Today I am grateful for honesty.  I’ve had to learn to be honest with myself all over again.  For whatever reason, even though nothing in particular was going wrong, I’ve felt off, melancholy, and agitated lately.  I have felt incredibly frustrated and short with myself because I know I have no real reason to feel any of this right now but I can’t seem to shake the feeling.  So what that meant is that I need to take stock of things in my life.  As I started peeling back the layers, there were some truths I needed to face.  There are things I need to accept and understand regarding my closest relationships, about myself, about where the responsibility lies to get where I need to go.  About what I need to do and what I need to accept.  About things I can no longer fight and about things I can no longer pretend exist just because I hope they do.  It hurt like hell.  I know it’s something we all go through at some point if we truly want to progress.  So take it in the moment and understand that it is for the best.

Today I am grateful for answered prayers so to speak.  As I mentioned above, I’m going through a bit of a rough patch.  Even though there isn’t one particular reason, there is enough going on to roughen the edges that it’s causing issues.  There are a ton of things on hold right now (important things like my job), there are unanswered questions, there are a ton of obligations we have (we haven’t had a break since June), and things are just overall chaotic and it’s really unclear what’s coming next or even what to do.  The other day I was pleading for help, to be heard, to know that I was worth something because it felt like nearly everything I did was falling apart—so every failure from my life has been replaying over and over again.  In that moment, a friend reached out.  The person I was looking for support from was non-existent, but this friend reached out. 

Today I am grateful for surrender.  I have a piece coming later this week about the difficulty of dealing with surrender, specifically the interpretation of it—and even how much I detested the word.  But the truth is there comes a point where we have done all we can do, we have fought all we can, we have tried every avenue and the only way we can move forward is to simply stop.  When nothing seems to be working, we have to stop pushing.  If we keep pushing we will break.  I am not an easy person to live with—I’m not always clear, I am antsy, I have high expectations of myself, I am reactive, and my mind never stops so if I tell myself something before knowing all the facts, I have a hard time switching away from that belief.  But when all of that energy has been expended and the results still aren’t coming, it’s time to stop the fight and let go.  It isn’t the greatest feeling but I am grateful because I couldn’t keep pushing as I was.  It’s time to rest and let it be what it is.  That doesn’t mean it won’t be something more, but it is not that now.  So I give my heart and brain permission to rest.

Today I am grateful for redirection.  Along with surrender, I am grateful to turn inward.  I needed to stop controlling those around me, stop controlling their actions and even their thoughts.  The only thing we can ever control is ourselves.  When we think we have it all figured out, we tend to think we can tell others how to operate their lives.  We may have the best intentions, but that doesn’t mean we know what is best for someone else.  The outside seems to be falling apart at times, all we can work on is what’s inward.  Take care of ourselves, still our thoughts enough to hear what we need to do.  Stop making other people do what we want them to or trying to force them to believe what we believe—just take care of yourself.  I have to take care of myself.  Believe in myself. Start with myself.  That is the only thing that’s real, our ability to redirect our focus, to pivot.  We will find the answer.         

Today I am grateful for hope.  I used to think I was a glutton for punishment because I would continue to have hope even after things would fall apart.  I’d continue working on things that I knew wouldn’t work out simply because I hoped they would.  I would push and push, stubbornly hoping it would be something different.  I started to hate hope because I’d always be hopeful and nothing would seem to come of it.  I can’t say much has turned around, but I do have a different understanding of hope.  Even if it hurts, somehow it has kept coming back so hope is persistent.  Hope keeps us moving forward, dragging ourselves toward something others may not be able to see.  As long as we can see it, that’s all that matters, so keeping that hope stoked and alive is important.  It may feel difficult at times, but if we have hope, that’s enough. No matter how small, it is enough.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

They say we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with—that’s why it’s so important to be more discerning regarding who we let in our circles.  The people and things we keep closest to us and that we interact with the most often tend to rub off on us.  We tend to stick with what we know, with the familiar and the more we wire our neurons to fire the same way repeatedly, the more engrained those thoughts become.  Our entire environment impacts our thoughts and behaviors, and that environment is everything we expose ourselves to, everything we consume, everything we partake in, and the people around us.   Typically those people fall into one of three categories: those who encourage us, distract us or discourage us.  Some of these behaviors may not be overt (although other times they may be).  But if people aren’t supporting or encouraging us, then we need to dive a little deeper and see if they are merely a distraction in our lives or are they a drain on us.  We are creatures of habit and comfort so this isn’t something we ask ourselves often. 

