but I still feel so helpless and terrified of what could really be happening to him. Today I knew that he needed me and that losing my mind would be of no use to him. So I worked through it and helped him to stay as calm as I could. I comforted him and held him through every episode—and that was all he needed today. He just needed love and support and I am happy I was able to give that to him.
Today I am grateful to just be. I’m really understanding the lessons around taking things as they come. Any time spent speculating is time wasted because the results are never guaranteed. I used to romanticize the thought of knowing everything, knowing every move, reading people’s actions and knowing their next move. All that has done was create an anxious state not spent recognizing my own needs or even my role in situations. I’ve spent so much energy anticipating things—usually to the negative end—when that energy could have been better spent just being in the moment. There is nothing other than what is here right now. Don’t waste energy on something that isn’t even real.
Today I am grateful for the essence of who I am. I’ve been incredibly judgy about myself and I’ve set expectations that aren’t realistic. It’s all bullshit. I don’t need to be this perfected version of a person with no flaws in order to be worthy or to get where I want to be and I certainly don’t need to be that version of a person to get started. It’s ok to be at peace with who I am and it’s ok to be proud of the things I have accomplished. I am human and I am making progress—that’s all we can ask. For so long I had been focused on the finish line not thinking that the finish line means it’s over. It’s ok to be ok with ourselves. In fact, accepting who we are and where we are is the only way to make changes and move forward.