Just Between

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“You aren’t lost, you’re just in an uncomfortable stage of your life where your old self is gone but your new self isn’t fully born yet.  You’re in the midst of transformation,” Marcos Alvarado via The Soul Leaf.  We are emerging from a sleep that kept our powers at bay for years and it feels entirely different from what we’ve been accustomed to.  It’s a disorienting feeling because even in the chaos and the old habits, we knew what to do and this leaves us questioning.  But this is transformation.  It may be cliché but it’s true to say that if we opened a butterfly’s cocoon mid transformation we wouldn’t recognize it because it looks nothing like its old self and it isn’t in its new form yet.  It’s tempting at the beginning of a new year to feel like everything has to be shiny and new but it doesn’t work like that.  Transformation isn’t as easy as flipping a switch where we wake up the next day and are entirely new.  It’s a gradual process and it requires nurturing and adjustment and, yes, it can be quite uncomfortable as things break down and lose their familiar shape.  We may even lose our footing.  Our job in those moments is to keep true to course and keep aiming toward our goal.    

Transformation looks different for everyone and it often doesn’t go as we expect because there’s a whole new set of rules to operate under.  And that’s the thing: we can’t have expectations of transformation.  We have to go with it, answer the call of what we feel, trusting that what comes on the other side is for us.  Transformation is also uncomfortable because it’s a stage where nothing fits.  We feel like we no longer have those resources around us to offer support.  We learn to rely on ourselves in new ways.  In spite of all that, transformation is beautiful and necessary.  We can’t welcome the new if we’re stuck in the old.  New doesn’t arise from repeating actions so we have to learn again.  The good news is once we establish firmer footing, we step closer to feeling secure in our own skin.  We learn what that new skin looks like.  There is no feeling like that click and sense of peace that comes from total acceptance of self.  The goal is to transform into the most authentic version of ourselves and to share our light as far as we can.  We can never get lost when we are guided by that light.  So trust the process and keep going. 

Independent Grief

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“I told my therapist I feel safest when I do everything alone.  She didn’t even ask why.  She just said that’s not independence, that’s grief.  And I swear I felt something in me break open.  Because it is grief, isn’t it?  Grief for every time you asked for help and no one showed up.  Grief for being the child who had to hold it all together while everyone else fell apart.  Greif for realizing way too young that no one was ever really coming to save you.  You didn’t choose to be strong.  You had to be.  Because breaking wasn’t safe.  Crying didn’t change anything.  And needing people only led to disappointment, guilt, or punishment.  So you are up over-prepared.  You move through life with backup plans for your backup plans.  You double-check doors, messages, emotions, everything.  You carry the weight of, “I’ll handle it,” even when you’re breaking inside.  People call you independent but they don’t’ see the version of you who secretly wants to collapse in someone’s arms and actually be caught this time.” Quote via Soul Ink.

We all have wounds we need to heal and if the goal is to heal forward this year, then we must address all of the wounds.  Including those who have given us seemingly effective/healthy coping skills like the ability to get it all done no matter what’s happening around us.  We may not find that person who we can collapse into but we can view that independence differently.  It’s something that made us reliable and able to figure things out and those are real strengths.  We can also learn that there are people we can rely on and we can learn to give little pieces of our responsibility to them to figure out and we can simply ask for help.  Coping with grief and addressing where it comes from, what caused the grief in the first place takes more work but that, too, is something that can be healed.  There comes a point where we have to accept that no matter what we do there is no going back. We can only go forward.

Knowing both sides of the coin (the fact that we aren’t just hyper independent and what caused us to become that way) is a key step in owning our story and learning to write a new one that encompasses all we truly are. In the coming year, I hope people are able to simultaneously find their strength and their softness.  I hope we are all able to find a way to relinquish some control and open ourselves up to trust and I hope that we maintain the boundaries with those who need it.  In some regards it’s a matter of getting really comfortable with our emotions while not letting them dictate what happens, especially based off past events—like we know x made us really sad so when we encounter x, we still feel sad so moving forward when we encounter x, we realize we don’t have to be sad, we don’t have to engage at all.  That’s a new way of handling things and it will make us abundantly clear as to who is responsible for what because when the thing/person can no longer elicit a reaction from us, we have taken back our power.  I hope we cope with the grief and are able to let it lie and move forward into all the magical, wonderful things in store for us.   

