Following up on yesterday’s discussion on positive words and reframing, I want to dive deeper into the concept of fear and the use of that word—well, the context of the word.  Fear ranges from mild shock to low-level constant anxiety to outright phobias.  There are legitimate things to fear in this world as well, but I want to talk about the fears related to taking chances.  The fears related to our personal ability.  Lack of belief in our ability creates uncertainty and fear for our survival because we aren’t sure if we are going to make it. Our brains interpret “failure” or “imperfection” as a weakness and it triggers our survival response.  This is why some of the challenges we talked about yesterday can be so detrimental.  We stop ourselves from trying before we even start because of how we view a problem.  I know I hit the pause button on my life for a significant amount of time simply because I didn’t believe in my ability to succeed at any of my goals.  Then I read this quote (source unknown): “Don’t be scared to live, feel good about living with value, purpose and achieving goals.  Fear is doubt in our ability to create.”  Wow.

Fear isn’t just about survival, it’s about interpreting our survival.  Again, there are legitimate threats to safety and survival in this world so we all innately recognize real threats.  But our minds have this weird way of interpreting threats to ego as threats to our survival.  If we think we will fail at something, we have the same physiological response as if our lives were in danger.  This is important because it goes deeper into what survival means to us.  I’ve discussed the purpose of life being expansion previously and we expand when we create—so if we have doubt in our ability to create, we are doubting our ability to survive.  We also limit ourselves when we limit the joy we experience or when we limit how much life we experience.  If we are stuck on the “should” train (I should be doing x, or I should y) then we miss the opportunity to work on our own values, purpose, and goals.  We have to put down should and our inhibitions about what makes us feel good and do what makes us feel good.  That’s how we define our purpose, goals, and value—and how we find what we need to create.    

We spend so much time meeting other’s expectations that we lose sight of our own or we lose the belief that our own expectations are worth meeting before anyone else’s.  Not all of us are meant for the same thing.  Please look at my post about fish and flying.  The short version is we can’t judge fish by their ability to fly.  We need to honor who we are and understand that each of us has a unique purpose.  That is by design.  We were just never taught to embrace that because there were systems that benefitted from our lack of belief in self and played on our survival.  They fed us a carrot a day and said that was all we needed when we were meant to create a whole damn farm.  If we never learned to take care of our own needs, then we’d be reliant on a system to meet them for us.  Don’t get me wrong, there are benefits to having systems in place, but we can’t sacrifice who we are in order to participate.  There are other ways.  Some people swim, some people fly, some people walk—and each of those still gets us to our destination.  Some people’s destinations are different and that’s ok too.  We have to ask ourselves whether it matters if someone tells us we won’t make it where they’re going.  How can it matter if they’re going somewhere on an entirely different map than what you have?  Follow our own course.  Then we will see we weren’t ever creating what they were anyway—we were meant to create something else.  Lean into feeling good and living our lives by our books.  That’s when the magic unfolds and we feel more alive—and suddenly we aren’t just surviving, we are thriving.

I saw a post the other day from one of my team members talking about using positive words.  I’m pretty good at turning a phrase and I try to be as careful as I can with the language I use because I believe in the power of words.  In the post, the person talked about using positive words for challenges and get them out of our minds and into a reality where they are workable.  He suggested to write them down and work on a tangible way to solve the issue.  This applies especially if we are easily stressed or overwhelmed—and we tend to get easily stressed and overwhelmed when we carry it in our heads.  There’s two pieces to this: 1. The language we use with ourselves is important and 2. Seeing the issue written down allows us to see it in a different way.  90% of how we solve a problem is how we view the problem-and if we even consider it a problem.  Often we build up the issue in our heads more than what it is in reality.    

I am the first to admit that this takes work.  My brain moves so fast and so many of my old habits and emotions and responses are so engrained that they still come out before I make a conscious choice to believe/think/feel something different.  But when we allow that to continue to happen, we disempower ourselves because we become reactive rather than proactive or even responsive.  Being responsive requires a more methodical and thought out approach.  We can teach ourselves to use more empowering words—opportunity, allow us to grow.  I used to be afraid that once a thought happened it was destined, I couldn’t change it—that’s a lot of pressure for a thought, believing that everything we think will come true somehow.  But it isn’t true.  We are meant to manage our thoughts and minds and the beautiful part is that we are allowed to change our minds any time. 

