How can we build a life together if we are in competition?  This was a thought I’ve had a lot lately.  This year has brought a significant amount of loss, potential loss, and anxiety and all of that has brought the condition of some of my closest relationships to light.  If we are supposed to help each other, to love each other, if we are supposed to create together, why are we fighting each other?  That’s both in general for some of my friend group as well as very specific to my closest relationships.  There has been this air of surging energy and power struggles throughout these groups, and since it’s kind of permeating everything, I felt like this is a theme we need to address.  The world is on edge and we are uncertain and being bombarded with fear—and there are legitimate things to fear as well—so we can only sustain that for so long until we start feeling some trauma symptoms.  Often we become more reactive and I feel that’s what’s going on, at least in my experience.

There are a couple things in this phenomenon that stand out to me, that make me seriously question the sanity of humans at times.  Some of these competitive moments are happening when we are fighting for the exact same thing.  We are saying the same thing and there is still an edge to it, like we are proving who said it first, that our idea is just a bit more unique.  Even if we think we need to go about it differently, we are both seeking the same end result and that point seems to be missed.  The other point is that we are fighting the very people we want to be involved with.  The very people who can help us are the ones we start pushing away.  Is this all a matter of ego?  Or is this some deeper symptom of misunderstanding and miscommunication?  Perhaps it’s both.  We are all seeking ways to be recognized and have our voices heard that we don’t hear what other people are saying even if it’s the same thing.  And we are so distracted that, no only do we not hear others, we often trample over what they are saying.  The speed of society (and the world at large) is too much to allow for people to speak and share with any real depth—we have to get our point across quickly and be the first to do it.

So that brings me to my opening question: How can we build a life together if we are in competition?  The answer is we can’t.  We need to ground ourselves enough to understand what we really want and to know what we are trying to say.  We have to make the choice to hear the other person out and try to understand what they are saying.  We can have different viewpoints and different ideas on how to get where we want to be, but if we are trying to get to the same spot then there is validity on both sides and we need to hear that out.  We are trained to compete with each other because we have some primal instinct toward survival, thinking that ego and being wrong is somehow equated to danger or death.  We need to fight the instinct to fight when it isn’t necessary.  That happens when we are grounded in who we are and clear on the goal.  It takes practice and discipline to over ride that response.  Managing those reactions and coming to a common ground changes the entire game.  It isn’t about hearing ourselves, it’s about coming to the right conclusion and finding the right answer.  We are blessed to have evolved to the point where we really don’t need to compete.  We have most of what we need provided for us or at least readily available—and a sidenote that we have enough to provide for others as well.  So put aside the ego’s voice and hear each other.  It’s often the same song, and we just need to learn to harmonize.  

“Not every day will be this good, but they certainly aren’t all that bad either,” Marie.  I was scrolling through IG the other day and this popped out and I thought we could all use a little reminder about perspective.  The world keeps moving no matter what, and it operates on the natural law of what fills must empty and what is empty will fill again.  This doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to have super crappy low days that drag us down to the point we aren’t able to function and it doesn’t mean that every day will be a spectacular high.  What it means is that it’s natural to vacillate between the two.  It’s our job to keep it in perspective that we need both—the good and the bad—to appreciate where we are in life and to understand the lessons meant for us.  It may not always be fun, but it is a universal truth that we all experience.  Sometimes we are pushed when we are near a breakthrough, tested in a way.  We need to keep moving because those hard moments will lead to the lighter ones—and often lead to the light itself.  When we are in dark times it’s easy to equate those moments to a bad life—we see all the negative.  It’s just as intoxicating to see all of the potential and good and act impulsively when we are feeling good.  We need those moments, the good and the bad, to keep us balanced.  Enjoy when things are good and learn when things aren’t so good.  Be grateful for both.

