“Stay focused.  Don’t listen to anything.  What’s on your mind, just do it because what’s destined for you, you’re gonna get.”  This is a good follow up to yesterday’s piece.  The challenges we face are that noise, whether it’s from other people or the voice in our heads—that’s the noise we need to ignore.  We need to focus on the goal and know that when we work toward it and we keep that focus, it will happen.  This is about faith.  This is about real belief.  This is the hardest part of the game.  I struggle with it every day because that inner voice happens to be really loud for me—and really negative, especially about things that haven’t happened yet.  The voice and the old thought patterns are so deeply engrained that they can be really difficult to turn off.  The more we level up and the more we step into unknown territory with our growth, the louder those voices become.  So that devil we talked about yesterday often comes from within. 

It can be really hard to believe that we can move forward especially if we haven’t seen that level of success before.  I now I’ve struggled with the whole you’ll see it when you believe it concept.  I’m a pretty fact based girl so not a lot of my time was spent in faith so I wanted to see hard evidence that something existed or would happen before I believed—I needed to see it to believe it.  But what I’ve learned and what I know I need to practice is that those are the moments we need to have the most faith.  Don’t let anyone talk us out of our dreams, least of all ourselves.  Too many times we take ourselves out of the game before we even try.  We never learn what we are capable of if we don’t push ourselves to follow through and keep our promises—we talked about that a lot last week.

I haven’t learned anything new since yesterday about how to eliminate that devil except to have faith.  That and we can’t keep one foot on the other side of the fence and say we think it will happen.  That’s like resting on the edge and hoping the wind blows us to one side or the other.  The secret to faith is to dive in entirely and see what comes up.  I’ve always been afraid to swim but I know I’m not going to learn by standing with my feet on the ladder to the pool.  It’s the same concept here.  We won’t learn what we are capable of if we keep one foot tied to the old ways of thinking and doing.  Commit to learning and let go of the edge.  When we have that kind of belief, we learn to carry ourselves.  We learn to follow through and we build confidence learning things one step at a time.  Just remember to keep our eyes on the goal—let the noise fall away and the rest becomes easy.  Do the work and watch it come our way.   

Today I am grateful for inspiration.  There are moments when I think I have it all figured out.  Moments that I think I have it all under control and that I know exactly what to do next.  There are moments when I think I can do it all on my own, that I’m responsible for everything and that I will drive myself to do whatever I need to do next.  Not only have I learned that it’s unhealthy and not true to know everything about everything, it’s impossible—living that way is impossible.  There comes a point when I simply don’t have the energy to continue.  This is why we all need support.  We need those reminders, those people to push us past where we are stuck and to keep us going.  Sometimes we need people to remind us of our why because we’ve wound up on a track rather than moving forward.  My team is at their conference this weekend and I’ve been able to catch snippets of it—and it has been a great reminder to keep going, more than what I’ve been doing on my own.  The magic is on the other side of fear, create the reason to move.

Today I am grateful for decisions.  I’ve been frustrated with the lack of momentum in certain areas of my life for a while now.  I fell into victim mode, mainly because I couldn’t understand why things weren’t coming together.  Then I realized this is the essential pattern that I need to break.  I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and so frustrated when things don’t go how I anticipate they should and I need to learn to consistently adjust.  Minor inconveniences or even major setbacks don’t necessarily mean things aren’t meant to be—they may simply mean they aren’t meant to be in the present moment or that we have to approach it from a different angle.  Once we decide on that mindset, new opportunities are more apparent.  So much of what we have to do to gain clarity and momentum is to keep going.  I’ve stopped so close to the finish line many times and I’ve regretted it.  Don’t give up—keep moving.

