It is a fact that mind and body are connected in every way.  The body knows what the mind feels even before we consciously allow it to be known/felt, before we can assign meaning to it to understand.  We know when we are doing what is right for ourselves, for our minds, for our bodies and we know when we need to do better.  What we know will express through the body even if we don’t allow it to be consciously said.  With that logic, the anxiety we feel often stems from underlying patterns we know don’t serve us that we continue anyway, going against what we know is right for us.  We need to claim responsibility for our lives and reducing anxiety.  I’ve fought anxiety for the great majority of my life and I never wanted to admit my role in it.  It felt like something that just settled on me that I needed to carry.  There are certain facets of it from a chemical stand point that we don’t have control over, but we do have control over mitigating how the body handles these things and our reaction to it. 

Anxiety is sometimes our mind/body on alert for what we innately know and perhaps don’t want to admit.  It’s the expression of the body’s innate system and intuitive connection—an intricate, subconscious knowing.  Do I pretend that this is the ultimate answer and the cause of all anxiety?  Absolutely not.  But do I believe in the validity of self-fulfilling prophecy and the mind’s ability to ignore the reality of what we do?  Absolutely.  Bishoi Khella shared an amazing reel about his initial steps into health and wellness, talking about the day he smoked back to back cigarettes and chugged coffee and he physically felt like he was having a heart attack.  He was already in an unhealthy state with bad habits and had feared something like his health taking a turn in that direction.  So why did he keep doing the things he knew put him at risk for that very thing happening?   He proposed the idea that when we know deep down what we are doing is wrong, the body can manifest it—or something like it.  Like, being sedentary and eating poorly and we start fearing a heart attack and then we smoke those back to back cigarettes and drink the coffee and suddenly we feel like we are having a heart attack. 

While we don’t often look at those scenarios as manifesting, that is, in essence, what’s happening.  No, manifesting isn’t all sunshine and rainbows and flower crowns, worshipping the moon.  The mind is powerful enough to conjure up some of that negative stuff too.  So yes, it is very likely that we can bring our worst fears to fruition…even if it’s the image or shadow of those fears and we create anxiety around it…so our anxiety feels like a heart attack when we do the things we fear will cause a heart attack.  It’s like we know we’re unhealthy and that those habits would be the end of us so we have some sort of physical manifestation of what we fear.  The idea instantly made sense to me.  My journey dealing with anxiety wasn’t so straightforward as connecting those pieces and I’m still learning about it daily.  But something became very clear with this concept from Bish: We end anxiety when we take steps to get our lives back—when we live.  Basically, taking action in the right direction eases anxiety because we are empowering ourselves to find a solution.  While we may know that on a subconscious level, this is the most visceral way I can explain it because we feel the ease of that chokehold when we do what we need to do.  So take our lives back one step at a time and start listening to what we already know. Going against that intuition is like playing Russian roulette each time we do the very thing we know will cause us harm—it may not get us every time but it will eventually so the body warns us.  We create these scenarios and we can resolve them just as easily by admitting what the body already knows.    

“If you stay in environments where people don’t recognize the value of you, you will shrink your gift to the size of what they can stand.  And that is what causes anxiety and depression and stress.  Because you have had to shrink into a form where people can tolerate you.  I refuse to be small because you think small.  I am not shrinking my vision because you can’t catch up.  You better roll with it or get rolled over,”  unknown (it came from a reel that showed up on my feed with an uncredited speaker).  I think every person on this planet knows what it means to not feel valued.  Not every person on this planet is raised to see their inherent worth, and if we don’t know our worth, we will never push ourselves to what we know we are capable of.  We become familiar with our surroundings, looking out thinking that something else would be nice but that it isn’t for us.  So we stay exactly where we are, and we create a sense of comfort in that familiarity even if it isn’t good for us, and before long, we are stuck where we are at.  We create a life that soothes over the ache of not having what we are meant to have.  We stay that way until we realize we have a choice in the mater and WE are the ones who define our worth.  It takes time, but we realize that if we see the value in our ideas, that’s enough. 