Today I’m feeling a bit heavy with loss, thinking of my family in particular as we continue the process of cleaning and clearing my Aunt’s home.  It was unexpected and terrifying and surreal—I don’t think any of us knew how bad she really was.  She felt so much guilt over what she had done that she didn’t feel she could ask for help—and she was so lonely without her family she didn’t want to.  I feel like I had no idea who she was at the end—I really hadn’t known who she was for the last several years.  Going through her things in that house, the house that used to be so beautiful and cool and full of life, now dead, and void, and while full of things, is so devoid of life.  it hasn’t had life in there for a long time if we’re really honest.  It’s a sad thing to watch the energy, the heart disappear from something that meant so much.  It’s hard to accept that, while the person was still here, we were still losing them.  We’d already lost them a long time ago.  It’s the toss between wanting to go back and relive it and wanting to stop everything that happened.  The one moment.  We can pinpoint that one moment when it all went downhill.  And seeing all of what was, all of the hope and potential just squandered on desire, ego, and addiction.  It’s a cautionary tale instead of a life lived.  Trying to make ends meet all the way until the end when there was every opportunity to create genuine abundance and flow.

And now I have a few of the things that remind me of the times we had together, the person/people they all were then.  And looking back I know that I had no real idea of what was happening, I was just as involved in the intoxication of the lifestyle, the cockiness of the endless flux of things and abundance.  I literally didn’t know any better—and it was a drug.  It felt so good to have that kind of false power, the feeling everything was in endless supply.  We were all on a high.  I was reliant on the work of what others had already done, and I see now, I never learned how to make and sustain anything for myself.  We never even learned how to keep up with what others had done for us.  We got lazy and complacent, and some got greedy.  And we all let it go in the end because we couldn’t maintain or sustain anything of what we had.  We could have stepped in and replenished it and made choices to build it back up, but none of us knew how.  I had hoped they (the family) would come to their senses and restore it, put aside the pride and work toward fixing what had been broken.  Toward doing what was right and making it better.  But they dug their heels in, dug deeper, thinking they could prove their way out of it, that they could get out of it on their own and didn’t need anyone.  And then there was nothing left.  Literally nothing left. 

For something that had such a golden age so to speak, it is heartbreaking when it fails.  I’m not trying to be dramatic and I’m not ignorant to that pattern throughout history—everything ebbs and flows and power fails all the time.  What fills must empty.  But there is a strange emptiness to be the one to clear the sources.  It is a strange thing to resurrect the little bit of life left in all the death, and I’m literally in the middle of that–I have the last living thing from that house—her cat is now with me.  I can’t remember if I talked about this.  It’s a weird dichotomy having this living thing that I never knew until now be in my home, afraid and alone.  I lost my cat, he lost his owner, and now we are trying to find ourselves again.  He’s a sweet boy and I love cats so that isn’t the issue, but I feel there is still a painful lesson that needs healing here.  It’s like living on foreign territory.  Neither one of us knows how to act with the other but we know we need to rely on each other at this time.  We are both hurting and we aren’t trying to replace what we lost, but we find ourselves in this situation together and we have no choice but to figure out which way to go next.  This is the next step in filling up again.  It’s finding the life and tending it until it can flourish once more.  Sometimes it feels a little bleak, but we go back to find the hope.  Take the small wins, remember the good, honor the whole, and keep moving.  Life keeps moving.    

Discussing relationships and a follow up to keeping people in our lives: I’ve always been a bit protective over my people—or who I consider my people.  I value my relationships and I value the support that I can give and receive.  I’ve got some PTSD when it comes to relationships in that I will either be your best friend or I want nothing to do with you.  I wanted to be accepted so badly that I let too many of the wrong people in.  I also struggle to let people in—but once I do it’s all access.  Some lines are a bit blurry for me as many of my relationships were based on proving my worth.  Throw in the PTSD of losing some of the most important people in my life early on and nearly losing each of my siblings and my father as well as the near-loss of my mother’s mental health.  With all of that being said, forming a bond with people is important and I take it seriously—some may say too seriously.  I never got the memo that some people simply aren’t meant to stick around forever.  I spent so much time trying to keep things as they were, not allowing for change in them or in myself.  At the same time I hold people to a certain standard that really is a hard line for me.  Needless to say, I am a bit contradictory when it comes to forming and maintaining relationships—I’m human.

