Many are called, few listen.  Yes, this is the intentional message for today—I am spiritual, I am not overly religious (even though the original quote is in religious context) so I figured this was the perfect point to make for today.  When we stand up in our lives, when we answer the call of what we are meant to do, when we step into our authentic selves, we are sending the response to the universe that we are ready to answer our purpose—and we all have a purpose.  What are here to fulfill our purpose, it is as simple as that.  Answer the call.  Step up into who we are and be who we are meant to be. 

The funny thing is we often think we need to get the answer before we take action, but the universe doesn’t always work like that.  Sometimes we simply need to move, to send the message that we are ready to move into what’s next.  We need to set the intention, follow with action, and allow the answer to come.  We set the tone and open up to the flow.  It is an undertaking to step into who we are, I don’t pretend any of this work is easy.  The choice to undertake it is not to be taken lightly. 

Choosing to become one of the ones who respond and step into the light of who we are is truly a gift.  In spite of any overwhelm that may come from it, it is always worth it in the end.  It’s what we do.  It’s the definition of who we are.  Listening to the call also involves learning to listen and actually hear what is being said.  The point is becoming that version of ourselves.  Understanding the message depends on our experience and interpreting what we are told to co-create what we are meant to be.  Answer the call.

“No one ever made himself great by showing how small someone else is,” Irvin Himmel.  I love this as a follow up to yesterday.  When we own our power and step into our authentic selves, there is no concern to make ourselves appear a certain way because simply become and be who we are.  There is no need to worry about how other people look, to bring others down to make ourselves seem higher.  We simply use our flame to light other people’s candles because their candle doesn’t diminish ours, we glow brighter together.  Build each other up, straighten each other’s crowns and build the world we are meant to live in through helping each other achieve goals. 

I spent a lot of my life bullied and discriminated against for my appearance.  People took one look at me and assumed I was incompetent, too young, or that I was incapable and my words were dismissed before I even opened my mouth.  This isn’t a sob story, I use this to demonstrate that appearances can be deceiving and that the act of cutting someone off before we know them has impact.  No matter what we think of a person there is something else underneath, something that person doesn’t share.  We never know the full story.  Even in this day and age we still judge books by their cover.  With that being said, there are people who too often spend time smearing someone else’s story rather than writing our own.  When we focus on other people’s issues or try to make them seem a certain way, that is time spent away from our own objective.  Time we could use to work toward our goal.

The long and short of it is keep your own house in order.  Take time to objectively, literally, and figuratively water your own grass and see how green you can make it rather than taking time to smear others.  You don’t get very far wasting your time being critical of others, running around the base of the mountain telling others they are doing it wrong, when that time can be spent climbing the mountain.  It takes a lot to shut out the noise and focus on goals.  It takes even more practice to shut out the noise from others.  But make sure we aren’t the ones creating noise for the sake of hearing our own voices in other’s lives.  Don’t cut people down for the progress they’ve made, we don’t know what it took to get there.  Celebrate our greatness and celebrate the greatness of others.   

Yesterday, we spoke about the value in being who we are and sharing that with the world, the value of being seen as who we are.  This past week I found myself struggling with who people truly are and the why behind their actions.  I’ve always struggled with seeing the kindness on one side and the ruthlessness on the other of people.  I mean, I know we need to be capable of doing what we need to do because we can’t expect others will always have the best intentions for us.  It goes back to the purpose behind the action. Are you trying to be seen as a good person or are you being a good person?  Maybe there is a little bit of both in all of us if what I said about being capable of doing what we need to do is true. 

The last few days we’ve been talking about aligning, finding our purpose, allowing our authentic selves be seen, and understanding that it doesn’t have to be a grand show—we just need to be who we are.  But if we want people to see us a certain way, that isn’t the authenticity required to be on display—that’s the show again.  I have people in my life who demonstrate some of the outwardly kindest behaviors I’ve seen, things I want to be capable of doing like sharing money without fear or hesitation, going above and beyond to share some happiness without demanding it back, or even balancing what seems unmanageable so others don’t break.  But peeks into some of the deeper layers made me question if these people simply want to be seen doing good.  I don’t want to be a pawn in that and I don’t want to drain my energy keeping up with that. 

We can watch and learn all day but if there isn’t anything genuine being displayed then that isn’t something we want to emulate.  If we are able to get the message from someone who isn’t fully their authentic selves, then perhaps it is up to us to find that authenticity in ourselves and share it with the world.  Either that or it is at least a lesson to find that within ourselves and let go of the fear of being seen.  It’s a lot of work.  But we don’t need to fear the work, we just need to do it.  We need to trust that aligning with our purpose is half the battle and that we are meant to share who we are so the rest of the world can glow with us as well. 