It Makes Sense…

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“Your nonsense makes sense.  You’re speaking my language when life gets hectic, you’re all that I need  on late nights, in hard times I love that your weirdness matches mine,” The 502’s.  Our frequencies are unique and, as is the nature of frequency, we don’t always resonate with other frequencies.  Our job isn’t to alter our tone to be understood, our job is to let our vibration sound until we find our harmony, the complementary pieces that allow for the complete expression of self.  There is no need for explanation of what we do and what our purpose is because those who resonate with us know.  Because we know the same of them.  Things click and become easy when we find that group.  This isn’t only in the romantic sense, either.  This is entirely in the shared experience, found community, affirmed identity type of way.  There’s no need for words.  Being understood is an amazing feeling as is having the connection that comes when we view something the same way.  It’s a feeling of support, and when we come together with those who harmonize with us, we expand that frequency.     

More than just external validation and camaraderie, I seek to have this type of relationship with myself.  The kind of relationship where I’m fully at ease with my nonsense.  Where what may seem weird to others, even those I love, is perfectly normal and acceptable to me.  One thing I’m learning is we wear such a copious amount of masks in our lives and none of them are really worth the burden that comes with them.  I’ve learned that I’m exhausted trying to figure out who I need to be depending on where we go, on how I want to be perceived in that moment.  I WANT to let my hair down and simply exist and have fun and not wonder what people think.  When we feel that comfort in our own skin, that’s exactly what happens.  The charade fades.  The truth comes out and we no longer waste energy playing any game, any type of manipulation to make people understand.  We are simply understood.  When we understand ourselves, there is no misinterpreting that vibration we put out and those who best match with us will find us.  So love our nonsense and live in it!

Sunday Gratitude

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Today I am grateful for persistence.  I have an opportunity for my business that has come about simply because I’ve stuck with it.  I have the job I’ve spent years looking for because I kept going for it.  There are pieces I’m still putting together but I know that those will come to fruition as well.  This isn’t about false optimism or even about grounded optimism.  This is about knowing that the only time our journey stops is when we stop.  The bottom line is that if we keep going we are going to get somewhere.  I am the first to attest that persistence didn’t necessarily get me where I wanted to be but it certainly got me further than had I decided to give up and stay stuck.  I’d been trying and pushing for very specific results for a long time and I wasn’t getting anywhere because if things weren’t looking how I thought they should, I’d keep pushing until I got that specific result and more often than not I’d end up stuck and beating my head against the wall.  It was learning how to let go of the specifics and work toward the destination.  That’s a lesson I’m still working on, I still get to that point where I’m not sure what to do to move forward or I get down hearted if it’s not on my timeline.  But I know that if I can keep going, I will get somewhere.  So here we are.  Persisting.  Moving.  Building.

Today I am grateful for a new outlook on passion.  Everyone gets to the point where they need to re-evaluate their behaviors and priorities and I spent a lifetime putting passion on the back burner.  That was how I was raised.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for that upbringing because it taught me that there is a time when we just have to buckle down and get things done.  If there’s a deadline for a goal or if something unexpected comes up, that isn’t a back burner moment.  We deal with what we need to and we learn real priority.  The only thing is that I learned to make everyone else’s priority my priority so the things I needed to prioritize in my life would take the back burner.  It led to some distorted views on things I loved, things that would help form relationships, bonds, networking, friendships, things that would create a foundation of support and knowledge, all that stuff never seemed important because I had an endless checklist of things to do.  The things I wanted to do seemed selfish and unnecessary.  But lately I’ve looked at how true it is that we only live one life in this iteration.  Why would we put anything on hold if we only get to experience it once?  There is no guarantee of time or opportunity so we need to make the most of both.  I understood that and still failed to apply it to my life.  Now I see that passion is necessary for creation and momentum and joy—and we need joy to feel that passion.  I’ve said it before and I will apply it to myself now: that passion is what inspires and stirs creativity and that creativity is the key to life.  Just because I don’t understand what makes a particular person passionate doesn’t mean I don’t understand that they ARE passionate—I still understand that feeling of passion.  Passion opens the door to life, it is life.  Whether it’s reading, cars, travel, knitting, drawing, whatever it may be—open that door and walk right in because that’s the world we’re meant to be in.  Passion is vital to life so even if it may be confusing or trivial to someone else, if something stirs that life inside, that’s all we need to know.

