Being realistic is the dumbest thing ever.  Why would we chose to limit ourselves?  And why would we choose to limit ourselves to the belief system of those who want to maintain power over others?  Why would we limit ourselves to someone else’s version of reality?  Why would we limit ourselves to someone else’s limitations? The universe is literally full of infinite possibilities, we don’t need to stop or believe or support any that don’t align with who we are.  We can allow space for others to have those beliefs, but we can move forward on our own track and work on developing our own dreams.  In a universe that is so large/expansive that we literally can’t see the end of it, in a universe that has been around so long we can’t comprehend time, in a universe that has shown us wonders that make us question creation and the very nature of reality, why would we ever need to be realistic?  The universe is already a pretty unrealistic place. 

Take a moment to marvel at one thing at a time and if you can’t think of anything, let’s consider scale first.  Have you ever noticed the size of a Blue Whale?  An Elephant?  A Giraffe?  Have you seen the fossils of dinosaurs?  I mean, those were freaking lizards that were bigger than most houses.  What about the other prehistoric animals out there?  Megalodon. Mammoths. Sabertooth Tigers.  The fact that these animals existed and that there are still animals that exist like this (Narwhales, Walruses, Octopi) makes for a pretty magical place.  I mean, Octopi are freaking awesome, but what is their purpose?  To show us that even a jelly like animal with a bladder can be so intelligent it can escape whatever we put it in? All of these real-life things that are here and we can barely understand them—yet THEY EXIST!  Why wouldn’t we have our shot at creating something like that?

Now, consider the size of the universe and the fact that we are cognizant, sentient beings fully aware of where we are.  Not only are we on a floating blue marble, we have context for where we are on it, we have context for our position in the solar system and are aware that those little twinkly dots we can see with the naked eye are other planets like the one we are on.  No, life there may not be hospitable (or even possible), but in all of the places we can be in the universe, we are here and aware.  If all of these inexplicable things exist, then certainly we are capable of bringing an idea to life.  If there is such a thing as a man-eating lizard, or a means to communicate with anyone anywhere in the world with invisible wavelengths, then there is nothing we can’t go for.  It’s even sillier in the context of stopping ourselves because someone else doesn’t think it can happen.  If we are able to think it, we can make it exist.  Planes, trains, cars, anyone?  At one point every idea we had was perceived as crazy.  Imagine if everyone listened to that…no phones, no computers, no dishwashers, no heat/air conditioning.  All the fantasies of one time are a reality today.  What if we are meant to create the reality for tomorrow?  Don’t let the pressure to be realistic stop us from anything.  Believe it and do it.       

“I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship,” Louisa May Alcott.  At the end of the day this is what it’s all about: learning to sail the waters of our lives.  When we are brave enough to jump off of the ship someone else is the captain of, we find ourselves in tough waters. It takes time to learn to swim.  When we wash up on land, we can begin to construct our own ship.  When we learn to build our own ship from the foundation of who we are, it can withstand anything, it can withstand the toughest waters out there.  It not only survives, but thrives and carries us through the waters until we get to the next destination.  And then it continues to carry us throughout our lives.  That is the magic of building our own lives: we know what we are made of, what we can handle, what we want with us and what we need.  And so too, that is the magic of learning to take the helm: we learn we can take ourselves anywhere, that our lives are our own—all the other players, no matter how good or bad are temporary—so that we are the only ones truly capable of deciding what we want and where we want to go.  Choose to do it, to trust ourselves.  We took enough time trusting other people to direct and navigate us, if we can give that power away, and if we can waste our energy doing what others expect of us, then imagine what we can do when we harness that power and energy for ourselves. 

I read something the other day talking about helping people in rough seasons of their lives.  I started thinking about these rough seas and the beauty of knowing how to navigate them is that we have the ability to help others.  We’ve all been through the storms, so we can now turn ourselves into the port for someone else.  What a beautiful gift to share with the world, with anyone we meet.  I haven’t always created a safe harbor for myself, in fact there are times I was the destructor.  I’ve learned that even through those moments, there are lessons that can help people because we are all destructive to some degree.  We have to destroy the idea of what we know in order to become who we are.  Sometimes even a dream has to die in order to let a new life unfold.  As we unfurl the layers of who we are and develop new skills, we may see that what we thought we wanted isn’t really what we wanted, or needed for that matter.  But as we learn to direct ourselves, we can help others find their way through similar experiences.  Sometimes I think that’s the point of rough seas: to be able to show others how to get through it.  We are evolutionary creatures and it serves that we would help someone do better. 