Myleik Teele shared a reel the other day that struck me, especially after writing the piece yesterday that we just need to do our part.  We spend so much of our time curating our lives, making our daily living look a certain way that we don’t always live that existence.  We try to make our value in something that appears a certain way rather than appreciating the value(s) that we live. Simply, Teel stated that our purpose doesn’t have to be big to have value.  We simply need to live with purpose.  We need to show the truth of who we are because we all play a part in this universe no matter how big or small.  Literally it doesn’t matter the size, it’s the impact. 

The Butterfly Effect suggests that something as small as the flap of a butterfly’s wings can cause a tsunami across the world.  In that regard, our actions, especially the small ones, add up and have impact.  It’s important what we do with our time, not what we make our time look like.  Appearance is fleeting, action is forever.  So, when the universe aligned as it did the other day as described in yesterday’s piece, that truly was enough.  We don’t always see what we do but people still need to see what we do, if that makes sense.  Yes, I still stand behind the silent action, that what we do isn’t necessarily for attention.  But people need to witness that quiet work as well. 

The point in all of this is if you feel stuck or are wandering to land in a spot, keep going.  Don’t allow yourself to stay there feeling like you need to keep up appearances or become something you are not.  Keep going on the journey toward your fullest expression of who you are because that matters the most.  Being who you are.  That is clearly still a journey I am working on and I am sharing it with you because the most humbling part of becoming who we are is discovering that journey isn’t linear by a long shot.  The work may be tiring, it may feel like you’ve reached your end, but those moments when the stars align and the world seems to become the place it’s meant to be and you have your place in it are worth it.  Keep going.

I want to preface this piece with this:  I know some of my behaviors can seem hypocritical, not out of spite or malice, but out of a lack of the faith I speak of so often here.  I KNOW I’ve shared before that I truly believe what I write here, and I do—I just struggle to apply it to myself.  I struggle to find that level of belief and acceptance for myself.  That doesn’t mean I don’t believe it, it means it’s an area of development for me.  With that being said, I am STILL a wholly faithful person, I just need to work on keeping my foundation firm in that faith regardless of what happens.  Then there are moments that can not be described by anything other than divine work.  I promise what happened next is all true.

There are times our faith is unquestionably tested.  In some of my experiences, I’m seeing this as more tested/proven.  Last weekend my family and I planned a last minute trip with our friends to a local junking/antiquing event.  The family has never done anything like that before so we had no idea what to expect.  Before we went to the actual event, we met at one of the houses for breakfast.  When we pulled up, everything seemed totally normal.  The last couple arrived and we walked in together.  I had seen photos of the house previously (we were comparing Christmas decorations at the time ) but I had never been there.  When we walked in, everything was still just fine, so our friends asked if we wanted a tour and I immediately said yes.  I freaking love looking at houses, it’s something I’ve done since I was a kid—I know I’m not alone in this.  I walked into their kitchen/dining area and took off my coat and put my things down.  We then went upstairs, then all the way down to the basement.  When we came back up to the main level, we saw the master suite, went all the way through the living/kitchen area, and then came back to the dining nook.  My mind immediately felt like it melted: I KNEW I had been there before.

I felt a neurological chill run down my entire spine and I swayed on the spot.  It wasn’t just that I had been there, I had been in that moment.  I had done all of this, seen this exact spot down to the lighting before.  I even told the group that I had dreamt this.  I hadn’t experienced Déjà vu like that every before.  This was entirely visceral, whole body, my mind felt like a record skipping for a moment as I tried to remember what happened next.  It felt like a glitch for sure.  I mentioned it and my friend said, “I’ve shown you pictures, that has to be it.”  I told her it’s possible, but it was the lighting that did it for me.  I let it go, we ate breakfast, then started getting ready to go.  My son realized he needed more water so my husband got his travel cup from the truck but our friend (the owner of the house) got a cup from his cabinet.  By the time he was asking about the water, the Déjà vu hit again.  Down to the conversation, and I said so.  No one really paid much mind but I felt so strange.  As we drove to the fair, I talked to my husband and neither of us could really put an answer on it.   