Today I am grateful for perspective.  We had a birthday party for my son the other day and I learned how important it is to continue to put in effort to celebrate him and pay attention to what interests him.  He is so smart and so much more mature and it hit me just how quickly this time goes.  It’s a gift to be with him.  On top of that, he KNOWS himself so well, he knows what he wants, he knows what he enjoys, he knows what he will and will not accept from his friends as far as behavior.  He’s always been a sensitive kid and I often worried he’d be too much like me where he either couldn’t handle the weight of his emotions or he would isolate and get angry because he couldn’t deal with how others treated him.  But he has shown me over and over again just how emotionally mature he is.  He is confident and assured and I don’t want to do anything to make him doubt that.  It’s amazing to see him because he absolutely knows how to handle himself and he expresses himself well—especially if something bothers him or if someone crosses his boundaries.  We are born with those instincts and, while he may have waivered when he was younger, he most certainly has learned to stand up for himself and stand in who he is.  That stubbornness is something I used to feel a ton of frustration for, especially with him, because if we had things to do I didn’t have time for any crap.  I appreciate that now, though, because it’s a solid reminder that we always know who we are, we just have to be willing to stand firm in that identity. 

Today I am grateful for being an example.  I’ve spoken for months now about how strained certain relationships became over this past summer.  I didn’t allow that to impact other relationships around me because the relationships between others had nothing to do with my relationship with these people.  I allowed them into my home for the sake of a healthier relationship/better time but I maintained my boundaries.  In having a conversation with one of these people the other day, I made it clear that I would not accept 100% fault in a situation that required multiple people, multiple actions, multiple reactions, multiple comments/arguments/thoughts/requests.  And I stood by that.  No, some of them aren’t happy and they are demanding a specific action in order to “move forward” but I am maintaining my ground.  Others are able to have and maintain their relationships while I am able to re-establish mine.  I realized that I also needed to re-establish a relationship with myself and sometimes the people we thought would be with us on our journey don’t come with us.  That’s ok.  I don’t have time to try and be every version people expect and I am no longer allowing that expectation to exist. 

Today I am grateful for opportunities.  There are still more opportunities coming my way and this is the year for action.  What is meant for us always finds us so as we cross this threshold into the new year, this is super important to remember: what crosses our path does it for a reason.  When we leave the old behind we open the door for the new.  It’s time to stop mourning the past and celebrate what it was and it is time to move forward boldly into the new.  Instead of wanting and wishing things to be a different way or to go back to how it was, honor it and let the rest go.  Welcome those who come into our lives and honor and respect who we are.  Honor those who don’t and wish them well—may they still eat but not at our table.  Big things require big action and this is that momentum.  We feel it, we need it, we move with it.  Take the opportunities that come to us because we wouldn’t have them if they weren’t for us.  Welcome the life that comes with those opportunities. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

True Stories

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“You know some people think that the truth can be hidden with a little decoration, a little coverup and avoidance.  But as time goes by, the truth is always revealed.  What is fake fades away.  And not for nothing, who wants to live with that amount of guilt hiding the truth?  That sounds horrible.  The truth really will set you free,” Erica Russo. Sometimes we don’t realize the extent all those little things, the stories we’ve told pile up.  Even those things we spin with the best of intentions can create problems in the long run.  And Russo is right, no matter what we do, it will come to light.  We even lie to ourselves, only sharing certain parts of our lives or certain versions of ourselves with specific people.  That chameleon act is dangerous as well.  In the grand scheme of things, I’m sure Russo was referencing the big lies that we use to hide behind, but it’s those little things we do that open the door to the things we need to hide behind.  No amount of cover up can erase it, we always carry it with us and it can fester if we don’t address it appropriately.

We can’t change what we do and I will be the first to admit how hard it is to come to terms with some of the things I’ve done—so I know it’s tempting to hide things for fear of how people will see us.  The reality is if we hide what we’ve done then it’s all the worse when people have to find it for themselves.  It’s a heavy weight to carry, the creation of a story, the manipulation of a narrative we spin to make things look not so bad or like we aren’t really at fault/involved.  The lie becomes a chain, an anchor we always have to remember so we can continue to play our part.  It’s much easier to relay the real story than it is to remember the parts we created.  Upkeep is a lot of work, especially on something with a rocky foundation.  Sometimes the truth is as simple as we’ve been telling ourselves the wrong story.  We’ve been believing the wrong things about ourselves.  We’ve created an image and a label based on our own interpretation and fear of something we’ve done and it doesn’t align with who we really are. 