This isn’t about holding my own, but about being respected.  You can’t have a relationship without mutual trust and respect.  I will help anyone to the best of my ability but within my limits.  If there is a push to do something that I’m not comfortable or capable of doing I will turn that task back over to who owns it.  It isn’t my job to do the work for other people—I did enough of that growing up.  I also feel that building trust in relationships means appreciating the people involved and not excluding them.  Look, I’m a realist and I understand that not all people will see eye to eye or enjoy all of the same things 100% of the time.  But in a group there should be enough respect to be inclusive of everyone and afford the opportunity to get involved with whatever is going on.  There should be a healthy respect for each other’s boundaries as well—when you are at someone else’s house, their rules apply.  That may seem old fashioned but someone’s private property is not for you to do what you want with it.  I also have a sense of propriety about expanding the friend group.  Like, great, the more the merrier, but don’t go excluding the person responsible for it.  It isn’t even about giving that person power, it’s about appreciation and boundaries—appreciation for the connection and boundaries.  

I know some may say that there is free will and we can’t control people—and I fully agree.  But I also agree that if people can’t hold a basic modicum of respect for each other then the relationship isn’t very successful or authentic.  It shows more about the person who would turn around and use other people to their advantage than it does about the desire to have that person around.  And look, some relationships form naturally and there is a bond that supersedes the connector but that is still not a reason to exclude anyone.  I introduced some friends at a party I hosted in my home and I noticed that conversation started happening and I got jealous immediately.  My spidey senses told me that I was going to be ousted so to speak.  And sure enough, that’s exactly what happened.  The three of us have mutual interests and I found out the two of them got together without me to discuss something that we ALL would have done.  Perhaps this is just a trigger from being used in childhood, and some may ask why respect is needed in this situation and there is validity to that question.  I also understand that on the occasion where not everyone is involved doesn’t mean that they are excluding you.  But it doesn’t take away the reality that there is room for all. 

I’m learning to be grateful for my role.  No, I don’t like being used as a bridge, but it is a gift to connect people.  I don’t always have to be the driver or the one creating the events for the group.  But there is a sting to the heart knowing my home has been open to all of these people for so many reasons and events and they’ve all willingly come—and then they turn around and choose to not invite me.  Perhaps this has to do with what we’ve been discussing about relationships over the last few days.  They feel the pressures of something I’m giving off, or more than likely, there are just certain things we aren’t meant to accomplish together any longer.  We have different priorities and different needs. It doesn’t mean that we dislike each other or that people are being intentionally hurtful.  It just means that we have different goals, intentions, and purposes.  We can cheer each other on but we aren’t always in the game together.  Some people aren’t on the same team at all.  People come into our lives for a reason just as we fulfill a purpose in theirs, but no matter the timing/purpose of anyone in our lives, we must understand that even the best relationships will evolve and change, and that we have no say in how long people are in our lives.  Allow them to be who they are, and to flow as they must. 

I’ve had to face a lot of harsh realities regarding relationships over the last several months.  I’ve never had really good social skills—I’m in my head a lot, I’m a writer, and I think about 40 steps ahead all the time.  All of that mixed with insecurity and people pleasing and the lines of a healthy relationship become pretty blurred.  I heard this little reminder, something I will discuss in more detail this week regarding the nature of relationships, and I wanted to share it today to help people understand that sometimes, relationships have simply served their time, run their course. “You don’t get to keep everyone in your life forever.  There are some people that are just meant to be a sunrise for you, a light to pull you out of the darkness.  Friends, relationships, lovers that are seasonal.  No matter how deep of a conversation you had, no matter how much you shared your heart.  Even if you can still draw the lines of their smile like the map of a too familiar road in the back of your mind.  There almost always comes a time to move on.  A time to let go.  And regardless of the letting go I just wanted you know that you’re always going to feel a little bit like home to me.  No matter how temporary, it is still beautiful that I got to call so many hearts my home,” Whitney Hanson.  We are never alone, and the most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves, but I want to share this reminder so we feel less alone when we come to terms with any type of loss.  Allow life to flow…

I have a toxic trait of seeing the best in people and believing they are already that way.  I don’t understand how they don’t see the need to operate at their best already and I believe they already see their best and want to be that.  I also tend to think they ARE their best already and if they aren’t at full function, they just need to let that out.  What I had to learn is that just because I see that capability, that doesn’t mean they ARE that.  It also doesn’t mean that because I see a specific potential and see them in their highest light that they want to be that.  No one will ever be what you see in them unless they feel that they are that version themselves.  People have infinite potential but they only live up to how they feel and view themselves.  That’s the real reason why energy, frequency, and vibration are so important.  We can never be more than what we feel about ourselves.  We can never accomplish more in our lives than what we believe, see, think, feel, or conceptualize as our reality.  Also, their definition of their best and highest potential may be different than mine.  They may not understand the possibilities I see for them or be aware of possibilities that exist.