Human nature, for whatever reason, seems to dictate that we exert control over each other.  That we find value in other people through what they can give us or from the power they already have, from the things they’ve acquired or from the show they put on for us.  That then translates to our worth coming from the same thing—what we give others, what we acquire.  Until we are able to see beyond that, we tend to stay where we are with those self-soothing mechanisms I mentioned above.  If we stay long enough, we convince ourselves that our dreams were always small and insignificant anyway.  When we don’t give ourselves the chance to explore our ideas it’s easy to chalk them up to daydreaming or nonsense.  The truth is some of the greatest successes in this world came from a daydream, a feeling about a daydream, the thought that an idea someone had might be cool or there was potential in it.  I’m talking everything from the light bulb, to air conditioning, to the car, to Amazon.  If any one of those people had brushed off their idea as nonsense or insignificant, if any one of them had listened to someone tell them it would never work, where would we be now?  We live in the world we do with what we have because people told someone else to fuck off when they had an idea they knew/felt was right—even if that someone else was their own mind.

There comes a day when the voice we try to shut out simply won’t shut up.  If we are in an environment where we are merely tolerated and not celebrated, then we need to understand our own value and that our worth won’t be seen by others until we see it in ourselves.  We set our own value and it is up to us to maintain the boundaries around that value.  We don’t need to demand anything of anyone else, but if someone doesn’t match our energy or at the very least support it, then we know it’s time to move on and move away.  Once we see our worth, then we understand others will see it where we are meant to shine.  We are worth more than being tolerated.  Life is worth more than being tolerated or numbed away.  I have always believed every person has the capacity to be great and that we all just get a little stuck with distraction sometimes.  We believe what we are taught and what we experience and sometimes those things are limiting.  But if we are able to push beyond that the possibilities are endless.  I don’t claim any of that is easy, but standing up and claiming our space and ideas is far easier than shrinking into something that isn’t us.  I would rather risk standing up and falling than continue to chip away at a dream I’m meant to nurture and see through.  Don’t waste time or accept a lesser version of ourselves for the sake of another person.  Believe with everything, believe big.  Raise the bar for what WE tolerate in our own lives and take our seat at the head of the table rather than settle in the middle, hoping for a chance.  Take the shot. 

Speaking of fascinating trains of thought, what started me on the topic yesterday was thinking how fortunate I am to have opportunities in my life but I’ve analyzed myself into paralysis, unable to decide what I should be doing.  I remembered an episode of Malcolm In The Middle where Malcolm takes a test that is supposed to tell him where his aptitude is and what career he should go into and it comes back inconclusive, essentially revealing that with his smarts, he could do anything he wanted to and he would be successful.  But he can’t decide what to do—he wanted the test to tell him exactly what he should do because he could see himself in any one of the positions available to him.  There was a person in that episode that made a comment to the effect of poor baby, you’re so unfortunate to have any option int he world and could be successful, stop whining about the opportunities you have and pick one.  (It was while looking for that episode to get the correct quote that I found the clip of Reese in the army that I discussed yesterday—like I said, fascinating trains of thought in our minds).  I remember the first time I saw it, I agreed with the person who yelled at Malcolm.  Like, be grateful that you have options, just pick one.  But, oh, my sweet spring child, I was young then and thought I knew all the answers to everything and that all we had to do in the world was choose.  I still think it’s true to a degree, but the world has many layers to it and doesn’t really prepare you that you can choose anything you want, yes, but you have to have the resources to see it through.  So choosing sometimes feels like you only have one shot.  I know that now…

I’ve been encouraged by two of my friends recently to simply go for what I want.  Believe me, I’ve been taking steps to get there, but I am also keenly aware that my attention is still far too divided and that is why I’m not making real progress with anything—still.  We’ve had this conversation before.  I still have the same obligations as before so I still find myself balancing what I want to do with what I have to do to support us for now.  So.  I understood their point as far as stop screwing around, plan out the things that need to be done to get where I want to go and do it—the exact same thing I’ve advocated for here a million times. But I understood Malcolm as well—I know I CAN do these things but it’s a matter of what do I really want to do and what is the thing I should be doing?  What will actually give me fulfillment and provide?  It’s great to have options but I don’t want to choose the wrong one.  Throw in the complexity of the human brain and that’s a whole other layer. Like…I don’t like being told what to do but I also want to know what I SHOULD do, what I’m MEANT to do.  Kind of creates a difficult situation. 

