“I don’t need a billion dollar career [to achieve great things and be worthy].  Sometimes all you need is a few birdseeds and a smile [to make a difference],” Safi, ShotSavant.  There seems to be this ever pressing need to do something with our lives.  Like we have to do something significant all the time to make it mean something.  I don’t blame people for believing this—we have curated a world culture where we live in extremes—it’s all fantastic or it’s all terrible.  The way the brain works with group-think would then deduce that if we aren’t sharing something fantastic then everything is terrible.  It’s true that there are tons of people with global impact doing a lot of different things and they are meant to have a global reach.  We must not discount those who have the impact to change our world as individuals. The ripples created by changing one person’s life can be immeasurable.  It’s the quiet work behind the scenes that advances us.  It’s the seeds planted by someone that we curate and tend into our own—or vice versa where it’s the people who curate what we have planted. 

Never underestimate what people are capable of, even if it’s one person at a time.  It all makes a difference.  There will be a time when we are quite literally all gone and an entire new population of people will inhabit this Earth.  It’s quite possible that one decision we make can create a change felt for generations.  Even if that’s the case, the new generation will put its spin on our work anyway.  All the things left behind, the pieces of day to day life, the art, the technology from previous eras only give a glimpse into what life was like and we are only applying our best guess at that.  So all we do is going to be viewed differently no matter what we do and we have no control over that—and it doesn’t matter.  If I’ve made strides in my life and I have done better than I did yesterday, if I have given someone hope and encouraged them to go for what works for them, if I have been a catalyst for any change in someone’s life, that is just as impactful as the money.

We can’t take anything with us when we move on.  There were cultures who believed there was a weighing of the souls upon moving to the phase after this existence which suggests to me we need a constant awareness of our priorities.  What did we value in life?  Who did we value?  How much did we love?  What kind of influence did we have?  What KIND of person were we?  These are the questions to consider.  That means we have to consider another set of questions.  Do we need billions of dollars to be happy or are we really content with what we have?  What do we need to have the kind of life we want?  The freedom to make a difference comes when we live authentically aligned with our core truth and that truth is what shows us what we need to be happy.  We need purpose.  What gives us that sense of purpose?  What drives us? If we sit with that for a while, we will start to understand the influence this world has on us because with the quiet that comes with hearing our own voice, we find it’s far simpler than we make it.  We can make a difference in the world with who we are just as we are.  What kind of a difference is up to us. What is it that makes you smile?   

“Anxiety brings particular challenges but there are a few upsides that I’ve uncovered while writing the book.  The first is that anxiety is universal and it really connects us.  The second is that if we do the work, I found that anxiety can bring us into our bodies and bring us into the present moment.  And third, I found that people struggling with anxiety typically have really beautiful and big imaginations and are creative thinkers and maybe see the world in a way that maybe can get us a little unstuck,” Sara Billups.  Anxiety and I are no strangers.  It feels a very deeply embedded part of my personality and seems to be a semi-permanent state.  There are ways to cope that help a bit but it’s ever-present most days.  Whether it’s the constant urge to DO something, the inability to focus, the inability to handle quiet all the way to the actual physical manifestations—the sweats, pounding heart, short breaths—through any flavor of those things, it’s there.  I am in favor of flipping the script and watching the stories we tell ourselves because words are powerful so if we can start looking at the positives that anxiety can bring, there is a chance that we can utilize it for something good.

I’ve cursed anxiety nearly my entire life because I let it run wild through my brain for a long time.  It is NOT a pleasant feeling to constantly feel like something is wrong, like the other shoe is going to drop at any moment.  It sucks when you question the little things like what music to listen to because you don’t want to miss something else, or looking at the clock for 20 minutes straight to leave at the exact right time so you’re not late. Or just that SOMETHING is going to happen whether you know what it is or not.  It’s living on high alert at all times always expecting the worst.  The mind can’t sustain that, it isn’t designed to.   We need to reframe it and Billups does present truth in her observations.  Everyone deals with anxiety to a degree so we truly are never alone.  It’s also true when it comes to reconciling and managing it, we are able to recognize physical symptoms sooner and more accurately so we know what to do.  And I will full on support the observation that anxiety prone people are also creative.  I mean, in a twisted way we have to be creative to constantly come up with all the scenarios we have in our minds.  But we certainly do see things in different ways and can find creative solutions. 

