Ed Mylett; what would you do if you knew you had one more week left?  Mylett was interviewed by Lewis Howes and he discussed seeing Kobe Bryant the week before he died and how he thought about what he would prioritize in his life if he knew he had such limited time left—here are some brief points: “Hug those you love, spend more time with those you love.  Get it (the relationship) right.  Whoever matters to you make it right.  You have one day left?  When we begin to think of our lives that way we realize the power of one more moment, one more minute.  Why would we spend that minute in history.  We think that everyone else is going to die.  They think that they will get around to getting happy, they keep their lives in the distance until there are no more days,”.  We are so accustomed to complaining about our lives, acting like we have no say in how we spend our time, living in distraction, that we think happiness is some future goal we can attain.  We lose the concept and sight of the fact that all we have is now and that happiness is something we emanate, a state of being, not something we achieve or that can be taken away from us. 

The truth of the matter is that we never know how much time is left and our time will eventually run out. There are no exceptions to this rule.  With that in mind, why would we ever feel we can or should postpone our happiness?  Why would we ever feel we could or should postpone anything?  The game we play is either buying into this altruistic sense of sacrifice/martyrdom or allowing ourselves to drown in self-indulgence on some level.  Time is the most precious thing and we have total control over how we spend that time.  It doesn’t matter how much we have, we need to understand that we are all capable of doing our best with that time.  I see how quickly time goes, how fast my son is growing up, and I know that I still haven’t gotten to the point I want to be at so I am free to be with him how I want to be.  How much longer do I have to waste waiting for someone else to make a decision for me on how I spend my time, on giving me permission to be with those I love?  I don’t want to find out.  I want to create the most I can with the time I have, I want to live my life exactly how I want to—and it’s terrifying because there are no guarantees on anything.  The only thing guaranteed is that if we don’t go for what we want, we will NEVER get it.

So the things that don’t work for me anymore, as uncomfortable as it is thinking of the worst case scenario, I know it is far better off to let that go rather than sit and hope it turns into something it isn’t.  Even if I see the possibility, time is too short to gamble on a possibility.  There comes a point when we have to know to walk away.  There comes a point when we have to know to go all in.  We will never see the outcome 100% or know with that degree of certainty how things will turn out.  We aren’t meant to.  We are meant to trust our instincts and know that everything is turning out exactly how it is meant to.  We are meant to understand that our relationships are more valuable than our bank accounts and that those of us blessed with good fortune can help others to get on their feet as well.  We are meant to know that we are capable of doing anything and that we are all worthy.  We are meant to find our purpose and share it, not judge and create a hierarchy of worth and power based on material things.  Time goes quickly and we never know when that final moment will be so don’t postpone our lives hoping for something more.  Spend our time creating what we can to the best of our ability and spending time in presence.  Get it right.   

I saw a brief clip the other day talking about bringing back the hippie mentality; grounding, forest bathing, psychedelics.  Hippies weren’t crazy.  We have such a different mentality now than we did even 20 years ago, let alone nearly 60 years ago at this point.  What always attracted me to the hippie movement was the idea that they wanted to enforce change and they felt it could be done in a different way.  They saw that things were wrong and they addressed it—this was a group that didn’t remain silent regardless of what it did to them.  I can see where some people of the time felt like it was a waste or like this group of seemingly unkempt and wild people didn’t know what they were talking about—after all no one had really seen people like that before.  Plus the contrast between those who had taken a mellow approach to life and the very real, very scary things that were happening at the time created confusion.  How do you address such volatile and politicized things where lives can be at stake when people are under the influence of some kind? 

In spite of all that, there is very real merit to some of those methods and it all comes down to intention.  Understanding that we are all working toward the same goal is key because that shows we recognize the issue.  From there we can work on reaching a common ground for resolution.  The other part of this is that was way ahead of its time was the idea that connecting with the Earth would provide and heal.  The idea of human industrialization is fascinating because it produced technologies and advances that wouldn’t have come otherwise and we absolutely learned about using power in a different way—simultaneously making life easier and more challenging (that’s a different piece).  But what happened during that time was the loss of some of our more basic skills—like using the Earth to provide and heal.  The more we advanced, the more we forgot the basics.  Thankfully not all was lost, but we certainly categorized the “old” ways differently and lost our trust in what naturally came from the Earth.