There are still moments in my life, even now, when I realize that I needed to live more.  I needed to get out more.  I needed to have more experience to understand myself better and make better decisions aligned with who I am and what I really want.  The answer to purpose comes from living.  Yes, it starts deep within and guides us from an innate place, but it is the living, the actual DOING that determines how we feel about it.  The doing is what teaches us.  So instead of feeling that level of analysis paralysis or the overwhelm of having to make a decision we fear will impact us for our entire lives, we need to learn to put one foot in front of the other and adapt as we go. No one knows the answers to everything.  Like I said yesterday, sometimes we have to get out of our minds, get out of our own way and simply DO the thing.  We won’t know what works for us until we try it anyway.  So if we have options in our lives, no matter how many they are, take it as a blessing that we are able to choose something.  And if that doesn’t work, then we can choose again.  Give ourselves enough grace and space to learn, take the pressure off of having to do anything perfectly, focus on what gets us the results, and go for it. 

Today I am grateful for generosity.  I consider myself incredibly fortunate to be around people who are so generous.  I mean legitimately generous with their time and their attention and giving and overall kindness and understanding.  They are generous with teaching alternative ways of looking at life and having fun and not getting stuck in the mud. I’ve been fortunate enough to have experienced the entire spectrum of generosity in my life and it is a goal of mine to now remember that and work on making that a primary focus with my work and the time I spend with my friends.  I’ve said before that I 100% agree there is something absolutely liberating and energizing in giving and it shows us a new side of ourselves as well as alternate ways to connect with people.  It’s a gift to be able to give and receive.  It isn’t a selfish thing to need to receive—we are designed to receive and care for one another.  We are designed to share gifts with each other, share talents with each other, to spend time with each other.  We aren’t meant to hate.  We are meant to celebrate life and share time together.    

Today I am grateful to be with people who have a different experience and outlook on life.  Life changes depending on how you view it and it is always a choice. We don’t have to stay stuck where we are and often we find that things won’t change until we learn to change, or at least learn to change how we view them. We can look for every negative thing, every sadness, every annoyance, every slight against us.  Or we can choose to see new ways of looking at things, not taking them personally, to have fun even when it feels like we shouldn’t, to understand the game of life and to play it not for personal gain or anything like that, but for the sheer enjoyment of it.  There are different goals in life and it’s amazing what happens when we eliminate the pissing contest and simply do what we need to do, focus on what we have to, and let go.  Let go of expectation, anger, animosity, frustration.  Once those things are eliminated, an entire new world opens up, we see an entirely new way of doing things.  People with different experiences show us these new ways.

Today I am grateful for reminders to get in touch with all facets of ourselves.  A good acquaintance of mine has decided to leave where we work.  We’ve been at the same company for 11 years and have worked together on many projects directly together and it has always been a wonderful experience—she knows her stuff and she enjoys were work so it makes it very easy to get through projects with a clear goal in mind.  She sent out her notice last week and it took me by surprise because she is a valuable asset to this company and I know she loves her work—I had assumed she loved what she did and was afforded a bit more freedom within the department she was in so it was a shock to hear she was leaving.  When I reached out to her separately to talk about it, she shared that she was experiencing many of the same things we’ve all been experiencing here and she has decided that she doesn’t want to spend her time doing something she doesn’t really love anymore.  She has been afforded the opportunity and the ability to take some time away from work to focus on the things she loves doing—photography/working with animals etc.  I am so incredibly supportive of that because we never know when our time is up and we won’t have the opportunity to do what we love—take that time now.  We only have so much time afforded to us and we never know when that will run out so we need to take that opportunity, all the opportunities we are afforded now.  Make the most of it now.