So instead of lamenting anxiety, we can work with it.  Yes, we can admit its downfalls but we don’t have to live in that state.  We can see where it has served us well and appreciate its purpose and we can also see that, yes, there are some benefits to it because we communicate and see the world differently.  That is a gift. Our brains weren’t all designed the same way and that means we will see and experience things in different ways and we will take different viewpoints and understand things in a multitude of ways.  That also means that there will be variations on how our base functions operate at times.  I’d be lying if I said that having a higher tuned frequency for fear and things that can go wrong is fun—it isn’t.  There is a huge amount of pressure that exists in our brains and not in reality when we constantly view the world as a place that is ready to hurt us at any time.  It’s stressful constantly being on the lookout and ever vigilant for what can go wrong.  But it is nice to be prepared and to know that we are always ready even if the worst of the worst happens.  It is nice to know that we know how to handle a crisis.  We just have to learn to work with the upsides and not live in the downside of a tool meant to protect us that got a little too keyed up.  Choose to see the good.   

FYI It gets better.  You find better. You experience better. You become better.  Time changes everything.  What we feel now will fade and something else will take precedence in our lives.  We are dynamic creatures and we need to remember that moments pass and things can always pivot for the better just as easily as they can turn against us.  We take those experiences and build on them to become the best versions of ourselves.  As cliché as it may sound, no one is meant to stay down forever.  Everything blooms but not always at the same time.  So when things get really rough and we forget who we are for a minute, take a deep breath and remember that with a little time the light changes, the circumstances change, and suddenly everything is different. And one last reminder: all those things we feel are so important and that we can’t live without them, the things we feel need our immediate attention—one day that will all seem laughable.  It won’t matter.  Just stay the course and trust it will all go up someday.

Today I am grateful for witnessing art.  There was a display of jack-o-lantern carvings not terribly far from us that we visited the other night.  There is something awe inspiring seeing the things that people can create from what we would never consider creating from.  Seeing their work and being able to watch a few of them in action was amazing.  Talent abounds in this world and floats in abundance all around us, waiting for us to claim it.  If we see something in a way others do not, I firmly believe that is our sign to listen and take action on it.  If people can turn pumpkins, garbage, ice, and whatever raw materials we have into something they only saw in their minds, we can turn anything into anything.  We are magical creatures designed to alchemize the energy we feel in the universe.  No matter our medium, if we have a creative urge, we are meant to use it.  Seeing people harness that power and turn seemingly nothing into something is a gift.

Today I am grateful for support.  I’ve been feeling not myself for the last few weeks, kind of lost in the ether so to speak.  I’ve also been a bit physically off and I’m in a bit of a chicken or egg situation where I’m not sure the physical is related to me not following my normal routine or if I can’t follow my normal routine because of what’s going on mentally.  I know I’m at a limit right now and I know I can’t push any further.  In this moment I am facing a wall and I need to listen because no amount of fighting or hitting or screaming or pleading or begging is going to take the wall down.  I need to sit with this to understand what’s really going on.  I have some inklings but it’s still a bit tender to address it.  Regardless, my husband has stepped up and offered suggestions in a way he hasn’t before.  He’s been attentive and trying his hardest to understand what’s going on even though he doesn’t fully understand and it has meant the world to have him try and ease some of the burden through figuring out what is happening.  I thought I’d be able to shake this feeling sooner and that hasn’t been the case so I’m also grateful for his patience as I peel back these layers—it’s helping me not get pulled under. 