A good way to stop these thoughts when they happen is to immediately write them down and determine if there is anything that can be done in the moment.  That also allows us to create a plan of action like I mentioned above.  Honestly sometimes literally seeing an issue in a different medium (written down instead of just thought) gives us a new perspective in itself.  It’s also empowering because we are creating actionable items and any action we take creates momentum.  It’s all about reframing and mindset.  We create our own opportunity with how we interpret a situation and how we talk to ourselves about it.  Keep speaking about challenges as opportunities and soon the opportunity will reveal itself.   

I mentioned a few weeks ago in my  Sunday gratitude post that I would follow up on the fear I had related to sharing my story.  It’s funny because I have some trepidation about even sharing the reasons why I’m afraid.  So much of this information I have held incredibly close to my chest for years—I can say that in some of these cases there is NO ONE else who knows about what happened or it is only one or two people.  Part of me feels like people won’t believe some of it.  Is it real if there was no one else around for it?  But I understand that is about people pleasing.  I don’t need to be concerned that my history is real enough for people to believe it happened.  I worried about reconciling my version of events with other people’s.  Will people challenge the parts they do know?  On the ego level, it’s entirely about what people will think of these stories.  I know some of the stories I share are absolutely going to shatter any “image” I may have had.  Not necessarily my reputation, but certainly the idea people had of me.  I don’t know why I want to protect such a fragile-constructed idea anyway.  It’s been so much effort to maintain it for as long as I have and it’s a relief to let it go.  Maybe the point is to shatter the idea of what people had about me.  We can only get to the truth of who we are if we share the truth of who we are—and that is part of the journey of life.

This process has been incredibly cathartic but the healing journey isn’t linear.  There are so many facets to the human condition and I really needed to evaluate the value in sharing the stories.  What good comes from telling the truth?  Will anyone be hurt by them?  We need to reconcile ego and spirit and find the balance in what serves—and make sure what we do serves a purpose.  In the process of sharing, I’ve learned that there comes a point where you can’t worry about the impact on other people.  In order to serve our purpose, we need to share what happened. I never wanted to justify who I was through telling every dirty detail but I did such a good job of portraying myself in a certain light that people stopped seeing me in any other way.  I blended so well they thought I was vanilla and they doubted my capability and capacity for nearly everything.  The weight of being who we are not becomes too much to take.  Working through some of these stories has helped me identify exactly where things went sideways or where my habits developed.  Some of it has sent me spinning back in time.  Regardless, getting these events out of my head has helped me gain perspective on what needs to stay where it was and how I can move forward with new resolve.

 At the end of the day I decided that telling this story is necessary and will bring more good than harm.  I needed it for my mental health as well as my soul and the more I wrote about everything, the better I felt—and the clearer the message I’m sharing became.  The ironic thing is, the night I started having panic attacks thinking about the “consequences” of sharing these stories, I had a dream that brought me some comfort.  It wasn’t a hugely profound dream, but it felt incredibly symbolic.  I dreamt about my grandparents, 3 out of 4 of them.  In general grandparents are a symbol of protection in dreams—I’ve never dreamt about all of my grandparents in one dream before.  It really felt like they were making their presence known for me and that they were together collectively to support me.  It felt like they were saying I would be protected in sharing this story.  There was a part of the dream where we were surrounded by leaks in this basement and based on the context it felt like they were saying so much of what I have to talk about was already showing at the seams, leaking out so it’s time to just pull off the band-aid and let it all out.  I know that may seem far fetched, but it was enough to bolster my courage.  If I want to talk about authenticity, then I need to be authentic.  I hope we can all be that free. 

Today I am grateful for second chances.  Soon I will share some stories from over the Thanksgiving week that sent me into a tizzy.  I’ve been coping with the aftermath of it and trying to bring myself back to center.  That is where the second chances come in.  As hard as it is for my control freak nature to accept that I can’t change someone’s opinion, that I can’t make them see where I’m at, that I can’t change what I’ve done (hindsight is 20/20), I know I have no say whatsoever in controlling the circumstances.  What is done, is done and I need to accept and deal with the situation as it is.  I can work on rectifying it and not making those choices again, I can work on keeping my focus where it needs to be at all times, but I can’t change what happened.  That’s really hard for me because I feel like I’ve lived a series of almosts.  I almost went way to school, I almost had two kids, I almost went for that job, I almost went on that trip.  Now I have an opportunity that I really want and I’m afraid that I screwed that up too.  I have no say in it and trusting that it will turn out is a huge challenge for me right now because I really want it.  But I have no other choice.  I put out the apology and took responsibility and I can only hope for the best—and believe in second chances.

