“We need to feel to heal, yes. But too much feeling too soon, too fast, just re-triggers trauma. Feeling is healing only when it feels safe to do so,” Cory Muscara. Navigating the mind is difficult work. Some of the most challenging work we face. In my personal experience, I believe this quote sums up some of how my cycles repeat and I’m willing to bet it’s the truth for most of you as well. We think we have healed, that we have gotten to a point where we can “handle” old situations again only to find ourselves balled up in a corner repeating the same patterns. Real healing means knowing what works for us, what triggers us, and what we need to avoid versus what we can safely engage with. That includes our feelings. I know there are many times my mind isn’t a kind or safe place to be. The floodgates of every negative thing unleash themselves in my brain and it’s abundantly clear there is work to be done. I consider myself a high-functioning person (even if trauma exists still) and I know I fall back into patterns constantly.
While we aren’t responsible for what happened to us, we do bear the burden of fixing it. We are responsible for where our lives go from the point we decide to move forward. It’s naïve to think we will never experience a trigger for something personal to us—the world isn’t meant to sugar coat life because life simply happens. It isn’t personal even if it is personal to us if that makes sense. Getting to a point where we aren’t triggered by the world is key to navigate through it. That is where boundaries are important. Unhealed wounds, hurt people, and unresolved issues create an entirely new slew of issues if we don’t deal with them properly. While the world won’t shield us, we need to shield ourselves. It’s ok to say that we are working on these things. We’ve been trying to live in a world that doesn’t work, pretending it’s the norm, all the while knowing inside something isn’t right. It’s up to us to manage our expectations as well as our progress on that path.
Healing isn’t linear and it takes a lot of courage and fortitude to stand up and say we are no longer going to deal with what broke us. it’s a great responsibility to take on our lives—but that responsibility is one of the greatest things we will ever pick up. The decision to heal and move forward is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves because we are learning to live in our own story and to take back the power of what is ours. It isn’t noble to push beyond where we are at if we are genuinely unhealed because that backfires. We also don’t want to get to the point where we feel nothing. It’s a fine line to deal with what we know works for us and knowing when it’s time to push and, more importantly, when not to. Keep going, no matter what. Even if it means saying no. Keep going until we can say yes and know we mean it. Keep going until it makes sense. Don’t hurt ourselves in the process, but do not stop. Remember, every step is momentum, and any progress is progress. Take the win.
I’ve held onto things for ages, the thing and the memory stay with me for a long time. While my short-term memory suffers a bit these days (age and stress), my long-term memory is like a steel trap. The subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between a real and imagined experience so the memory of an event, recent or far, pleasant or traumatizing, is just as real as the initial experience. Every time we think of an event or re-hash it or think of what we could have done differently, we are re-living the event. When we choose to hold onto things it’s the same as experiencing the memory of that moment again. What things are we holding onto that we can let go of?
The same can be said about the emotional weight. If we don’t have a clear relationship with our thoughts and actively choose our thoughts, it’s easy for those thoughts to sweep us away. We can be present at work and suddenly find ourselves regretting a fight from 15 years ago. We know the physical accumulation of things creates clutter, but what about the mental? If we are dealing with things long past, that creates clutter in the mind just as much as physical clutter around us. The more we start and don’t finish, the more weight we have to carry. That includes projects, deep dives into who we are, resolving any issues we’ve had. It isn’t just about decluttering, it’s about releasing the attachment that comes with it. We have a tendency to spread ourselves so thin with attachments to things and people over the years that there isn’t enough left of us to determine who we are.
I’m not saying do away with sentiment, I’m saying choose sentiment carefully. Choose commitments carefully. Choose thoughts carefully. All of those things become part of who we are whether we like it or not. Don’t allow the clutter to accumulate to the point we can no longer carry it. More importantly, remember to choose what we want to carry in the first place. It isn’t entirely about comfort or aesthetic—it’s about function. It’s easier to function on a clear path and to see the next steps than it is on a crowded, dark path. Simply, it also feels better to navigate a clear path. Take the time to clear the way. The work may not be fun, but it is worth it.