Honesty must start with ourselves and being honest about who we are.  That can be tricky for the people-pleasing chameleons who just want to keep people happy, who seem like they’re placating because they resonate with part of what someone says so their agreement makes them look complicit on one hand and untruthful on the other.  Those people are at most risk of losing who they are because all they have are their masks.  But as Russo said, all that is fake fades away, so wearing that mask will eventually not offer the protection we think it has.  So as we continue our journey forward this year, this is another step in our process—revealing and facing what was hidden.  There are so many degrees of “hard” as we’ve spoken about before and we can choose our “hard” whether that’s hiding or telling the truth.  The difference is only one will allow us to be fully who we are and unlocks our fullest potential. Only one keeps us free to move in both thought and action.  Only one sets us up for success.  Spend time creating the life we want instead of the projection/imitation of what we want people to think we are.  With grace and honesty, we will see all we want to.    

Bury The Horses, Shake The Devil

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In the spirit of the horse I want to revisit part of a piece I shared years ago.  Florence Welch sings in her song “Shake it Out” from 2011, “And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind; I can never leave the past behind.  I can see no way, I can see no way.  I’m always dragging that horse around.  All of his questions such a mournful sound.  Tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground; I’m done with my graceless heart, so tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart; it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back.”  I sing and share this song as an anthem for the momentum of this year.  The things that hold us back are in our own minds.  We can decide to move forward and let the dead horse lie because what good does it do to continue to beat the issue to death?  All it serves is an anchor to a time when we were a different person.  Even the happy moments we’d like to replay in our minds no longer exist and that can lead to it own type of pain seeking that feeling again.  What have we told ourselves we need to keep with us and for what reason?  Do we display our faults as a sort of penance?  Do we hide them because we fear what others will think of us? Yes and Yes, whether we know it or not. 

The human psyche wants to be accepted and seeks protection knowing it’s part of a group and somehow validated.  We either hide what we are for fear of not being included or we display them for some sort of demonstration of self-awareness/self-deprecation.  In either case we lose sight of the potential of what we can be and who we are. We take these tings we’ve done and somehow make them our identity.  Even if we know all the millions of facets of who we are and all the millions of other things we’ve done that were right on par, we find a way to relive those fantastic lows.  This year is about movement and I encourage all of us to look at the horses we need to bury and the ones that will take us to freedom.  What devils have we created and decided to carry along for the ride?  To dance, we must be free of those burdens.  We must forgive ourselves and create a new story, one that we tell, not the devils inside our minds.

I still remember the first time I heard “Shake it Out” and how it stopped me in my tracks.  Hearing the lyrics I shared above triggered such an emotion it was as if I’d written them myself. Repeating the same stories doesn’t show us a new option and, personally, this is the year I want to move forward.  I know what the same story has gotten me all this time and I’m tired of it.  I know what this version looks like day in and day out and there’s a reason I’ve been trying to leave it behind—we all have something like that.  But we can restart, and as we spoke about yesterday, this year in particular demands it.  This is a chance to finally leave those pieces of us in the past with no regret.  Take charge and take the journey forward.  Take the lessons and figure out how to apply them on the next phase.  Make peace with whatever we need to and accept that’s enough, forgiving ourselves is enough.  Embracing who we are is enough.  We are enough to move forward.      

2026, The Horse

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Note, This is an amalgamation of several pieces and thoughts and posts strung together—I’ve cited work where appropriate.

Welcome to 2026. I want to hit the ground running this year, with feeling and meaning and no more nonsense.  The nonsense of baggage weighing down the steps we need to take because we feel so much of it.  Feeling was great, now it’s time to feel through it.  The feeling is done, it’s time to advance in what the feeling showed us and the lessons that came with it.  Shop Catalog said it perfectly: 2025 taught us what to release, 2026 asks us to move and clarity becomes courage.  The shedding is done, what’s aligned stays and what’s next runs forward.  One year revealed the truth, the next lives it.  And maybe that type of energy is what I’m picking up on because I’m certainly feeling like I’m ready to move on.

This is the year of the horse.  This s a year of application and movement.  There is nothing left to prepare for.  Complete the shedding of all that no longer serves, of all that doesn’t work, of all that doesn’t feel right, and get to work.  It’s an exciting time.  It’s a busy time and it’s an incredibly important time in the way of transformation.  It’s the next step in our personal evolution and it will change everything.    

To expand a bit more, 2025 was the year of the snake which taught us how to shed what no longer fits.  It was a season of quiet clarity—one that asked us to slow down, listen honestly, and recognize where we were living out of habit instead of truth.  The lesson wasn’t about rushing change, but about understanding why it was necessary.  The snake reminded us that growth often happens invisibly, and that letting go is not an ending, but a preparation for what comes next.  The year of the horse brings movement, courage, and forward momentum. Where the snake revealed the truth, the horse asks us to act on it.  To trust our instincts, choose freedom over familiarity and move boldly toward what feels aligned.  This is a year of embodiment and expansion, where clarity turns into action and confidence grows through passion.  The shedding is done, now we run (all via Shop Catalog). 

