Life can get overwhelming and this is just a short reminder that we don’t have to have it all figured out.  Maybe I’m telling myself this as a reminder as well.  But there are things that happen that may not make sense in the moment but come together later.  So if you’re struggling with making a decision right now, if life seems to be weighing you down, not making any sense, stop.  Look at what is immediately around you.  Look at what you can immediately resolve.  Look at what the next step you can take in that moment is.  You don’t need to project the entire staircase, you just need to illuminate the next step.  One step will lead to another, and another.  Take one simple step at a time to arrive at a decision.  Let the goal for the moment be finding calm, balance, stillness, ease, and peace rather than solving the entire problem at once. 

Our training is completely the opposite.  We are taught in a rapid-fire call and response fashion where you are deemed wrong if you can’t supply the answer immediately.  That also trains us with the assumption that there is only one right answer to a situation.  But when we learn the stair-step method, we see that there can be little off shoots we didn’t anticipate.  There are alternatives and different levels.  And there are other ideas that come into play to create an alternative solution.  Now, I’m not saying there aren’t clear-cut situations where we need to know what to do, but I’m saying the entirety of our lives doesn’t need to be a battle for correctness.  We can trust our knowing for when we need a quick answer or when we need to slow down for an alternative.  We don’t need to overwhelm ourselves with the entirety of the world’s knowledge, we just need to tune into our intuition. 

Today I’m grateful for truth.  Not everything is as it seems but the truth is always the way to go.  I’ve been dealing with an uncomfortable situation for a while now involving a few friends of mine.  Something has been off and I couldn’t put my finger on it.  It felt like there was always more to the story.  I’ve recently been let in on some additional facts in the situation and, as the light makes its way through, more makes sense.  While the truth isn’t always pleasant, it’s always better to know than to not know.  I’m grateful to know.

Today I’m grateful for fun.  We all need to let loose and enjoy.  I’ve spent some time celebrating friends over the past few days.  We’ve had a significant amount of birthdays in the last week.  We spent time together appreciating what we have, reliving beautiful memories and making new ones.  It’s wonderful to recognize and appreciate the people we have in our lives.  I love letting them know I’m glad they are with me, that they are in my life.  It’s a wonderful feeling to be supported and to offer that support in return, to have hour long phone calls where you just GET each other.  I’m grateful for my people. 

Today I’m grateful for my own pace.  I tend to live my life like I’m juggling spinning plates.  I haven’t known any different, that’s always how I’ve operated.  It’s always been about go, go, go, and get things done, mark another thing off the list.  Recently, I’ve come to realize that I can’t keep up with the life I’ve been living.  This isn’t the pace I want to keep, and, quite frankly, it’s not what I want to do.  I’m tired of trying to find time for the things I want to do.  I’m tired of being tired.  So, as uncomfortable as it is to put things down that I normally do, for my own sanity and health, I know I have to.  Today was about feeling my way through the day.  No, it wasn’t how I normally do things, but I was able to do what I needed to do.  We have to listen to our bodies, our minds, and our souls.  They know when we need a break.

Today I’m grateful for connection with myself.  Continuing on my own pace, I needed to find a way to hear what I need.  I don’t listen as well as I could.  I’m great at hearing other people and recognizing what they need, but when it comes to myself, it’s a work in progress.  Today I took some time to just listen to my body.  I’ve known for the last few weeks that I needed to slow down, to take a break, and to focus on other things.  I haven’t managed to do as much of that as I needed to and my body nearly broke down.  So for today, I’m glad to hear what my body needed, even if it was laying on the couch for a few minutes. 

Today I’m grateful for connection with my husband.  Relationships are work.  They require time, attention, focus, devotion, and willingness to work toward something together.  It’s an odd thing to work on boundaries and connection at the same time but it’s totally necessary.  My husband knows I’ve been struggling lately and he doesn’t do well with emotional stress.  But he did his damndest to hear me out and to see things that were happening from my point of view.  He tried to talk me down, he helped me with pressure points on my body, he heard what my needs were.  It’s amazing that so much of connection, the challenges we face with communication can be resolved with open ears and an open heart.  That is the key to connection, and it paid in dividends today.