What I love about self-improvement and increasing self-awareness and self-worth is that most of the work is simple and straight-forward. It’s work that solidifies and backs common sense and teaches us that the foundation is key. There are some who believe it’s self-centered work and selfish and that people lacking confidence or belief or direction simply need to get out of their heads and focus on others. There comes a point with self-improvement where action for others is necessary but I want to dispel this myth that self-improvement is selfish. What those tough love folks don’t realize is that most people lacking in confidence were taught that their opinions, beliefs, thoughts, feelings, voice, body, needs, anything about them came second to everyone else in the world. They were taught they were obligated to their caregivers rather than a caregiver being someone with whom they could form a foundation of trust, security, and bonding with.
The truth is, developing confidence does involve getting out of our own heads, getting out of our own way but we can’t do that until we see the ways we block ourselves, where we formed false beliefs and fears. Again, this is a simple, straight-forward thing. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. So let that be another myth we dispel here: simple does not equate to easy. Simple can be some of the hardest work we do until we learn to navigate the inner labyrinth of our minds, hearts, and souls. It involves putting aside what we know and venturing into both the light and dark sides of us, being willing to see all of who we are, and to embrace the parts that aren’t so great, as well as the parts that need love the most. For some, that journey is never necessary. They are secure in the foundation early on. For others it takes work.
This is also an ode to encourage those who need to take this journey to not set expectations as we’ve done before. There is no finish line, no “due by” date when we will be “fixed.” It’s a task to settle the mind and change habits we’ve been brought up with. Changing mind set isn’t easy for those with a decent foundation, so anyone with some shaky ground to navigate has a bit more work to do. Don’t give up because we think simple means it will come naturally. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about using a spoon, if we haven’t been taught or given the tools, it will seem alien on our first attempt. We aren’t meant to know things without context, experience, or foundation—that doesn’t make us failures. If we are struggling to figure it out, give some grace. Have some patience and have some faith that we are meant to develop over time. We all have our time so move at a pace that works and feels right. After all, in order to help others we need to know HOW we can help others and that is completely reliant on confidence and self-worth. Do not mistake simple for easy. Simple is often some of the hardest work we do.
“Once you officially decide to leave old situations behind, your mind will settle down your heart will automatically feel at ease and your soul will forever be grateful for the relief you provided,” Esther T. The knowledge of what you want to do and the next steps you need to take is like a flashlight in the dark. It’s like a welcome ray of sunshine that lights up the day. There is immense power in deciding. We’ve spoken of assurance and affirmations and action over the last few days and I want to highlight that there is a chain of events set in motion when you decide. That decision creates the clarity you need to move forward and suddenly the life you want can take shape. I want to reiterate from yesterday’s post that the decision should be in actual alignment with who you are rather than what you think you’re supposed to be, but that decision nonetheless can change the course.
I ended yesterday’s piece speaking of the chaos of fear. Fear is designed to keep us aware at its core, but what happens is the confusion creates a space of confusion in our minds as well. We can’t see which way to go and suddenly everything around us becomes dangerous. It is a choice to leave things behind that no longer serve and we need the wherewithal to understand what no longer serves. In that regard we need to be stronger than our fears and we need to see fear for what it is. We can appreciate the goal to keep us safe, but we can also acknowledge when that fear is simply dialed in too high. We don’t want to live in chaos, we can’t function in chaos, things can’t settle in chaos. So we need to learn to find the center of our own storm and make the choice on how we want to proceed. Deciding immediately eliminates other options, and while that is scary, sometimes the less distraction around us, the easier we can see what options apply to us.
I don’t claim the answers will suddenly appear—although that is a comforting thought to me and I do believe it CAN happen—but I do attest and back the assumption that creating clarity with a decision eliminates the self-induced anxiety that comes from trying to be all things to everyone at once. I also fully believe that keeping your center in the storm and knowing who you are provides a security that you wouldn’t find outside of yourself. Let go of the old patterns as soon as you recognize they aren’t working. Understand we aren’t meant to be all things to all people—we are simply meant to bring out the best in ourselves to shine that light further on the world. Sitting in something we are familiar with but miserable in doesn’t serve any better than going after a goal that isn’t for us. We aren’t meant to be miserable. We are meant to live in joy and love and we need to acknowledge our worth of that joy and love. It feels so much better living there than it is to stay in chaos.