We arrived at the event and I couldn’t shake the feeling.  One of my friends simply said, “You get used to it, the premonitions.”  Well, I hadn’t considered that this was a premonition.  I started talking about the universe aligning, and maybe this was the result of two universes coalescing and becoming one.  No sooner had I said it than it happened again—I saw a building out of the corner of my eye and I almost collapsed: I had BEEN here, but it wasn’t just the location, it was the light, it was the time, everything.  I felt weak as I squeaked out that it was happening again.  The chills seemed to emit from my spine and my heart pounded to the point of palpitations.  Our friends said, “You’re meant to be here.”  While it was comforting, it also felt like that point in the movie when the group turns around and starts chanting, “One of us, one of us.”  I couldn’t escape that feeling.  As it happened, we needed to leave to meet my parents shortly after visiting the building I seemed to have materialized from a dream.

We met my parents at our house and by this point I’m continuing on with my day.  Yes, still creeped out, still trying to make sense of what happened, but I’m the host now.  The visit went perfectly fine until almost an hour in when my father said they had to leave.  When I turned to reply/question why they were leaving so soon (it takes them nearly that long to get out to me, stay for such a short time ?), it struck me almost as hard as it had at the fair: We’ve had this conversation!  Again, it wasn’t just the words or the people, it was everything down to the way the sun came through the window, to the position my parents were in relative to my son.  It felt almost out of body, like I was witnessing it like a movie playing that I had to watch all over again. 

Look, I know some of this may seem insignificant but the FEELING was so intense, I could feel my nerves firing.  I have no other way to describe it.  This wasn’t just a moment of, “I’ve seen this before, weird.”  It was the absolute certainty that I had DONE this before.  I had lived these moments, or someone had, and they were projecting through my mind again.  Never in my life have I experienced Déjà vu that intensely.  I’ve been pondering different meanings—universes aligning, the merging of who I am with who I am meant to be, the unleashing of actual premonition.  But what if it was simply a nod, a bridge to faith that the universe wants me exactly where I am right now?  I can deal with that.  Whatever my body was telling me, I know it was something important.  I have never had to take that great a pause in an event in my entire life.  But I am here for it. Not everything needs to be explained.  Not everything needs a grand reason.  Sometimes we just need to keep going, to do our part.    

Whether or not you celebrate the Easter holiday, this is the season of rebirth, this is the time of starting.  It’s a Spring where we emerge as something new, where ideas start to bud and we work on the beginning of a new venture.  So this week I share gratitude of the season.

Today I am grateful for finding me.  This isn’t something I’ve done alone (and it’s far from over) but it’s not something I’ve really had explicit help with either.  Recently I’ve been reading a lot of work on how we aren’t really “finding” ourselves because we aren’t lost.  No disrespect to the scholars behind that, but I definitely had lost my way, lost myself in the process of becoming this.  The real essence of who I am (sometimes who we are) gets buried beneath this image we create.  It is definitely a journey to discover that true essence.  It’s also a journey to discovering who we want to be.  We can’t go through life throwing darts at different interests and think that lands on something.  We need to develop the foundation of who we are and, that too, is a process.  I’m grateful for the work I’ve done. I’m grateful for the work that continues.  This journey is the way.

Today I am grateful to continue the goal of new experiences.  We went to see a movie this weekend with my son.  He had never been to a theater before and we went all out: all the snacks and drinks, the best seats, all the trimmings of a theater experience.  It was a first for us as a family because it was the first time we’ve been to a movie at a theater together.  Movies hold a special place in my heart because that is something my husband and I have always been passionate about.  The first time we met, we ended up at a movie together—he leant me a dollar so I could get in and see the movie with the group.  Over the last 22 years,  we built a collection of films together.  I know it seems silly but neither of us could remember the last time we went to the theater, and for something we enjoyed doing, that was kind of sad.  Bringing back the tradition and introducing it to our son was nostalgic and the beginning of something simultaneously.  These little adventures aren’t huge, but they are hugely impactful.   

Today I am grateful for reminders of the soul.  My friend recently had surgery so I’ve been checking in and spending time with her as she recovers.  Her favorite movie is Moana and I had never seen it so we watched it yesterday.  Yes, this is another new experience, but this was deeper as anyone who has seen Moana knows.  The demonstration of spirit, will, destiny, and knowing who we are at the core filled me with love and hope.  There are times we need to show the world strength by becoming who we are meant to be and there are times we need to find strength in ourselves by remembering what we are.  We need to be strong enough to follow our call, soft enough to see inside, brave enough to face the elements against us, and have faith enough to go after what we are meant to when we know it’s right.  We need to know as much as we are one and our actions impact others, we are also a soul, an individual with a unique contribution to the world.    