Today I’m grateful for peace.  I’m looking forward to some time off in a few weeks.  I can’t change what’s happening now or anything that happens until I’m off so I’m learning to allow. This is my greatest challenge: taking my hands off the wheel and allowing, trusting that everything is alright.  But I truly have no choice.  I don’t want to continue to drive myself crazy, fearing the future, complaining about things I can’t control in the present.  I want to clear my mind enough so I can make better decisions and work toward the future I envision.  The only way to do that is to invite peace in and the clarity that comes with it.  Clarity makes the options stand out and it makes the choice easier.  So, for sanity, for love, for a healthier future, I choose peace. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead!

I pull cards every day and lately I’ve had a pattern of pulling cards that talk about compassion…every day.  It’s not unusual to pull similar cards a few days in a row, especially if there is a message the universe is trying to convey, but to pull it for so long, is a bit off.  The last week was one of the most difficult I’ve had due to physical stress and I felt incredibly alone during most of it.  I realized how powerful the mind is, and for some reason, after seeing so many messages on compassion, I started thinking that I couldn’t hold more compassion for people who didn’t give a damn about me.  And in that moment I realized that maybe the compassion needed was compassion for myself.  Maybe others didn’t see how much I’d been doing, maybe they didn’t see I was at the end of my rope—but I did.  I could give myself space and grace to take care of myself, to meet my needs, to appreciate what I’ve done.

We often go unappreciated in this world, I’m not unique in that.  I can handle not being appreciated mainly because I have a job to do—and not all jobs are about recognition in the form of accolades.  What I can’t tolerate is nearly killing myself because someone thinks I’m not doing enough.  I can’t tolerate my humanity being ignored.  I can’t tolerate my integrity or work ethic being questioned.  That type of judgement is detrimental to the character and has long-lasting implications if the wrong people hear someone’s thoughts or opinions on the matter—and we have no control over it.  But when the source of such information is found, then it’s time to stand up for yourself.  And finding your voice and standing up for yourself is a form of self-compassion as well. 

Compassion is the greatest form of self-care.  Holding space for ourselves the same way we would for others allows us to breathe.  It allows us to keep perspective on who we really are and to separate other’s opinions from reality.  I hate the idea that perspective is reality because we all know that isn’t true.  Just because we tell ourselves something doesn’t make it true—yes, I know it’s conflicting because I preach about mindset—but I’m not talking about how we feel, I’m talking about what actually happens.  Facts are facts in events, not what we think happens.  There’s a reason why eye-witnesses are deemed unreliable.  So, knowing the truth, feeling the truth, and allowing that space keeps us grounded and aligned with who we are.  We are human and we are allowed that space.  People don’t owe us anything and they aren’t the greatest source of truth, but if we can do that for ourselves then we are headed in the right direction. 

One area of practice I want to focus on more throughout this year is confidence.  Confidence was always a sticking point, rather a point of lack, for me in terms of maintaining it.  I’d speak boldly but rarely take the action behind it.  There was always something undercutting me because of how short I am as well.  The truth is I’ve lived my entire life with constant commentary on my outward appearance and it was explicitly told to me multiple times that I am not fit for something simply because I’m short.  Regardless of my KNOWING what I was capable of, it turned into a constant game of proving myself rather than expressing my innate abilities in a productive way.  Genuine confidence isn’t bold or braggy, rather it is based in knowledge of self. It’s knowing purpose and making decisions without concern of other’s opinions—not things that would hurt others, but their thoughts of us. It takes practice to develop the kind of resilience and self-awareness. 

There is another perspective on this that looks more at how our confidence isn’t contingent on us.  Another lesson from Jay Shetty is on FAST Confidence.  He discusses how we don’t fail because of a personal flaw, but rather from one of four main reasons.  Those reasons shouldn’t deter us from seeing the good in ourselves, rather they show us places where we need to work or areas where we can make the decision to walk away and focus on something else.  Shetty talks about the FIT, the APPROACH, the SKILL, and the TIMING.  Often those four details determine a great deal more about our confidence and our timing than any implication on our character.  Knowing if we are the right fit for the environment, using the correct approach, knowing our skills are aligned with our purpose, and if the timing is right determine our success.       