Golden Alchemist explains further: 2026 is not continuation energy, this is restart energy. 2026 is a numerology 1 year and it’s a horse year and this is exactly what happens when destiny wants motion again.  Horse energy is momentum, one energy is rebirth.  This is why 2025 felt like a hallway.  You weren’t stuck, you were being positioned.  Horse years do not move slowly.  They break stagnation, they return passion to the body.  The one year does not ask who you were it asks who you’re willing to become and who you’re becoming.  This is the timeline where your confidence returns, your voice returns.  You become more charismatic, everything starts to line up perfectly for you. The horse doesn’t sprint to escape, it sprints to find freedom. So the 2026 energy is not subtle, it’s like taking your first breath after you’ve been holding your breath for so long.  The fact is you’re not preparing anymore, you’re becoming.  And the horse year aligning with numerology number one year is a perfect synchronicity to start something year.  Because this is the year you’re cultivating a brand new identity you get to decide who you want to be starting this brand new nine year cycle.

That being said: Let’s get it. 

Happy New Year

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Abundance Alchemist:

Looking back it makes sense now

2020 cracked the ground beneath everything you thought was stable

2021 forced the questions you’d been avoiding.

2022 took what wasn’t real, even when it hurt

2023 asked you to rebuild quietly, without applause

2024 taught you patience, discipline, and inner strength

2025 brought you back to yourself, stripped, honest, awake

2026 doesn’t ask for preparation anymore.  It asks for movement

In the vein of movement, this year is going to be a beast in the best possible way.  It’s forward, it’s progress, it’s work, it’s joy.  We are now entering the season of doing—we are no longer waiting for the right time or waiting for permission or waiting for someone to agree or to explain ourselves.  This is an honoring of what we’ve accomplished so far, a remembrance of what we’ve done this year and a welcoming of everything new that we are meant to be.  I said before I don’t expect anyone to wake up tomorrow with a switch flipped as an entirely new person but I do expect a clear intention.  I expect I’m not the only one who feels what the alchemist said above—we have prepared enough.  And that serves well because they say If you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready.  We are ready for what comes next.  We decide what comes next.  Remember: We will not see any results if we continue the patterns or stay still. I am ready and this year is waiting for movement.  It’s time.  Happy New Year!

The Soul Flies

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“I’m not the wound, I’m not the fall.  Not the silence, not the wall.  I’m not the night they couldn’t see.  I’m the best me, rising free.  I’m not what happened to me.  I’m what I choose to be.  Each step I take, I shift, rise.  The past dissolves before my eyes. Not the moment, not the mark. I am more than what went dark.  I hold the sun behind my skin.  I plant the truth and grow within.  I’m not what happened to me. I’m what I choose to be.  Each breath I take, I shift, I rise. The story ends, the soul flies.  I’m not what happened to me,”  Good Vibes Tribe 11:11.  We need this reminder.  We’ve been trained to cling to our mistakes like they’re who we are.  As if any mistake we make needs to be branded on us like a scarlet letter of sorts, always reminding us and the world of what we’ve done.  We created a society that likes extremes so we tend to fixate on those who do something really bad or those who do something really good—and it’s even better when someone who usually is good is doing something bad.  We like it when people don’t live up to our expectations and really make a mess because we can look at their character and actions instead of our own.  We can sit there and be grateful it isn’t us.  But I want to talk about this concept of forgiveness and the idea that maybe we don’t have to live as our mistakes even if we have to live with them.

Human are powerful in so many ways, imagine what would happen if we released every block on our hearts, minds, and souls and simply allowed ourselves the grace to be.  What if we let go of the hatred we hold for ourselves so we stop lashing out at others?  What if we forgave our mistakes so no one could lord them over us?  What if we took our power back?  Humans live an entire span of life that moves so much faster than we realize that it makes NO sense whatsoever to define a lifetime by a single moment.  Groupthink makes us feel powerful because we can come together as a collective and share a common opinion/thought on something even if that something is someone else.  When we remember our own power and realize that their thoughts aren’t reality and that we control the narrative we break that shackle of judgement right off. No one has walked in our shoes so what gives anyone the right to judge in the first place?  The lyrics shared at the beginning of this piece felt so appropriate, especially in a time when everyone is now focused on pushing ahead.  The point isn’t to hide what we’ve done or to pretend it never happened—it’s to learn and if we dwell there or shove it so far down we forgot it exists, we miss the point.  We are all here for a lesson:

We get to choose who we are and what we do.  We define our success and failures.  If we are certain we’ve done our part well, that’s all that’s needed.  We get to set ourselves free when we forgive anything we believed we needed to carry around as a constant reminder and we free up all that mental space to use that energy for something amazing—the fullest expression of who we are.  We transcend any blocks or limitations we put on ourselves because someone told us we should.  We become light for someone else to do the same so they can be a light and so on and so on until the world is ignited with purpose and hope and joy.  Once we decide to let go of the darkness and release the weight of the veil between then and now, we become limitless.  I’m tired of cutting off the buds of truth I’ve planted over and over again because something triggers me to feel lost in what happened before.  It’s time to let that seed sprout and grow into an entire garden.  Nothing grows in the dark and nothing remains hidden forever so we must learn to stop casting our own shadow and living there.  We are not what happens to us, we are what we decide to be.          

The Real Motivator

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“The most powerful alarm clock is purpose.  Build a life worth living and your passion will wake you up before any alarm,” via enlightenthoughts. We are creatures of habit who benefit from structure—so much so we need to be aware of not getting ourselves in a rut or becoming too narrow focused.  Some people say laser focus is necessary and I would agree that in some cases being laser focused and specific is needed—I don’t want a surgeon watching TV while operating.  We need drive to really get us going.  If this year didn’t take us where we want to be or if we find ourselves asking what our purpose is, now is the time to consider the changes we can make moving forward.  The past can’t be changed but we can change the future as I’ve said and that is something we’ll talk about more.  Since we crave routine, we focus on developing those habits that help us become who we want to be.  Is it really motivating to wake up and immediately have to get ready for a job that requires you dress a certain way, eat at designated times, only allows a few weeks off at most (with permission)?  The motivation there is external.  I challenge everyone to find that internal motivation.  The motivation that doesn’t even need to tell us to get going.  It’s the drive to accomplish something, not complete a list of tasks for the day that will never end and we repeat it tomorrow.

We often feel like we are trapped, like we have no way out because we aren’t expressing our true selves, sharing our unique gifts, or communicating our honest thoughts and feelings.  We spend too much time hiding behind the image we’ve created and we can get lost there.  Living truth looks different for everyone.  It’s not something that can be done FOR someone.  We know that feeling when we’re doing something out of obligation or just routine and it’s a matter of feeling like we just need to get through it.  Life is so much more than just getting through.  This is the perfect time to pivot.  Don’t set ourselves up with some lofty goal of changing our lives overnight and suddenly on 1/1/26 we’re a new person.  Look at he amalgamation of all the events of our lives, especially those in the last year and ask where they are leading us to next.  We know where we are, we need to know the next step to get to where we’re going and doing a deep dive let’s us see the little things we still need to shift.  As we ask ourselves those questions, we can also ask if we’re getting up in the morning because we have to or because we get to.  If the answer is because we have to, it’s time to go further and find out what makes us want to get up.  What is the thing that makes us say, “I can’t believe I get to do this!” and actually mean it?

Now is not the time to get down on ourselves for any misses we’ve had up to this point.  We can’t replay that game anyway.  Now is the time to decide who we are and if we are willing to do what it takes to be that person.  It doesn’t matter what it is whether it’s stopping a habit or picking up a new one, if it’s believing in ourselves or learning some humility, stepping up or stepping away.  I want to emphasize when I talked about knowing I needed to take time off and didn’t do it, I KNEW I needed that time off and I paid for it.  Constant fear and worry, a feeling of always being ON, a mind that couldn’t complete a coherent sentence in conversation, who forgot the conversation while having it, who wrote things down and still forgot because there was so much to do and my mind was so crowded it couldn’t take anymore.  And that was the fun time when my mind decided it also needed to replay my greatest hits of every mistake in my life and every potential mistake and loss going forward.  Sometimes we have to forgive the past so it stops holding a veil over our future.  We will never see that future (or be able to live it) if we are constantly filtering it through old events.  We need to understand that WE are the ones holding that veil.  Our passion and true self is always accessible, that person is right there, and they will be present if we stop forcing them to hide behind who we were.  We need to forgive and decide to live how we are meant to because that’s what we’re here for.  Decide to feel that purpose, decide to get out of our own way.  Bring all that power back and share that purpose with the world.