Today I am grateful for support.  I had an interaction with my mom on Friday that left me feeling frustrated, drained, sad, and a little angry.  I’m also struggling with reconciling those feelings because she’s done these things that warrant those emotions all while helping in her own way.  I’ve felt fairly alone lately because my husband and I have a lot going on and he’s been working different hours than me so we haven’t been able to connect—in fact us losing touch with each other was one of my worries recently.  It’s been isolating.  Regardless, as I drove home after this interaction, all of the emotion hit me.  When I got home, my husband hugged me close and even rubbed my back for a while and the tears came fast.  It was exactly what I needed.  He understood I needed that understanding and affirmation of where I’m at right now and he gave it to me.  Sometimes that support comes when we least expect it and that is exactly when we need it—or at least I did.  I’m grateful for it.

Today I am grateful for action.  As frustrating as it can be, sometimes life gets us to a low point so we have no other option but to move a certain way—or to finally move at all in some cases.  For me, I’ve been working in circles for quite some time.  Always moving, always pushing the same pieces around the board and that type of movement can feel productive in the moment, but eventually we see we are in the same spot.  I’ve been in such a position lately, where it feels like the options are narrowing in regards to the things I actually want to do—so if I want to do them then I only have one way to go.  We can take action but we also must commit to that action.  Things don’t always turn out on the first or even the hundredth try, but we need to pivot each time and adapt.  It can feel like life is closing in when certain options are no longer available, but sometimes that is the key to finding what we need.  That’s when we move on it.

Today I am grateful for vision.  When we have a vision on how we want things to be, we need to act accordingly.  So applying action (as mentioned above) to that vision will ensure results.  Even if they aren’t the results we anticipated, those results show us what we need to do next.  When that vision is tied to our purpose, even better.  The clearer we see things the easier it is to make decisions and move in the direction we intend.  Sometimes the path toward the vision doesn’t look how we thought it would and that’s when it’s easiest to get derailed and think it means we aren’t meant to go in that direction.  I know that’s when I have given up numerous times.  I understand now that the vision I had wasn’t strong enough—because when we are really clear, we know how to pivot and keep things on the tracks even if it’s a detour.  When we are unclear, we tend to stop and jump to a new track altogether.  Results come from consistent action toward a goal, not from leaping from one thing to another.  I’m grateful for vision to keep me going and to remind me to move in spite of the fear. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.           

“Have faith and keep working on your dream.  Every level has a new devil,” Brett Portelli.  It’s easy to want to give up when we challenges come our way.  Not that it feels good to give up, but there comes a point of exhaustion when we know that we’ve fought to get where we are and that we don’t have anymore fight in us.  The mind and soul especially can’t take anymore—the hope and the loss, the drive and no follow through.  It’s confusing and painful.  But I heard this and it got me thinking.  I don’t understand why there’s always a test, a temptation to give up right when we’ve gotten close to our goals.  There seems to be one last wall or obstacle.  I’ve personally faced the wall dozens of times, and I know I’ve given up right as I got there.  I can’t say that the outcome I wanted would have come to fruition in the way I envisioned, but I know I’ve played that pattern on repeat where I was close enough to taste it and it didn’t happen. 

I think we need to understand the meat of the opening statement.  Regardless of the reason for these tests, we have to remember that these tests happen.  When we get close to what we want, we need to make the decisions that support that choice.  When we get close, we also need to understand that sometimes the result doesn’t look how we envisioned it.  Just because it looks different doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.  That is where we need to keep the faith.  We need to keep going.  We need to believe that no mater what, as long as we are true to our purpose and as long as we stay the course, what we desire and what we work for will come to us.  In those moments when it gets really dark, it can be tricky to keep the faith.  But that is the time when we need it the most.  We need to remember it and we need to light our way with unwavering belief.  It’s just a test. 

Challenges come no matter what we do in life.  Everyone has a battle they’re fighting.  Everyone has a goal they’re working toward.  Everyone has a dream.  Everyone is trying to get by and survive.  Everyone is trying to adapt to the way things are now—and the world changes so quickly we often don’t know who we are or we need to change it before we’ve even gotten used to the last version.  All of these are a new devil.  All of these things are designed to see what we really want or how serious we are about our dreams.  When those tests come, just remember to keep the faith and keep the focus.  Move forward with belief and trust in your dreams and in your ability to achieve your goals.