Today I am grateful to get in touch with some of those facets mentioned above in new ways.  Sometimes we need to be reminded of who we are.  We are so fortunate to be given the gifts/talents and things we enjoy about life and we sometimes need to be reminded that we can do things we didn’t think we could.  Or, more specifically, that we can do the things we enjoy in different ways.  There are things that align with us in different ways at different times of our lives.  We are layered and multifaceted and we experience things in new ways.  Even if it is something we have already enjoyed or experienced, it doesn’t mean we can’t experience it in a different way.  For example, I happen to enjoy a particular type of metaphysical experience with certain stores and I found some women who like to do the same thing as well—I’ve had friends who enjoy these things before but I found a different type of way to do it.  There are so many ways to connect to what we love and sometimes we need to be reminded of those ways—not everything has to be one way and it is ok to find alternatives to enjoy similar experiences.  And sometimes those alternatives turn into new experiences. 

Today I am grateful to use these new facets and experiences and alternative ways to remember that we are meant to have fun and simply ENJOY life.  Just have fun.  Be who we are and live.  LIVE.  No one says we need to mourn our lives, and I’ve spent a lot of time worrying about the absolute worst case scenarios, feeling like shit before things even happen, before there is even a possibility of them happening.  It is amazing to be with people who literally don’t even give those things a second thought.  They simply move forward and enjoy and do the things they want to do.  It’s a nice reminder that there are so many ways to live life and we can enjoy it now—we need to enjoy it now.  We all know that our lives will end someday so why are we spending any time worrying about what we look like, what we need to appear like instead of just throwing that type of needless worry to the wind and do what we need to do? I randomly went out shopping with my girlfriends and we ended up shopping in an area we’d never been to before and went to a Gin bar-something I would NEVER have done before.  But I feel safe with these women, I feel safe with my kid being with their kids and their husbands, I feel safe in my little area and the truth is I feel safe being who I am with this group.  I enjoy finding myself here, learning to speak up, learning to allow the pieces of me out that need to be.  I love having fun, I love feeling who I am here.  I love being able to have fun without feeling bad about who I am.  I love being able to be who I am.  I consider myself fortunate that I’ve had different groups of friends do this for me and I hope I’ve done the same for them—but this is a different reminder—this is about embracing personal power. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

Our brains are fascinating machines.  Biological computers that not only store and sort information, but they process data and support multiple systems and functions.  They allow for thought and movement and creation and order.  They can be a place of absolute chaos as well, there is no doubt about that. The brain is responsible for all function.  It’s amazing how a mass of matter with no way to move or protect itself, something that can’t live on its own outside of our bodies, is responsible for life as we experience it and perceive it.  The brain tells us our story, how we feel about it and how we navigate it.  Why do some people get to be the hero in their lives while others are their own worst enemy?  What makes some people capable of going after everything they want and others feel stuck in the mud?  At the end of the day, how does a blob that essentially sends neurological impulses (granted very complex impulses and functions) determine the course and quality of our lives? Through evolution we now have enough capacity in those impulses to ask those questions and even to find the answers.   

For as advanced as our brains our, sometimes the thoughts behind it aren’t quite so evolved.  Sometimes we forget that we have the ability to channel those thoughts and our focus and to manage our energy.  I spent a lot of my life sloppily navigating through the day, responding to the whims of my emotions, fearful of how people around me would treat me.  I created scenarios in my mind long before anything happened, trying to protect myself in whatever way I could.  I am not unique in that regard.  We can’t live in our heads.  I saw a reference to an old Malcolm In the Middle episode where Reese joins the army and he states that  he managed to complete all of his tasks perfectly because he stopped using his brain and just followed the steps he was given.  He said thinking is what caused all of his problems in life and that if he stopped using his brain he would be happy.  If he could stop thinking he’d be happy.  The scene/show itself is played out with facetiousness but the concept of not thinking and getting out of our heads struck me. 