Seeing the good in people who rarely display it themselves isn’t necessarily a bad thing because it shows confidence in their abilities, confidence in humanity that there are infinite possibilities for people. It can even give those people who aren’t so sure of themselves the boost they need to go for their best, to raise the bar.  It becomes toxic when that vision becomes expectation on the other person’s part (my part).  People don’t have to live up to our expectations even if they are the best intentioned expectations.  It can also be toxic for the person with expectations because it’s easy to become a martyr when making the choice to stick around with someone who consistently uses the hope of the best to bail out of responsibility for making poor decisions consciously.  It isn’t right to hold someone up to our expectations just as it isn’t right to take advantage of someone’s belief and drag them along. 

For years I thought seeing the best in people and holding them to a higher standard was a good thing.  I thought it meant I was showing them I believed in them, that I trusted we could accomplish whatever goal we set together—and more importantly that I believed they could accomplish any goal they set for themselves.  Truly that was my intent—I wanted to show them I knew they could do anything they wanted to.  Instead it came across as being haughty and judgmental.  And what I’m realizing now is that I can hold myself to those standards, I can have that belief in myself, and for those who don’t want to operate at that level, I can let them go.  For those that don’t have the same goals or outlook on possibility, they will live up to their own goals and values.  Sometimes people don’t need a martyr, they just need someone to see them for who they are and that is enough to unlock their potential.  Others will never live up to what they can be but in either scenario, it isn’t up to me or anyone else what that level is supposed to be.  Sometimes people are only there to fill the potential of the relationship in that moment and we are meant to move on.  We all change and evolve but we can’t make people change how we want them to, no matter how positive it may be.

Today I am grateful for road trips.  My sister found information on a really cool book store we had never heard of and we decided to go look at it.  The store is 3 hours from where we live so we made plans to make a day of it.  The entire trip down and up was filled with laughter and stories and confessions and truth, and unpacking layers of things we’ve been experiencing together as we step up into the next role as leads of our entire family.  Unpacking the layers of what happened in the course of our lives, and getting different perspective on the conclusions we had come to years ago, seeing it a bit differently now.  The simple joy of talking and actually being heard, of seeing how similar we still are, understanding how much our brains function in the same illogical, magical, creative way.  Then there was the store.  Now truth be told there was no way to know what we were going to walk into (there never really is) so I had no expectations, I just wanted a day with my sister, I wanted to feel presence with someone for the first time in a long time.  We arrived at the store and it was sensory overload at first—the decorations, the aisles and piles of books stretched everywhere, the smells, the cat crying as we walked around.  Then the visceral experience of touching history and the nostalgia of the things we had when we were kids, the emotion tied to it from our experience and the residual emotion of previous owners—we felt like treasure hunters and had a blast exploring this massive supply of books and having time to discover the gems on the shelves.  But the real magic is that sometimes you find the treasure of what you’re looking for in the shelves, but we always know the real treasure is understanding the connection and the depth of what you actually have sitting right next to you. There is nothing like that connection.