If we were all to get together and discuss the idea that we have a need for advancement and slowing down, we may see the opportunity to make that middle ground a real thing.  Sometimes we have to look at how fast we are going and ask if that is the best thing.  There are tools, medicines, resources, and skills that can very much take care of us and heal and even advance us in a better way than what we currently allow.  We can remove politics and commerce from the idea that people need to afford basic things like health care to survive and we can show people how to take care of themselves again until medical intervention needs to take place.  We can teach our kids about things that matter like the value of people versus the value of money and we can allow them to explore the things that raise their curiosity rather than forcing them to all digest and believe the same way.  We can promote a more fair and just way of life that’s inclusive rather than idolatrizing the things we create and buy at the expense of human energy.  We can learn to connect with ourselves again and at this stage in the game, that is one of the most advanced practices we can offer.  

“Judgement is someone saying to carry their suitcase.  Pain is like dodgeball.  Take that ball of pain they feel and throw it.  Being a crappy human will never make you a happy human. So when someone is judging you they are saying here is my suitcase of everything I’m miserable about (life circumstances, choices) take it.  DON’T take it.  We make choices about our lives based on a suitcase that was never ours to carry.  We started believing those lies and we are still carrying it.  PUT IT DOWN.  We all have our own suitcases of things we belong to us.  As far as our own stuff, don’t hand it t someone thinking it will help.  Start unpacking it.  Open up the suitcases.” Kristina Kuzmic. This is similar thinking to a piece I wrote weeks ago about Loren Ridinger’s quote on baggage we carry that isn’t even ours.  The way our society functions today is largely based on judgement of ourselves projected onto others.  This is twofold: the first step we need to take is to determine what is ours and what isn’t ours.  That requires the work of unpacking.  Then it requires the work of leaving behind what isn’t ours. 

Judgement does nothing for us beyond project those things that are inside of us.  We are triggered by others because we are dealing with something similar ourselves.  The truth is that Everyone has stuff.  That’s a capital Everyone. Sitting with what weighs us down is uncomfortable and it can be tricky to understand how to unpack it and decide if we need to let it go.  Anything that keeps us where we are, anything that holds us back, needs to be let go.  We can lovingly be grateful for it and let it go or we can address it head on and do what we need to do so we never have to carry that baggage again.  Imagine if instead of burdening others with things that don’t serve them we simply took the time to help them unpack their suitcase.  That doesn’t mean we are unpacking it to stay with us or to move it to our suitcase.  No. Sometimes we are helping others bury it in the ground.  Imagine we do this for everyone, for each other.  The world would loo a lot different if we took the time to look at what people carry with them and if we take the time to understand why.  Not that its our job to understand every person’s motives, but in doing that we learn to handle our own baggage as well.

For as much work as it takes to get through the idea of our suitcases, there is an incredibly simple fix: don’t pick up the suitcases and don’t let the suitcases hold us back.  I look forward to a time when I can teach my son to never fill the suitcase of fear in the first place.  Never fill the suitcase of doubt.  Never let the dreams be crushed by the extra stones we are trying to fit in a bag that we feel we need to carry because someone else told us we did or they carried it themselves.  The world doesn’t have to work like that anymore.  The invention of propriety and the way things “should” be was to keep people chained, to keep them under control.  The invention of guilt was to exert power and create a false sense of worth on a scale where we would be easily manipulated into proving something.  There is nothing to be ashamed of if we have picked up some baggage over the years.  There is no reason to feel bad about the human experience and navigating how to handle that.  There is also no reason to pick up anyone else’s baggage either.  Let’s help each other stay a while and do the work to feel comfortable in our own skin. 

Today I am grateful for time together with those who matter.  My father is currently experiencing a major health issue and it has been emotionally draining waiting to make sense of the answers.  We have all the results but we haven’t had many people tell us what they mean and what next steps are.  Some seem to treat it quite lackadaisically frankly and it has put a strain on all of us, my siblings, my mother, my father.  But what it has also done is brought us together to work on solving a common problem.  I literally watched my father’s blood pressure drop when we were all together.  Rallying around someone during their time of need is so important and it is so good for their mental health and their overall improvement.  Attacking any problem is the same.  Go for the problem, not for the person.  We haven’t been this unified in our efforts probably ever.  But now we come together to collectively find a solution and heal together, and to heal my father physically.  It’s been a beautiful experience and, as scary as it has been, as tumultuous as the road ahead may still be, I feel comforted knowing that we are all doing this together.  That we are all in this together.  That we are all capable of addressing this as a team.  I’m grateful for the reminder that we are still family in spite of our differences and how far apart we are, how much we try to do it all on our own.  I am grateful to have this time to remember what we love about one another.