I don’t advocate for mindlessly/blindly following anything—we were given the capacity to think and to have different thoughts and ideas from each other (as well as the ability to see different sides) and to discuss them—there is no reason why we should follow anyone without question or on someone else’s agenda.  But the part that we should consider/remind ourselves about from time to time is that the world happens outside of our head.  We can spin our thoughts any which way a million times over again, expending that energy doing nothing other than creating a scenario only we see in our minds.  We make up our minds before we even experience the thing.  Other times we confuse what’s happening with how we feel about it—feelings are not facts.  The fact is we may feel a certain way, that’s true, but that doesn’t mean that’s what actually occurred, and we need to understand the difference.  Other times we feel like we need to know all the answers before we can do anything or we feel like we have to do all the things.  For as smart as we are, we aren’t omniscient.  It isn’t our job to get things perfect the first time out.  Sometimes we have to separate ourselves from what we are thinking and just get in the moment and do something.      

The brain is an amazing tool and it has the power to propel us forward or keep us frozen in place based on our thoughts.  It is capable of learning rules and systems in addition to its own innate functions and we can manage those rules.  We can add new input that changes the course of our lives and the course of others lives as well.  But we can’t get stuck in there.  Sometimes we have to accept what is and go with it, other times we can make some changes and try again, and other times we have to recognize when we are fighting a losing battle and change course entirely.  So while I don’t advocate for blindly following what people tell us to do or how we feel, I sincerely do advocate for learning when it’s appropriate to shut off for a while and simply go with what we have in front of us.  No analysis, no fear, no thought—just do it.  Just make a move and see what comes of it.  There comes a point where the only option we will have is to move.  We don’t have to know the outcome 20 steps from now, we simply have to be where we are and take the next step. Sometimes we just have to do and we are all the happier for it because we aren’t trapped in our minds.   

“Good Morning you brilliant beam of fucking sunshine.  Reminder not a single fuck should be given today got someone who doubted you? Smile and remind them I don’t just rise and shine, I fucking rule and conquer. Life’s short, be a legend so get out there and spread your special little flavor of fuckery because today the world is your stage. Fuck Yeah,” from Ferociouslyfemale.co.

This one is short and sweet and everyone needs to remember this immediately.  I know it says good morning and we are well into the evening but I feel like it’s still appropriate because the time of day we wake is irrelevant, especially if we are waking to ourselves.  That awakening can happen at any time.  Don’t ever let anyone convince us that we are less than brilliant.  Fuck them.  Live your life to the absolute fullest and never give up.  We don’t need to live up to what anyone tells us to do—we need to live our life and if someone can’t see the brilliance in it, then that is their problem.  Shine.  Don’t dim to appease someone else, don’t hide to make them stand out.  Stand entirely, completely, all the way on.  Be the light, be the sun, conquer.  Conquer the demons we have inside, conquer the doubt we allow to infiltrate us.  Conquer the voices that tell us we can’t do something.  Conquer the fear that makes us question if we should.  We most absolutely should.  Stepp up, step forward, step into it and turn ourselves all the way up.  The world can handle it—and those who can’t will fade away. Small minds limit big ideas.  Don’t let someone else’s small mind cap our big ideas—rather don’t let someone else’s small idea of who we are cap what we know we are meant for.  Be a legend.

Rea.Earth had a discussion about the correlation between financial stability and self-worth that I wanted to share.  She had some tidbits that particularly stood out, the most telling one is that our self-worth and ability to receive determines what we receive.  IF we don’t feel worthy and we consistently question our value, we aren’t open to receive.  She also said something that I hadn’t considered before: being open to receiving is being open to vulnerability.  We allow ourselves to be exposed when we share what we are looking for and that we are willing to take the chance to go for it.  When I heard that, all the discussions I’ve shared about taking the leap made more sense: when we take the leap we are incredibly vulnerable because we are showing what we want and if we miss it, we risk not getting it again, losing resources, whatever we put on the line to take that leap.  We don’t know if the juice is worth the squeeze so to speak. 

But when we know our value and trust that we will always receive what we are meant to have, that we are worthy of receiving, that becomes less scary.  Taking the leap doesn’t feel like a loss, it feels like an adventure.  We have trust in ourselves that we know what to do with what we have and that we have the ability to fulfill our purpose and use our power.  We know that we will put it to good use.  Worth is inherent, it isn’t granted by anyone on this planet and no amount of perceived power or judgment gives us the right to make someone feel like they need our appraisal to live. People can live how they want to live: we aren’t living their lives.  So that means in order to receive the life we want to live, we need to be open to accepting it.  That includes accepting the money for the work we do.  Our existence is valuable, our time is valuable.  We are worth more than the hourly wage we make 40 hours a week—there is no dollar amount on that.  There is no receipt for our lives. 