Today I am grateful for relationships.  Every relationship is different.  I tend to get caught up in expecting things to be a certain way because I have trauma around connection and I also have a million things I’m trying to balance so I try to keep my life easy by planning out what needs to get done.  Lately there have been some shifts in relationships in my life.  The way I used to ask for permission at work no longer fits what I’m trying to do—I have to go for my goals.  Things I used to do with certain people are no longer fun, no longer interesting to me—I don’t want to waste time doing things I no longer love.  I don’t want to pass judgement because these people are still important in my life, but the things we used to do and how we used to spend our time don’t bring joy to me like they used to, they don’t make me feel connection like I used to.  It doesn’t mean I want these people out of my life, but it does mean that the nature of who we are together is changing. It also means I have different priorities now.  Relationships need to grow and evolve as we grow and evolve otherwise they become chains—the comfort, the repetition, the nuances all start to hold us back rather than propel us forward.  I am super grateful for the people in my life because we all support each other in some way—but I am also grateful to realize what is now a hindrance rather than actual support.  I am grateful to decide what needs to be done in my own life rather than wait for them to tell me what to do.  Many of them got used to the latter behavior and now have an issue when I do the former.  And now I really don’t care if that bothers people.  I can be grateful and still realize when enough is enough and it’s time to move on, when things have outgrown their purpose, their welcome.  The heart knows when it is no longer welcome either.  Best to not let it suffer under either circumstance—it needs freedom.

Today I am grateful for better understanding of my boundaries.  This part is a bit tricky because it goes back to my relationship with my husband, which, while rocky at many points, has been relatively smooth lately.  I have a new appreciation for him on some levels and increased frustration on others.  I’m fully understanding that there are absolutely things we have outgrown together, and there are things I’ve outgrown that still root him to the spot.  While my sister and I were on the little road trip—keeping in mind I haven’t been out with anyone besides my husband and son in over a year—I had been somewhat hopeful that he might take care of a few things that needed attention in our home and I told him that prior to leaving.  When I got home I found he had been with the neighbors all day.  I’d been gone for nearly 12 hours and he’d been working on something with them which I found out after the fact was going to cost him money.  He was gone so long that he wasn’t feeding the animals until I got home and the dog had relieved herself in the house.  Truthfully I was furious.  He was drunk, my house was a mess, and he’s out with the neighbors and done nothing for our house.  I calmly explained to him I wish he would give our own home the same attention he gave the neighbor’s and their projects.  My heart ached as I realized how low a priority his own family is at times.  Dealing with my Aunt’s house, he balked and got irritated at having to help for one day for less than 5 hours but the neighbors get together and he can do whatever they want for 15 hours—he didn’t get home until after 11pm—and then expect sympathy for his aches/pains.  Relationships are give and take and I’m tired of having to beg for what he so easily gives to everyone else.  I’m tired of accepting lower and lower standards and making more allowances.  I am grateful to accept what I actually need and not feel ashamed for it and for knowing these are things I shouldn’t have to ask for. 

Today I am grateful for advancing. While it feels like some parts of my life are on hold, some are on repeat, some are stuck, there are most certainly parts that are moving forward with leaps and bounds.  I have a creative project that was accepted and now has become a priority for me.  I have made advances at my 9-5 in that I’ve been waiting on for nearly a year—one I’ve been waiting on for nearly 6 years.  I spent much of my life feeling like a failure because things weren’t coming to fruition, or things kept stopping and starting—and there are times I still feel that way because I’m still waiting for certain things.  But it doesn’t take away from the advances happening now.  These are opportunities that could be missed wallowing in the questions of why didn’t it happen sooner—so honor them now.  It still feels good to experience the joy of success now, and the more minor success is celebrated, the more we open the doors for the big success.  We never know with 100% certainty when things will come together—it’s like watching the flowers bloom.  They don’t open until they are ready, and when they are ready, they show the most beautiful display.  It doesn’t matter they didn’t open yesterday, they are beautiful now.  The timing of it doesn’t detract from their beauty any more than it should detract from the beauty of our blooms.  Progress feels good, and it happens when it is meant to.

Today I am grateful for hope.  I struggle with hope because it so often felt like chasing the carrot.  It’s like a drug.  When things show a glimmer of possibility, it’s easy to get sucked in and make the image of the future huge, or make our lives contingent on one result because we have hope that the one moment will unlock the rest like some magic key to the floodgates of happiness and joy—so we keep finding ways to hope things will change, that things will get better, that what we want will appear.  But when we find real connection, when we find means to have fun again, when we find the courage to firmly declare what we want, and when we finally see the results of what we’ve been working for, it is in those moments that hope shines brightest.  It’s when hope is the most important because hope, in those cases, is the guiding light we need.  Some say hope is most important when things are darkest because we need that glimmer of light—and it is.  But hope is more important in those moments when we are in the middle of the journey and we can’t quite see the results of the work and we are seconds away from giving up and then suddenly we see a pin hole of light that says, “YES! This way, it’s right here!”.  Hope isn’t the magic key, it’s the key to the next step.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