It can be a difficult process to evaluate the relationships around you but it’s necessary—including our relationship to ourselves.  We’ve spoken about keeping our word to ourselves and how that’s key in building trust in our ability to follow through on things.  The people around us will be an influence on that behavior.  As we start to look around us, we start to ask ourselves if our environment (again including all of those things that make up our environment) either help or hinder us.  More specifically, we have to ask if those things around us are helping us or hindering us from reaching our specific goal.  If we say we want something, have we fostered a mindset, a group of people, and the means for that goal to take off?  Or are we in an environment including people who continually don’t follow through or who speak negatively about our own pursuits, or people who distract us from working on our own things?

Once we do this type of analysis on our lives, it’s far easier to see where any inconsistencies may lay in our environment and where we have the opportunity to better align the environment with our goals.  There is a pattern in life about evaluating what we are doing for those who actively want to make something better, or those who constantly have these thoughts running through their minds.  But I will say, creating awareness around who we are and what we do—and if we are honest with ourselves—is an eye opening experience that is often the quickest way to course correct/yield results.  Too often we play the victim, acting as if our circumstances merely happened to us (not to say that CAN’T happen) but more often than not we are responsible for the results we see in our lives—and our thoughts, habits, and patterns determine what we get in life—more specifically how we align/change our thoughts, habits, and patterns.  Choose the environment well and make conscious choices about what we allow in our lives.  

“We all have time, love, and death in common—we all want more time, all we need is love, and we will all die—our greatest days are still ahead of us,” Loren Ridinger.  My company held their annual convention a couple of weeks ago and this was one of the beautiful reminders that came out of it.  Loren boiled life down to these three truths because life is far simpler than we make it.  Life isn’t about the things we get or even what we can get out of it—it’s about what we make of it.  Our time is finite and one day we will all die, this is one resource once spent we can never get back.  Choosing how we spend our time and with who is equally important because those who surround us help show us the truth of our lives.  We see if we are living our truth by the people who surround us.  We all need connection and support and love so we want to be around people who understand us and encourage us to be our best selves.   

Life is a precious thing and we put a lot of weight on it with our expectations.  The truth is all we need to focus on is being ourselves, accepting ourselves, finding love for ourselves first, and spending our time well.  Time well spent will generate greater results than running around all day doing aimless activities.  Jumping from one distraction to another or following what feels good in the moment without thinking of the ultimate goal will lead us down an aimless path.  Take the time to figure out who we are and what we need, what we are here to do, and what will support us on that journey in our life.  If we do that then we will be able to live our lives with less anxiety and fear and certainly no fear of missing out.  If we focus on these things and understand these are the basic needs we all search for, then we can relate to one another better and form the community we need, community that supports our core and foundation.  There is always hope, there is always something coming for us.  Live life well, live life honestly, and we can’t go wrong.

Do you want to win, or do you want to fit in?  I heard this question while working the other day and it has shifted something in me.  I’ve reconciled that not everything is about winning—I spent far too much of my life working to win and to be right.  I fought to be right at every single thing I did because I was so insecure about my outer appearance that I thought I had to prove myself intellectually and ALWAYS be the best to prove my worth.  Even then I wasn’t trying to fit in but I was trying to be the best at the same game everyone else was already playing.  The perspective that shifted for me was also this: Fitting in takes us out of the game because it diminishes who we are.  If we are all playing the same game, then we aren’t bringing anything unique to the table.  When we ask ourselves the question about winning versus fitting in, it takes into account two things: do we want to win at the same game as everyone else and what is our definition of winning. 

For some, winning is simply about being the best.  It’s about rising above everyone or being the big fish in a small pond.  For others, winning is about the personal challenge and brining their best to the game.  For others it’s about playing their own game and success is measured when they achieve their personal goals.  We are all at different stages of the game of life and it’s up to us to figure out how we want to move forward.  I can’t say that there is anything wrong with any particular stage because I’ve been in all of them, some much longer than others.  It’s something we all go through.  But in order to succeed, we need to know very clearly what our definition of success is and what we are aiming for.  What are the benchmarks that determine if we’ve gotten what we are looking for?  In some cases there are advantages to fitting in.  In others we need to stand out.  In either case we need to decide what the goal is. 

My definition of winning is sharing as much information as I can.  I want people to be informed and to be able to make sense of this life.  I want people to take real information and apply it in a way that works for them.  I want people to have the truth and know they are empowered to make decisions that benefit them over the system.  In that regard, I’m not about fitting in.  I’ve worked in a sick system long enough and I’ve gotten nowhere doing exactly as I was told, doing the things I was promised would yield results.  That isn’t a sob story, that is the reality for many people. Now the desire to maintain my autonomy and follow what I know is right for me is greater than my need for fitting in and the same rewards as anyone else.  I’m looking for something more, I’m looking to fulfill a purpose of waking people up to their greatest potential and authority.  I want people to succeed where they need to succeed because when we all fulfill our purpose, we all win. 