Today I am grateful for understanding what lies in my hands.  I’ve allowed myself to be confused for a long time.  I started and stopped a million things, I started too many things at the same time, I gave up with the most insignificant of setbacks, I let my awkwardness and insecurities get in the way of my own advancement.  I let all of those things stop me from making a decision about what to do and, even if I managed to get that far, I let it stop me from following through on it.  I see very clearly now that doing all the things at once isn’t going to work for me any longer.  I enjoy the work I do and the end result of all those goals is toward the same thing—but the problem is I’m allowing myself to get close and then let it stop.  I have too many pots boiling at once and some things are undercooked, some are too gummy, some haven’t been hot enough, and some boiled out and dried up.  So what lies in my hands is the entirety of my goals.  All the things I intend on doing and want to do don’t rely on more movement and effort.  They rely on me making focused effort and completing the damn thing.  No one said I couldn’t achieve all of those goals—I just can’t live all of them at the same time.  My days, yet again, need to look a little different than they normally do.  It’s about the focus. 

Today I am grateful for some changes in perspective.  There are certain things about my relationships with people that have always been a sticking point, a particular pattern I followed that I understand I need to break now.  All of my relationships started off with the idea that I constantly please people in order to bring them into my life.  Make them like me at all costs.  Then I would become that yes-person and do whatever they said—and it would be fun for a while.  They would reciprocate a little and help me manage some of my things.  Then that would start to dwindle and I’d start to get aggravated and feel a little pushed.  Then I would feel a lot pushed and then steamrolled.  I’d end up blowing up at the person or just not talking to them again.  Now I understand that this is MY pattern and I need to stop it.  I used to be so afraid of being alone, doing what ever anyone wanted of me so I could have them in my life, that I never took the time to find me.  I’d adapt to the next person and the next person.  Now I see that 1. Being alone isn’t the worst thing if people really don’t respect me and 2. Taking the time to find myself will help me find the people who accept me for who I am, not what I give them.  I don’t need to harbor anger toward people when I sent mixed messages in the first place.  Follow through and be who I am meant to be and let those who can’t accept that fall away.  It’s ok.   

Today I am grateful for peeling away the extraneous.  I lived my life in the vague, gray, area for too long, and as I said above, I created confusion for myself.  As I work through prioritizing what’s next, I understand that it hasn’t been healthy holding on to so much.  I packed too much in, and as grateful as I am to have those experiences and resources available, it has been overload trying to carry all that around all the time.  I’m talking about mental and physical clutter, the self-created confusion and the daily routine of saying that I don’t understand and don’t have time when all I need to do is find some focus.  It sometimes takes a major life event for us to prioritize what really matters and stop telling ourselves a story—and then to change that story into one of empowerment and application of purpose.  The extraneous distraction is a waste of time and we should all be grateful to cut out anything that takes our precious time away from us.

Today I am grateful for humility and boundaries.  I’ve struggled with navigating some family dynamics during my father’s health issues.  Some of the frustration is related to ego and some is related to genuine anger at not being understood and disregarded at 40 years old.  I’m the youngest but I have been in healthcare for 20 years, and while I’m not clinical, I do have a very solid knowledge base around healthcare and treatment plans.  I also know my facility and basic rules about visiting patients etc.  While I don’t begrudge my family being involved in any way, I struggle with the implication that because I am the youngest I would need to defer to them for anything or that I would somehow need to find permission to be included.  This isn’t to say that my family doesn’t have valid points in their questions and concerns, I just have a different focus on the treatment and goals of the discussion with the team.  I am grateful to let that go and simply be myself, stand my ground, enter the room like I need to be there, and ask the questions that are appropriate regardless of who is with me.  I know that I don’t know it all.  I know that I don’t want propriety over my father—but I know that I need to be in there and speak up as well and that I do not need to let them talk over me and my knowledge at any time.  I meant to be in the room—and so are they.  We can do this together and get the best outcome for my father. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