Today I am grateful for second chances AND starting over.  We had a rough day yesterday with a lot of business and some (a LOT) of crabbiness about things not working the way we wanted/needed them to.  No, the universe doesn’t always work according to our plan, and no, it isn’t always meant to.  That doesn’t make it any less frustrating when you’re trying to do something really nice and it isn’t working out.  My husband, my son, and myself were all at odds yesterday for different reasons.  We were all working on the same thing but each of us had several moments when things failed and we realized we just couldn’t keep going.  There was clearly something telling us to stop.  I guess there are reasons for everything, but tensions were high nonetheless.  WE all needed a reset and a reminder to begin today with a better attitude and better humor.  It isn’t easy, but it will be ok.  We have a second chance to start today over and to do better.

Today I am grateful for belief.  My boss mentioned something about consistency the other day and I realized she was right.  I’m super consistent in some things and I go back and forth with others.  The things I waver on tend to be things I don’t truly enjoy doing—I can’t say I’m alone in that.  So I know with everything in me that we are meant to do the things we are called to do.  We are meant to follow exactly what feels right for us.  We are so engrained with what we are “supposed” to do, wishing for more time to do what we want to do, trying to fit it all in that we lose sight of the possibility that we can do something else and we don’t have to live how other people do.  This past week has been mentally chaotic and dealing with a lot of energy—my own anxiety, other’s anxiety, everyone’s frustrations—it’s been really hard to make heads or tails of what to do next.  So I’m choosing my own consistency and focusing on what calls.  I’m focusing on the dreams that I want to pursue and becoming the person who can achieve them.  I don’t need to live up to anyone else’s expectations but my own, no matter how disappointed they may be.  We get one life.  I’m not going to worry about upsetting someone else’s idea if it isn’t right for me.  I choose to focus on my path.

Today I am grateful for decisiveness.  I have honestly detested how I’ve felt over this last week.  I mentioned above the chaotic feelings, the guilt, the fear, the sensation of screwing it all up.  I know I can’t go on like that—constantly seeing the negative in what I’ve done and believing any mistake I make is the end of the world—or the end of my dream.  It’s hitting me hard that there is an opportunity I want and I really could have screwed it up.  I didn’t want to mess it up and it was completely a mistake—an email was literally marked as read so too much time passed.  But I have to decide to keep going no matter what and to refocus my energy.  That isn’t the only opportunity out there.  I have to decide that it will be ok no matter what.  I have to decide that there are other paths to this goal and that it will all unfold exactly how it was meant to in its own time.  I also appreciate that this is a choice and I need to accept what has happened.  Focusing my energy on what goes well will keep it that way.

Today I am grateful for consistent focus.  Having ADD/ADHD makes it really hard to focus even on a good day.  But working toward a goal, forgiving the little misses, and pushing forward will help keep us on the right track.  Patience is never easy—I found that I really need to keep moving on things because I don’t like sitting still.  There’s a lot to do in this world and I don’t want to waste more time hoping for things to happen.  Shifting focus and being useful and having fun doing things aligned with our purpose keep us moving toward the goal.  It’s still a fight because my brain forgets that I can’t do it all even if my heart WANTS to do it all—like right now.  But I slow down enough to remember that it all happens as it’s meant to and sometimes doing it all isn’t the goal.  We just need to remember to do what works that’s aligned with our goal and purpose, one step at a time, a little more every day.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

“If you can’t get the growth where you are it’s time to pivot, embrace change, start a new path—carve it out.  Shift or change in a new direction,” Wild Lotus Tarot.  I want to add a brief caveat after yesterday’s piece.  I stand behind everything I said: I truly believe we can move mountains if we need to.  But I want to add the discretion factor—decide if the mountain is worth moving or if it’s easier to climb it or walk around it or walk away from it—and also know when something is beyond saving so we MUST walk away.  There are certain paths that are not ours and the ability to know which trail is ours is a key marker in our success, our emotional state, and our results.  So, if we aren’t seeing the growth we need, if we aren’t nourished and supported as we deserve (and we all deserve support), then we have a different question to answer. It’s no longer CAN I do it, but do I WANT to do it.  There are things in life that are not meant for us.  We aren’t meant to be everything to everyone at all times—we are meant to be ourselves and align with the magic we are.  This means that not every environment is healthy for us or will support our growth.