We can’t fear the storms of life.  There are times if we wait for the storm to pass we would simply miss out on life.  Life is meant to be lived—that doesn’t mean it’s easy, but we can learn to appreciate that sometimes we get the tough experiences to make it a little easier for someone else.  Life doesn’t have to be some traumatizing thing, some terrifying ride that feels like we are constantly dropping to the Earth.  We can manage those emotions and find the point in all of it.  Again, we are expansive, evolutionary creatures so the whole point is to grow.  We need growth, we need variety, we need creativity—and we are meant to cocreate with this universe.  The truth is that sometimes we can’t figure out what we want or what we need to do until we have to navigate some tricky circumstances.  It isn’t about worth or punishment or being dealt a crappy lot in life—sometimes that lot is actually so big and so broad that we need to have a deep variety of experiences to be able to cover the breadth of who we need to help.  I’ve been fortunate enough to witness people come through the darkest of days and I’ve been through some fairly dark days myself—for a long time I still didn’t feel equipped to talk about it.  But the direction of my course has always been to share this, to help others share their stories as well.  If it’s destined, what is there to fear?  As long as we can see something beyond the horizon, we know that there is more to the story.  Take the helm and stay true—keep going.

I don’t mind if it isn’t perfect, perfect isn’t who I am.  This was said to me by one of my friends and it is the second reference to perfection in the last two weeks.  I know I spent a lot of my life looking to be perfect, to get the attention for being perfect, some acknowledgement that I was the best at something, that I was worthy of something.  That people saw and acknowledged that I was good, period.  But I’ve given that up to a degree and really all I’m looking for in life is to get myself organized, to get to a point where I know where everything is in my home, that I know where I want to go in life.  Having a direction and a purpose isn’t about perfection, it’s about cutting away what doesn’t serve that goal.  I’ve never been really good at managing my focus and knowing how to help people/when to help them.  But I know that I’ve crowded my life with so much stuff and so much emotional clutter that I can’t do anyone a damn bit of good anymore. 

My goal isn’t about being perfect either, it’s about being perfectly me.  It’s taking all of my talents and honing them to share with the world, to share my gifts, to help people be who they want to be.  I can’t be perfectly me if all I do is spend my time doing what other people want of me for the sake of being liked.  People change their opinions all the time so even those closest to me can decide they don’t want to be around me any longer.  All I have is the ability to focus on my dreams and taking accountability for them.  No one else will do the work on my dreams. My time is tight, I don’t have the luxury of working from home every day, having no commute, having someone else do my laundry, having someone clean and cook for me, having someone go out of their way to use their creativity on me.  This isn’t to cry victim, it’s to point out that setting boundaries with people we love can be tricky.  It’s easy for people to find who they want to be when they have the time to focus on who they want to be.  They can develop clarity when other people are doing the day to day work for them so they can focus on their personal stuff.

I’m not perfect, nor am I trying to be.  The misconception that that is my goal tears me apart and makes me angry.  Me trying to take control of my outer world as an attempt to regain my sanity isn’t being perfect, it’s organizing my life in a way that works for me, to keep my systems going.  I can’t thrive in mess.  I can’t thrive with only a narrow walk way through my house.  I can’t thrive with a narrow walk way in my mind either so it’s time to clear all the clutter.  If the outside is a physical representation of what needs to be cleared on the inside, then yes, I have work to do and I can’t delay it any longer.  I release the guilt of not meeting their expectations because there will be a point when these people aren’t around and I won’t know how to properly care for myself.  It’s getting my sea legs under control now so I can learn to steer my ship.  I’m not trying to control the weather, I’m trying to learn how to navigate.  If people can’t accept that, then they weren’t meant to be on my ship.  I’m done allowing others to steer for me.  I have a voice and I do know what I want.  Let them think what they will: I still have to move forward, with imperfect but perfectly certain steps.   I may stumble, but I will dance.  Perfectly to my own rhythm.

It’s ok to decide that we have to do what works for us, to make ourselves the focus when things have been out of balance for a while.  Because if we keep pushing when we aren’t balanced, when we are constantly pulled in different directions by the weight of other people’s demands (or demands of the world in general), we will spin out and fly off center.  So it’s ok to clear and balance and do what regulates us.  It’s ok to find the things that bring quality to our lives.  Clean it up so it matches what we need. This all means that if we disappoint someone, let that be the least of what we worry about.  It is better to disappoint someone than to live a life of regret. We aren’t meant to operate in the same way that every other person does.  The people who don’t understand us…do we really need them to understand or is it more important that we understand ourselves?