“All [life] goes up and down and you can’t bat 1000 all the time,” Attributed to Julie Andrews on my calendar.  The interesting thing is right after I saw the calendar, I came upon a post from Steven Pressfield about the long view.  We do the work we are meant to do and not everything is a winner every time.  We have to learn the lessons and move on and we accept the responsibility for our learning process.  He even used the example of Bob Dylan occasionally putting out a bad album or Derek Jeter going down swinging.  We aren’t meant to win all the time.  We are meant to develop and learn and part of that is taking the time to see the point of the lows.  To understand that a single low doesn’t mean that we aren’t meant to have what we are seeking or that it will always be a struggle.  I shared with my son the other day the quote about falling 7 times and standing up 8.  We can’t look at all of those hiccups as dark nights of the soul—sometimes they are simply hiccups.  Not all is forsaken.  And even if there were facets of what we did that prove to be a waste of time, we still learned how to improve for next time. 

I know the perfectionist in me cringes at that concept and I often say to myself: I’ve wasted enough time in my life, every action means something.  The truth is that mindset is limiting and it puts unnecessary pressure on our role in the grand scheme of things—which we won’t ever really know anyway.  If we can learn to role with the punches, find joy, find presence, and ease into the moment, all will flow and make sense as it is. I know I have a tendency to make all my life hinge on these specific moments (like getting an answer on a job) instead of taking the time to decide what I actually want and focusing on that.  Scattered attention makes for scattered results.  We waste more time throwing darts at a target than practicing a specific aim.  The point in all that is it’s ok if things aren’t always in high season.  We aren’t meant to operate like that anyway.  We all need rest and time to incorporate and bloom again.  Take the long view.  Accept the idea that there is a point for everything, a reason for everything, a season for everything.  Sometimes that downward trajectory is building momentum for the next climb which is even greater than the last.

“You lack nothing.  You have everything.  You are the reason someone smiles.  You are a role model for people you’ve never met.  You are a masterpiece,” Richard Miller.  Not much else needs to be said about this one.  I think we are going to keep it short and sweet today so here is what I want to hit home: If we understand what we spoke about yesterday in regards to the power we have to shift reality, then we must remember at the most fundamental level that we were born entirely whole.  Nothing to prove.  No one else to be other than who we are.  We are magic and just because someone can’t see that doesn’t change that fact.  We aren’t missing anything—we were lied to.  We were told that we had to be a certain way and do certain things to earn that worth.  That we needed to fill the space we were given even if it was too big, or worse, that we needed to cut parts of ourselves away if it was too small.  We were never taught that was a lie, that there is no space to fill other than the space we occupy.  See we were mistaken in thinking that we were meant to control and manipulate others, that this world was about power over others.  That we demonstrated that by acquiring things and having control over some made-up dominion.  Friends this life is temporary and we will all lose everything including the most precious things we have: our very life. 

During our time here we are meant to do nothing more than live to the fullest capacity of who we are.  Don’t get caught up in the should of what someone else tells us.  Don’t let someone else convince us what our dreams are.  Don’t let someone diminish the magic of who we are because they can’t see it themselves.  Don’t take on the burden that other people want us to carry because they bought into the same lies when they were kids and now they don’t know what to do with themselves.  Our existence is absolutely miraculous—we are a living, breathing, walking, talking, biological computer capable of reasoning, logic, and communication.  Our hearts beat on their own, our lungs take in air without prompting, our brains generate images and create stories and take thoughts and make them real.  What the hell else do we really need to prove that we are meant to be here?  What else do we need to prove that we are enough and capable of whatever we want to do?  We have these desires and thoughts and dreams and inspirations for a reason.  The fact they are there, the fact that we are breathing, the fact that we sustain and create life, and the fact that we can create things just for fun is enough.  We have all we need ready-made in this package we come to this planet in.  Don’t settle for the fears someone else gives us.  Don’t settle for serious in terms of goals.  Get serious about love.  About hope. About joy.  About peace. About creativity.  About cooperation.  About fulfillment.  About purpose.  About drive.  Those are the pieces that make us whole.  We already have everything we need.  How beautiful is that?  Don’t ever let anyone convince us otherwise.   