Take the time to remember that value and practice receiving.  Even if we have to work on the most basic tenant, like receiving a compliment.  Be honest. How often does someone say something like, “Your hair looks good today” or “That piece was really good” and we respond with a dismissive quip essentially saying it was nothing.  We don’t need to get all egoic about it and let it go to our heads—but we certainly can allow the praise into our lives and use it as fuel to continue doing what we love.  To continue on improving the things we love and sharing that with whoever we can.  We can extend our reach if we let go of what doesn’t work and accept the responsibility for the things that do work.  Not only are worthy, we are capable. That’s the crux of it: sometimes it isn’t even that we question our worth, we question our ability to handle what comes with that new sense of self.  But if we acknowledge our worth and value in the first place, there is nothing we can’t accept because we know it is meant for us and we wouldn’t have it if we weren’t.  The world gives us what we need without questioning our value—so don’t waste time questioning it either. 

Mel Robbins shares a concept about having the courage to end what no longer works.  Change is a large undertaking on many levels.  The impact is far and wide even if it’s only an impact to our world.  Again, that’s relative. Regardless of the impact, we have the opportunity to determine the amount of impact it has on our lives.  That’s brushing on emotional control again.  We get to decide what we let rock our world so to speak—whether positive or negative.  We choose what we allow to influence us.  So when we are accustomed to something in our lives or to behaving a certain way, engrained habits literally entrench themselves in our neural pathways until our lives, the things we do every day are nearly autonomic.  We live in a state of muscle memory to the point where even our thoughts are the majority the same each day.  So breaking that pattern absolutely takes courage.  It’s venturing into the unknown and learning new feelings, emotions, and reactions.  It’s creating new patterns and responses, understanding that there isn’t one right way for anything.

So when we approach the precipice where we know something is no longer working we have options.  Do we dive in and learn to swim in new waters?  Do we fight the current?  Letting something we can’t control consume us can be fatal—we may still be alive but are we actually living when we let the emotion swallow us up?  No.  The truth is this: ending something we are familiar with removes what we know.  It creates an unknown with options and things we may not fully understand and triggers fear for our safety.  So consciously choosing change is a brave undertaking.  It does require courage.  It requires a new way of living and thinking.  When we take that leap, the entire world feels different—and it is freeing.  All we can do in those moments is embrace it.  And even for the things we don’t choose, when the unexpected happens, we still have the choice to reorient and approach it in a healthier way.  We can dive into life or we can avoid it by pretending we are in control.  We always have options, even when it feels like we are up against a wall.  Just because one door is closed, it doesn’t mean we can’t create our own door.  Some paths require more work than others—but there is always a way if we are brave enough to pursue it.

“From what we get we can make a living, what we give, however, makes a life,” Winston Churchill.  We need a little reminder on priority right now.  Much of the world seems to have forgotten what it means to be human.  Emotion and feeling, while important, do not take precedence over the reality of what’s happening around us.  It’s so easy to look at the experience of the world and simply say, “Glad it wasn’t me.” We can be sad about it but we are more often just happy to have evaded the same fate as someone else.  What happens when it does happen to us?  Because we are only safe from that experience until the same thing happens.  I’ve experienced many instances where the weight of what was happening in my world was completely dismissed only to have the next person around me experience it and receive support I would have loved to have.  The point is we don’t experience life until we experience it.  We need to have the experience of something in order to give back and understand what is needed in a similar circumstance. 

Life, while extremely personal, is also incredibly interconnected.  We need each other and it isn’t about the size of our homes or our bank accounts—all of that is moot.  It is the extent of what we can build with each other, what we can create to make it better for more people.  I will tell you, I never felt more connected to those around me than this past Christmas while putting things together for everyone.  There was a presence in finding things for people and creating an experience for them.  That was 100% about giving something meaningful, making the entire experience meaningful.  This world changes quickly and the truth is we can lose everything in a blink.  We’ve created a volatile system and we rely on it too much.  What do we do when that system finally breaks?  All we will have is each other and the realization that we made it and now we have to find something else.  So why wouldn’t we make the most of every opportunity to be with the people who mean the most to us and to show them?  Show them how we feel while we still can.