Today I am grateful for that wall.  Ok, full truth is that I despise the wall.  I feel the need to constantly move in the direction of a goal and to be productive—I don’t mind taking rests but I absolutely hate being stopped.  I’m stubborn and impulsive and sometimes I start myself down tracks I’m not fully aware of what I’m getting into.  I mean, that latter part is human nature, but I will start things with absolutely no end vision in sight based off of a feeling, an idea that I might like where I end up.  I’m doing things with no direction and I end up spinning way too many plates and they always inevitably fall.  I overwhelm myself and then freak out that I haven’t done anything—because I haven’t managed to do anything productive in spite of all that energy.  So I have to stop for a while longer here and really examine what’s happening with this wall.  I’m being told to stop and not take another step until I know what I want to do—until I can see the vision of what’s next and be clear on the direction I’m going.  I have been here before, at this place where nothing seems to work and I’ve been forced to sit like a toddler in time out.  I always equated that to a rat in a cage or being in a crowded room screaming the answers and no one listening—but now I’m seeing my part in creating that cage and that, perhaps, I’ve been in the wrong room the whole time.  So as much as I despise this wall and being forced to do nothing (and I know it’s a mental block), I know that if I really pay attention to the lesson, the answers will come. 

Today I am grateful for a joint journey.  My family has been blessed, I do not deny that.  Like anyone else, it hasn’t always been easy (and it’s not exactly easy now) but I do not shy away from understanding that a higher source is involved with helping us through some of those harder times.  I do not pretend that all of this was done on our own.  Believe me, we are by no means rolling in luxury, but we are incredibly fortunate and we have all of our needs met and plenty of things to make our lives more comfortable.     I’m also not ignorant of the part we’ve played in our own troubles.  So we’ve been looking for a way to recenter and come back to what matters as a family—a way to establish a firm ground FOR our family.  My husband has started sharing things with me and initiating conversations that we’ve never had before and it feels good.  It is disorienting because we’ve been together for 24 years and these are things we never talked about because it wasn’t an area we wanted to explore together—and that was a mutual decision based on how we felt about a specific circumstance (not relevant, just that we agreed on it based on where we were at the time).  Now we’re older and we’re both looking for the same thing so we’ve had to revisit that arena.  This time we’re entering it together with open eyes and an open mind that, perhaps, we needed this part of the journey.  We can’t change that we didn’t start it sooner, but we can decide where we are going to walk together moving forward—together.

Today I am grateful for reminders of opportunity.  Following on being blessed and the wall situation, I can’t cry victim to what I’ve been feeling the last few weeks.  I don’t deny that it absolutely sucks and I can’t stand the things I’m feeling—or that it feels a bit helpless at times—but I also don’t deny that I have options on how to fix this and that I am capable of fixing it.  I have to get out of my own head and get out of my own way.  I also need to stop being stubborn and actually understand the purpose of what is happening.  I am NOT a victim.  I need to make decisions and moves and I need to recognize where I’m being stubborn and simply don’t want to do what I’m being told and I need to recognize where I’m being given an opportunity I don’t recognize.  When we are so stuck in our heads it’s easy to miss the opportunities in front of us and I can appreciate that some of that is happening right now because of the overwhelm.  This is all fixable and time hasn’t run out—I still have a choice and the opportunity to act on it.  I just need to recognize what it is and then follow through on it. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

Normalize leaving people in whatever weird reality they have chosen.  I love this.  As a people pleaser, it always felt like I needed to make room for whatever anyone else wanted to do even if I didn’t want to do it.  I’d listen as idea after idea of mine would be shut down and I’d bend over backwards to make someone else’s vision come to life.  I’d be told an idea was crazy or not possible only to wind up helping someone else achieve exactly what I had been talking about.  We can’t make people see things our way.  We can have the exact same experience and walk away with two entirely different stories.  It isn’t our job to convince them that our version is correct.  People will insist on seeing things as they believe them.  We are allowed to walk away from what people have created and the stories they have told.  We do not need to buy in to someone’s telling of history when we know otherwise. 

We don’t need to stay stuck in a reality that doesn’t match our own.  It’s ok to walk away from what doesn’t work.  In fact, the quicker we can recognize what doesn’t work and alter the path, the better.  We will be able to correct the route easier than if we allow ourselves to get stuck in a routine.  There is always conflict when it comes to the right thing to do pertaining to friends and family and choices.  Yes, those relationships are important and have a heavy influence on our path, but we can’t control them, and they can’t decide for us.  Even in those scenarios, we don’t need to stick with something that doesn’t fit.  Practice walking away.  Get comfortable with the idea that “No” is a complete sentence.  We need to normalize trusting our instincts again and following our own path.   