“When we recognize that we don’t know what we don’t know, that’s when wisdom starts,” Dritan Hodo.  How often in our days do we say things with a dismissive, “I know”?  Our immediate response to a conversation is often, “I know” when perhaps we really mean, “I Relate”.  We have mistaken relating for knowing someone else’s experience—and there is a time when similar feelings will exist, but we never have the exact same circumstance as someone else.  The players are different, we are different, and even if our emotional response is similar, we can’t KNOW what someone else is experiencing.  Look at how people react to similar stimuli, or people who have experienced trauma together.  They may respond similarly to certain things, but their actions after depend on who they are and what their previous experiences engrained in them.  They even remember the event differently. 

The point of wisdom is to share it.  We can’t develop our wisdom base, the things we know, without learning something new and there is absolutely something new to learn every day.  So many of us who create familiar routines find safety in knowing what’s coming—knowing isn’t necessarily about ego, it’s about preparation and protection.  The cases mentioned above where we demonstrate little time for others or patience to hear their point of view eliminates what could be valuable connections and the opportunity to learn what we didn’t know.  Everyone brings something to the table and sometimes we don’t know that until we hear them out.  We can’t listen if we already assume we know everything they are going to say. 

I think this also highlights the importance of language.  We have such a gift with our ability to communicate how we do—written, spoken, and body language.  All of the nuances create a way of relating that can truly bring us closer together.  On the other side, it can be as equally divisive.  So, as I mentioned above, sometimes we say what we don’t mean—it’s really important to understand what we actually mean.  We aren’t trying to create division between people, but the language changes the meaning.  Again, when we say, “I know,” we might really mean, “I relate.”  In that regard, we are opening the conversation to connection rather than one-upping someone or competing over who had it worse.  When we relate, we know we aren’t talking about one for one, we are talking about a similarity that opens the way to conversation and conversation is the gateway to learning.  Always be willing to learn because there is a lot that we don’t know what we don’t know.  Be open to it all. 

A reminder to always trust your gut—follow your intuition.  I like to take my time to process things, to put them together methodically so have a more complete understanding of things that happen around me—and to try and figure out what may happen next.  It’s a mix of intuition and trauma and experience and learning all at the same time.  Regardless, I’ve spent the last week dealing with incredibly complex emotions surrounding something I spend a ton of my time doing, something that keeps me away from my child, my family, and my friends, and something that is always on my mind in the most stressful and unhealthy way.  I’ve known for a while that I was going to have to make a decision surrounding this environment and I had suspicions about things going on behind my back.  It’s complex because this environment currently provides something I need.  With that being said, this past week all of that was confirmed.  Every suspicion I had about people, their opinions, and dealings behind my back was confirmed with 100% certainty. 

I share this because I want to encourage people to always trust their instincts.  I don’t want people to cloud their beliefs and suspicions because they feel they have to do the right thing.  If something feels off, trust that it is off.  I’m not saying we have to jump to eliminate everything that doesn’t align with us 100%, but I’m saying it’s ok to make the analysis of what does and doesn’t fit, especially if it’s something we’ve been trying to make fit for a long time.  Our intuition is a powerful thing and it doesn’t steer us wrong.  Even if things look ok on the surface, we can still be triggered and that’s enough to make us question what’s going on below the surface.  People are very good at appearing a certain way and the longer they’ve worn a mask, the more they believe it’s who they are—so that makes it easier to convince others that’s who they are.  When you know, you know.  Never allow anyone to sway us from the truth.