In my case, I can’t change my outward appearance or how people perceive me, but I can focus on where things matter.  Am I the best fit?  Do I have the right approach?  Are my skills up to par?  Is this the right time?  If I’m the best fit then my outward appearance won’t matter.  If I’m using the correct approach then my words make the bigger impact than anything else.  If my skills can solve an issue, then I’m aligned with my purpose.  If all of those things align and are being used, and I’m actively contributing, then it’s the right time.  So, with keeping these four areas in mind to keep perspective, then it’s easier to develop authentic confidence because the focus is on the work and the purpose behind it.  Confidence doesn’t have to be about anything external.  It’s about knowing who you are. 

We are trained in a highly conflicted society.  We are told we need to do as we are told while also highlighting those who bend convention.  We are told we need to achieve material status and also stay grounded.  We are told that there are things we are meant to do (the shoulds) while still honoring what we want to do.  The truth is this sets every single one of us up for failure.  We can’t live two worlds where we are making everyone around us and ourselves happy, or fulfilling their needs and our own.  It’s no wonder why people are constantly in fear of missing out when we are connected 24/7 but we push distraction instead of productive connection.  When we have this bilateral thinking, the and/or, the have-to, the should type of thinking, we lose ourselves. 

This is when we need to stop the conflict in ourselves and create that foundation of who we are.  Jay Shetty talks about Should V. Could thinking.  It’s the use of intentional language to change your mindset.  When you ask what you should do versus what you could do, you get different answers.  Should is about guilt and obligation whereas could is about the opportunities and creative solutions in a situation.  The focus is entirely different.  We can create a list a mile long of what we should do from cleaning the house to solving world hunger, but the point is to learn what we CAN do.  We won’t solve all the world’s issues in one day but what can we do to bring us a step closer?  We can’t have total independence with switching one thought, but we CAN take one step toward that freedom. 

Just changing one word can change the outlook of your life.  It makes things feel less overwhelming because we are asking the question instead of demanding the answer.  Throw that pause in there as well and we learn to see all the options instead of the obligation.  The whole point in changing thought patterns as we’ve been discussing this week is to understand how we think and operate and how we can change that, understanding where we create our own drama and overwhelm.  Things we think we should do really aren’t that necessary.  The things we can do are limitless—or if not limitless, at least more abundant and defining of the situation.  Could keeps us open where should keeps us trapped to one way. 

This isn’t something that will come easily to many of us, especially those raised in guilt and people pleasing.  It’s not easy because we have to create space for ourselves that we never knew we were allowed to have.  We have to create space and grace that we held for others but never ourselves.  But the freedom that comes with could changes everything.  You learn you don’t need permission to do anything, there are simply other opportunities on the path.  With practice, could becomes easier.  Could opens doors and you learn to walk through them. 

Following the discussion on changing our thoughts, we need to learn to recognize what thoughts habitually come to mind and how to be more selective in what we choose to think.  We are trained to make decisions quickly—survival/primal instinct, the need to be first, jumping on an opportunity.  We rarely think of the value in slowing down.  The world is so connected now that we have little opportunity to slow our pace—don’t get me wrong, it’s a beautiful thing to have the access we do, but we still operate like it’s a commodity.  We still behave as if our decisions are based on what’s best for us alone instead of working together.  We miss the mark when we use old thinking or old patterns of behavior.  We need to remember the value in slowing down.

This is another pattern that takes time to get comfortable with, to develop.  We don’t need to be first, we need to learn to make the decision that is right.  We are familiar with the idea that just because that’s how it was always done doesn’t mean we have to keep doing it that way.  Often we do it that way simply because that was how the first person to get there did it.  Time changes, we evolve, and there are other ways to do things that may be more efficient or streamlined or safer.  This also ties into something we’ve talked about: the value of the pause. 

I don’t claim it’s an easy thing to do because we are designed to follow the path of least resistance.  We are designed to follow patterns.  The key is realizing when those patterns aren’t cutting it any longer.  We were gifted with instinct and intuition based on feeling and those are the things that will tell us when something is off.  That’s when we know we need to pay attention because there’s a chance that there’s a different way.  Look at the goal and ask if there’s a way we can achieve it while maintaining balance in our lives.  Is there a way to achieve more than one goal at once?  Are there resources we hadn’t previously tapped into?  Are there people who can help we hadn’t thought of?  Sometimes it’s as simple as sharing our idea. 