I spent years of my life hinging my worth on other people accepting me and being good at things.  I tried to fit into every environment I was in.  I wanted to be accepted everywhere I went.  All that did was keep me exactly where I was.  I couldn’t find the distinction between what made me happy, what gave me fuel and what was strictly for other people’s benefit.  When they were happy, I was happy.  But the truth is it was a lot of energy wasted because it was the constant changing of masks depending on where I was and who I was with.  It was exhausting.  There comes a time where we have to stop and evaluate what journey we want to take.  If where we are isn’t conducive to our growth then it may be time to consider moving on.  Now, if there is the possibility to get some sort of gratification or make a positive change by pushing the rock, then by all means, do it.  In some situations all that’s required is a little push.  Every other situation requires the other choices: climb, find another way, or walk away. 

Above all, remember that life is meant to encourage and promote growth.  No matter where we are, we desire growth on some level.  Life doesn’t care how that growth happens as long as it happens.  Don’t waste time wondering what could have been or wishing for something else.  Make a decision and do the work.  Make a decision and trust that you will get there.  Make a decision and know change is for the better.  Know that it’s ok to not know it all.  You can’t see the whole road at night but you can still get home by way of the headlights.  All we have to do is start and soon the direction reveals itself.  We find our way and soon enough we are blooming brighter than we have ever done before.  We find the full expression of who we are and there is no more mountain—we fly above it.

“The secret is just to start. When you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, all you have to do is push the rock,” Loren Ridinger.  We spend so much time looking at all the avenues of how we can’t do it, how things are stacked up against us, how we won’t succeed.  I mean, we are a problem-centric species because we have to be able to survive so we are trained to identify threats quickly.  That behavior, while necessary to survival, is the inhibitor of creativity.  We can look for all the ways we have to wait, we can list all the reasons why something doesn’t make sense, we can explain all the can’ts.  But none of that will matter if there is still something in your heart that needs to be addressed.  There can be all of those reasons not to, but all it takes is one good reason to move forward.  We may not be able to move the boulder in one push, but we can start inching it along day by day, and when we find the right leverage, the whole thing will move.  All we have to do is start.  And starting today gets us one day closer than yesterday and one day closer than we would be if we started tomorrow. 

I know it’s easy to believe we aren’t capable. There are people who will hold us back simply because they can.  Some people do it because they feel a sense of power.  They use our mistakes as a weapon and make it about our ability rather than our humanity.  Our ability is infinite—while it may take time to develop, we are capable of anything.  Our humanity is universal and we are all subject to it—we make mistakes to learn, it’s part of life.  The fact is one mistake doesn’t define us.  People don’t get to decide what stops us and they certainly don’t get to decide what makes us qualified for anything.  In this commercial, industrial, revolutionary technological age, we feel this sense of power.  Things change quickly and there needs to be more space for adaptation.  Just because we don’t get it right away doesn’t mean we won’t—keep going.  The only way failure is assured is if we don’t start.

The truth is, it’s often the simplest things that have the biggest impact.  Momentum is created simply by putting things in motion.  We see the next step by taking the first one.  Our strength is found and developed in the moments where we have to decide to stay the same or go for what feels right, in the moments when we have nothing or are cornered, when we feel like there is nothing left.  It feels like the rock is sitting on top of you.  If you can move, you can do something about it.  Look for the ways to get moving.  Often you think you’re moving a mountain and it’s a pebble.  Sometimes it’s a boulder.  And yes, sometimes it may be the mountain, but we have the capacity to move the whole damn mountain.  We are never stuck so don’t ever let anyone try to convince us that we are.  It’s all in our minds.  Decide the story we want to tell.  Moving the rock or letting it pin us down.  Just start moving and we become unstoppable.        

“If all we are mourning is the loss of a dream, dream a new dream,” Maybeboth.  This quote was in reference to relationships and how we aren’t necessarily upset over the loss of the person, but rather the loss of what we thought it could be.  The response was so eloquently and simply put that it made the most sense: If it’s only the dream we wanted, just dream a new dream.  And it’s true with anything in life, not just relationships.  Things don’t work out and we start again.  We have to do that when very real things fall apart like losing a job, becoming ill, or facing an unexpected expense.  When that upheaval happens, we focus on finding the solution.  It’s an unnecessary and wasteful expenditure of energy when we spend our time worrying and wasting away over what we wanted but never had.  It never existed.  And we don’t need to do that.  Yes, it can be painful to put a dream to rest because we always think of the what-ifs.  But there is a much simpler way to deal with that: the what IS.