Let go of the chaos and the addiction to chaos. It feels much better being light and carrying ourselves than it does being afraid and feeling like we have to carry the world. Just because we are familiar with something doesn’t mean that it’s the right thing. We need to be who we are, not what we think we need to be. The world is simple, we make it complicated and we can choose to uncomplicate it with the decision to stand firmly in who we are and become who we are meant to be. Allow yourself to recognize who you are and stand on that foundation instead of hoping things will settle around you. Intention is key and focus settles the fear. There is no need to rush, but there is no need to sit in the fear of indecision. You know chaos doesn’t serve even if it feels familiar. The uncomfortable whisper of the unknown has more reason than the din of chaos you’ve allowed yourself to be used to. Make a choice and let the storm settle.
Today I am grateful for love. We had to put down one of our cats Tuesday of this past week. She was our oldest girl, the first baby we had together so to speak. Anyone who has ever loved and lost an animal knows it’s an emotionally draining experience. I stayed home on her last day to be with her, emotions all over the place, trying to find a way to still keep her with us. In the end, I know it was for the best even though it was one of the worst things to go through. But that pain means there was immense love because you can only hurt for something that matters. I am grateful for our remaining animals, for my family, for the support we are forming for each other. I am grateful for the love I still have for my girl, the fact that a love like that exists. We are so blessed to share our lives with people and creatures who bring that much meaning to us. I miss her terribly and it hasn’t even been a week, but I know that love will remain even though she isn’t physically here. I have reminders of her around me and I cherish the time I had with her. How lucky to feel that love?
Today I am grateful for fun. I often allow myself to forget this on a daily basis. I take myself too seriously and the to-do list never seems to end so things get overwhelming. I fear that if I let go and have fun the things I really want, the things I’m working toward won’t happen. As much as I talk about faith, I know that shows a complete lack of faith in what I do. Also, after so many years of suppressing the fun to “get things done,” I’m honestly not very good at it. It takes a lot for me to not approach it as a task. But over the last week I’ve begun learning two different games, both things completely out of my comfort zone—pool and Tripoley. In learning these games, I’ve actually found some confidence. I’ve seen how sheltered I was, how limited my experiences were with people outside of my expected interactions. It isn’t just about the game, it’s about the camaraderie and the interaction. Fun keeps the brain going. Source knows I need every ounce of help I can get with that. I am grateful to learn what fun looks like—and what it feels like.
Today I am grateful for settling. Not settling for something, but settling into who I am. I’m not where I need to be, far from it, but there are facets I’ve struggled with for a long time that seem to be slowly clicking into place. It’s nice to not live in fight or flight constantly. My friend (and neighbor) said something along the lines of not buying things your neighbors have in reference to our relationship and our ability to help each other. I’m the kind of person who always makes sure to take my things back because I’ve had them stolen before and I’ve never felt I would be in one place long enough to let someone have something long term. Now I’m setting up this life and it involves shedding old skins and learning to find stability and trust that I am home—literally and figuratively. This is our home. This is what it means to set up a life. It doesn’t mean life is going to be like this every day, but this is where we have laid our foundation. Settling means more than accepting, it means putting roots in yourself as much as you would a physical location. I am settling into my skin. It feels good.
Today I am grateful to regroup. This is an action I’ve spoken about but have admittedly taken for granted. I’m a thinker, an overthinker, a multiple-trains running on the same track at the same time type mind. Whatever you want to call it, my mind goes fast and is super active, not always with helpful things. You have to learn to interrupt those thoughts as often as necessary and I don’t always do that. I have a tendency to allow them to run their course even if it isn’t healthy and it happens so quickly I don’t always recognize it coming or the signs to step in and stop. There are always things I can improve on, and interrupting that negative train of thought is one of them. Today I took time to put my fears into focus and put the reality front and center.
Today I am grateful for coincidences. I’ve been allowing the thoughts to rage (see above reference to overthinking) and I’ve found the fear pattern of missing out again. Today the universe showed me with abundant clarity that there is a way to feel better, a way to solve the issues I’ve been having. One of my side gigs has kind of gone to the wayside lately because of other obligations. I decided that I’m going to need to re-dedicate some time and attention to it in order to help things along—and in order to help myself. I took a step on one of our products today and about 12 hours later, I received a text from my business partner and she mentioned a presentation this evening that was on a similar topic (gut health). My jaw hit the floor. I’ve been sitting on this product for weeks because I wanted to have a consistent amount of time at home to work with it and that started today. I had no idea this presentation was going on because I’ve been out of the loop. I’m grateful that in spite of my fears, angst, tantrums, and legitimate concerns, the universe is still game to give me signs. Now it’s up to me to follow and respect them, especially when they are in line with what I’ve put out.