There’s a time and place for quick thinking but there are more opportunities for detailed thought, purposeful thinking than we give ourselves time for.  Time is an illusion and when we rush we create waste.  Clearly I’m not talking about emergent situations, we need the ability to do both critical thought and detailed planning, but I’m talking about removing unnecessary stress from making rapid fire decisions all day.  We have room to breathe.  It’s amazing the space that becomes available when you allow it.  When you make room for it, time can enter your life because the things that are important to you take priority.  It’s safe to slow down.  We aren’t designed to operate at high speeds 24/7.  Take your time.       

Mindset is something we’ve discussed often here.  Normally I stick with the concepts of maintaining a positive mindset and choosing positive thoughts.  Today I want to talk about the other side—the engrained negative thought patterns that seem to creep up before we are even aware of them.  It’s important to address this because part of learning to make more positive thought choices is understanding our thought patterns.  A negative mindset is poison inside.  It deteriorates how we see the world and how we feel about the world. It changes how we feel about ourselves and others. It alters how we make decisions.  If we operate from a place of fear and scarcity, that is what we will see and what we receive.  If we operate from a place of belief and opportunity, that is what we will see and what we receive. 

In doing the healing work, I’ve recognized the negative tendency in my mind.  I would cough and automatically assume I’m dying.  My son would get sick and I’d picture him dying too, same with my husband.  I’d make a mistake at work and I’d be losing my job.  This is the disease of perfection and the trap of throw-away culture.  It suggests that if things aren’t perfect we need to dispose of them.  While we logically know that isn’t the case, we often find ourselves in that habit.  We often fail to give space for learning and growth and that closes us in.  That fosters the idea of perfection further and that creates fear around everything when it isn’t perfect.  Couple it with a negative focus, always looking for the bad, and you’re set up for a rough go of it.  Negative thoughts can destroy the body, mind, and soul.  I’ve had digestive issues my whole life, fear and anxiety, and a distinct lack of trust/faith in the universe…I know I’m not alone.   

The good news is we are fully capable of taking control of these thoughts.  It takes a ton of work and conscious effort, but it is attainable.  Studies have shown the power of changing thoughts showing that changing our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors express new proteins in the body.  New thoughts change our internal environment, creating a healthier internal system that functions better.  Thoughts aren’t just about feeling better, it’s about actually functioning better as well.  This is something that should give us all great hope.  We have the opportunity to change how we see the world, how we feel about the world, not just on the surface level, but internally.  We can change the thought pattern and come up with a different result. 

The first step is understanding how your mind currently functions.  What does it do now, what are your tendencies, what are your beliefs.  I’m not talking about what you’ve learned or been told to believe, I’m talking about what you intrinsically believe, what you viscerally feel and know in you.  If that comes from a negative place, then you’re in trouble.  I know that because I was there.  There are days I’m still there.  But once we see how bad these negative thoughts are for us, we have to know that we are capable of making a different choice.  What was lost can be found, what was causing harm can be turned for good.  The brain is a powerful tool and we can program the messaging it delivers to the body.  Don’t let your thoughts poison you. 

Today I am grateful for healing.  We’ve had a bug in the house again and it hit pretty hard this time around.  Tummy issues abound for weeks for my little one.  It finally hit me and it knocked me down.  I’d been struggling with some respiratory issues previously, but the stomach thing was enough to lay me out for over 12 hours.  I’d been pushing myself for too long and I just couldn’t take it anymore.  That time on the couch made me feel better, though.  Rest is productive, that’s the biggest reminder for when we need to slow down: rest is productive.

Today I am grateful for bringing some joy.  We made an unannounced trip out to my family today.  We shared memories of the past from three different generations and looked at pictures from all of those times.  It’s amazing how quickly time passes but how tangible the past can be through discussion and photos.  It was such a privilege to bring those photos to the family and talk about them and what they meant to everyone.  Memories of different times, and more importantly, reminders to cherish the time we have together.  Times may be different now, family isn’t what it was, responsibilities are different—but we can always make time for family.  In the end it’s all we have. 