“I realized that I hadn’t found my PCP but I had found my primary care server.  Sometimes the best caregivers aren’t the people with the fancy titles, they’re just the people who care. Who even on the worst day can make you feel seen and heard.  Sometimes a cold drink and a less tippy glass are just what the doctor ordered,” Zach Anner.  Help doesn’t always come from who we expect it to.  Help doesn’t always look like we think it will.  Anner shared the story of going to his physician asking for a particular thing he needed and the physician not only dismissed his need but degraded him.  Anner was discouraged but took it in stride, in humor.  He then shared how going to his favorite restaurant gave him the realization that help comes in unexpected forms from unexpected people.  One thing we can all connect on is that we’ve all felt alone at some point.  We’ve all felt discouraged and misunderstood and isolated.  And for all of our sake’s, I’m hoping we’ve had the alternate experience where we found someone who made us feel heard in the most unexpected way.

These days it seems ever more evident that we aren’t able to rely on the systems we used to, or the people.  The effort we put in doesn’t yield the same results anymore so everyone is questioning what to do and what everything means.  They are asking what’s worth it. But what they are also realizing is that our worth isn’t determined by our effort, it’s determined by our existence and our character, and it’s our responsibility to reshape these broken systems, those filled with people who are supposed to help us and no longer do, the systems meant to support us that now drain us.  It’s up to us to become the primary care for each other and work together to make things right again.  We’ve operated under the premise that a system will save us and function the same for all, that a prescribed method of living in order to be successful/fulfilled will function the same for all of us.  Sometimes all that’s required is to listen to one another.  We each carry wisdom that benefits all of us, and we only discover it when we open up to each other—not necessarily when we seek it out. Sometimes the very thing we avoid gives us what we need.   

It’s been a theme of my life over the last two weeks that we don’t always get what we want but we certainly get what we need.  I’ve been waiting all this year for resolution on certain foundational items in my life: will my relationship sink or swim, will I get the job that could elevate my family without much strain, will this illness around me abate and will they all survive, will I figure out how to follow through on what I need to?  With all of those things up in the air, I felt much like Anner described where straightforward questions/needs were posed and I had to fight to get even the most basic of answers.  And I faced loss repeatedly.  The job didn’t pan out, I lost my cat, I nearly lost my father, I lost my Aunt entirely unexpectedly.  But I’ve gained the opportunity to do something I really enjoy, I’ve gained a creative opportunity, we took in two other animals that needed help, my father understands the importance of relationships differently, and my husband is pulling himself together.  So, I never needed the system or the idea of the perfect life I had in mind.  I just needed to let life flow.  There are bumps no matter what we do and we can only go with it.  No matter what we keep going—and if we pay attention, we will see that exactly what we need has fallen right into our laps.

“Even This I get to experience,” Norman Lear. Ryan Reynolds shared this quote at the passing of a friend and colleague.  I realize I’ve been working through some of the darker moments of life over the last couple of years—starting a business, the status of my relationship, life and death, deciding where my power lies and what to do with it.  This year in particular dealt some rather heavy and nasty hands—facing mortality and witnessing the wins and losses that come with that.  I spent a lot of time on the precipice, the cusp, wondering what was going to happen next, waiting for the decision to teeter over onto one side or the other.  Life lived in limbo is not living, and as painful as the decision either way could be, at least it is a decision, there is clarity.  When we look at life and wonder about all of those moments that make a life, we can spend a lot of time questioning things.  Like we talked about yesterday, there is magic in people who are able to pivot, able to accept, able to flow.  Perhaps there is something different in their chemistry or in their makeup that makes them see things differently, because the best I can figure is that how we experience moments of pain and disappointment prepare us for how we understand and experience joy—and life as a whole. 