No one will read the inner workings of our minds any more than we can read theirs.  No one knows what our potential is.  It’s our responsibility to decide and move in the direction we are called.  The more we understand ourselves, the clearer these choices become.  That initial action toward what is right for us is often uncomfortable, often daunting, and sometimes even isolating.  That doesn’t mean we aren’t meant to do it.  Taking the uncomfortable step now can set us up for the greatest breakthrough we have ever experienced.  The brain is such an amazing thing.  Capable of creating and producing thought, producing emotion, even inspiring action…but if that underlying foundation is cracked with fear, uncertainty, insecurity then it makes it harder to shift that focus.  We need to learn to release the beliefs we have been taught and operate on our highest potential. 

Constantly focusing on how other people feel or will react is a waste of energy.  First of all, we can never be truly certain of anyone’s thoughts as I said above.  Secondly, we always have the choice of where we direct our energy—and I’ve learned that it’s better to put that energy toward our own goals than someone else’s.  This doesn’t mean to be selfish, it simply means to release the guilt when we have to do what is right for us.  We are meant to help others, but we are meant to help them through the use of our gifts, not through what they expect of us or what is beyond our capacity.  Plus the more we focus on developing our gifts, the more likely we are able to offer something of use to other people.    

Joe Dispenza asks the question about what controls our lives.  He says that “The brain reflects what we know, it’s a record/construct of the past.  So does thinking control our environment, or does our environment control our thinking?”  Doing what we know every day does not change our brain.  So in order to release the engrained habits and fears, we need to start acting differently.  We need to do different things, express ourselves in new ways.  Find what brings us joy and do more of that.  Our personal reality creates our personality.  I recently started going on a cleaning binge.  Like full on wanting to get rid of everything.  Being absolutely done with all the stuff that didn’t belong anymore.  My husband made a comment about me needing things to be perfect.  My heart dropped and I had a moment of reflecting on that whole do I need him to understand me or do I need to understand myself…I realized that I still needed to do what was best for me.  But just because he doesn’t understand me, it doesn’t mean he can prevent me from doing what I need to do.  See, it’s not about perfection—it’s about progress.  And I need progress in my life now.  My environment isn’t conducive to progress and if this is what I’m seeing, then that’s the same state of my brain.

We need to set ourselves up for success—not perfection.  Progress, not perfection.  That means we need to be aware of what’s around us and who.  If we are messy outside chances are we are messy inside.  WE just need to make sure we are ready to deal with the consequences. We need to remember that we aren’t responsible for their growth, we are responsible for our own.  People can grow together, that’s true.  But we aren’t responsible for making them grow, or feeding them off of our own supply.  People don’t get to reap the benefits of our work if they aren’t there to support us along the way.  Aside from that, we need to learn how to recognize the signs for when we need to grow.  Simply it’s this: if we feel suffocated in any way, if we feel we are unable to do anything else where we are, if we feel like there is something more somewhere else—those are all signs we need to grow.  They are all signs that our environment needs some evaluating and shaping, maybe some direction and nurturing.

I know people are afraid of growth.  Well, those closest to them are afraid of it as well because they subconsciously worry if there is room for them in growth—for as we grow, the circle shrinks.  When people are used to chaos, they tend to get a bit squirrely when they see the broom coming.  I’ve been a pretty firm believer that nature determines most of our characteristics and idiosyncrasies, but I’ve also know how environment effects that as well.  IF we don’t have room to grow, we simply cannot grow.  If we need light and we are kept in the dark we won’t grow.  If we need nurturing and we aren’t cared for as we need to be we won’t grow.  We just have to be aware and careful that we aren’t making the mistake of asking someone to care for us who can’t care for themselves.  It isn’t anything personal, these people just don’t have the skills to offer that kind of support.  They may want to, they may be afraid to, but chances are they literally don’t know how.  They haven’t learned it.  IF they weren’t given space to learn and care for themselves, they can’t offer that to someone.  So, when it comes to cleaning our environment, we need to be careful with these people, and choose carefully whether or not we keep them in our lives.  Chaos gravitates toward chaos so be clear what the goal is.