Today I am grateful to come to some peace.  I’ve shared often that it doesn’t take much to get me worked up.  I have an overactive mind and am highly sensitive/emotional.  I’ve also been highly trained as a people pleaser so I’m skilled with reading people and taking on their emotions.  So when we started cleaning today, things started spiraling.  As with any home, when you see one issue, a dozen more are hiding somewhere and ours is no exception.  With the way my mind goes to worst case scenario and the very real issues we found, I started to spiral in my mind as well as with the house.  I’m not sure how, but something pulled me out of that tailspin and told me that everything is going to be alright.  Something told me to just relax and approach one thing that I CAN do right now rather than all the things that will be coming.  That helped significantly.  We can’t take it all on at once but we can do one thing at a time and I really needed that reminder today. 

Today I am grateful to clean.  Not a new one, but today it was definitely needed.  In spite of the issues we found while cleaning, I’m so grateful we did.  I’m not a neat-freak, I let clutter accumulate (partially procrastination, partially laziness, partially anxiety, partially reminders of what I need to do), my schedule makes it incredibly difficult to find a reasonable time to clean—I’m already up at 3:45am-4:15am to work on some projects I have going, I get the house ready for the day, then I have to work all day and I’m not home until nearly 6:00pm 5 days a week.  Throw in my kid’s school projects and my husband’s insane hours, it is truly hard to find the time to do a proper clean.  Some people can make it work and more power to them-it just doesn’t work for me.  So, I am grateful that we got down to tackling the house today.  I feel all the better for it.

Today I am grateful to find beauty.  This is something I could share every day.  There is beauty everywhere, you just need to keep it in sight.  On the philosophical side of things, life is the most beautiful gift that we have.  What a freakin’ miracle that we are even here.  Statistically we made it just by existing.  The fact that we get to call this place, this floating blue ball our home, while we rocket through space, revolving around a star that keeps us perfectly safe and sustains us, is pretty damn mind-boggling.  So when I get overly emotional, I really don’t want to hold that back any longer.  It’s a gift and we need to remember that.  Hawks, rabbits, the sky, cuddling with my child, spending time with my husband, seeing my family, hearing their stories.  ALL of it is beautiful.  Don’t take the beauty in your life for granted—celebrate it with everything you have.  We need more reckless celebration of life these days.

Today I am grateful to come out of my shell.  With the beauty of life is trying new things, putting ourselves out there.  When the old ways don’t work or when we want something new, we need to try something new.  That may not work either, but the point is to see what there is out there.  I’m grateful to have the opportunity to try new ways of sharing, to try new ways of communicating and connecting.  There is literally no point in holding anything back.  When we let the full light of who we are out of ourselves and into the world, we ignite a firestorm of magic on the world.  That’s something we also need more of.  Appreciation of who we are and what our gifts are.  A coming to terms with our authentic identity and loving that person whole-heartedly.  We, too, are beautiful and something to celebrate.  Don’t hide.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.  

The universe works in wonderful ways.  Synchronicity and coincidences are no accident.  I want to expand on additional things unfolding related to knowing limits and what happens to the body under sustained trauma.  Work turned highly sketchy this week for various reasons and, as a highly sensitive person, I felt it the second things were going down hill.  Some radar went off in my body and I immediately felt my entire being tense up.  As events unfolded and became progressively more pointed and obvious in spite of their underhanded nature, I felt the fight or flight rise up in me like a vice grip, but I couldn’t fight or fly, I became paralyzed.

The night I woke at 3am in a total panic about work, I should have simply taken that as a warning.  I went to work and couldn’t function.  It started with the anger then escalated to sharing it by which point the cyclical thoughts were already running wild.  After discussing it with my boss, the gaslighting began and that immediately made me spiral, feeling completely alone and even more angry and misunderstood.  So, I tried to calm these feelings because I 100% admit they were getting out of control.  But by then, with so many things happening at once, I was beyond control.  My face became perma-tomato red and I couldn’t catch my breath.  My back started hurting, my stomach started hurting, I felt nauseous, then the dizziness came, the breathing got even worse, and I could barely stand.  I checked my symptoms on my watch to validate and it told me to go see a doctor.  I started scrolling through my app and saw that my stress was sky high over the previous few days.  I had gotten less than 2.5 hours of sleep. 