“We are not here long enough to be living unhappy,” Daniel Chidiac.  It amazes me how many people live unhappily and we consider it normal.  We consider joy a strange state to be, a strange vibration to live in.  We all aspire to be happy and we claim we’re all looking for it yet we consistently do things that make us decidedly unhappy.  Why?  No other animal fights their instincts quite like that.  If they know something is wrong, they do their best to avoid or mitigate it.  If they don’t want to do something, they don’t do it.  If you’ve ever tried training a cat you get the idea.  Why do we live as if we have all the time in the world to make ourselves happy when we spend a lifetime doing the exact opposite?  There is no guarantee for tomorrow so there is no reason to not live fully today. 

There comes a point where you blink and suddenly a decade has gone by.  It doesn’t feel like it but the evidence is all around us.  Panic may set in as we wonder what happened to that time and seek to do something to make up for it. Time goes incredibly fast and we can waste a boatload of it repeating the same life day after day thinking we are living or doing what we have to do.  I don’t pretend that life is supposed to be all sunshine and happiness—we need the rain every now and then.  So we too need our moments to pause and consider, to heal, and to allow for growth.  But THAT is not the state we are meant to live in.  We are meant to grow and to face the light.  We are meant to show the world what we are made of.

Stop putting life on hold and postponing today’s joy for the possibility of a really good tomorrow.  That shit doesn’t come with a raincheck.  We each get one go around and it will slip away if you don’t seize the opportunity while you have it.  Consider what your life is like and consider what you wanted. Look at the gap in between.  Ask yourself how often do you wish you were doing something else?  How often are you talking about doing something different down the line when the time is right?  How often are you making the secure and safe choice instead of going after what you want?  I’m guilty of each of those things and I wasted a lot of years with my life on pause thinking I could pick it up again when I was ready.  That isn’t how it works.  We are here now and we are meant to live here now.  Don’t waste your time doing anything that doesn’t give a sense of joy and satisfaction.  And if you must, don’t dwell there.  Find the joy and you will live happily every day.

“Repeat after me: we do not beg to sit at tables we were not invited to.  We do not chase people who exclude or ignore us.  We do not seek healing from those who hurt us.  We do not sell ourselves out to get into someone’s circle.  We do not set ourselves on fire to keep others war.  We create our own circle.  We surround ourselves with only those who truly love, understand, and respect us.  We learn where to express our energy.  We remember our self-worth,” Daniel Chidiac.

“You won’t ever see a person with good character and integrity trying to prove to anyone they are a good person.  They are authentic in the way they move and have nothing to prove,” Daniel Chidiac.  Good people don’t need to explain that they are good people.  I spent a lot of time justifying crappy behavior in others because I witnessed a few human moments in people.  But those moments became their hallmark while they continued to behave in other questionable and outright awful ways.  We know those people.  Their energy gives them away and we know when they aren’t being authentic.  Sometimes the sun is out when it rains just the same as even the darkest cloud of a person can occasionally let the light shine through.  That doesn’t mean their character is good.  The nicest people have moments where they break down and snap as well.  That doesn’t mean their character is bad.

We carry both the light and dark in us, we are human.  It’s fine to make mistakes, but it isn’t ok to create chaos for others or cause harm to others for our own sake.  When we hear the justification of bad behavior over and over again, and the person knows they did something wrong yet they continue with the behavior in spite of the consequences, that makes them suspect.  Authentic people stand behind what they say and they keep their word and they stick to their values.  That isn’t anything that needs to be proven.  The meat is in the action and you will often be able to tell a person’s character long before you get to know them because you will see them doing the things that align with their beliefs.  They aren’t out to show the world what they are doing, they aren’t doing it for the accolades—they are doing it because it’s who they are.  Remember that and remember to move that way ourselves.  Like attracts like so our authenticity will call to the authenticity in others.  Be a good person, be true to your word, and you can’t go wrong.