We are too quick to point fingers.  I found it really interesting sharing a common experience amongst all three of my teams last week and that was people placing erroneous blame on them.  I will fully admit by the end of the week I was beyond pissed.  In each circumstance my teams were able to support their decisions and show that they were not at fault.  For example, one team was accused of not returning calls creating low registration for an event. After reviewing the calls and telling the complainer that we documented the return call, they checked their phone and found the message.  They sent back an apology stating they missed the message that was there all along and it was “embarrassing for them”.  Another incident involved accusing an employee of shirking their job and sending a patient to the wrong department.  After we got the employee’s side of the story we discovered the patient was sent to the right place, they relayed the information erroneously to the other department.  I share these stories because it became quite apparent that a pattern is emerging: lack of responsibility.

The common issue with these experiences was that someone expected another person to take responsibility for their shortcoming or mistakes.  The event wasn’t receiving a lot of activity because the department didn’t advertise well.  The “incorrect” transfer was an angry patient who couldn’t be bothered to hear anything explained to them.  Instead of having the wherewithal to set these people straight, the recipient of the information automatically placed blame—and worse, my team approached me thinking my staff were at fault.  First of all, what a waste of time and energy.  Secondly, had we taken the time to examine the entire situation we may have seen what the real issue was.  Thirdly, instead of spending our time placing and assigning blame, we could have easily resolved the issue directly instead of wasting more time with an “investigation” as all notes were documented in all cases. 

The same can be said for us.  We are often quick to point the finger at other people for issues we have created in our own lives.  Ironically for people pleasers, we are also too quick to accept blame for others.  This isn’t necessarily about who is right or wrong, this is more about ownership and responsibility.  Too often we see things and our perception clouds the reality of it.  We all know that feels like crap when it’s done to us and we know on the surface that perception isn’t reality.  I truly wish we could stop people from behaving this way.  Reality is reality and facts cannot be changed so instead of searching to blame, search for the truth.  We may not always like it but that doesn’t change it.  And the greatest thing about the truth is, when it’s out there and everyone knows, we at least have a common ground to start from.  Seek truth, not blame.  

I refuse to subscribe to the belief that one must suffer in order for others to succeed.  It amazes me that business and people in general still operate like this.  Not that I’m perfect at letting things go, but we still try to foster some level of competition for no reason, behaving like there’s a finite amount of dreams or a finite amount of energy to fulfill those dreams.  When we realize how abundant this world is, the idea of competing for anything and the idea of power become ridiculous.  I will completely admit there is an equity disparity and not everyone has the access to resources required to foster this abundance now, but that doesn’t mean the abundance doesn’t exist.  We just need the means to distribute it.  Our way of being is pretty archaic for how advanced we are in some arenas.  That honestly pisses me off.  WE are still operating on an agenda that is nearly a millennia old, the idea that only the rich and powerful can succeed.  Look, I admit that having resources is an extremely comfortable thing, but we can do a lot more than we think we can with what we have.

I look at the created scarcity in this world, the created problems, the created competition, all of it sleight of hand to take attention away from what’s really happening and it infuriates me.  We learn to fight each other and ignore the common problem.  We foster the idea that when other people succeed, there is less for us.  We have been taught that we are dangerous.  The reality is we are dangerous both in number and in thought.  We outnumber the powers that exist by 100 to one and all it takes is one thought shared to the right people in the right way at the right time to awaken that realization in everyone.  There is no shortage of anything we require to exist.  There is only a manufactured shortage of what they tell us we need—and it’s all a distraction.  When we fight each other and not the problem, the problem still stirs the pot and causes issues.

I say let’s turn the tables.  Let’s create abundance instead of scarcity.  Let’s remember what we really need in this world: purpose, love, time well spent, joy, laughter.  All of those things create a network that will sustain itself because we come together to meet our basic needs.  It’s ridiculous to create an environment where we feel we have to fight over these resources when we waste them 90% of the time anyway.  Let’s refocus, reallocate, and come together to do this differently.  Let’s remember that my success is your success and your success is the next person’s success.  It’s like candles: one candle may not light up a room but one candle can light every other candle in the room.  Remember that success is a good thing and it’s a good thing for the collective.  One doesn’t have to sacrifice in order for another to gain.  We all gain.  Continue to fill our cups and let it flow to others.  That’s how it works.    