Today I am grateful for the chances this world gives us.  That is something to be grateful for forever.  No matter what happens we are able to change direction as many times as we need to.  While this can be frustrating if we don’t have a map, it’s exhilarating as we discover the direction meant for us.  The key here is that we don’t always need to have that map—we find our way as we move.  I’m working on developing more comfort with that.  I’ve often been one of those believe it when I see it types and I’m seeing the universe tends to operate on you’ll see it when you believe it.  That’s hard, but I can choose daily to trust my instincts or continue to operate as if I know it all.  The world is magic and there are times it may feel like the rug is being pulled from under us when really we are being dislodged from our comfort zone—answer the call.

Today I am grateful for tradition.  In all this talk of change and stepping into who we are, I love the tradition of coming together to celebrate a new beginning.  Faith is something my whole family has struggled with and seems to have diminished with each generation, so today isn’t totally about that type of celebration even though we are trying.  It’s about being together more than anything, and as time has gone on, that separation seems to grow a bit further.  We all have our own lives, we are all busy/tired, and we all feel like we need to do it on our own.  But on these holidays we come back together and attempt to find some semblance of tradition.  We are family and the family holds strong no matter what even if we fracture a little bit.  I am grateful to see where I came from even if we have our own spin on the day.

Wishing everyone a day of renewal and blessings and here’s to a wonderful week ahead!

I read something the other day that the concept that we are “enough” makes us settle for mediocrity and I took cause with it—not offense, but cause.  The idea that “enough” makes us settle on the surface makes sense.  If we believe we are enough, there are those who wouldn’t continue to strive for anything better.  But I want to be clear that if we are operating from a place where we have to be more to be deemed worthy, that is toxic, untrue, and damaging.  The concept of enough isn’t about settling where we are—it’s about understanding who we are.  It’s about knowing that we have the ability to move forward and are capable of seeing things through and being who we are meant to be.  It isn’t about stopping the train where it is, it’s about finding the momentum inside to keep it going like a perpetual motion machine.

When we feel we need to do more for the sake of proving, that creates negative thought patterns and unrealistic (and unnecessary) striving.  I’m not saying don’t have goals or don’t shoot for things that seem beyond reach, but I’m saying that ISN’T the determining factor in who we are—how far we succeed on someone else’s timeline isn’t what makes us successful.  Often when we realize our worth we push ourselves forward even more because we finally understand what we are capable of and we see what we want to do and a way to do it.  So understanding enough isn’t about taking the easy way out—it’s about finding and DOING the deeper work.

I think it’s important to differentiate that the purpose we have is what makes us enough as well. The distinction here is that, no, I don’t believe anyone is simply meant to sit and eat bon bons and watch TV all day.  We are born for something greater. In a world that indoctrinates us to be anything but who we are from birth, recognizing, accepting, and acting on our given gifts is a damn miracle.  If we understood that all we are meant to be is who we are, perhaps bringing out our gifts to share with the world earlier would allow the rest of the world to see who they are as well and we wouldn’t be in this competition to become the same person but “better.”  It doesn’t work like that.  So I’m saying enough IS enough—it IS enough to simply be who we are meant to be, and I would argue it’s imperative.  The world needs us to be who we are. 

Thoughts flows through me at top speeds all the time and I find myself trying to cling onto a thought just to see it through somehow. I struggle to understand them at times, or even to hear what they really are. Sometimes I only catch pieces of them and they don’t quite make as much sense when I try to bring them into the world as they did when they still rested in my head.  I cursed this for a long time because I couldn’t make heads or tails of the images, thoughts, ideas, running rampant—and run rampant they did.  It felt completely out of control because it was like I had no say in the ideas that popped in, when they popped in, or even remembering them when I really needed them.  I felt like I couldn’t rely on my brain.

As I was working on too many projects at one time in a state of panic that I wouldn’t be able to see anything through, it suddenly hit me: The millions of thoughts that run through my mind are a blessing.  For a long time it felt almost manic, the surge, the flow of different ideas.  I fought for a long time to choose which ones I wanted to hang onto, which ones were mine, which ones had merit, etc.  Then it became a matter of which ones even made sense for what I was working on at the time.  But if I didn’t have that level of activity in my brain, I’m not sure what I would look like.  Yes, it is challenging to navigate that level of stimulation, but how lucky to feel that level of creativity?! 