When things don’t work out we can learn to reinvest that energy in the new.  Sure, mourn the loss but don’t wallow in it.  Our energy is much better spent in creativity and we have the ability to create whatever we need.  We just need to be clear on the need and the desire.  It isn’t always easy to keep things in perspective in the heat of the moment and it may take some time to find the reason for things happening, but if we can manage to make that the focus then things become clearer.  Dealing with the reality of what is can be painful but it is the cleaner option because we are seeing what is tangible in front of us.  It also makes it easier to make decisions because we aren’t dealing in speculation.  I will always encourage dreaming, but dreaming without a tangible plan of action gets us nowhere.  I’m not saying don’t have forethought or limit the dream, but I am saying putting steps in place to achieve it is where the money is at.  So.  Don’t waste time thinking the end is the end.  The end is simply the beginning of the next chapter and it needs you to write it. 

I’m a hoarder in the regard that I cling to the past.  I hold on to things to trigger the memory so I have a lot of “stuff” around.  I am a record keeper so that means I have everything from papers to outfits to toys to pictures to videos to games anything that happened during my life.  I also think on some level, I was so trained to have to defend myself that I wanted “evidence” of my version of things if I ever need it—but that’s as story for a different day.  It gets overwhelming at times because I’m trying to hold onto the old while making way for the new and sometimes that means things get lost in the shuffle.  I have good intentions of knowing where everything is but I inevitably forget.  The space runs out or my mental catalog gets full so I struggle to find things when I need them.  It was giving me anxiety to try and remember where everything is but it was also giving me anxiety to think about letting things go.  But as I do the work to integrate new patterns and behavior, I know I can no longer hold onto my entire lifetime.  I still have a lifetime to go.  Also, full transparency, it was becoming annoying to look at everything. 

Part of what I’ve done during my time off has been reorganizing and gently moving through some of the stuff and evaluating its place in my life, in my space.  I’ve been through my kitchen where the flat surfaces collect everything. I’ve been through my office including my desk, my cubbies and storage areas, and even reorganized some books.  Things make more sense and it seems less overwhelming when the noise is removed and we have access to what we need.  It makes things so much simpler.  They say that our homes or workspaces represent our mindset—and frankly there was too much in both spaces in my world.  It was so much I literally couldn’t keep track and I was spending too much time devising systems to remember.  So, the value of decluttering is taking the weight off of the mind.  We have all the space and tools we need in this world, we just need to adjust it to where it belongs—that means moving it to its rightful spot even if it isn’t in our own home.  Clearing space creates clarity, removes anxiety, creates flow, and allows better use of time through creativity.  The more I remove or get where it belongs, the better it feels.  Decluttering is also valuable because of the power from decisive action.  There becomes less to think about and less to manage, especially in the stuff that doesn’t serve the day to day.

There is also something personally satisfying to be said about having everything that fits in our lives.  From the right size clothes, to spaces that represent who we are, to doing things that feel right, when it’s the right fit, there is a different level of ease and assurance in how we function.  I know I don’t want to waste time and energy, I don’t want to have to constantly manage my tracking systems, and I don’t want to spend time divided between the old and the new.  We can only last in the in-between for so long.  The past is a beautiful thing but the truth is, it is gone.  We can take the most important pieces of the experience with us, I’m not heartless and say get rid of everything.  But we can’t let those pieces continually define who we are, and when we can’t let go of the stuff from where we were, we are carrying the weight of things that no longer have a purpose where we are.  As I lovingly look at the things and take in the memories, I am utterly appreciative of where I am and what I have been through.  I am in awe that I get to live this life.  Part of me showing that appreciation is releasing the past so there is more room for this beautiful present. What can we release with love and joy and gratitude today?  What can we make room for?  Answer the question and let go to allow.   

I’ve been dealing with an illness that kept me home from my 9-5 for the last several days.  I had honestly been feeling fairly well physically for a  few weeks but made a turn and needed to do stronger medication.  Regardless, during the time I still felt well, I was operating as normal because I could.  My body was still telling me that I needed to stop.  I didn’t want to believe it because the symptoms I was having felt different than before.  I was able to keep going.  The truth is I didn’t need to know I needed to stop until I stopped.  I had been simply fatigued, nothing major, but rest wasn’t cutting it.  The first round of meds wasn’t cutting it.  When I stopped doing it all, I moved a bit slower but I still moved.  It felt so good, I realized I spend a lot of my time burning both ends of the candle because I’ve got multiple irons in multiple fires.  I thought I could handle it all—and I did for a long time.  Now it’s becoming ever clearer that the tracks are separating more and more and it’s time to lean in a new direction.  Just because we can do something doesn’t mean it’s best for us and it doesn’t mean we are obligated to sacrifice to achieve it.      