Do we determine the quality of a life, whether it is good or bad, based on those experiences?  Or do we learn to understand that it’s simply life, all neutral, and we assign the meaning to it?  Do we learn to not take things personally and learn to fill our role without pretense or the desire to get anything else?  There are shitty moments mixed in with all the good and, no matter how painful or frustrating, I have to believe that even those come with a reason.  All of life is an adventure and we never know when our time is up.  So we can lament the upcoming losses and challenges we will face or we can learn to pivot with them, or we can simply understand that those things are going to happen no matter what so all we have to do is allow them.  No one wants the shitty moments—and I find myself questioning the reason for many of those shitty moments often—but there are some things that we need to trust are exactly as they are for whatever reason.

I don’t claim to be at peace with anything that has happened over the last two years—if I’m honest, I’m not really at peace with much that has happened over the last two decades.  But what I do understand is that nothing on the outside will give me peace in these moments—it’s up to me to find peace in it.  It’s up to us to define what we learn from even those tough times.  It doesn’t have to take those moments of life and death to point out what is important, we are able to change that perspective every time.  But it never fails that those who are on that line waiting for things to fall to one side or the other see things the most clear.  Reynolds said of his friend’s experience, “And if anyone reading this knows someone parked at the intersection of life and death, you know it’s hard for them to see anything but life.  When the light at the end of the tunnel probably isn’t a cure, I think people see more clearly—focusing on the stuff that really matters.”  So instead of lamenting what goes wrong, understand that, “Even This we get to experience,” and be grateful for the opportunity to live and make life what we want it. 

“There is magic in people who take redirection or even rejection as a message to slow down and reset and aim higher.  I think it’s hard for us to wrap our minds around the fact that maybe the reason we didn’t get what we wanted is that we were made for way more,” JB Copeland.  Keeping present through even the toughest of times requires a special mindset.  We’ve all experienced the happiness, the adrenaline, the thrill of getting to the point where we think we are getting exactly what we want only to have it fall apart.  No amount of confidence eases the sting of not getting what we wanted, especially when we thought we were so close to getting it.  But there are people who can pivot/rebound quickly and understand that even though it’s a tough blow, it isn’t the end of the world and there are still opportunities to create something else.  They don’t get stuck on the no.  They look for ways to keep the fountain flowing.  Seeing messages like that, understanding there isn’t anything personal happening is a special gift.  These people understand the bigger picture and that life is working for them, they just need to decide and operate in their capacity. 

A no doesn’t mean that we are broken, or that we are doing something wrong.  It doesn’t mean that we need to stop the flow of life until things are exactly in the right place at the right time exactly as we pictured it. We talked about the fountain yesterday and in keeping perspective the day before, and that sometimes means we need to find another way.  The human spirit is resilient and amazing and the soul has infinite capacity to do many things.  Sometimes what we want may feel like all we need but there is something greater trying to make its way to us and it doesn’t want us to settle.  We have to learn to trust, to find the magic in those moments and go with it.  Some people are never afforded the opportunity to pivot, and when we are faced with scenarios that remove our options, we can feel caged and angry, or we can look around and asses our situation.  The truth is, sometimes there are no good answers or options.  We are simply stuck.  That doesn’t mean it’s permanent, it doesn’t mean there isn’t a way out.  It means we have to wait until we have enough information about the situation to understand what we need to do…and then to do it.

One of the hardest things to understand is that life isn’t personal.  It’s completely contradictory to a lot of what I’ve shared, so stay with me.  We all have a place in this life and we all have a purpose.  Yes, it is our place and our purpose, but that has a bigger impact and role in the plan of the universe.  It isn’t about personal gain and satisfaction, it’s about our ability to fulfill our role for the bigger picture.  When we are told no, it isn’t because we are good or bad, it’s because that particular thing may not have been meant for us.  Yes, it’s frustrating, but when we detach from the outcome or the desire for things, it’s easier to see that it has nothing to do with us.  We aren’t here to get every single thing we wanted, we are here to serve a purpose.  If those things we want help serve our purpose then we can align and receive it.  If they aren’t meant for us and won’t help us along the way toward what we want, then it won’t happen.  Frustrating—yes.  The end of the world—no.  When we are redirected by a no, we are given the opportunity to see other possibilities.  That’s where the magic comes in.  The universe wants us to play and create, and sometimes we can see what we are capable of only if what is extraneous and not meant for us is taken away.  So the next time we are told no, be grateful and consider what possibility we have next.