“I let an inner sense of quiet multiply each day as I strengthen my faith in the love of the universe” Gabby Bernstein, Super Attractor deck. Today is the 12/12 portal-last full moon of the year, of the decade and it is full of emotional shifts as the energy changes through the Gemini full moon. I’ve been feeling a lot as this emotional energy is thick in the air.
As the universe always does, the message from the deck this morning is a sign to not give up as much as I want to. It’s a sign to listen to the signs rather than the chatter outside. Slowing down and finding guidance in the moment as I listen to the inner voice is the answer. I’ve been feeling tested to no end over the last two weeks and then feeling angry with myself for failing to be the person I want to be in those situations. My logical brain knows that it’s a matter of time and practice and that I’m not a failure, but the repercussions after allowing myself to fall into old, emotionally reactive habits make me feel terrible.
In a lot of ways this is good because I know that isn’t the person I want to be. I don’t want to be the emotionally unstable woman who loses it over the slightest inconvenience. I want to be collected and open to change. I KNOW this. But I’m still struggling to let myself be that person. A lot of those reactions are done out of fear and not knowing. I feel like I’m also falling into old habits because the situation is still the same.
I’ve felt a nagging need for change. I’ve felt oddly not here. So, not knowing what to do and feeling unsettled still spikes me need for control. I’m trying to remind myself of the need to let go of control. The theme over the last few weeks has been gratitude in recognizing my flaws. In no longer forcing myself to go with the habit. Rather, I have been successful in stopping and realizing my reaction isn’t what I wanted. This is also good because it is a chance to redirect.
I’m learning to be who I want to be, the woman I’ve envisioned myself being. I’m learning to realize that I the woman I am trying to be is, in fact, the woman I already am. There is power in stopping yourself from falling into old habits and allowing the transformation to take place. There is power in stepping into the person you already are.
So, as we enter the last few weeks of this month, this year, and this decade, it’s time to relinquish everything. Give up the weight, give up the drama, give up the fear, give up the things that are no longer serving. I will have to remind myself of this frequently. I will have to continue to accept who I am, and continue to focus on where I want to be. It’s time to let go of the melancholy and the sullenness, and to work through the challenges I’m facing. None of that drama matters in the end. It’s time to welcome the new and to sit quietly and allow the universe to act. Then we are free to move with the flow.