Reclaiming my biggest loss of time from my 9-5 has been life-changing.  When I really broke it down, I would spend no less than 12.5 to 13 hours a day per week involved in work-related activities whether it was getting ready, commuting, or the actual work itself.  That’s 62.5-65 hours a week—roughly 40% of all my time related to work activities.  Sleeping for 6 hours a night accounted for 25% of my total time.  So just between dealing with work and sleeping, we are already at 65% of the week.  I know people can argue that I still have 35% of my time or 63.5 hours.  Shopping for groceries: up to 2 hours a week, meal prep: up to 4 hours a week, homework with my son: 2 hours a week, Karate for my son: 1 hour a week, cleaning/laundry: 5 hours a week, my business and writing: 6 hours a week.  That’s already 20 hours of additional necessity.  The remaining time is supposed to be for selfcare and recovery, family time, friends, and focused time on my son’s play/needs.  Look, I will agree that there is still time available there, but it becomes challenging to use it well with an entire middle of the day taken out.  

Reprioritizing time, honoring the body and operating at its level has allowed me to understand what it’s like to operate at a deep level while still in flow.  How it feels to get work done without extraneous pressure.  What it feels like to lean into what is right for me and be naturally guided to what I need to do.  See, the secret isn’t in how much effort we put in, it’s in how aligned we are with the right effort and intention.  The value of this time off is this: life when lived as it is meant to be is naturally restorative.  We naturally feel the energy we need to function at top level.  We intuitively know what we need for our minds bodies and souls.  During this time, I have been more personally productive than I have been while trying to maintain it all.  I’ve been more receptive not only to my needs but my family’s needs and I’ve been better equipped to take care of what needed to be done.  The rest feels complete and authentic because I’m honoring where I am in the moment.  There is real value in listening to the body.  Even when the mind matches the body and believes we can move forward, there is still a need to pause occasionally and see what we need. 

One concept I’ve only briefly touched on is integration.  On the surface level, when we integrate anything it becomes a part of who we are.  That’s the simple way to look at it.  The reality is integration looks at the multitude of options out there and considers the realities that exist based on experience.  When we integrate, we understand the layers of experience.  When it comes to personal integration in doing the work of self, I recently heard another concept.  Integration deals with the concept of two conflicting beliefs, one subconscious, one conscious and I’m adding the caveat that it’s something we face as we grow/age.  For example parent tells us we are unworthy as a child so we unconsciously look for ways to solidify that belief even if we, on the surface, are telling ourselves we are worth it.  We will self-sabotage to prove the unconscious belief.  We aren’t actively seeking to do so, it’s just the naturally engrained response we have developed over time to information we received during our most formative years.    

In this regard, the act of integration is taking that conscious positive belief and transmuting, transforming, and putting that to the subconscious so actions come from that place rather than negative beliefs.  This way our engrained reactions and behaviors support (prove) the positive belief or replace the negative all together.  There is knowing and there is KNOWING, and we are talking about the capital variety here.  Unless we adopt the belief behind the feeling, the emotion and underlying behavior never really sinks in to become the habit.  New beliefs require new actions and new actions require new habits.  New habits happen when we start to understand the old ways, thoughts, patterns, and beliefs no longer serve or are outright destructive.  Then we peel away the layers and see where all of that came from.  That in itself can be exhausting and take some time.  But doing the work of integration is evolutionary and, my friends, we are meant to evolve.  Growth only comes from new and I do mean new including thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs.  Life is messy, healing is messy, but it is ever so beautiful on the other side.

The power of integration is the reclamation of identity, purpose, and power in our lives.  Evolving means changing the patterns of those that came before us and doing things in a new way, with new belief and intention.  There is nothing more empowering than traveling our own paths and making our own decisions based on who we are.  We only know who we are when we accept that identity and BELIEVE it, and most importantly, act on it.  We aren’t meant to live without follow through and we aren’t meant to live carrying what we were told to be when we know we are meant for something more.  The conscious thoughts we have about ourselves, those things directly opposed to what our core is telling us are the thoughts we need to make our reality.  Have enough faith to work on building belief in who we are and practice what scares us until it feels natural.  What feels natural becomes habit and then we shift into that reality.  Become what we know we can become.