Receiving for our efforts is great and that reward does feel good.  But when we see the spirit of someone else and we connect, we are able to open up a different type of experience.  We live differently when we shift our focus to what we can share rather than what we can get.  We see possibility in expansion rather than in hoarding what we have.  There will only ever be so much we can get but there is an infinite depth to what we can give.  Until we really know someone well enough to understand what they need, we aren’t living and until we can live and know what that feels like, no one will really understand us either.  We fill in the gaps with connection.  The feeling isn’t about what we are feeling but about how we are feeling.  Our emotions are irrelevant in the grand scheme of things—they are fleeting anyway.  But HOW we feel—do we feel healthy, happy, joyous etc.—is lasting.  We may not remember all the times we were angry or frustrated or when we got upset in traffic, but we will remember the look on someone’s face when we remembered them.  We remember how it feels to hug a loved one.  The visceral experience of exchanging life is unmatched by anything we have in our homes. That is a gift unmatched by anything we receive.

Do not be disturbed because in vulnerability we find strength. I’m not sure where I found this quote, I think I heard it in a reel.  It’s been playing in my head a lot lately as I’ve found myself in increasingly uncertain and vulnerable situations.  Like I’m in front of a precipice drawing ever nearer to the edge.  The truth is I’m not afraid—anxious and uncertain, yes—but not afraid.  It’s become increasingly clear that the world is on its head and that we are all seeking some sort of ground to stand on but we have no real clarity on where we are going.  We know the old isn’t working but we don’t have a plan in place to replace it yet.  So we can take this opportunity to be grateful.  To spend our time looking at what we have and expressing gratitude for it, for the presence in this life.  Look, I still have moments of doubt—doubt in faith, in myself, in what this reality is, whether or not I’m doing the right thing for myself and my family, doubt about who I am and my purpose and whether or not I can fulfill it, doubt as to whether or not I’m really supported and able to see what that purpose is.  I never understood why we would be set up with every opportunity to create success only to have that last step ripped away (it’s a pattern).  What I will admit is that there is strength in moving forward. 

Every time I/we hit the bottom of something there is always a moment of disbelief/despair.  The moment where we’re not even sure if we are going to stand again let alone attempt that climb again.  There are certain circumstances, though, where no matter how painful that fall may have been, no matter how devastated we are to find ourselves at the bottom again, we can’t help but find ourselves drawn to attempt the climb again.  We learn, we pivot, we try a new angle.  We may not be able to see the top anymore.  In spite of the hurt we are still drawn to it.  It’s those moments that make us understand the call of something greater from the universe, that there is something in us to answer that calling and complete the task.  There truly is strength in those most vulnerable moments when we aren’t quite sure if we can even open our eyes let alone see the path—and if we can see the path, do we see where it really goes?  The world has consistently shown one thing for all of eternity in spite of the most heinous atrocities or the most thrilling of victories: it keeps moving.

For all of the pressure and fear and stipulation and direction and expectation we put on each other, for all the illusion of power and strength and knowing we try to portray the universe has shown one thing: it gives zero fucks about any of that.  If we are on the right energy and aligned with the greater plan, it will happen.  There have even been some NOT so great things that managed to find their way through because there was enough power in the person’s belief that they swayed things in their favor.  But that is fleeting. We are all still human and there is a clock on what we do.  The universe will respond and sometimes it isn’t that we didn’t have enough faith or that we mis-stepped (although that sometimes happens too) but it is just that we need the strength to find a different way, strength we won’t get if we don’t experience the fall and learn to find our way back up.  When we are at our most vulnerable it’s easy to give up if we allow ourselves to wither with the thought of failure.  But if we manage to look at what we can gain from trying again, suddenly that precipice we fell into seems like an opportunity—or perhaps even something we need to outright jump into.  Experiencing those vulnerable moments was never about winning or losing, it was about learning where our strengths were and how to use them.