“No tree is said can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell,” CG Jung.  I found this quote roughly 2 months ago, if not longer and I’ve been holding on to it because the piece wasn’t quite coming together.  I loved it but I wasn’t sure which way I wanted to go with it.  I almost deleted it a few times thinking it wasn’t something I needed to address after all.  Each time I went to get rid of the quote, something stopped me.  Quite out of nowhere, I was listening to one of my card readings, and the man who does the readings said it.  It was in reference to building strength, walking away from what doesn’t serve and the work it takes, and allowing everything to be as it is meant to even if that means it falls apart.  When I first saw it, I initially thought it was an important reminder to accept the dark along with the light and that was referenced in the reading as well.  In order for us to find our balance, we have to connect all facets, through and through.  Coincidentally I’ve been seeing more and more works on spirituality, especially from people I didn’t anticipate, and the common thread is this type of journey: we have to face the depths of who we are and accept that in order to grow to our potential.  Strong roots weather the storm, right?

So, why do I think I’ve been sitting on this and then suddenly it becomes relevant?  This is a clear acknowledgement/nod/sign from the universe that sometimes we just have to trust.  We just have to wait and allow because the universe really does work in its own divine timing.  There is the indicator that we also have to leap, sometimes when we don’t feel ready.  There comes a time when talk isn’t enough anymore.  Planning isn’t enough.  Dreaming isn’t enough.  The universe requires action even if we aren’t fully comfortable with that yet, and right now I am in exactly that situation.  The things I’ve been wanting to do need more and more focus because they are developing—something I’ve asked for and am proud of.  Simultaneously, my current habits and life are also demanding more attention, so the separation of the two, the letting go of the past, the healing, the courage to step forward on the new path, is making it kind of feel like a band-aid about to be torn off.  I can’t continue on the same path, and the growth required means doing things I haven’t done before.  But the more I do what is unfamiliar, the stronger those roots become.  No one ever said growth was comfortable, and going through change, especially in the context of doing things we haven’t done before, is both painful and scary.  It’s painful because learning and growth sometimes hurt and it’s scary because doing new things by feel alone seems dangerous.  And sometimes the past calls us because we always have the choice to blaze forward or return to the familiar.

Everyone’s tree looks different, and everyone grows differently depending on their environment—and different people need different environments.  So in order to stretch both roots and limbs, we need to be in the best environment for us.  That means finding the best place for us even if we have to leave the familiar behind.  Transplanting ourselves is often the most crucial part—we are vulnerable as we expose both root and new growth—some people don’t survive it.  But if we do the work and tend to our needs and instincts, we can navigate through the roughest terrain, the stormiest weather, and still find that peace and that piece of the universe within in us that allows us to grow exactly where we need to be.  The timing of the universe kept this quote in my life as an encouragement through the pivotal time when I was being transplanted—the exact moment I needed to be reminded that it was time to take action because my growth is limited doing what I’m doing.  The exact moment I needed to take a leap for myself no matter what anyone else thought, the exact time I needed to be told to keep going.  Facing the things that hurt me, cutting away the dead/rotted roots, removing the dead/sick leaves is a hell we all experience—it hurts to lose pieces of ourselves.  But now I know I have been encouraged every step of the way, and this transformation is exactly what will keep the growth stable, healthy, and successful. Take the leap, especially when it seems scary—the universe will catch us. 

I saw a short post on Instagram the other day and I wanted to share it (I’m not sure who the person was that originally posted it). There is something so simple in the truths but I know I’ve struggled to trust and live in that way.  So, here are the six things:

1. Our paths may be harder because we have a higher calling.  We require more lessons to achieve a different goal, a goal that others may not be able to see or understand.  We may not feel the support we hope for in those circumstances—we must keep going anyway. 

2. If you can attach to it, you can detach from it.  All of our attachment is a choice.  What we deem a belief is a choice.  What we prioritize and focus on is a choice.  So if we have issues with a choice we’ve made, then we can make another one.  When we define ourselves with a choice, that’s when we   

3. If you don’t like something you can’t change, change the only thing that will take away its power: your attention.  Nothing can grow without light so if we remove the spotlight of our focus, the idea/thing will eventually fade away. 

4. Better a passing “oops” than a life time of “What If.”  This one hit HARD.  Oftentimes we get so fixated on the oops that we lose sight of the bigger picture.  If we subscribe to the belief that everything happens for a reason, then it must stand that even the things we struggle with are necessary, there are no accidents.  So if we have the inkling to take something on, then it’s better to go for it and fall so we can learn to get up than to sit there and wonder what it might have been like if we did it when it’s too late. 