Today I am grateful for time. I have an incredibly busy week ahead of me, but I’ve taken some time off from my 9-5 to focus on some work that needs to be done outside of my normal routine. I didn’t get off to the greatest or most consistent start the last two days, but I know where my focus is going. I know what needs to be done. I have seven days to get some of these ideas off the ground and to make some headway with my personal choices. At first I was overwhelmed but then I felt better. It’s time to take care of me, my family, my dreams. A week isn’t a lot, but it is better than nothing and I’m taking this opportunity for all it’s worth. It’s a great chance to simply feel better and take some shots. We all need that every once in a while—just the chance to shoot a shot. I’m taking mine.
“You can spend 100 years in a garage and that don’t make you a car,” Tabitha Brown. A good follow up to our conversation yesterday as it goes more in depth in regards to both alignment and action. As we spoke about affirmations and their ability to lay the foundation of who we are, it’s important to remember that those affirmations also need to align with who we are inherently—not who we think we need to be, but what is already naturally inside of us. We can’t simply say we are something we are not already embodying or feeling to some degree. We need to do things in line with who we are. Tabitha Brown trends toward a more spiritual/religious approach and that is definitely one area that I struggle with. I feel like I need to control everything, that I always need to be vigilant and do my part. But hearing Tabitha speak, I understood that relationship with a higher power a bit differently: Our relationship with source is personal and it requires honesty. Universal energy doesn’t lie, and if we do things not in line with who we are, we will never feel right. If we say one thing and do another, that energy can’t coalesce into anything.
I’m not prepared to have a theological conversation on this platform, that isn’t my goal, but I still want to have a discussion about faith. You don’t need to subscribe to a religion in order to have faith, but you do need to have trust. I’ve struggled with trust my entire life so I admittedly still struggle to trust that things will happen—which is why I control as mentioned above. I have never been taught to rest in assurance that things will unfold for me—I have no problem believing that for others and I’ve witnessed it. But for some reason, it doesn’t translate to me. I don’t know if it stems from loss early on or from disappointment in my relationships with others, varying degrees of people I was supposed to trust not following through, of always having to be the strong one and forgive early on. I learned if I wanted something to happen, I needed to make it happen. Not that I lacked the things I needed, but I didn’t know the extra was available to me—I settled for the basics and anything extra was a gift.
The point is this: we can say we are something but if we don’t align with it and act from that space, the universe doesn’t know what to provide. It requires a degree of faith to rest assured in who you are and to believe that your purpose will unfold as long as you stay to your path. I will stand by everything I’ve written and shared with you over these years in spite of, and perhaps because of my own fears—I truly believe it is possible to achieve whatever goal you set your mind to. It just requires action from that place, from that state of being. That requires trust to take the first step even if you can’t see the entire road before you. Sometimes you have to simply settle where you are and allow the pieces to fall into place. We don’t have to be in a constant state of doing, we just need to find ways to do more of the things in line with who we are. Fear is chaos and good can’t settle in chaos. Sometimes we need to let the good envelop chaos like a blanket in order to calm the storm. We have to trust that there is good in all that happens and we need to trust that it all happens for a reason. That assurance is the blanket and we need to wear it and move from that place of knowing.
“You don’t become confident by shouting affirmations in the mirror, but by having an undeniable stack of proof that you are who you say you are. Outwork your self-doubt,” Alex Hormazi. No disrespect to the author of this quote, but I don’t think it’s entirely true—it is evocative, so here we are discussing it, but I don’t think it’s entirely true. External focus and achievement are one step short of validation seeking if you’re not focused on the right thing. Checking off a list of achievements becomes meaningless in the end. We gain our focus by creating a foundation in WHO WE ARE, so we know what our pursuits are and what purpose we have. That comes from doing deep self-work and creating unshakeable belief in who we are, in affirming the choice of the identity that fits us, and in choosing ourselves repeatedly. Yes, showing ourselves that we CAN do it, that we have the ability is a component of that.
