Understanding Your Role in Conflict- Learning to Dig Deep

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Photo by Jonathan Borba on Pexels.com

“When I’m grateful for what I have, I can feel good along the way to what I desire” Gabby Bernstein Super Attractor Deck.  The awareness and state of gratitude elevates our mindset and helps keep us focused.  This is a good reminder to be grateful all the time.  I share my gratitude posts on Sunday but it is important to be grateful for something everyday, even when it’s a rough day.  Actually, especially when it’s a rough day.

These last few weeks have been challenging for me.  Finding out that in spite of throwing really nice get togethers and having the people I love with me, that those people didn’t give a shit about my efforts.  Not only did they not care about my efforts, they didn’t even give a shit about my presence.  I barely got a thank you, in fact, I was told to say thank you to everyone—AFTER I already said thank you.

I’m struggling to find my place with these people.  Clearly I did something wrong but I honestly can’t figure it out.  The only reason I feel comfortable saying this now is the fact that EVERYONE is reacting to me this way.  I’m not saying that I couldn’t have done something, but I really would like to know what it was.  Every single person involved has no problem coming to me whenever they need something from me.  I made a promise to myself back in October that I would keep an open mind about other’s opinions and I am sticking with that to find where I also went wrong—it takes two to tango, even with communication breakdowns.

It’s an incredibly disorienting feeling to become so disconnected from the people you’re supposed to have an innate bond with.  It’s a lonely feeling.  I’m learning to accept that I can’t change anyone.  They don’t have to accept me.  There are things we will simply disagree on at a fundamental level.  Some people just don’t like you no matter what.  It’s ok to walk away from anyone regardless of the relationship if they aren’t contributing something positive to your life.  If they make you feel like you don’t belong, then don’t be afraid to walk away—if your presence isn’t welcomed, then make your absence felt.

I’ve needed a lot of validation from people, or at least acknowledgement of my efforts because I have never been given any sort of credit for what I’ve done in my life.  and perhaps it is that need for validation that keeps the recognition from me.  So with all of these things, I’ve definitely needed to refocus on the positive blessings I have in my life.

I have a home that is full of everything I could possibly need in this moment—food, clothes, blankets, water, entertainment, and hope.  I have amazing animals who share their love unconditionally.  I have a beautiful, amazing, loving son who I am so privileged to see grow.  He reminds me of what it’s like to have fun and how it’s necessary to play.  I have transportation and a job and an amazing side gig that is turning into something else.    These are the positives that I choose to focus on from here out.  That is what will keep me sane.

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