“You are not here to teach or even guide, you are here to embody,” Ashmi Pathela.  I like this as a follow up to yesterday’s conversation because this is exactly in line with it.  We aren’t here to purposely show people how to be because that implies we know everything or how people “should” do something.  Rather we are meant to live how we are, on a path and in a way that feels right for us and people who need some inspiration or help along the way can witness our example. We are simply here to show others that there are different ways to do things, ways that align with who we are that don’t necessarily fall in the conventional box.  The purpose of our journey is to live it, it isn’t to repeat someone else’s destiny, or someone’s idea of how it should be done. 

I don’t entirely agree with the opening sentiment that we aren’t here to teach.  I agree with the idea that we aren’t meant to teach exactly what we do or insinuate that our way is the best.  Teaching means different things.  We are meant to use our way as a guide so we are, in fact, teachers.  We are all teachers.  The embodiment of who we are is the lesson to others and that is the point of what we share: the ability to embody who we are and embrace it without fear, shame, or reservation.  We don’t necessarily have to guide people on our path, but we can guide them to follow their own and our journey can be an example.  Regardless of the path we are on we tend to face similar obstacles. Knowing how to navigate those things is useful.

It doesn’t have to be our mission to teach everyone what we are doing and how we do it.  It simply needs to be our mission to live our lives in the greatest alignment with who we are, in the greatest alignment with our purpose, and in the greatest alignment with joy.  Doing those things will shine like a million flashlights in the dark.  Being who we are is a force in itself.  We make that complicated because we are trained to put on a show from the time we are children.  We emphasize fitting in over uniqueness.  I’ve said before there was a time when fitting in literally meant death—but we are beyond that not even if our instincts are still confused.  Learning to live up to our own expectations eliminates that confusion and noise.  It isn’t about putting on a show or making a production of who we are—it’s simply living as we are to the fullest.

“Never underestimate the power of your journey.  You never know who you will inspire in the future.  Keep going,” Brett Portelli.  Everyone has moments of self-doubt or that moment when they’re not even sure if they’re moving forward in their journey.  We tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves and we imagine that unless we are perfect, we can’t be an example to anyone else.  The real examples tend to come from those who learn how to manage their setbacks in a way that doesn’t look like a setback.  It’s from people who overcame the obstacle because they believed they could.  The example also comes from the people who approach their goals with such clear focus and tenacity that nothing sways them from their course.  Nothing disrupts their progress or their focus because they know the result they’re looking for.  When you have someone who is able to do both, they are unstoppable.   

The other example we need to talk about isn’t the grand determination or even the creative problem solving, nor is it the grand leaps of faith (although that is key as well).  No.  It’s the quiet journey of the every day, each small step toward the goal.  The people who relentlessly pursue what they want in spite of not seeing the result.  Once we have that fire lit inside of us, the goal is to keep it stoked so others can see it as well, so the flame can ignite in others as well.  Never believe that what we do is so small that it’s insignificant.  We never know who is watching.  And it isn’t up to us to determine what people gain from watching us.  Yes, we can have an image or an ideal we want to project, but how people interpret that and what lessons they take from us is entirely up to their perception.  We have no control over what people take from their experience of us. 

The reminder here is to not take ourselves out of the game for what we believe we are or aren’t showing.  It’s also important to remember that no matter how long it seems to be taking or how difficult or even how easy the road may seem, someone is watching.  Someone sees.  One of those someone’s may need exactly what we are going through.  We may need to be an inspiration to ourselves and remember that we’ve gotten through things before.  Just because we aren’t seeing immediate gratification or the results we think we want doesn’t mean that someone won’t see it.

Knowledge is not power unless you apply it.  This is something that took me many years to reconcile.  I used to pride myself on the extent of my knowledge thinking it made me powerful.  There are certain benefits to having an extensive knowledge base and quite frankly, as a child, the emphasis was on expanding that base continually.  I watched people around me who seemed to know less progress further and further until it finally hit me that I knew all of this information but I didn’t know how to relate to myself, to others, or even how to apply what I did know.  I could answer an exam or rattle off random information at a party, but practical application, not so much.  The point of knowledge is to use it and discover that practical application.  Knowledge isn’t something to covet or hide away like a museum piece, it is meant to be applied and expanded.  There is no limit, there will never be a point of all-knowing, and passing tests isn’t something that happens in the real world.