Now, I agree with the point talk alone won’t get you where you want to go. You need to put action behind words. The more actions we take toward our goals and dreams, no matter how small, the more confident we become in taking bigger steps toward those goals and dreams. THAT is absolutely a fact. I like the idea of creating a discipline based on who we are because that feels better than saying we have to achieve all of these things in order to be deemed successful. We decide who we are and then we go BE who we are. It isn’t about fulfilling some checklist we are given that was the image of success decades ago. The world is shifting because that system didn’t work for everyone. Now we are seeing that we have to find who we are and figure out what we bring to the table. It’s no longer about projecting an image, it’s about living the lifestyle that works for us.
I think affirmations help us on the way to creating that foundation because they get us comfortable with that internal conversation of, “I am.” It creates certainty around identity and an environment to learn about the fluidity of that identity and equally the solidity of that identity. What works for us can and will change over time. We evolve, we learn, and we grow into these versions of ourselves that have been trying to surface for ages. The proof doesn’t need to be about proving anything to anyone else—confidence is internal and that means proving to ourselves. Saying and doing are two different things but we have to say who we are before we can be who we are—so they build on each other. Find who we are and allow that person to come through.
“Kill the urge to be chosen. Choose yourself. This is the beginning of loving yourself—welcome home,” Soleoado. This is part of the process of letting things fall apart, of finding the pieces of ourselves that need to be recognized. Couples fight and my husband and I had a doozy over this past week—it was different than before. We didn’t yell, we talked a lot and understood that we are in different places. Neither one of us knew what to do next but we both understood that we were each other’s problem in the respect that we are fundamentally viewing life differently, we have different goals. This can be one of those things that needs to fall apart in order to find who we are. It didn’t hurt to hear that we are going in two directions, it hurt that 1. We weren’t taking the time to figure out how to honor each other’s needs/cooperate with each other to make them happen and 2. That we weren’t making a clear decision to end things if we didn’t want to support the other.
I realized I was waiting for his validation to approve of what I wanted and I was stubbornly invalidating what he wanted. Ironically, it isn’t that I don’t want what he wants, it’s the way we are going about it that I struggle with—we are undercutting our own goals and I no longer want to cry victim, I want to actively go after what we want. I couldn’t communicate that clearly. For most of our relationship, I’ve cleaned up any mess thrown my way. Financial, clutter, deep cleaning, laundry, emotional, legal trouble. I’ve maintained the day to day responsibilities. Paying the mortgage, buying groceries, doctor’s appointments, vet appointments, getting everyone ready in the morning. I’ve maintained the social obligations like birthdays, showers, weddings, parties, family gatherings. It has become too much to maintain on my own and I told him so. I no longer wanted the validation of being a good wife, I just want my sanity back. I want my time back so I can go after what I want to instead of waking up at 3am to squeeze in some me time. I did all that because I wanted him to choose me, to know that I’m a catch. Some of it was fun, yes, but the truth is, I wanted recognition and validation from him that I was good.
I knew during this argument/fight/coming to reality that I was going to have to choose myself even more—I also knew that he was going to have to do the same thing. I don’t want him miserable and agreeing to a life he doesn’t want anymore than I want to do that. I would have to decide to let go of the need for that validation and go after what I wanted. That also meant KNOWING firmly and clearly what I wanted. I know that I want to live my life differently than what I’m doing now. As much as I have improved, there is more to do and more to step up and into. I don’t know what the future holds but I know that I will be with me until my last day so I have to do what works for me over what I think others want. People are adaptable and there comes a point where they will either shift with or away. Loving ourselves enough to honor who we are and go for the lives we are meant to have is a huge commitment. But it’s better than being miserable and hoping for the life of our dreams to fall in our laps. And even if the person we chose doesn’t choose us back, it may not be US, it’s a matter of them honoring who they are as well. Reasons, seasons, and lifetimes—let it happen.
“Sometimes you have to fall apart to find pieces of yourself you didn’t know were there,” Soleoado. Deciding to follow our own paths can be lonely at times. Sometimes it feels like everything we know is being taken away from us. Sometimes we simply have to let it fall away to let the light shine through. The vulnerability of letting ourselves be seen in that state, where our honest goals and desires are shared with the world is unlike other forms of vulnerability. It feels like the light is shined on every facet we’ve kept hidden—it feels naked and exposed. But we can’t see those parts of us if we don’t take a light to them. Sometimes the path we thought was solidly under our feet crumbles like sand and we have to rebuild. In that rebuilding we are given the opportunity to create who we are and align that person with the facets we’ve previously hidden.