Take the band aid off.  We cover the wound to let it heal.  I remember being afraid to remove the band-aid as a child because it would hurt.  But the truth is, if we don’t remove the band-aid the wound will never heal completely.  It needs to be exposed after a time.  I spent a lot of my life thinking that the people who hurt me would come back and fix the wound.  I kept it covered long enough so it hurt and reminded me that someone owed me.  Not that that was my direct purpose, but I didn’t think I could move on without that apology—so I kept it fresh and wore it on my sleeve hoping someone would say how sorry they were that happened or that they did that.  Instead of it being a reminder, it became a festering sore that spread throughout my body, my body carried the anger of it even when I didn’t try to overtly express it—but the anger would pour out at the slightest provocation.  That isn’t healing.

What I’ve learned over time is that exposing that wound creates healing even if we have to deal with the pain of it at first.  The pain of keeping it open long enough to heal, the pain that there are people who hurt us that will never apologize.  And the truth is, no one will ever come along to heal us.  That is our responsibility even if we didn’t inflict the wound.  Yes, that other person may have made the cut, but we are the ones who continue to cut ourselves thinking they will regret it someday.  We only hurt ourselves in that scenario.  Allow the process to complete.  Allow healing to take place.  That way the wound only hurts for a little bit and we can reconcile within ourselves what we need to move on.  We don’t need those who hurt us to save us—they wouldn’t be capable of that anyway.  Why would we entrust those people with our healing?  Stop expecting the hurt to heal us.  Stop expecting the hurt people to recognize the damage they caused. Remove the band aid, allow it to heal, and move on.

Today I am grateful for laughter.  We spent time with our friends last night.  Everyone brought some food and we had a really nice meal together.  We definitely ate too much but it was a beautiful time.  At one point we kind of drifted into separate groups, each sharing conversation and ours spent a huge majority of the night just laughing and talking.  The laughter really made the evening.  Not that I haven’t been laughing lately but probably not that much.  It really felt good, like a whole body cleansing and releasing of fears and thoughts related to other things going on outside.  We were all present with each other and the whole evening flowed and our groups merged and separated and flowed with each other.  It felt good to have so many people to connect with and enjoy each other’s company.  Sometimes you need to remember that laughter really is the best medicine.      

Today I am grateful for standing my ground.  My people pleasing tendencies haven’t often made me a really strong person.  I’d know I’m right about a certain feeling and still give in when other people came around.  For a long time I was bark and no bite (not that I take joy in biting).  Regardless, my husband and I have had a situation with some acquaintances for a few months now that resulted from some pretty unfair expectations on the other party’s part.  I was told that I was being blamed for the majority of the situation and since then we have not spoken.  I will admit there are times it’s uncomfortable but at the same time I do not regret standing my ground.  Friends would not have tried to put us in a situation that compromised us in any way—and friends wouldn’t have been mad at us for saying no.  People in our group still talk with them and have different feelings towards them, but I have stood my ground and I am setting the boundary that the behavior wasn’t appropriate.  Relationships can always be repaired but I am not the one who needs to reach out at this point.

Today I am grateful for ideas on moving forward.  My husband and I have been trying to figure out how to change our lifestyle for a while.  We are looking for more time and financial freedom and a more creative way of living.  It’s taken a while to decide what we want to do—projects we keep on our own and projects we do together (we still aren’t 100% decided).  Regardless, I love being in an environment that stimulates creativity.  We went to a market with our friends yesterday (they have a booth for their business) and we saw so many people promoting their businesses and it was so cool to see that level of creativity in people.  Truly, people are amazing and the scope of human creativity knows no bounds.  It’s a beautiful thing to witness.  While we were there one of the ideas my husband has had for a business showed itself in a different way—meaning the guy had the business my husband is considering but he’s doing out of a place we hadn’t considered before.  That was the first time in a long time I’d seen my husband’s eyes light up or show any type of excitement.  We discussed the opportunity and we started discussing the opportunity for our other business moving forward.  It’s an amazing experience to be in the flow of creativity.  I am grateful for the ideas.

