Today I am grateful to be proven wrong and attempt to turn things around.  I had two pretty dark days this past week.  Things simply not working out led me to spiral onto a path I haven’t been on in a while but, unfortunately, proved all to easy to go down again.  I went to the depths of self-loathing and fear when all I’ve been talking about and working on has been self-love.  For a brief moment it felt like all of that work meant nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  I didn’t have any active thoughts of harm but I certainly went as low as not understanding why I was still here and that all the things I’ve been working for are against me.  I allowed myself to wallow in pity for a bit but something told me not to talk about it to really put that out there so I kept the level of the hurt quiet.  The next day I got an apologetic text asking for more time and another opportunity.  Something told me to go with it so I did.  The call turned out way better than I thought it would.  While there is nothing definitive at this moment, I’m grateful to know that there is a legitimate option for me.  It isn’t as bleak as it felt, and I know that this is still an area that I need to focus on healing more. 

Today I am grateful for reminders of faith.  As I’ve shared many times, I’m not a particularly religious person.  I don’t subscribe to one doctrine, I prefer to embrace the central idea of it all which is connection, compassion, and confidence in the plan.  But what I’ve felt as of late is a draw to a more faithful lifestyle.  That isn’t to say I feel like a need a doctrine to follow, but it is to say that I feel a need to surrender a bit more and let go of control, to honor and trust that there is something guiding me beyond where I’m at now.  It makes me feel good to see other people expressing their beliefs and showing living demonstrations of faith whether it is the timing of things working out, a confirmation of a belief/feeling they have, and what connection means to them.  There is something in it that warms me and draws me to it.  Perhaps it is something about the camaraderie and connection in it, but there is a security in knowing there is something more that we can tap into at any time.  It feels good to listen and follow what I’m drawn to.

Today I am grateful for what I can let go of.  I’ve been so blessed in my life and I’ve recently clarified that the things I want truly aren’t material.  My frustration that I felt earlier in the week stemmed from the perception that I wasn’t meant to fulfill any purpose as the steps I seemed to be taking forward toward my goals were thwarted somehow—it had nothing to do with something I wasn’t getting, it was the blocking of purpose.  The truth is it is a privilege to be able to let go of things.  To have enough experience in life that we can release what doesn’t serve us.  We have a surplus of memories and lessons that we are able to pick and choose from and if something doesn’t work for us, we can pick another route.  To be able to create a life that has options and choices is a gift.  Many people still don’t have that opportunity so I am grateful to be able to decide it’s time to release it, and more so, to choose a new path.  That’s a powerful position to be in.  Sometimes when we don’t see progress it’s easy to feel disheartened.  But when we trust and are resourceful, we see we have created a new way to get where we want to be.  Let go of the doubt and fear and embrace confidence and trust.

Today I am grateful for symbols and breakthrough.  I feel like a lot of the stories, feeds, reels that I’ve been drawn to lately have been messages I need to hear.  I mean, I know we are drawn to things that resonate with us, but this feels different—like it’s serendipitous.  Some of the things I wanted to hear and review later are gone so me seeing them when I did was totally serendipitous.  One of the breakthroughs I witnessed was about closing doors.  Have you ever noticed that the lessons we need to learn emotionally sometimes manifest physically? So in this instance, the person talked about how she constantly left doors open—cabinet doors specifically.  She said she knew that this was something she did when she tended to get distracted—the more distracted she got the more doors would be open.  While doing some personal work to get over an experience she had in the last year, she saw a message her husband had written on the cabinets as a daily reminder to close the doors and in that moment, she realized that was the issue with her past—she couldn’t let go of the past, the door in her mind was constantly open to it.  This is a metaphor I can carry in my life as well.  I relive the feelings constantly and Joe Dispenza talks about how that puts our brain/body in a constant state of reliving those moments.  In order to get past the past, it becomes a decision to close the door and learn a new pattern of thought. 

Today I am grateful to shift focus.  There are several goals related to this: 1. Release fear related to confidence, ability, and time. 2. Pick one area to focus on at a time in order to produce results.  When we spend our time focused, we waste less. 3. Don’t let old fears related to scarcity take over—don’t get distracted by what seems to be “as it is” and learn to shift focus to the options and understand that all is well.  4. Embrace the groups that feel right and the people who support me, in short the things that align with who I am. 5. Recognize what does and doesn’t serve the core of who I am and have the strength to stick to that, with out fear, shame, or regret.  Be in my authenticity at all times.  When these things are the focus of my day, it’s easier to shut out the noise—and there is a lot of noise in this world.  To humble myself and give up my time in order to learn, to understand I don’t know it all and that there are many different ways to achieve my goals—and to learn how to not take no for an answer—is a beautiful thing.  It is safe to follow our paths and passion.  That will take us further than following any crowd.  I am blessed to have a group of people that can take me that far and show me those options/opportunities.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.