There was a time I know the thoughts were not healthy on any level.  They were destructive and painful and repetitive to the point of obsession.  As soon as I worked through the first layer of that trap, I found that the flow of thoughts could change—and did change—based on what I chose to focus on.  No, I wasn’t always zeroed in how I should have been, but the thoughts didn’t have me in a choke hold of fear and negativity.  There was some light there.  That’s when the creativity really came through.  What could I do with those thoughts?  What were they really trying to tell me or what were they really trying to express?  If you have an overactive mind, consider that there’s something else there.  There’s an activity in your brain that’s trying to get out.  There is something trying to come through that is meant for you to share, perhaps even feel your way through.  When it truly gets dark, reach out.  Find someone or something you can rely on to feel better.  But if the thoughts are simply running around, try to follow one.  Try something new like writing it down, or painting, or running, or building something.  See what comes of it.  Chances are the “crazy” you feel is some type of creativity bursting at the seams.  Give it a chance and see.

We aren’t meant to know how it all unfolds.  This was a tough pill for me to swallow.  I mentioned in this Sunday’s gratitude that I had always been the type of person to do things on my own.  Partially pride, partially just enjoying it, and partially the need after a while.  Not that I needed everything my way, but there were things that were important to me and I knew my powers of persuasion weren’t the greatest—that and when we are younger we often struggle to articulate our viewpoint or defend it when others are around.  My stubbornness came from steamrolling of the highest degree—the youngest in the family, my voice didn’t count for too much early on (that changed over time) and I probably went too far to the extreme in some cases about being heard.

Regardless, I’ve been peeling back numerous layers to uncover what it is I’m actually doing with my life and I keep coming back to this idea of control.  I know that I can’t control every influence on the outcome of what I desire or even what needs to be done but I still find myself wanting people to “just do what they are supposed to.”  If something makes sense to me, then I tend to want it to go that way.  That isn’t to say I don’t follow logic and take in and apply better suggestions, I’m not an idiot, but I like to get it right.  So part of this control thing also means knowing that we don’t know everything.  One of my favorite Metric songs came on the other day and one of the lines is, “I can see the end but it hasn’t happened yet.”  For me it was a melancholy type of feeling where we know what is “supposed” to happen but things don’t seem to be aligning to that end.  It also suggests we don’t know HOW it will unfold. 

One certainty in life are the curveballs that come our way.  They don’t always make sense in the midst of the event but given time, things seem to fall together in ways that couldn’t have gone any other direction.  Sometimes the how looks different because there are lessons we need to learn to get to the ultimate destination—even if we can see that destination clear as day—we may need to take one more go around before getting there.  While we know we have limited time, we can trust that we will always be right on time for what is meant in our lives.  Sometimes the how is vital to shaping, not only the course, but everything about who we are.  We have no say in that if we are following the blueprint of who we are meant to be.  In that instance we need to be exactly who we are no matter what it requires to be that person.  We are simply meant to trust, to KNOW that we will get there. Believe it. 

A reminder that it’s often the body that isn’t tired—it’s the soul, mind, or our hearts.  It’s totally Physical tiredness is normal and something we all experience.  Working the way we do, living the lives we do, stretching ourselves in as many directions as we do, physical exhaustion is a natural result.  I’m not saying that’s the natural way to live, but if we choose to live in that manner, the body is going to wear out and tire.  Then the other side is our natural rhythms of wake and sleep.  But what happens when we get enough rest, we’ve taken that break, or we’ve had that moment of peace and we still feel tired?  That’s something else telling us there’s more.  That’s when we know there is a different type of work to do. 

I fully believe in signs from the universe and that those signs speak through us, through our bodies as much as they speak through outside signs and sources.  So when we are in the dregs of something that we can’t get out of even after we’ve addressed the physical, it’s time to look at what’s really going on.  How do we address soul/mind/heart tired?  We stop.  We look at what we’ve been doing and examine how we’ve disconnected.  Disconnect happens in surprising, often quiet ways, sometimes before we even know what’s happened.  It can be a disconnect from ourselves, from what we want, from our values, from our priorities, or even from doing something we love.  All of those things are energy vampires and deplete us from a much deeper level than just the body. 

Restoring that connection to soul/body/heart is simple but not always easy (we spoke about that relatively recently).  It requires letting go of the constant need to do and harnessing the value of listening.  When I feel icky feelings, I have a tendency to either push into hyperdrive and start doing as much as I can, or I collapse under the weight—I know I’m not alone in these reactions.  This is a habit we need to catch as soon as we start to feel these feelings.  We need to train ourselves to understand what we are feeling and get down to the trigger.  The work itself feels tiring because we’ve been in survival, fight, or just-getting-by mode for so long.  When we are able to release those emotions and feel a measure of safety, our body will be tired—but until we do the work, the drain keeps going.