If we feel stuck, the question becomes more about discovering the application of what we know—or a different application of what we know.  If we want to advance, we have to learn to look at things differently and we have to learn to do them differently as well.  The saying, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got,” seems appropriate here.  It’s also important to understand the point of power.  The point isn’t to exert power over people—that’s been attempted by limiting access to knowledge for millennia.  The point of power is expansion, and the best way to do that is to share knowledge and see how others apply it, to learn from others.  It’s the same for us as individuals: we aren’t meant to carry it all, we are meant to disperse the load and make it easier for everyone.  Knowledge is also about expansion within ourselves—growth.  When we are able to master ourselves we are able to master information.  We are able to see how things apply to us and we are able to apply them outside as well—but we always start with ourselves.

Today I am grateful for instinct.  As painful as certain things can be, I have always believed knowing the truth is the most important thing.  When we know the truth, we can at least make informed decisions.  It’s a shame that often the people who deceive us are often those closest to us, or those who have benefitted from us in some way.  It’s also convenient that we often find out the truth about these relationships when we stop the behavior that benefitted the other person and drained us.  But that is when we see true colors.  It’s also important to know that when our radar goes off that something isn’t right, we can trust it.  It’s key to trust it then. I’ve ignored my instincts only to have them be true, so I promised that wouldn’t happen again.  I’m grateful to begin that practice in earnest.

Today I am grateful for love.  Love for myself, love for my life, love for those closest to me.  I have always been a big feeler—I actually didn’t realize how out of control some of my emotions got.  I used to kind of assume everyone operated that way and I didn’t know how to not be that way.  I’ve learned that some emotions are quieter.  That doesn’t make them less real or less important.  Love isn’t always overt displays of affection or constantly saying, “I love you.”  Sometimes love is stubborn and it sticks around—especially when it’s hard.  It’s getting through the hard things together.  It’s taking care of each other even when we’re exhausted.  Sometimes it’s simply sitting together in silence, not solving anything, just being present. Sometimes it’s simply taking the time to love ourselves—self-care is so necessary.  I have moments when I fear that I’m not loved when things don’t always look how I feel they should.  But then I remember love isn’t one thing, it’s all things—actions, words, reminders, connection, space, trust, perseverance, belief, hope, and the courage to try again/keep going.  I’m happy to feel that all day.

Today I am grateful for joy.  I want to talk about the actual joy felt in the little things.  Laughing with a group of friends, kisses from my animals, the hug from my incredibly sweet and perceptive son, a look of understanding/sign of affection from my husband, the ability to work in my office (the fact I have a dream office), preparing delicious food with my own hands, cleaning my house, reading a really good book (ok, reading in general), creating…anything, playing games, in thinking about the future.  No matter how hard things get—and they do get hard—I have always felt joy in things like this.  Joy isn’t meant to be felt solely in the big moments—we can find joy every single day.  I used to feel like I had to dig deep to find joy until I realized I felt it when I was doing any of these things.  Those little things are the big things.  Life isn’t a series of repeated moments until the big things happen—it is the everyday that moves us along.  We can choose how we spend every day: believing in the magic of these moments or waiting for something else.  I choose to believe in magic.

Today I am grateful for health.  This is something to be grateful for at all times.  I used to think that moving our bodies was annoying because it was “so much effort.”  I never had a problem preparing healthy food, that I loved doing, but getting me to actually exercise was hit and miss and a lot of start and stop—ironically I always loved learning about the function of the body and admired how people kept themselves at optimal performance levels.  But then I’ve been witness to the aging process of people who haven’t taken care of themselves very well, as well as some of the things my friends struggle with and that has made me more ambitious to change habits.  I can’t say I was ever unhealthy, but I definitely didn’t have healthy habits.  As I’ve gotten older, I appreciate how much the body does and it only makes sense to do whatever we can to help it.  Health is a gift, not a chore. 