This is a natural part of growth. The snake sheds its skin, the plant sometimes loses leaves, we lose our baby teeth, everything expands. That is the nature of life and we no longer fit in the previously chosen/assigned definitions of who we are. Things have to break down to grow. I wrote a piece a while back about breaking down to break through. It isn’t so much about ourselves shattering. It’s about the ideas of who we are that we have to break. In the same breath, there are facets of ourselves that need to be sharpened and honed because they are hidden inside. Let it break. I’ve made the mistake of treating my life like a series of endless spinning plates. As if everything I take on needs to be maintained forever. It’s exhausting and the body/mind knows when it’s time to let the plates fall. I don’t want to fight that anymore.
As scary as it is to let things go, to let them fall apart, there is a feeling of relief in dropping the things that were never ours to carry in the first place. Emptying our cup of the negativity and filling it with the essence of who we are is the greatest act of self love. Our cup doesn’t shatter, it just needed to empty to clear out what wasn’t meant for us. We get to choose what liquid comes back in. We get to choose what you bring out. Falling apart allows things to fall together and gives a new perspective. Maybe we needed to get closer to the real us and maybe that version couldn’t exist in the current circumstance. Be grateful for the opportunity that comes from laying the puzzle out differently.
Rob Dyrdek shared a fascinating look at discipline on his podcast. He talks about watching Kobe Bryant and Tom Brady and thinking their level of discipline was too extreme but changing perspective once understanding how everything in our existence matters—from what we choose to eat, how we spend our time, understanding the compound effect of our actions. Those of us with wandering minds can find discipline challenging because we aren’t focused on one goal at a time. I know my mind spins constantly so finding any consistency requires an intense focus. What I’ve learned though is that much of what we think we have to do is really just extraneous noise. If we learn to eliminate the clutter and distraction, discipline gets much easier.
We talk a lot about creating the lives we want and that means getting clear on ourselves and who we want to be, our goals, and how we want to feel and then it means acting on those things that get us there. Stepping away from the expected path and creating something that works for us, something sustainable, something authentic requires an extraordinary amount of discipline. Sometimes those choices aren’t easy because the old ways are just beneath the surface, waiting for us, letting us off the hook. So, yes, watching the greats, whether it is the great athletes, the great writers, the great minds, the great artists, it’s important to understand they know their path and they stick with it. It isn’t a chore when it comes to something that needs to be shared and expressed to the world—it is a gift. The joy of expressing self, of being seen and the value of it is never really pressed upon is. Being seen by those who understand us is what helps create fulfillment of our purpose. It isn’t egotistical or selfish, it’s purposeful.
In my experience, I felt discipline meant living in a cage. I wanted freedom to do what I want, I hated hearing people tell me what to do, I even wanted to prove that their rules or the things they focused on didn’t make sense. I ended up spending a lot of time running around the mountain telling people they were doing it wrong instead of learning how to learn the lesson and move on, to create my own path. Ironically as soon as I felt lost, I would BEG for the universe to show me the way, to tell me exactly what to do. Discipline is what keeps us from scattering energy uselessly—in my case from starting a million projects and leaving them unfinished. Discipline isn’t the act of caging anything, it’s the act of responding to a calling and holding our values accordingly. It only becomes a cage when we listen to others over ourselves, waiting to hear our own voices.
Forging our paths isn’t always easy. It’s dirty, messy, challenging, and even scary at times but it’s worth the effort and the dedication to your authenticity to keep going. There are no short cuts and the hard truth is that there really isn’t anyone or anything standing between you and your goals except ourself. Once we learn to get out of our own way, put down the fear, put down the story we’ve told ourselves about who we are and what we need to do, put down the habit of seeking comfort over our dreams—that’s where the magic is. It isn’t extreme to spend our time taking action toward our goals—it’s a necessary facet to exert the dedication and discipline to see our dreams through. No one else will do it. We make it happen and we will only get so far as our dedication to our dreams accompanied with consistent action takes us. It’s in all of us to make it happen. Choose our dreams, we only get one life.
The Intentional Dreamer 