“Your presence shifts reality just by showing up,” Richard Miller.  Our energy constantly interacts and impacts the physical plane.  We are part of this existence and our being generates a pulse, a charge, a vibration that is tangible and very real to the Earth and the entire universe.  We are all part of the universal rhythm.  So how can we not impact where we are simply by being there?  Our energy emits no matter what we do.  So why not choose to manage the energy we give out?  Our hearts have their own rhythm that runs free of our thoughts.  Our brains generate electro-magnetic waves.  Each of those things are no more than a different vibration and vibration is a physical force that can change when impacted upon by an outside force—in this case we are talking about managing our own thoughts.  If we want to change the course of anything, we must change the course in ourselves first.  Managing our energy is key—and that starts with managing our thoughts and emotions.  It means understanding the power of our being and the very real premise that we have control over what we emit—and by controlling what we give out we have a modicum of control over what we receive.  We are both an emitter and a receiver.  Our job is to tune both correctly. 

Stick with me on this next example: As children we learned to play games and these games taught us the real ways of the world in subtle undertones.  My son is learning about Pokemon and I see the moves, the discussion of energy, the connection with these creatures, the reverence for life and the powers that we have and this is a very real application to life in general.  We forget these basic things as we age because we are taught to stop playing games and get serious.  The problem with serious is that man created it.  Man decided that we need to be a certain way at a certain time and produce certain things/goals.  None of that is to suggest I think we should live aimlessly without goals.  What I’m saying is that we all have our own vibration/frequency and that we aren’t all meant to have the same goals.  We should take play seriously to learn about our goals, to learn collaboration and cooperation and new ways to adapt and achieve goals that benefit others.  We aren’t meant to all operate on the same vibration/frequency.  The world needs harmony.  That’s why we each have our own rhythm: to complement the entire song of the universe.

At this time we are living amongst so much distraction that it can be hard to hear our own thoughts let alone remember how to manage them.  It can be difficult to remember our own power because we are often told how powerless we are.  We are told to give in and sacrifice our goals, our dreams, our plans for the sake of others rather than learn how to refine those things for the benefit of others.  How can it be good for the people, for the universe to give up our talents rather than share them?  Why would we sacrifice what we can do in favor of what people tell us to do?  No man knows the greater good or the overall goal/scheme of this universe.  We are all human.  No one can tell us who we are or what our gifts are: those gifts are meant to be actively received by us and used to the fullest of our abilities.  Why else would we have them?  They weren’t meant to sit in a box and looked at while we struggle to become something else.  So this is a reminder that we are enough as we are.  That we are meant to be who we are at all times and honor the greatest version of ourselves.  We have the power to shift reality—and we are meant to do just that.

“Your true self is going to shock you because it’s far more powerful and beautiful than you ever imagined,” Richard Miller.  I’ve been experiencing a lot of fear reactions lately.  Much of it is because I’ve been in limbo too long.  I’ve made my future contingent on someone else’s decisions—things my husband wants, what my child needs, whether or not I get this role at work.  I’m waiting to show who I am and what I am capable of based on where I am accepted.  I’m determining my life based on someone’s decision if I am worthy of moving forward.  I have a lot of interest in multiple things and they are all good things.  But my attention is divided and I haven’t spent as much time developing myself as I should.  I’ve been focusing a bit here and there on different avenues and things that pique my interest, but I haven’t declared what it is I want.  Just when I think I have, I notice that my energies are still scattered.  As we get closer to a decision, I am aware of the feelings I have around it—I have reasons for wanting this and not wanting this new opportunity—and I am fortunate enough to have other opportunities as well.  But if I’m being fully honest, I know I’m afraid of making a decision because it’s riskier.  I’m afraid that if I make the decisions then they won’t happen anyway so it’s best to allow myself to be rejected rather than fight for something I’m only luke-warm about.