5. Evolving involves eliminating.  I loved this one.  We’ve been talking the last few days about letting go of who we were in a previous stage of our lives in favor of who we are now.  This means actively letting go of what doesn’t serve our present.  When we are able to let go of what we had, we make room for what is to come.  We are also showing that we have faith in the universe to provide what we need, that we can release our fear of not having what we need and that anything we let go of will be replaced with what we need in the future. 

6.  The calmer we are, the clearer we think.  I’ve often spoken of the absolute chaos in my brain.  I will say again and again, this brain is like having infinite trains on about 20 tracks all going at the same time.  That state manifested pure chaos in my life.  Trying to do all the things all the time with no focus created an endless supply of started-but-not-finished in all arenas of my life.  Learning to slow down is where the clarity came in.  I knew I couldn’t stop it, but I could shift it.    

I hope these helped!

I want to continue our discussion from yesterday regarding being different people, wanting different things at different stages/ages in our lives.  Sometimes we talk about getting back to what we were “before” a certain thing.  Before that incident, before the kids, before the job, etc.  I don’t know if it’s some sort of engrained homing device we carry as humans or if it’s a sense of loss, a yearning for what we knew.  No matter how much we want it, we never really get back to that person.  We just learn to find the feeling of normalcy again.  We learn to be who we are.  As we love ourselves fiercely and completely as we are, we learn to get back to that acclimated state.  But it isn’t without grief.  Indeed, the person we were before whatever incident it may be, is gone to some degree.  There are of course pieces within us, but we can’t get back to who we were in the sense of the words.  It takes time to grieve the loss of the person we were and learn to love the person we are.  That person still exists and wants to be honored.  Sometimes we think we have moved on when we’ve really just substituted new things with the same behaviors. 

I can’t tell you how clearly I feel the fear of that little girl inside me as I try to put all of those fears to rest.  She is afraid of dying, being forgotten—and no one really wants to die, especially the parts of us that struggled to be recognized in the first place.  I understand her fear because that is still a real fear I have to this day.  I hear all of the amazing things she wanted, the things she wanted to be.  The potential to do literally anything.  She had 0% fear, she was bold, brave, confident in herself, she knew she held herself to a higher standard.  Then the weight of her fears crushing down on top of the failed support, and unnecessary judgements of those around her, it began to paralyze her.  She started questioning if that certainty was really so certain.  If those decisions were really the right ones.  She started making the safer choices and settling for the first thing she could get.  She lost sight of the magic and her ability to not only take on the world, but to create WITH the world.  She felt a spark but never found the fuel to ignite it, and there is real pain in something unfulfilled.

I still carry that behavior with me, looking for praise from my boss, or thinking about what my parents would think of a certain decision.  I still carry the fear that all I know I am meant to do isn’t meant to be seen through by me.  That the patterns I’m meant to break will continue to break me.  In many ways I am still paralyzed—but now I understand it is the little girl I used to be and I need to tell her it is safe to move into the totality of my being, to live the life I was always capable of.  See, I have to mourn her because I know she tried her best, she worked within the framing of the beliefs she was given.  And she did a really good job of it.  At the same time there was something more, that burning that needed to be sparked into an active flame.  So, now as I become someone somewhere between the two and reconcile the fears with the desire, someone new is emerging.  This someone is the amalgamation of all I though ti could be with all I knew, and though she is powerful, she is still learning to take her first steps.  That doesn’t mean she isn’t strong enough to get there, it just means she is still in the emerging phase.   

As I undergo this evolution, I am reminded that all evolution is a death, and in order to grow, we must undergo as many deaths and iterations as it takes to get where we need to be.  We die over and over again each day.  If we accept that with grace, the transition isn’t so jarring.  For some of us, we don’t have the choice and that awakening is like having the curtains thrown open with a spotlight in our faces.  In those circumstances, when we finally wake up to what we were meant to do, especially after a lifetime of being told we can’t, it can take a bit longer to steady ourselves and move forward.  In that way too, the deer learns to walk.  We can find our way by trusting our instincts and welcoming who we are instead of accepting a construct we were given.  Be grateful for that person because they only did what they knew.  Now that we know more, we can do more.  We can allow ourselves to be more, to share more, to open to new opportunities.  We can move beyond the death of what we were by embracing the birth of what we are.  Take the time to grieve but do not dwell there.  Become all we are and learn to walk on our own two feet again, and walk in the direction we know/feel is for us.  That is how we honor who we were and show our gratitude—by gracefully and gratefully taking the next step up in our lives.  What a beautiful way to create space for the new version of us.  What a beautiful way to move forward.