Today I am grateful for progress.  With anxiety, I’ve always been a jumper, moving from one activity to another before ever really settling or finding out who I am.  I never felt safe enough to stay in one place long enough to actually see something through.  I also never wanted to get stuck with someone else’s responsibility because I never said no—so if I just disappeared, that person would have to deal with it and I wouldn’t be the bad guy.  That’s a habit I’ve wanted to break for a long time. I’ve had creative ideas and I wanted to carry them forward—and I wanted responsibility for those.  The last few months I have truly buckled down on some projects that I love.  It feels different.  It’s almost like the sensation of a key fitting in a lock and turning it.  I know this is the doorway to where I want to be.  It’s the doorway I’ve waited for for a long time.  I am grateful to move forward.

Today I am grateful for family.  I love my family, I always have.  I’m grateful to have the family I do because they’ve encouraged me in a lot of ways.  I didn’t always get the support I needed and I’ve found out some truths behind their feelings lately and it’s ok.  It hurt at first, but it’s something I probably needed to know in the end.  It’s not like our relationship will end over it, but the relationship needed to change and I think we are there.  I think we needed to become a little more of who we are and this summer has brought out a lot of things for me.  I thought they felt a certain way and the truth came out and, yes, it impacts how I feel about them because I wish this had been said sooner.  Had they told me the truth sooner I would have made different decisions in my life.  I get to make the decisions now.  I still love them, I just know to put less stock in my role with them.  That’s ok.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

There’s a difference between loving someone and loving how someone makes you feel.  Let’s start with the easier one: loving how someone makes you feel.  Honestly it’s a difficult distinction to make at the beginning of any relationship (friendship or romantic or even a business) because we are flooded with excitement and feel good hormones that tell us the experience is good so we misinterpret that as feeling good because of that person.  It can be hard to separate what we are feeling from the person so realizing we like the feeling and not necessarily the person can take a while to clarify.  For example, if someone is constantly talking about a topic that excites us, it can be hard to distinguish liking that excitement from liking that person.  The trickier of the two is loving someone.  Loving someone is more than being happy around them or feeling good around them.  Loving someone encompasses accepting every facet of a person even if we don’t like it.  The irony of the simplicity of love is how complex it is.

What does it mean to love someone?  We’re often taught that love means never fighting or pushing and that it’s constant harmony and bliss.  The reality is that love does run on a spectrum, ranging from tolerate to adore to love to the ultimate culmination of power.  In the simplest terms, love is an acceptance of what is—but that doesn’t mean we are complacent and allow bad things to fester.  Love fosters growth in all parties involved because it points out better ways to do things and it enhances our strengths.  While it doesn’t seek to change people, it does encourage change toward the positive.  Love is a union beyond the physical—a physical union doesn’t really require any type of emotional connection so don’t allow physical involvement to cloud this issue either.  Love is an embracing and a protection—it’s a safe haven to incubate life and creativity together.  It’s an allowing of energies to exist as they are but combining to be something greater.

We feel good in other people’s energy, especially energy that is aligned with ours.  It can be easy to misconstrue what that really means.  But given time the rose colored glasses fall away and we need to get honest about what we really feel and distinguish between what we feel with someone versus for someone.  We are meant to manage our energy and guide it toward what feels good, that is true, but we also must maintain clarity about where that’s coming from.  Keep the source internal rather than internal.  Entering a relationship of any kind is an energy exchange and it’s important to be discerning on how we spend our energy.  It’s important to be clear on the purpose and the exchange of energy.  Love is very real, I don’t ever want to diminish or undermine that emotion because it is quite frankly one of the most important emotions we can experience.  As I said, love is on a spectrum, it’s just important to be clear on where we are on that continuum.  Don’t mistake a temporary feeling for such a powerful emotion.  Learn to harness that power and expand love to all.