“The older I get the more I realize how important it is for you to have someone who truly sees your magic.  No jealousy, no competition, just love, support, and good vibes, like, I’ve got you, I see you, I’m rooting for you always,” Daniel Chidiac.  For a long time I thought I needed accolades and recognition for things well done.  I thought I had to achieve it all, that I had to be number one, the best, that I had to do it all.  Life seemed to be all about competition and I was the uber competitive over-achiever. See, it was partially competition that is true.  It’s also a little true that I wanted to be the best.  But the deep seeded truth was that I needed to know someone else saw my worth.  I was trying to find ways to prove my value because I felt like I had to earn my existence.  I had to prove I was worth my salt so to speak.  I thought I had to be liked and accepted by everyone because it seemed those were the ones people listened to, the ones people adored and looked up to.  I never considered how I was playing a role and that wasn’t the real me.  I also never considered it disingenuous because there was always truth in the personas I adopted—I genuinely knew part of what I was saying was from me.  I like to see both sides.  The problem came when I started to origami myself into positions to prove I understood people while others didn’t understand me.

When we are constantly chameleon-ing for others, it might give us a temporary high of acceptance and understanding.  We feel seen but it’s only in that moment.  Eventually we become the other person’s source of validation because they know we will agree with them.  And after a while if people start to see you agreeing with everyone, some credibility starts to go away.  When we start to appease everyone, we start to lose sight of what it is WE really like and what parts are actually us.  Instead of becoming someone else, if we were to accept ourselves the pieces that align with others would link us and the relationship would naturally flow rather than us becoming a source of energy to that person.  Successful relationships are built on mutual trust and understanding and the similarities that bring us together.  That isn’t to say we agree on everything—and that’s also key to maintaining our identity.  It also strengthens who we are to discuss differing sides of things.  But in that is another key: the people who appreciate us will be there even if we aren’t in agreement on everything.  They will support us through the hard times, fully accepting us as we are.  There’s no need for a mask with these people.

It’s amazing what happens when we get the appropriate support in life.  Our cups fill up and we feel complete.  We are able to support others.  We are able to sustain our energy and not feel depleted just from having a conversation with someone about things completely irrelevant to us.  The growth we can achieve as individuals and as a collective through appropriate support and encouragement is limitless.  There doesn’t need to be competition.  We look at this life as something to win and the truth is we all end up in the same place at the end.  No matter how much we win in life, we will not get out of here alive.  It’s a much better use of time and energy to align with those who care, and finding a universal “good” and means for the collective.  We can spend the time we have here making this world a beautiful place.  We can create a beautiful life filled with joy and happiness and when we are all operating at that level, we elevate the vibration of the entire planet.  It starts with one.  One person to see us for who we are and to embrace it.  We see ourselves and love who we are then we know who is for us.  We expand that energy and that is a bond like no other.         

“The real luxuries in life: Time, Health, good people who feel like home, peace of mind, travel, good sleep great food, time for fun, and great music,” Daniel Chidiac.  As we ended last week discussing that it truly is the simple things in life, the things we are all afforded but take for granted, we continue that conversation.  We substitute a false life and call it living.  We think riches come from man when they come from life.  We are all addicts to a degree and we get sucked into some version of believing what we have isn’t enough.  But try living without any of the items listed above and tell me how it feels. 

Tell me what it’s like when we have no connection, no view of the world, when we can’t stop our minds from racing, when we feel disassociated from who we are because we aren’t living as we are meant to.  It’s miserable and when we find ourselves in those circumstances, we will do anything to get them back.  Do not take the simple things for granted.  Do not mistake material things for life.  Every single one of us will come and go on this Earth and so will the things we leave behind.  I’d rather leave a mark on the soul than on what I acquired. What did it take to get those things?

The real luxuries in life are all the things it takes to actually live and enjoy life.  The real luxuries are the things that allow us to have fun, the things that feel good.  The real luxuries in life are the support system we create and foster and the family we have, whether by blood or not, that are there to pick us up.  The real luxuries in life are the ability to love and appreciate what we have.  The real luxuries in life include giving back so others can experience the joys in life as well.  The real luxuries in life are witnessing life and the joy and creativity other people bring to the table.  Remember we are blessed in so many ways and don’t take any of it for granted.  Remember what matters, always, and let those things be a constant reminder of the direction we are meant to travel and what we are meant to do, then do whatever it takes to experience those luxuries and you will discover how rich you really are.