There are moments of enlightenment, moments of epiphany, and moments of absolute certainty in our lives.  Everything snapped into place at once as far as how I wanted to feel—and I knew I NEVER wanted to feel that again.  I’ve had strong emotions before, emotions, things, and experiences I haven’t wanted to feel again, but this was something different.  This was the type of thing I knew if I kept going, I wouldn’t be able to feel anything again because I thought I was about to die.  There’s a difference between letting emotions run rampant and letting emotions kill you.  This was killing me.  All for the sake of proving I was right, for the sake of proving my worth, of showing my “team” that I was just as worthy as them, that I did as much as them.  NEVER again.  I’m almost 40 years old and I’ve spent enough time on bullshit, asking for permission and feeling more and more lost as time went on.  It’s different letting time slip away when you know you can do something about it versus when you understand you’re causing it through your own emotions. 

When stress wins, that’s when it’s enough.  When you are no longer in control of your faculties to the point your body is shutting down or breaking down, when your mind can’t function, that’s enough.  No work, no matter what comes on the other side is worth putting yourself through that.  It’s torture.  That is when another decision needs to be made and it needs to be executed.  I want to be clear: no one deserves to endure that kind of behavior.  No one deserves to be gaslit and misunderstood so intentionally and completely that they question their reality.  The truth is we can never make people understand us or see the truth from our side, or any side for that matter, if they aren’t willing to accept it.  If they don’t want to know it, see it, believe it, feel it, then it won’t happen.  At that point the choice becomes yours.  I’m grateful for that.  I’m sorry it took me feeling like I was about to die, I’m sorry it took such drastic measures, but I’m grateful to know.  Now I can breathe again.  Now I begin again.

This week has been an adventure.  Not the kind I’d choose to go on, but one I’m grateful for.  I’ve struggled to take the emotion out of this story because it’s about so much more than that.  I’ve always been highly sensitive, for good and bad.  It’s allowed me incredible intuition about people as well as great empathy toward people.  It has also wreaked havoc on me mentally and physically.  I don’t think I ever realized the extent of the damage caused by emotional trauma, both sustained and incidental.  So many of us, especially people pleasers, operate under the guise that we can handle it all.  We’ve had to do it all on our before, we will continue to do so. 

Dealing with issues at work, it’s always something on my mind.  There is always something going on, even if it has nothing to do with work in the moment, that brings me right back to work in my mind.  Things haven’t been going the greatest for a while and I’ve been trying to make the best of it for as long as I could but the weight has been becoming increasingly difficult.  For those in the industry, healthcare has become a different kind of burden over the last few years.  One that relies more heavily than ever on the graces of other people getting the job done to bring in money. 

I haven’t been thrilled at the prospect of this field for a while and, as we go back and forth and the uncertainty lingers over our position/status/role two years after a merger complied with ever increasing responsibilities and pressures, I’ve felt the end coming for a while.  Whether the end of my career or the end of my rope, is yet to be determined.  But I felt closer to knowing that this week and unfortunately that was not the better end for me.  It started with stress during the day, then escalated to pressure dreams, then panic dreams.  Finally there were no dreams because I was just up.  Being away at 3am waiting for an answer as the same thoughts raced cyclically through my brain made me feel sick and left me exhausted and with less clarity than before. 

We talked earlier about the signs repeating until you receive or understand the lesson.  Sometimes when we don’t understand the sign initially the universe begins to get louder and louder.  I think the saying is something like it starts with a whisper but will end with a 2×4 up your head if you don’t listen.  The ante has been upped progressively over the last year interspersed with false hope that things will change or that we will at least get answers.  There comes a time when you have to accept the inevitable, the reality of the situation.  Some places are just not for you.  They say that the first thing you think of in the morning is either your greatest pleasure or your greatest stressor.  If you don’t know the answer to that—or if you know it all too clearly, it’s time to have a deep chat with yourself.