With all of that being said, I am very well aware that taking the time to find my true self, to find my own identity (much as I’ve been describing for years) that another person’s decision won’t matter. I see my former employee and the clarity she has in making choices and following through and I admire that so much.  But I still have that fear in me that if I declare I want something that I won’t get it.  I’ve been treating the universe like it can “grant” every other person’s wish but that my real desires will always be tested and that the opportunities I seek won’t happen.  Admittedly I’m stubborn and there are things I have refused to do that would probably have gotten me closer to my goals faster, but I also think that’s fear of not getting what I really want.  I felt like if I didn’t control every action and that if things didn’t go according to my plan then it wasn’t meant to be and it wouldn’t work out. 

Being our true selves is about ease.  It’s about honor. It’s about connection.  It’s about peace.  It’s about joy.  We will never have to fight to be our “True” selves—we simply are.  Taking the time to slow down and connect and really understand what it is we are feeling and when we need to guide those feelings, mastering our minds and emotions is key.  We will never have to fight to be who we are—that should be one of the most natural things in the entire world.  We have to stop accepting who the world tells us to be and simply be who we are born to be.  The close we are to that version of ourselves, the less we worry about tailoring and controlling anything about how people look at us.  As soon as we honor the fullness of who we are, we see the full spectrum of our color and embrace all of our power—and power isn’t dominance, it is ownership of our actions based on who we are.  So when we know our true selves, we see the world in its entirety and suddenly it’s very clear what we are meant to do.  We see all the good our personal power can bring upon the world.  We see all the space there is for people to step up and lead their lives so they can help others lead their lives as well.  We are powerful beyond measure, we just have to tap into that, we have to accept that, we need to honor that, we need to be that.  Allow the full spectrum of who we are delight us.  Experience the raw power of our beauty.  Live how we are meant to live and be amazed.

“I think people are afraid to witness other people being happily themselves because they don’t know who they (themselves) are,” Richard Miller.  Humans operate in fear a lot so when we see something we don’t know or understand, the brain takes over and tries to make as much sense out of what we see as possible—and we can only make sense of things based on our experiences and context.  So the less we understand something, the more we develop emotions around it as a protective mechanism.  Fear makes us label things we may not understand in a way that, again, is based on our context and not necessarily on the truth.  When we see people succeeding in a way contrary or “other” than what we’ve accepted as what needs to be done, we feel resentment.  Al of this is based on comparison and what we can see in other people’s lives.  We are creatures who need to protect our egos so if we see someone doing better than what we are (or what we perceive as better than what we are doing) then we have a tendency to compare and feel weak and even angry.  It’s hard to see someone with what we want. 

Instead of looking at the situation as “they have what we want,” we need to look at the situation and appreciate that we are in proximity to someone who has what we want which means we are able to attract that as well.  That means we are emitting something along the same wavelength.  It isn’t about competition anymore—that’s reptilian brain operating, fighting for survival of the ego—and we are survival based creatures which means we are prone to comparing ourselves to others so we are aware of any potential threats.  The reptilian brain can’t tell the difference between ego and actual threats so it struggles to let go of the drive to prove and win.  Winning meant survival at one point (you either kill the mammoth or are killed by it) and we’ve carried that competition over into other realms.  Sometimes we compete for things we don’t even want just for the sake of winning.  So if we see people doing well but not “better” than us, it’s ok.  But this behavior is a limiter because we never see the expansive side of being around people who may have achieved more than we have.

There really is the point when we have to shift that focus inward and start asking what will make us feel successful, what makes us feel whole, what makes us feel present?  It even starts with something as simple as, “Why does this person’s success bother me?”.  It takes a lot of effort to honestly understand that these behaviors hold us back and to determine what it is that we really want.  It takes an even longer time to stop looking on the outside, to stop that comparing, to stop the fear that other people being themselves somehow impedes us from doing the same.  There are plenty of opportunities in this world to create the vision we see—we are meant to take our gifts and create those visions.  We don’t all have to have the same vision.  We don’t all have to go for the same dream.  We aren’t all meant to operate the same way.  If we learn to be happy for those who are happy being themselves, we are on the right track to finding that happiness ourselves.  Find who we are, focus on the freedom of our own mind, thoughts, dreams, and ambitions, and that energy will develop into something far greater than being jealous and limiting other people’s actions.  We find the joy in creating peacefully, and creating peace within.  What we witnessed in others we now embody ourselves, and we become an example for others as well.  Focus on our own desires and dreams and the rest of the world’s opinions don’t matter and we can happily be ourselves.