Today I am grateful for caring.  Sometimes the care we need comes from the most unexpected places.  And even if we take excellent care of ourselves, we can sometimes still need a little extra something and not really know it until we receive it.  I was having a rough day yesterday, feeling insecure, feeling a bit hurt by some behaviors from a friend.  I went about my day, had a little break down while getting things ready for the week, and then got it together.  A friend of ours came over and asked if we wanted to come over for dinner.  At first I was hesitant—I was exceptionally irritated by the day so I didn’t want to do anything to be honest, but we ended up going.  I’m glad I did.  It turned out to be exactly what I needed.  Good food and some laughter.  Earlier in the week this same person had asked how I was doing and when I answered, he asked how I was doing really.  Sometimes the people we’d least expect are the most perceptive. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

“Don’t worry if people think you’re crazy.  You are crazy.  You have that kind of insanity that lets other people dream outside the lines and become who they’re destined to be,”  Jennifer Elisabeth.  Normal is overrated and misunderstood anyway.  I’d rather be misunderstood by others and understand myself than water myself down enough for people to understand me but I misunderstand myself.  When we hide who we are to be accepted by others, we are left empty because the reality of who we are is never seen or accepted.  Our job is to accept all of ourselves.  It is to take the good and the bad, the light and the dark, and it is to bring forth the greatness that we have.  What others deem crazy may be the exact greatness we are meant to share.  And people always label what they don’t understand as crazy.  The more we align with that crazy version of who we are, the more others are able to do the same.

It’s not just about making a name for ourselves, it’s not about blending in, and it’s not about standing out either.  It’s about recognizing ourselves as we are and honoring that.  We can’t let the opinions of others determine our actions. What is right for us may not be right for others, it isn’t their path.  That isn’t to say we have the right to harm others or deter them from their paths—not at all, if anything is going to bring any level of harm to other people, there is no reason to do that.  Rather, we are looking to be the example for others to become the best version of themselves.  Release the need to be an authority over others and learn to share the greatness of our own lives and that inspires others to take control of themselves—be a resource.  We are so afraid of losing control that we forget it’s an illusion anyway.  The only control we have is over ourselves, our thoughts, and our actions.

At the end of the day people will have opinions—we have them all the time too.  Some people express them differently and some are better at keeping them to themselves.  But we can’t let someone put the idea of their progress or how they would handle a path they aren’t even on, in our minds.  The truth is we never know how we would handle anything until we are confronted with that situation so we can’t judge that we know how we’d behave unless we are in that situation.  If we have that awareness about ourselves, then the same applies in reverse—they may think we are nuts but they don’t know what they’d do in our shoes.  So just keep walking.  Keep doing what needs to be done and don’t let any of that extraneous shake us off the path.  There may be moments we feel crazy ourselves—just remember that’s exactly what we need and it may be exactly what someone else needs to see as well.  Let the sparks fly and see what ignites.    

“Definition of demoralization: to change the perception of reality to such an extent that despite the abundance of information, no one is able to come to sensible conclusions,” Bezmenov.  I place this topic here as a reminder that we need to keep our eyes on the prize.  Right now the world is in a certain degree of chaos because the old paradigms and systems are falling apart and fear is running rampant as those in “power” are trying to maintain control of this illusion.  Who benefits from us not being able to make sense of where we are?  Who benefits from us losing our bearings and relying on said systems?  In life we all go through stages where we just try to figure it out—that’s actually human nature.  But when we take away the ability to logic a conclusion because of conflicting information and messages, we become stuck.  When we are stuck and can no longer move forward, that’s when we are in danger of losing our ground and we get discouraged and even give up in some cases.

The key here is to keep a firm foot planted in reality and to always trust our gut.  Know what we know and be open to new information—don’t blindly trust what is fed to us.  We know that the truth is buried under someone else’s version of events so it’s up to us to keep our discernment high.  To trust our instincts and know when something feels right and when it doesn’t.  This is also predicated on saying when something doesn’t feel right and that we need to do something differently.  We become demoralized when we lose our sense of freedom and our sense of autonomous thought.  Confusion and an inability to move will paralyze more than physical changes, it stops our hope and our innate belief in some cases.  Demoralized people look to answers outside of themselves and if there is a system that offers them an “answer” they jump on the train. 

What happens when we know who we are?  What happens when we no longer allow our perception to be altered by what others think, say, or do?  When we keep a firm foot in the reality of who we are, we know to question things.  And if it doesn’t feel right then we know to move onto our own path even if it means going alone for a time.  The more we know who we are and the more we understand the pieces and rules of the game, the less likely it is that we lose ourselves to propaganda and things that make us confused and scared at the end of the day.  Don’t allow the outside influence of others to sway us from what we know.  It’s safe to trust our instincts and it’s safe to follow what feels right.  And sometimes those influences are internal as well.  When we have told ourselves the same story for so long, it’s easy to get lost in it and believe things about who we are.  When we continually look for evidence to support the idea that we aren’t good enough, it can be challenging to break that habit as well—and we feel equally as down and demoralized.  The point is, keep looking toward the goal and the reality we want to create.  Ignore the noise and follow the gut.